CHAPTER ELEVEN
Tim
She blocked me.
I couldn’t say I blamed her. I texted, called, and left voicemails over and over again.
They went unanswered, unread, not listened to, and so on.
She didn’t want to hear from me. But I kept thinking she couldn’t stay mad at me forever.
We were each other’s person. She was the first person I called with good news, and the first person I called when I needed cheering up. I was that person for her, too.
She couldn’t stay mad at me. She just couldn’t.
There was a little voice inside me saying that she was more than mad. It went beyond that. That I’d completely broken her trust. If that was the case, how do you fix that? I wasn’t sure it was something I could fix.
I sat down on my favorite leather recliner, deflated and defeated. I stared at the floor. What in the hell was I going to do to make this right?
My phone buzzed on the table next to me. I lurched for it so hard I almost fell out of my chair.
“Fuck.” I rolled my eyes and ignored it. It was Cora.
A text came through right after that. “Repeat?” was all she said. I hurriedly typed back that I wasn’t interested but I wished her the best. I got the middle finger emoji in response.
That was fine. I deserved that.
My phone rang again, and I got ready to block her when I realized it was Mom.
Shit. I broke out in a sweat. I hadn’t even factored in how much my family was going to hate me for this. I swallowed hard, feeling bile rise up the back of my throat. “Hey,” I said a little weakly.
“Happy Fourth of July!” she said her voice happy as always.
I closed my eyes. Well. This could not have happened at a worse time. My parents’ annual Fourth of July barbeque was my mom’s favorite excuse for a party. Half the town would drop in at some point today for conversation, drinks, good food, yard games, and so on.
“Tim? Did the call drop? Can you hear me?”
She was shouting in my ear now. “Yeah… Yes. I can hear you. Sorry. I’m just a little distracted this morning.”
“Well, you better get undistracted. Your dad needs held setting up the stage.”
I paused. “The stage?” What the hell?
“Yep. We’re doing Karaoke this year.”
Of course we were. I sighed. “Okay, Mom. I’ll be there in about half an hour, okay?”
“Great! Oh, could you call Nat for me and check to see if she’s bringing those mint brownies of hers?”
She didn’t wait for an answer. She just hung up.
No, I could not call Nat. I might not ever get to call Nat again. Fuck. My life was falling apart, and I had to go pretend everything was okay and set up a freaking Karaoke stage for a Fourth of July party.
I rubbed my eyes, trying to get my head in the right space.
I allowed myself another five minutes to sit there, shell shocked. Then I got up, took a shower, and got myself ready for the long day and night ahead of me.
One question ran through my head the whole time. Was Nat going to come today? If she didn’t show up, how would I explain her absence?
If she did show up, what the hell would I say?
***
Hours went by. Carrie’s dad Jack, the long-time mayor of our town and the pediatrician who’d treated all of us since we were born, won the Karaoke competition and got one of my mom’s strawberry cakes as his prize.
He always won if there was a singing competition.
He was weirdly good, bringing his own guitar and basically sounding and performing like an actual rock star at almost every town event.
I wondered if it was why he always got elected mayor. Well, that and the fact that he was about the nicest guy on the planet.
I looked around, seeing all the people I’d grown up with, minus the ‘friends’ of mine who’d fucked my girlfriend in high school.
But I knew Sadie’s friends almost as well as she did.
I walked over, finally, to where they were all sitting around one of the huge picnic tables Mom had set up.
I didn’t like the guys Carrie and Blair had ended up marrying.
Carrie’s husband Thatcher was okay, but I didn’t think he was good enough for her.
And Blair’s husband was a douche. I was pretty sure he was a cheater.
He just always seemed so disinterested in her and their kids.
Melinda’s long-time boyfriend Drake was good friends with all of us.
He was awesome. He could do no wrong as far as I was concerned.
It was still strange not to see Harrison, Sadie’s ex, hanging around. He’d been part of all our lives since he’d moved to town. But he’d cheated on Sadie in one of the worst ways possible. None of us could ever forgive him for what he’d done.
With a sick feeling, it suddenly hit me that I was judging guys like Harrison, Scott, and Thatcher for the same things I was guilty of. Like Thatcher, I wasn’t good enough for Nat. And like Harrison and Scott, I was a cheater.
“What is wrong with you today?” Sadie plopped down beside me and shoved me a little, good-naturedly.
I couldn’t look her in the eyes. “I… I can’t talk about it right now.”
She frowned and started to look angry, like she wanted to beat up whoever hurt me. But my big sister couldn’t fix it for me this time. I’d hurt myself. And my favorite person in the world.
Later, after everything was cleaned up and no one could possibly eat another bite, everyone had left, thanking my parents for hosting the party. They all yelled out that they’d see us later down at the levee.
The annual fireworks show was one of the highlights of Indigo Falls’ year.
It was one of the biggest in Georgia, and kind of put us on the map.
If you’d ever heard of our little town in other parts of Georgia, it was almost always for the fireworks show.
That or our one huge sports star, Jon Hammond.
He’d graduated high school years ago and was a big-time quarterback in the NFL.
People knew Harrison, too, but it was more for what he’d done to Sadie than his former prowess on the football field.
Those were the only things we were famous for.
“Penny for your thoughts,” Mom said.
My family was sitting in lawn chairs and relaxing for a while before we walked the few blocks down to the levee.
“I don’t really have any,” I lied and tried to smile at her.
“Well, I do,” my dad said. “Where the hell is Natalie?”
Everyone turned to stare at me. It had been the question everyone had been asking me all day. I’d put everyone off, pretending I didn’t know.
“I… uh… don’t think she’s coming.” I rubbed the back of my neck, and I must’ve looked guilty as hell.
Mom, Dad, Sadie, and Alexis all said, “What did you do?” at the same time.
I hung my head. I might as well get this over with. I looked at my little sister, Wyn. I selfishly wanted her to still think of me as a hero for a while longer. “Could you find something else to do for a minute or two?”
She stood up, rolling her eyes. “If you hurt her, I’ll kill you,” Wyn said, surprising me.
Once she was out of hearing range, I took a deep breath and plunged in. “Natalie and I… slept together,” I admitted, my face growing hot with embarrassment.
Dad frowned, but Mom, Sadie, and Alexis all started screaming and jumping around with excitement.
It took them a couple of minutes to realize I wasn’t celebrating with them. Or even smiling. They slowly settled down, eyes starting to look accusatory.
“Son. You’d better start talking.” Dad was looking… pissed.
“Yeah. Well, I sort of freaked out afterwards. I started thinking that it shouldn’t have happened. But I couldn’t talk to her about it because of her exams, and…”
“Just get to it,” Mom said. Her eyes already looked suspiciously glassy, like she knew I was about to break her heart.
“I slept with someone else last night. Nat came over after her exam.” I winced, not wanting to say the next part. “She walked in on me and the other woman.”
There was complete silence.
Alexis got up and walked away, like she couldn’t stand the sight of me.
Dad’s face was a dark plum color. He looked like he wanted to hit me. He stood up. “You know she’s like another daughter to me. Don’t you?”
“Yes,” I said quietly.
“And yet you treated her like garbage. Would you want someone to treat one of your sisters like that?” He was yelling, and Mom placed a calming hand on his shoulder.
I shook my head. Sadie had tears on her cheeks. “How could you do that after you saw what I was like after what Harrison did?”
I had no answer for her. I just looked at the ground. She hurried off, and I knew she was going to cry some more.
“I can’t stand to look at you right now,” Dad said, following Sadie inside.
Then it was just Mom and me. I felt relieved knowing that she’d be nicer to me.
I was wrong.
“That’s my best friend’s daughter, Tim. She was my college roommate.
She moved her family to Indigo Falls so our kids could grow up together.
We used to sit and watch y’all play together and talk about our hopes and dreams for your future.
I can’t believe that you’re the one who hurt our sweet Natalie.
” Mom’s voice broke, and I flinched. Mom took a gasping breath, trying to calm down. “She loved you, you know.”
“Mrs. Martin? I loved her, too.”
“Yes. She loved you. But that’s not who I was talking about.”
My head shot up.
“I was talking about Natalie. That girl has had a crush on you since she was about fourteen years old.”
I frowned and shook my head. “No. She didn’t see me that way. Maybe recently, but that’s all.”
Mom shook her head. “No. You’ve felt it towards her since she came back from France, but she’s loved you from a distance for much longer than that.”
I stared at Mom. Was she right? She couldn’t be.
I thought back to all the times I’d thought Nat was irritated with me over other girls.
Prom. That Tawny girl. And countless others.
Suddenly it was as clear as day to me. She had been into me.
For years, maybe. And I’d treated her like she meant nothing.
Like she was as meaningless as the woman I slept with last night.
I put my head in my hands. After a while I heard Mom walk off.
I sat like that as the light changed around me.
It went from that golden late afternoon tint, to sunset, to dark.
I heard people laughing and talking as they walked by to get their seats on the levee.
I heard the fireworks going off and watched them like a zombie from that chair in my parents’ backyard.
I had never felt more alone.