TWENTY-SIX
PARTYING SEEMED TO be on this gang’s agenda every night of the week. Tripp’s description of them as “professionals” was apt. How was anyone supposed to keep up? She surrendered to their superiority because what else could she do?
Roxie grabbed her and Mieux as soon as they got to Crimson. Not just anywhere in Crimson, right past the main dance floor, up a private staircase to the VIP floor. As if on cue, a stylist appeared to take them into a side room and dress them up for the night. Damn, she was getting used to the instant access thing. Not because the money mattered, no, but so many choices would be exhausting if she didn’t have someone making them for her.
When they were freed from the fashion bonanza, drinks were brought to them and Roxie’s favorite tracks were played. Though, with Roxie, every tune seemed to be her favorite. The hostess knew every word to every song.
Zairn sat on a couch in the same space, in a dark corner occupied only by him. Others sat in adjacent seats, but no one dared touch the sofa. Was that another of Roxie’s laws? More likely to be Zairn’s; Roxie wasn’t the jealous type. She’d never met a couple so secure in their relationship.
As soon as a glass was empty, another drink was put in her hand. Roxie had a gold medal in this clubbing thing, a platinum medal. If this was a sport, the woman would have a trove of trophies, no doubt about that.
At the other extreme, Mieux refused alcohol without anyone batting an eye, and her drinks were topped up just as quickly, even being virgin. With her friends at opposite ends of the spectrum, she could set her own pace. No one called her out to drink more or stick to alcohol. Every variation was accepted there.
Access to such a private world was mind-blowing. She still hadn’t figured it out. In addition to their dance floor, private pods split this side of the VIP area from another. Some in darkness, others light, they hadn’t ventured into them yet, maybe they wouldn’t. Who knew?
Roxie tumbled her way to plant a kiss on her cheek and kept on dancing as she altered course to head for her man. Mieux came to take her hand. Not something the woman would normally do, but with the music so loud, it was difficult to get anyone’s attention without physical contact.
Her colleague called into her ear. “Do you want to sit down?”
She nodded though could’ve kept on dancing. With the loud music pumping her endorphins, and the alcohol taking just the slightest edge of awareness from her consciousness, she lived in the moment. The environment, and company, made such a difference to her nerves, to her needs.
Roxie’s suggestion to toss their worries into the wind seemed wishful and ambitious until they were there, surrounded by friends, in the heady humidity and graciousness of Crimson’s walls. There she could feel safe, like she would back home. Roxie was right. If this was her child, it sure was beautiful.
Mieux led her toward where Roxie was draped against Zairn. The beauty tempted her man’s mouth to hers and he surrendered for a few beats. On breaking the union, he coiled an arm around Roxie’s waist and lifted her as he stood, leaving the blonde’s feet dangling a couple of inches from the floor before he set her on them. Roxie stayed that close and side-nodded with a point that prompted Mieux to adjust their trajectory.
Tripp was somewhere, had been somewhere. He’d flitted around until she lost track. In any other circumstance, she’d know where every member of their party was, so no one would get lost or hurt. That seemed unlikely in Crimson; Tripp should be fine.
The most central glass chamber lit up to reveal what was effectively a living room in the middle of a nightclub, and, ah, mystery solved: Tripp entered from the other side.
“Having a good time?” Tripp asked, wearing a grin that knew the answer.
Hers was maybe just as exuberant. “I’ve never been a VIP anywhere in my life.”
“Get used to it,” he said, dropping into the furthest armchair and smacking his thigh. “Mieux, babygirl, I’ve saved you a spot right here!”
The woman snickered and sat on the opposite armchair. “No, thank you.”
The two shared a smile, maybe it was a private joke no one else got, but it was fun, not predatory.
Tripp moved on from Mieux’s rejection fast. “You got the guys coming over, Z?”
“Soon.”
“Cool. There’s someone else here who needs a minute.”
Zairn sat on the end of the couch closest to Tripp, guiding Roxie down with him by her hips. The blonde crossed her legs toward her love, and he draped an arm across her lap. Ah, swoon, their intimacy—the walls darkened, blocking the view of beyond.
Tripp’s door opened—Struan.
He could be the last man on Earth or her first and only savior, she’d never been so pleased to see someone. She hurried over to throw her arms around him, it didn’t even occur to her she should hesitate given he wasn’t his brother. Or was he? Who was he playing?
“I’m so sorry about—”
Music started. Not loud but when she glanced back, Roxie was smiling and gave a single nod before returning to distracting her fiancé. The music gave them some cover to have an at least semi-private conversation.
“I was surprised you came here, Fawn. Are you okay?”
“Yes, but I’ve been worried about you. What did Magnus say today? I’m sorry if he reamed you out. He shouldn’t have. You should have put it on me. I was the one—”
“Magnus is family.” He stroked her arms and rested his palms on her shoulders. Fondness still bloomed in them but there was a reticence too. “We should talk about—”
“We have to stop,” she said, reading the truth he didn’t want to utter.
Knowing it didn’t mean she wanted to hear it either.
“Yeah. At work. I agreed at work we would keep our distance. It’s too difficult when so many people know us both.”
“I understand.” Finding errant sanity, she dropped her arms and stepped away. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…”
“This isn’t me. Tell me you know this isn’t me.”
“I know.” The door opened again to someone else, a stranger the world knew. “Sway Sheridan.”
“Sway, baby!” Tripp called, tipping his head back. “Saved you a spot right here!”
Much as Mieux did, the woman smiled and shook her head. Tripp was already conversing again, proving he hadn’t expected a positive response.
The smile faded when Struan stepped aside. “You wanted to meet her. Bambi, this is Sway. Sway, Bambi.”
“Hi.”
“We have a lot to talk about.”
Toward the back of the room was a high table with tall stools, Struan guided them over, then left them alone to join the others. Okay, so she had a private audience with the woman of wonder, and one question tumbled from her mouth without any thought.
“How did you do it?”
Sway smiled. It wasn’t a broad or enthusiastic expression, somehow it betrayed that the question was anticipated.
“You must think I’m all kinds of crazy.”
“Actually, I think you’re the strongest person I’ve met. You know the truth, Struan told you?”
“He didn’t have to, but, yes, I know the truth. I’m one of a select few who can understand exactly what you’re going through. I’ve been in your shoes, Struan and I used to do it all the time. Especially when it was really bad, before rehab.” The same role, yes, with one super important difference: Struan was her guy. Going home to Roman wouldn’t be such an optimistic prospect. “You’re lucky you have Struan to lean on. He’s a good guy; he’ll look after you.”
“He tries,” she said, pausing long enough to watch a server come in and distribute drinks. Not all conversation died, but people were certainly wary of new ears in the room, and only fully relaxed when the person left. “Roman’s not an easy man to direct.”
“Rome can be overwhelming. He is overwhelming. Don’t believe everything he tells you. He can get cruel, abrupt. Some of the things he says… he only wants to hurt you.”
“I’m less worried about me and more worried about Struan.”
The actress touched the rim of her glass on an exhaled laugh. “That’s a tangled web. They have a complicated relationship. Struan loves his brother very much. In his own way, Roman loves his brother in return. He just doesn’t know how to show it. They never had a healthy example of a relationship to follow. Didn’t have parents to watch—the closest they got was sleepovers with their friends most of whom lived in broken homes.”
Most everyone did these days. Even in her hometown there were plenty of broken hearts and divorce agreements that came with bitterness and visitation arrangements.
“I just can’t believe you did it for so long,” she said, awed by the glamorous woman. “Or that you did it at all. I’m only pretending to be with him. I don’t have to spend any time alone with him in private, yet I already feel like I’m going insane. I can’t even talk to him; he doesn’t seem reasonable. Feels like we’re not on the same planet. My reality isn’t his reality and there’s Struan bumbling along, going with the flow, accepting every insult his brother throws, absorbing each body blow, and just continuing on.”
“At some point, these things will take their toll. You think he’s nearing breaking point?”
“Maybe not. I’d say so, but what do I know? I barely know Roman. It’s unfair.”
“It is, but none of us can make the decision except Struan.”
Which was exactly what Tripp and Roxie told her.
“I tried to talk to Roxie about it. She says she’ll support whatever I choose.”
“Roxie is an incredible woman with a big heart. You can trust her completely, a hundred percent. She’s shown me nothing but kindness and opened her home to me. It doesn’t matter that I broke off my engagement to Deacon, which causes Logan issues. Roxie knew him first, but she still protects and supports me.”
“Logan? Lowe? Roman and Struan’s brother.”
“Yeah. Truth is, if it hadn’t been for Roxie and Tripp, I don’t know how I’d have gotten through this. Roman’s not the easiest man to rebuff. I can hire security and lock myself up, except then you end up isolated and afraid.”
“You shouldn’t have to live your life like that.”
“Without their support, I’d have lost my mind or given in to Roman. Getting away from him the first time wasn’t easy. Your relationship might be fake, but don’t underestimate him. You’re in his orbit now. He likes that, likes having people around him, people he can control and manipulate. You and Struan caring for each other gives him another avenue of torture. Don’t expect him to graciously say goodbye and let you go, there’s no end to this, he’ll want you to stay close.”
“Why?” she asked. “There’s nothing invested here, no feelings. This only started because of Struan and me. It’s a short-term arrangement, the relationship. Just to give Roman enough leeway to build his reputation again.”
“Except he’s already screwing that up. I heard about what happened on set.”
Everyone else knew more about it than she did, Hollywood was its own kind of small town. It certainly seemed that way with the amount of gossip and backbiting.
“Something’s not right with him. Do you think he’s using again?”
“I don’t know, Struan doesn’t think so. He’s got people keeping an eye on his brother to make sure it doesn’t happen again. But you can only keep someone safe as long as they want to be safe. If he chooses to go out there again, there’s nothing any of us can do to stop him.”
“He has it in his head that you two are meant to be. He talks about you all the time. Asks Roxie and Tripp. He gets frantic, worked up.”
“I know, I have the voicemails to prove it. Another reason I’d probably be back there by now, if it wasn’t for Roxie.”
“You still love him?”
“As horrific as this sounds, it’s guilt. When I hear him like that, and he’s telling me I’m the cause, that he’s in that state because of me, that he’s thinking about using and can’t survive without me… I think of all the people who rely on him. Friends. Family. Other actors, crew members, everyone connected to UO. If the one thing he needs to keep him steady is me, isn’t it selfish not to give him that?”
“You deserve your own life as much as Struan, and you’ve broken free. If you go back to Roman now, you’re showing Struan it’s not possible to get out.”
“Roxie tells me not to go back. She keeps me steady. I don’t want him in my life. If I get pulled back in again, that’s it, I’ll never get out.”
“You left for a reason. Was it the addiction?”
“Our relationship had been falling apart for a while. And I say all this but, in truth, Roman’s the type of man who’s never satisfied. If I went back, I’d be rewarding this negative behavior, proving he can get what he wants if he holds his breath long enough.”
“Should we be helping him? This has to be deeper-seeded.”
“Rehab was supposed to help. Shit, for what it cost they should’ve brought him back with a brand-new soul. There’s therapy and meetings and things he’s supposed to deal with. We spoke about bringing in one of the top-tier life coaches, people who can really help, but he doesn’t want any of it. He doesn’t do any of it.”
“Don’t they say the aftercare is just as important as the residential stay itself?”
“Yeah, it’s never a permanent state. You don’t wake up one day cured, no longer addicted to your drug, whatever it may be. It’s an ongoing process, in the same way it’s an ongoing process for all of us with mental health and trauma. We have to be willing to admit we’re not perfect. And no one can convince him of that.”
“So why did he go to rehab in the first place?”
“I begged him to get clean for years and he never did. Maybe it was the work drying up and the whispers in the community. He was blackballed because he was just so damn unreliable. I told him I was leaving; he never accepted it. Maybe some part of him thought if he did it, I’d stay longer. Maybe I should have.”
“He’s a grown man.”
“Yes.”
“He shouldn’t need all of us wiping his chin and patting him on the head.”
“I’m sorry you got drawn into this, Bambi. Though I’m happy that Struan has someone at last. I’m sorry you’re something else he’ll lose for his brother. Because at some point you have to make a break for it, Bambi. You have to decide to go, and you have to run. As fast as you can; as far as you can. And don’t ever look back.”
“Exactly what I’ve been telling you, Ms. Sheridan, for weeks!” Roxie appeared suddenly, slapping a hand on the table as she put an arm around Sway to squeeze and lean against her. “Regifting my advice?”
The women shared a smile.
Sway raised her drink. “Can we bring Bambi with us?”
Struck by freezing panic, just as she gained a support system, she could be losing it. “Where are you going?”
“Home,” Roxie said. “New York.”
“And you’re going with them?” she asked. Sway nodded. “I’ve never been to New York.”
“It’s a wonderful city.”
“We’ll look after you there.”
She just shook her head. “Not sure even Magnus could sell that one to the media. Me and Roman’s former love elope to the Big Apple together?”
“Hey, you said you couldn’t run away with his twin. Isn’t his ex the next best thing?”
Roxie’s joy encircled them. Yes, there was pressure and negativity and all kinds of drama piling up around them, but they were in Crimson. A place she was learning was the happiest on earth.
“What happened to the music?” she asked though it was still playing. “Doesn’t it go any louder in here?”
“Now, that’s my language,” Roxie said, whirling on the spot. “Casanova! Where is our cellphone?”