CHAPTER TEN
Natalie
I hurried up Tim’s stairs hoping I wasn’t too late and he’d gone out with friends.
I’d missed several texts from him today, and all week, really, but I’d been busy with exams and had my phone turned off.
By the time I’d gotten out, gotten ready, and finally remembered to turn my phone on, I’d been surprised by how many notifications had come through.
Most were from Tim, but a few were from other people.
Tim had sent… way too many texts. “Good lord, Tim,” I muttered to myself.
I typed in a quick text and tossed my phone on the bed.
He always talked too much, even through texts.
I couldn’t hide a grin as I grabbed my purse and headed out.
I played my classic rock mix the whole way there.
It had a chill vibe, which was definitely what I was feeling after a week full of stress, studying, and exams.
I was ready to hang with Tim, drink a bit too much, and stay over to have another amazing weekend.
I still couldn’t believe I’d been with Tim all last weekend.
We hadn’t been able to keep our hands off each other, and I’d been shocked.
I hadn’t slept with many people, but the experience was wildly different with him.
We had enough chemistry to power the Fourth of July Fireworks show down on the levee overlooking the river.
I frowned. What if it was like that for him with all the women he was with? He’d seemed overwhelmed by it, but that could just be me reading into things. I hoped not, though. It would crush me to think I was no different from any other woman he’d been with.
I swallowed hard. He was wildly more experienced than I was.
I was no virgin, and I’d learned a lot from Jacques during my year in France, but I knew I was far behind Tim.
He hadn’t been complaining last weekend or mid-week, but I just wished it hadn’t come at such bad timing.
I’d been so busy with exams, and Tim was training a new employee to take his place since he was promoted to Director of Quarry Operations.
I was proud of him. Not that I knew exactly what it meant, but I would have him explain it to me over the next day or so.
Still, it would have been good to sit down with him and talk about everything right after it happened. But we hadn’t had that luxury.
It wasn’t too late, though, I thought cheerfully. We could talk tonight after the rest of the partygoers had left. No big deal.
Right?
Then why did I have a fluttery, strange sensation in the pit of my stomach? I pulled into a weirdly empty parking lot in front of his condo. This didn’t look like his place usually did before a party. I quickly checked my phone to see if he’d returned my text, but he hadn’t.
I shrugged. Maybe there were a bunch of people over and they’d carpooled or something. I needed to get out of my head and learn to just enjoy myself.
I took a couple of deep, grounding breaths.
I was never a huge fan of parties, but I really didn’t love the ones at Tim’s place.
He was friends with a bunch of beautiful people, they seemed to change each time I was over, and they all acted as if they’d known him forever.
I also felt like I was being judged from the moment I walked in until the moment they left.
I hoped it wasn’t because they didn’t think I was pretty enough to hang out with the rest of them.
Because how shitty was that? I wanted to pretend I was above caring about something so shallow.
But let’s be real, I wasn’t. Who was?
When I got to Tim’s place, I was surprised not to hear loud music or talking inside.
I started to knock, but then I remembered him telling me to quit doing that the last few times I’d come over.
He said I should just walk in like everyone else did.
“If some guy I met twenty minutes ago feels comfortable walking in without knocking, you sure as hell should.”
I grinned at the memory and turned the knob.
It opened right up. I peeked in as I pushed the door open.
It was… quiet. No one appeared to be here.
I started to call out for Tim, but then I wondered if he was sick or something.
Maybe he’d tried to cancel, but it had been one of the approximately one million texts he’d sent me while my phone was off.
I looked at my phone and started to go through the texts, when I heard some noises from the back of his condo. It wasn’t really loud, so it didn’t seem like a bunch of people were back there. But who was? Just Tim and a few others? Maybe they were playing a drinking game?
Who knew? I opened the fridge, grabbed a bottle of white wine out, and poured myself a glass. I took a few sips while I stood awkwardly waiting for the people to come out of the back of the condo. What was even back there besides his bedroom and a bathroom?
Maybe an office? I tried to remember but wasn’t having much luck.
The times I’d been in his bedroom, I hadn’t exactly been interested in his floorplan.
Finally, I tossed back the rest of the glass of wine for courage and poured myself another.
It wouldn’t be weird to bust in on whatever they were all doing. I was invited.
Tim said I had a standing invitation. And now… I mean, weren’t we together? That gave me even more reason to feel like I belonged here.
Trying to feign confidence, I walked back to where I’d heard the noises. I heard some laughter and some groaning, so I felt better. I opened the door without knocking like he’d told me to do and…
My mouth fell open, but no sound came out. I was staring at a tan woman with large breasts ride Tim as his big hands gripped her around her hips and he thrust up inside her. His muscles were bathed in a light sheen of sweat, which made them no less beautiful than they always were.
“Ah, fuck, girl. That’s right. Take this dick,” he groaned as she screamed out his name and came.
I blinked in horror as I stood there, frozen.
He bit his lip and started lifting her up and down his cock until he was yelling out, too.
Then the woman collapsed on him, and he rubbed her back for a second before angling her off him.
How long had I been standing here? An hour? A month? Five minutes? I had no idea. But I felt powerless to move, to get myself out of here. What was wrong with me?
“Can we snuggle?” the girl asked in a breathy tone.
“Ah… I don’t think so. It’s too hot. In fact, you should probably go. I’ve got people that could come by anytime.”
“Why can’t I spend the night? That skinny girl you were with got to stay with you, didn’t she?”
“Yeah, well, Nat’s special.” The girl made an offended noise as he turned to set his feet on the floor.
And made eye contact with me. He smiled at first, the idiot, and then he must have seen the look on my face. His smile fell, and his face drained of color as I took a step back.
He stood up, reaching for me. He must’ve sensed I was about to run. “Nat…”
I dropped my glass of wine. It shattered on the hardwood floor, causing the blonde woman he’d been fucking to look over at me. “Oh, that’s your ‘special’ friend, huh? Yeah, Tim, I can tell how special she is if you had your cock inside me ten seconds ago.”
I looked at her. “I couldn’t have said it better myself.” I hated that my voice cracked as I said it. I turned and ran from the room, hurried down the hallway, and sprinted out his front door.
***
The hurt was so strong, so bad, I couldn’t even cry as I walked away. Hell, I could barely breathe. Why did he do this? How could he sleep with me and then hop right into bed with another woman? How could he?
I closed my eyes tight and leaned against my car.
I’d trusted him with everything. My body, my heart, my soul.
And he’d shattered it. Obliterated it. Even though I’d been his best friend our entire lives, he’d treated me just like any other hookup.
I’d been just another stupid girl who fell for his perfect face and gorgeous body.
But that wasn’t entirely true. If it had just been his looks, I wouldn’t have looked twice at a player like him.
It was the fact that he was Tim. My Tim.
The boy who’d tried to chase me with a mud-covered frog in his hand when we were five, and I’d shocked him by taking it from him and examining it and making a ‘perfect’ home for it like only a five-year-old can.
He was the tween who’d been the only one who knew I didn’t need words or platitudes during my mother’s funeral.
I’d only needed someone to stand by me. To be there.
And he’d known that because we could read each other like we were two halves of the same person.
He was the teenager I’d held in my arms and comforted while he sobbed with a broken heart after what Annika did to him.
He was the man with the laughing eyes who’d been with me through everything.
And now? Now he was just some guy who’d broken my heart by sleeping with another woman soon after I’d left his bed.
And it hurt worse than anything I could’ve ever imagined because I’d believed in him.
Tim. I hadn’t thought that player part of him would exist with me.
But I’d been so incredibly, horribly wrong.
I was a cliché. Just another girl in his rotation. His very large rotation.
“Nat! Wait! Please, wait.” He had thrown on shorts and was running down his steps bare-chested and barefoot.
I was barely able to look at him, but I felt him coming like a head-on collision.
I couldn’t make myself leave. I was scared to drive.
I’d been blindsided so hard I wasn’t sure my shaking hands could grasp the wheel.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t think it would affect you like this. I thought you knew who I was…”
I stared at him, finally lifting my eyes to meet his. Whatever he saw there made him flinch as if I’d punched him. He took a step back. “Nat,” he begged, “please don’t look at me like that. You knew. You knew how I was before we touched each other. You know I can’t… commit that way. You knew that.”
I looked at him with disgust, contempt, disbelief. “You’re a horrible person.” It was a weak comeback, but I was having trouble gathering my thoughts. It landed, though, like a swift jab to his stomach.
“Don’t say that,” he whispered. “You can’t mean that.” He looked desperate, like he knew he’d already lost me, but his brain was having difficulty making that connection.
“I’ve never meant anything more than what I just said,” I whispered.
He looked shocked. He stepped back and ran a hand through his hair, making it stand up in a way that I would’ve joked with him about only fifteen minutes ago. But that was over. A twenty-plus year friendship was done, over, dead in the blink of an eye.
“I have to get out of here,” I said, gathering my thoughts enough to unlock the car and open the door. He grabbed my arm, holding me back from getting inside.
“No, no, no, Nat. Please. You can’t leave like this. Just… listen.”
I turned and looked, like an idiot, instead of shaking him off and leaving.
“You know what happened to me and how much it hurt me…”
I cut him off with a sound of disbelief.
“At this point, that’s an excuse. I’m not saying you should be over it by now.
Everyone grieves differently. But you’ve chosen to ignore everyone’s advice to get help.
You made that choice for years. To me, it seems like you want to hold onto that hurt.
That you’re using it to protect yourself from ever having deep feelings for a woman again. ”
“I have deep feelings for you,” he protested.
“Not deep enough,” I shot back, my pain finally morphing into anger.
He hung his head. “Don’t you see? If I let myself love you, and you did to me what Annika did—it wouldn’t just hurt. I think it would kill me. I wouldn’t survive it, Nat. I couldn’t stand to lose you.”
I gave a bitter laugh. “Seriously? You think you haven’t lost me? You just did to me what Annika did to you. Only it’s a hundred times worse because you knowingly stomped all over your best friend’s heart.”
He shook his head, a tear running down his cheek. “I haven’t lost you. Say I haven’t lost you,” he gasped the words like his lungs were collapsing.
“Oh, you’ve lost me. I was gone the moment I opened that door and saw you in bed with another woman.”
He was shocked enough that I was able to break his grasp on my arm easily and got in my car.
I locked it quickly, before he could open it, and sped out of the parking lot.
He tried to run after me for a while. The last sight of him I had was in the rearview mirror.
He was bent over, hands on his knees, gasping for air.
I planned on that being the last time I saw him for a long time.
Possibly ever.