8. Isaac
8
ISAAC
He's going to be the death of me.
I feel myself dying a slow death already, drowning in whatever pheromones Tyler is putting off.
I've opened a floodgate. I didn't mean to go so far, to push him to the edge, and certainly not over it. After everything he said, hearing that he truly sees me as the person I want to be, that I strive for, and not the high school dropout with no future everyone else sees, was the most emotional I've ever felt in front of someone that wasn’t my immediate family. I felt exposed and raw. And then he said he didn't feel worthy of me ? Me . I could have argued and told him all the things that made him amazing, that it has nothing to do with his father or the money he was born into. But I could tell he needed more than that. I needed to show him. And I wanted to. I wanted to be the first person to get that part of him.
But once his mouth was on mine, I was a goner. I’d anticipated a sweet, awkward brush of lips. What I got was anything but.
I can't believe he's never done that before. That kiss rocked me to my core. I've never felt anything like it.The deeper the kiss grew, the more I lost myself in it. I could have given up breathing just to keep going. And it wasn't even just a sexual thing, either. I mean, yeah, that was the hottest kiss of my life, hands down. But kissing Tyler felt like more. Like it came from somewhere deeper, somewhere intangible. It stirred something inside me and down below.
I should tell him how close I was to coming in my pants just from some making out. I should tell him so he's not embarrassed about what happened. It's honestly the sexiest thing I've ever experienced in my life. But right now he doesn't need any more ammunition. I'm on the edge of my control, while trying to remain respectful. Not only is he incredibly inexperienced, having not even kissed someone before, but his lack of self-confidence scares me. Especially after what he's been through, I need him to truly understand his worth before he decides to give it all up to a loser like me. I'd take care of him, and I'd be gentle. I'd make sure it's good for him. But I'm not sure I'm worthy of the honor.
I've always been of the opinion that virginity is a bullshit construct, mostly used to control women. It means nothing. Not in the grand scheme of things. Whether or not someone has had sex certainly has no effect on their value.But it's something that he's held onto, something he seems to be ashamed of. It's important because he's built it up to be a milestone. This means something to him, and because of that, it means something to me.
The right way to go about this is to pump the brakes a bit, give him a chance to get the full experience, and build him up on the way. He shouldn't ever be ashamed of his body or his pleasure. I want him to embrace it, to take charge of what he likes and what he doesn't. Maybe owning his sexuality will give him the confidence to take charge of the other aspects of his life where he doesn't feel in control.
He's got a good start, that's for sure. Damn.
It took several push-ups and a cold shower to get my shit together. We spent the rest of the day with him watching me finish the walls in the main room, and eating our brunch leftovers picnic-style. Tomorrow we’ll go pick up paint, and he’s insistent that he wants to help.
Now I'm staring at the bed, waiting for Tyler to finish in the bathroom, wondering how I'm going to manage sleeping next to him without accidentally mauling him in my sleep.
When he comes out of the bathroom, wearing a pair of my boxers and my hoodie, my knees almost buckle. Seeing him in my clothes triggers a part of my lizard brain I've never felt before. It's primal, like I've marked him in some way, claimed ownership by having my scent on him. It's ridiculous, I know, and it's not something I've ever thought or felt before. It should be worrisome, but my inner caveman is too busy preening that he's mine, mine, mine.
I'm in so much trouble.
My one saving grace is witnessing him take one of his pain pills, washing it down with a bottle of water he pulls from the fridge. It makes me smile, because I like seeing him comfortable in my space. But also, there's some relief in knowing he won't be fully able to consent to anything more tonight. He could strip naked and spread himself out for me and I wouldn't do anything about it. I want him fully present, clear headed, and in control of his thoughts and feelings. While loopy Tyler is adorable as all get out, I don't want to take advantage of him that way, even if I believe he wants it. I've only had drunk sex once in my life, and it's a memory I'll never take for granted, a lesson I want no part in teaching another person.
My libido effectively calmed, I'm able to crawl into bed next to him without stabbing him with my stubborn boner. He lies facing me, his minty breath caressing my lips before he presses his mouth to mine. I kiss him back, gently and without any heat. He pouts and nips my bottom lip.
"Behave, kitten," I grumble, pushing him onto his back. I give him one more slow kiss, but then lay back and pull him against my chest.
He tries to protest, but it's interrupted by a yawn. Curling myself around him protectively, maybe even possessively, I listen as his breathing evens out and becomes heavy. It lulls me to sleep, content and grateful that he's here with me. Knowing he's safe settles something in my gut, and I'm more relaxed than I can remember being, maybe ever.
* * *
Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.
The sound of my phone vibrating on the small crate I use as a bedside table coaxes me out of the most restful sleep I've had in weeks. The digital alarm clock says it's after ten in the morning, which is highly unusual for me. It helps that we went to bed in the early hours of the morning, but that doesn't usually keep me from waking up at the crack of dawn. The warmth of Tyler's body against mine, the comfort of holding onto him like a security blanket, is the more likely culprit. He's still asleep on his stomach, with his face in the crook of my arm and half his limbs wrapped around me. I don't want to move for fear of waking him, but when my phone doesn't stop buzzing, I know it's probably my mom calling. I don't want to worry her by not answering, especially since she knows I never sleep this late.
I stretch my arm out, using my fingers to nudge the edge of my phone close enough to reach.
"Hi Mom," I say quietly, my voice hoarse with sleep.
"Are you sick?"
I chuckle at her greeting. "No, I just slept late."
"IsaacWaylon Casey, you haven't slept past seven in the morning since you were in middle school. What's wrong with you?"
"I'm fine, Ma. I was up late. Been busy."
"Apparently. You didn't call this weekend." It's been a longstanding tradition that we do a video call on Sunday afternoons. I've been so wrapped up in Tyler I didn't even realize I'd lost track of the days.
"Shit. Is it Monday already?"
“Try Tuesday.” She sighs. "You work too hard, baby."
Tyler stirs, so I lower my voice a little more. "Yeah, yeah. I know."
"Why are you whispering?" She pauses, and then there's a small intake of breath. "Isaac! Is there somebody there with you?"
"Name one time that's ever happened," I say, grinning down at Tyler, who is blinking up at me sleepily.
"You're deflecting. Put me on video."
"Absolutely not," I say, my words muffled because I'm busy pressing a chaste kiss to Tyler's lips. He groans softly, probably not even aware he made a sound.
She gasps. "Isaac!"
"I gotta go, Ma. As you so kindly pointed out, it's late and I have things to do."
"I'm telling your sister!" she yells into the phone before I can hit the end button, snickering.
"That was your mom?" Tyler asks groggily. "You're a mean tease," he says, pressing himself into me to get closer.
I bring my mouth down on his again, weirdly loving the taste of his morning breath. Humming in pleasure, I lick into his mouth hungrily, my lesson from the night before all but forgotten. His soft moans fire up all my synapses, and I remember just how much trouble a simple kiss got me in last night. Tyler, the quick study he is, doesn't hesitate to roll himself fully on top of me. The weight of his smaller body on mine makes me want to growl and snarl like something feral, and I cup both sides of his ass, pressing him against me. Tyler hisses, and I quickly move my right hand to the small of his back.
"Shit, sorry—" but he doesn't miss a beat, grinding down on me to chase his body's needs.
My cock is fully on board with wherever this is going, and I give in to the fluid movement of his body against mine for a few delicious seconds before pulling my head back. I take a deep breath, opening my mouth to suggest we slow down, but his mouth comes down on my neck instead. He kisses a wet path up the cords of my throat to my Adam's apple, the light suction of his lips threatening to make me cross-eyed with desperate need. I recognize that he's mimicking my moves from last night, but he's letting his instincts guide him too. The gentle scrape of his teeth down my throat is enough to have me thrusting upwards, meeting the movements of his body
"You're killing me," I groan. "We need to… slow down… please, Tyler. Fuck," I curse as his fingers tighten in my hair, holding me still while he takes control of the kiss. If I hadn't gotten to know Tyler better over the past few days, I'd call bullshit on being new to this.
He gives me a few more deep kisses that threaten my life span before pulling off. There's just enough light to make out the darker color of his kiss-swollen lips and the way he stares down at me, chest heaving. He's still straddling my lap, his hardness aligned with mine. I can tell from the tightening of his thighs around me that he's forcing himself to hold still, and it makes me want to say fuck it and rub myself against him like a horny teenager until we're both coming in our pants. Until he's coming in my boxers. Shit. Fuck. I can't?—
The sound of Tyler's stomach rumbling cuts through my lust haze. Thank fuck.
"Oh my God," he says, dropping his head on my chest. "Why?"
He practically bounces on top of me, but this time it's laughter and not my horny thrusts moving him.
His voice is muffled and almost unintelligible, but I think he says something about being a virgin forever.
"And here I was worried about the opposite," I chuckle, sitting up to press a kiss to the top of his head.
He pulls his face off my chest and gives me a confused look. "What is that supposed to mean?"
I sit up straighter so we're face to face, his legs still straddling my lap. "That I have less control than I gave myself credit for, and it's probably a good thing if we pull back a little. I don't want any of your firsts to be rushed," I tell him, combing my fingers through his hair. I kiss him lightly."I didn't expect to have this much of a reaction to you."The corners of his mouth pull down, his eyes flickering over my face like he's trying to read my intentions. "I mean, I knew I was attracted to you, but…" I blow out a breath. "It's like, as soon as you kiss me, my brain shuts off and I lose myself to the way you feel." My hands run up his thighs to his butt and back down, careful not to touch his stitches again.
"Me too, but I thought it was just because I'm a noob."
"A noob?" I laugh, and he shrugs. "Definitely not. You're a quick study."
"You make me feel like I can just let go and see where my body takes me," he says, rolling his hips in my lap. The way I'm sitting makes it harder for him to grind against my dick, but I still feel it down to my toes. "It feels… good," he says, his voice pitching like he's embarrassed to admit he's human. "I didn't know it could be like this."
Me neither.
His lips meet mine again, and I'm dangerously close to giving in again, but I really do want us to slow down. We escalated this thing overnight, and I want everything about this to be intentional.
"Let's get you fed, and you can come with me to the hardware store," I tell him, smirking at the way his body deflates and his bottom lip sticks out. I nip at it playfully and tickle his sides to get him to move. His stomach growls again.
"Fine," he says begrudgingly. "But later…"
"Later I'll let you dry hump me until we're both in tears if you like. But right now we need food, a walk to cool down, and space to talk it out first. In that order."
His nose scrunches adorably. I tap it before smacking his ass to get him moving towards the bathroom. "Don't bother showering just yet," I call. "I'm putting you to work today!"
The grin he gives me when he looks over his shoulder is playful and excited. What I wouldn't give to have him look at me like that every single day for the rest of my life.
Slow down, Isaac. You just met the guy.
He is kind of perfect, though.