7. Tyler
7
TYLER
Holy shit balls.
This cannot be real.
We barely speak through our breakfast. I can barely eat anything, only picking at the omelet I ordered, and Anders wraps it up. He watches us curiously the whole time, and brushes Isaac off when he tries to pay. He gives me a curt but friendly nod, and I mouth a thank you as we're leaving.
On the way back to Isaac's building, he practically pulls me behind him. When we get inside the front door, I pull away and make a beeline for the bathroom. After splashing some cool water on my face, I look up at my reflection. I've never been conventionally attractive. I'm too skinny, too average. My nose is too broad, and I have a weirdly protuberant Adam's apple. Wearing glasses makes me look like an owl, especially these frames. The big, round, wire-framed glasses are probably my least attractive pair, but they're the lightest and most comfortable for the bruising on my face. My hair is shaggy and in need of a trim, but I’m using it to my advantage to cover the worst of the cut on my face. Some of the splotches on my face are fading into a shade of purple that would almost be pretty if not for the circumstances and the swelling.
There's no way someone as hot as Isaac would want this . Want me. But I can't imagine him being someone who would feed another person lies to get them in bed.
Let’s be honest, it’s not like he’d have to. I'm pretty sure he could look me in the eye and tell me he wants to use me once and throw me away, and I'd let him wreck me.
I scoff at my own thoughts. As if I'd even know what that would be like. I know nothing.
There's a knock at the bathroom door. "You okay in there?"
"Yeah, just overthinking my existence," I say sardonically.
When I step out, he's leaning against the wall. "What is there to overthink?"
My mouth opens, then closes, then opens again. I don't know where to start.
"Come on, guppy." He reaches for my hand, and pulls me towards his small living room setup.
"Guppy?"
"Oh, that's right. You're a cat, not a fish. Should I go with kitten , then?"
"Do you name every stray you take in?" I joke, but it comes off a little dry. My heart is not ready for him to call me any kind of cute or sexy pet names. I'm not sure I could survive it.
"I've never taken one in before, so I'm not sure what the procedure should be," he says, taking a seat on one side of the couch.
Putting a little space between us, I sit on the opposite side and pull my knees up. He lets me have the space, and I’m grateful for it.
"Me neither," I say, catching on to what I’m pretty sure is a euphemism for relationships. Does that mean he only has casual sex? Am I really okay with that?
"Alright, so we're both a little new at this."
I scoff. "You could say that."
"What's bothering you, Tyler? Just because I'm interested doesn't mean anything has to happen. If you're not interested–"
"I'm interested," I'm quick to interject.
Isaac chuckles. "Okay, but if you're not ready, that’s okay. Not only have you been through a lot recently, but we don’t really know each other. I like you, and I'll like getting to know you at any pace. There's no pressure."
How do I explain myself without coming across as a complete loser?
"I like you, too. I'm just…" I take a breath. "I'm not very experienced."
His eyes search mine, and I try not to show how mortified or vulnerable I'm feeling. "I just… I kind of live in my own little world. If I'm not in a book, I'm on the computer. I have, like, one real-life friend, and we barely hang out. I've always been this way, on top of being a skinny nerd. I haven't exactly had a lot of chances to be with anyone."
"What about that guy you were on a date with?"
The thought of Guy Montague and the likelihood that I won't be able to avoid him forever makes me feel nauseous. "He's no one. An intern at my father's firm that he's been trying to push on me for a year. Guy's dad is a senator. I think my dad saw an opportunity to put one of my biggest failings to use. I finally agreed to the date just to get him off my back."
“I’m only here as a favor to your father. He’s whoring you out for connections. I bet he wouldn’t care what I do to you. He’d give you to me, and you’ll be my own personal cum dumpster.”
"Wait, the guy's name is Guy ?" He makes a funny face, then returns to the conversation. "You said your 'biggest failing'? What does that mean?"
"My father isn't homophobic, necessarily. It’s just another way that I don't fit in or meet the status quo. If I was gay but also athletic or assertive or interested in the same things he is, I don't think it would be as much of an issue."
Isaac hums, sounding unimpressed, but if my father were here in front of us, he'd understand. Talon Valdin is a force to be reckoned with. He demands attention and respect by his presence alone, even without speaking. Once he does speak, he can talk anyone into a corner. There's a reason he's as successful as he is. I've seen powerful men cower, politicians roll over, and lesser men practically pee themselves when faced with the full force of my father's attention.
Over the years, I've learned the best way to deal with him is to limit our interactions, to balance his path with my own until I can stand on my own two feet. One thing I'm not is dumb. I'm going to make the most of my education for as long as I can, and hopefully plan a future we can both tolerate.
"So how many more dates will you go on because he tells you to?"Despite Isaac’s gentle tone, the question immediately rubs me the wrong way. He holds up a hand. "Sorry. Let me rephrase. How much influence does he have on your personal life? For instance, what kind of reaction would he have to you dating someone like me?"
"Someone like you?"
He spreads his hands out, as if to imply something obvious. "You're out of my league, Tyler. I'm a part-time blue-collar grunt with nothing but what you see to my name. I put every cent of my entire life's savings into leasing this place, and I'm fixing it up myself because I can't afford to hire out for it. I quit school at fifteen and got my GED so I could work on the same rig that killed my dad. I'm a loser, Tyler. Even if this place succeeds, my family will continue barely scraping by, the same way their families did before them. It's in my blood. It's written on my skin, in the way I dress, in the roughness of my hands. Can you really say he'd approve of you spending time with someone like me?"
My stomach tightens. He’s right. Not about being a loser, he's anything but. He's right that my father wouldn't approve because of how he'd perceive the way Isaac looks and the way he lives.
"I don't care what he thinks. Because that's not what I see." Scooting forward, I take one of his hands in mine, turning it over and brushing my fingers over his palm. He shivers, and it makes me feel brave. "I like the roughness of your hands, because they show how far you've come and how hard you're willing to work for a better future, not just for yourself, but for your family. You've sacrificed everything for them, and even now, this dream you’re following is still about supporting them.”
Swallowing my nerves, I keep going, because I might as well get this all out.
“You are probably the most beautiful man I've ever laid eyes on," I say honestly. “But that beauty is on the inside as well as outside. I've never met anyone like you. You say you have nothing to your name, yet you were willing to share what you have with a stranger. You saved me, not just from a potentially worse fate when you chased that guy away, but when you stayed by my side and cared for me." Pausing, I take a breath, looking at our hands intertwined together. "I'm nothing like you. I'm not bigger on the inside like you are. I'm not brave or selfless or even pretty to look at. I'm just a twenty-three-year-old loser who's never touched or so much as kissed another person.I don't have anything to offer you other than what you see. If you ask me, you're the one who's out of my league."
I press my lips together, hoping to stem the flow of word vomit. I don’t know how he's not running for the hills. He hasn't moved or pulled away. He's watching me with a look so intense, I feel exposed to my bones.My blood is rushing so forcefully through my veins that I’m in danger of falling out again.
When he does speak again, his voice is hoarse and serious, his words slow and deliberate.
"Can I kiss you?"
My eyes pop open wide and stay that way until I have to blink because the air stings. He moves in closer, his hand slowly coming up to cup my cheek.
"Tyler?"
"Yes," I breathe. "Yes."
Instinctively, my tongue moves to wet my bottom lip. He brushes the rough pad of his thumb gently over the moisture, spreading it and staring at my mouth like it might have the answers to all his problems.
Before I can say please, he dips his head and presses his lips to mine. It's slow and chaste at first, letting me get used to the sensation of my lips brushing against someone else’s. Then his lips move, coaxing mine to follow, and I inch closer to him to get more, like I might try crawling inside his mouth. His tongue, warm and wet, teases the seam of my lips, and I open for him on a gasp. A violent shiver of unexpected pleasure shoots down my spine at the barest touch of his tongue against mine, and I forget how to breathe. I feel it everywhere .
Goose bumps break out over the entirety of my skin, from my scalp, down the back of my neck, all the way to my calves. I'm simultaneously too hot and too cold, wanting to move in closer, to fuse our skin together and never breathe again if it means coming up for air. Whereas I was initially afraid to move, letting him take the lead and just experiencing it, now I find myself moving without thinking. My hands are on his chest, behind his neck, then in his hair, encouraging him closer. I'm falling backwards on the sofa, pulling him with me. He pulls back before we end up horizontal, holding himself above me and breathing almost as hard as I am. His lips are red and wet and make me want things on a visceral level.
"Okay?" he rasps.
I nod, chasing his mouth again. "Don't stop."
He licks into my mouth, and my hips buck involuntarily. I think we both moan, but he pulls back again, pressing his forehead to mine. "We should slow down before we get too worked up. I don’t want to go too fast.”
Too fast for who? Because I'm nearing some kind of edge here, and I'm very ready to fall off. And it's not as if I don't know what an orgasm is, but I had no idea someone else could get me there by simply kissing me like this. No one told me it could feel this good.
I take a steadying breath, not wanting to humiliate myself by being over-eager. I’m sure coming in my pants the first time someone kisses me isn’t the first impression I want to make, especially if I want more to happen. And I do. Holy fuck I do.
Swallowing hard, I nod. Isaac stares at my throat as I do, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. Then he ducks his head, and his mouth is on my neck. I stretch my head back, giving him access. He licks and kisses his way down and across, gently sucking the flesh over the bump of my Adam’s apple. A sound like a whine caught on a gasp escapes me, and my dick twitches. I try to curl in on myself, but Isaac is still half hovering over me. He pulls back again, looking down between us with a strange expression. I drop my hands from his chest to cover my crotch, pressing down to keep from embarrassing myself completely.
“I think you liked that,” he says huskily.
“Well… yeah. That was…” I blow out a breath.
“Intense? Life changing? The hottest kiss of your life?”
Scoffing, I roll my eyes. “Considering it was my first real kiss, yeah, I could say that. I doubt you could say the same, though.” My voice lowers to almost a whisper. “I’m sorry if it wasn’t–”
He surges down and takes my mouth again. Our tongues tangle together, and he sucks mine into his mouth. I almost want to cry at the electric sensation that tears through me.
“If you think this kiss was anything less than perfect for me, you are more mistaken than when you thought I was straight,” he says, trailing more kisses down my neck, licking into my collarbone. “I’m so fucking into you, Tyler.”
He really doesn’t need to talk me up like this. It’s only going to make it worse.
He raises his gaze to mine, and his eyes narrow like he can read my mind. “You don’t believe me?”
“That’s not it, I just–”
Isaac lowers his hips, pressing the proof of his arousal against mine. I choke and squeeze my eyes shut tight. My already flushed face burns even hotter.
“God damn,” Isaac whispers, and rolls his hips once. I cry out, and he groans.
“Isaac,” I whine. He captures my whimpers with his mouth, rubbing his erection against mine as I come undone. Heat explodes in my pants, coating the inside of my Calvins with a hot, sticky mess.
“Fuck, Tyler?—”
I bury my face in my hands, mortified by what just happened, even as my dick is still twitching. Isaac moves my hands and looks down at me with a dark, almost feral gaze.
“Don’t you dare be embarrassed,” he says, his voice almost growly. “Because that was so fucking hot.”
“You are so full of shit,” I laugh. My laugh is cut off by another roll of his hips that shoots pleasure up my spine.
“Does that feel like I’m lying?”
Holy hell. I’m two seconds from coming again.
His eyes widen. “If you get hard again, I’m in danger of losing control. I already want to rut against you until I pass out,” he says, burying his face in my neck.
“Do it,” I moan. He huffs, and it tickles my neck, making me laugh. When he smiles down at me, I bite my lip in what I hope is a seductive way, but my busted face might ruin the effect. “It’ll make me feel better.”
Isaac closes his eyes and groans, a pained expression furrowing his brow. Then he kisses me gently on the chin, my bottom lip, and both corners of my mouth.
“I plan on showing you all the ways we can make each other feel good, but it doesn’t need to happen right now. We have time. I don’t want you to regret us going too fast.”
I pout, which makes him chuckle. Then he bends down so his mouth is against the shell of my ear, his low voice sending shivers down my spine.
“All I can think about is how much I want to strip you out of your clothes and clean up your mess with my tongue.”
By the time my brain comes back online, he’s already walked out of the room.