Chapter 8
CILLA
The room was dim when I resurfaced again.
I squinted at the clock on the far wall. Five o’clock. I’d say a.m. based on the light in the room, but the blinds were drawn, leaving me in the dreamy half wakefulness of the really good drugs they kept pumping into me.
I shifted under the blankets and felt the familiar tight numbness of my first night in the hospital.
Suddenly the memory of pain and blood came screaming back into my consciousness. I tried to sit up and sensors started beeping. A nurse bustled in and that was when I noticed a uniformed cop sitting in the corner.
A nurse hurried in. “How are you doing, Priscilla?”
I licked my lips against the dryness. “I don’t know.”
“Don’t try to sit up just yet.” She reached for the remote and slowly lifted the head of my bed. She held a cup with a straw in front of me and I took a grateful sip.
She flicked the sheets back to check my dressing and quickly tucked the bedclothes back around my legs.
The cop stood, his hands locked together in front of him.
“Officer, she’s in no condition for you to be questioning her.”
His jaw flexed, but he nodded.
I didn’t recognize him, but I did want to help. I brought a shaking hand up to take the cup from the nurse. “I can talk to him if he needs it.”
The nurse had kind eyes and a firm mouth. “Are you sure?”
I nodded.
She sighed. “Make it quick. She needs to rest.”
“Thank you, Rachel.”
“Yeah, yeah.” She patted my arm and handed me the remote. “Hit that bell if you need to be saved.”
The cop sighed. “I’m not going to interrogate her for God’s sake.”
“Be sure that you don’t. She’s had two surgeries within the span of four days.”
“Four days?” I frowned. “How?”
“We kept you sedated to make sure you didn’t pull out your stitches again.”
I frowned. “I didn’t mean to.”
“It’s all right. You’ve been through a traumatic ordeal.”
My eyes burned and I drank again. I felt muzzy and all I wanted to do was roll over and sleep more. “Thanks for helping me.”
“Of course.” She gave me a soft smile before her face transformed into what I could only call a mama bear as she shot the officer a look. “You have until I come back, Officer Stone, and not a minute more.”
“Understood.”
He waited until Rachel left before coming closer. “Hello Miss Barlow, do you remember me?”
“Are you guarding me? I hope you’re a little better than the last guy.”
His jaw flexed. “No, there’s a new officer on the door. That won’t happen again.” He paused for a moment as if searching for words.
“Did you get the man who did this to me?”
“No, I’m sorry. I was hoping I could get some details of the attack.”
I frowned. “I already told a female detective what happened. I’m sorry, I can’t remember her name.”
Everything felt like I was one layer removed. I closed my eyes and tried to push back the fog. When I opened them again, the officer was sitting next to me.
“There you are.”
“Sorry.” I didn’t realize I’d faded again. “Whatever is in this stuff is seriously potent.” I lifted my arm with the IV.
“You had all of us worried.”
I frowned. “All of us?”
“I was on the docks from the 911 call.”
“Oh. Of course. And...” I knew the name but it was just out of reach. Safety. Safety Locke. “Locke?”
He nodded. “Mr. Jordan found you.”
“I don’t think I knew his full name. He came in to visit me yesterday...well, I guess the day before. It’s all pretty fuzzy.”
“I was wondering if you remembered anything from that night or from when you were attacked here in the hospital.”
“You can’t get that from the detective?”
He shifted his gaze. “I was hoping you remembered more.”
I sighed. “I only remember snatches.” I coughed, my throat still raw. I reached for the cup, and he refilled it before pushing it toward me. I took a few sips. “I was on the rooftop bar at the hotel on the wharf.”
“Were you drinking?”
I licked my lips. “I was. I wasn’t drunk, Officer Stone.”
“There’s no judgment here, Miss Barlow. I’m just looking for facts.”
“Cilla.”
He gave me a gentle smile. “Cilla. What happened next?”
“I was over the bar scene.” I swallowed hard and picked at a pill on my blanket. “If I hadn’t left maybe I wouldn’t be here right now.”
“Or another woman would be dead.”
My eyes flashed to his. “That’s true.” With that sobering thought.
I shifted in my bed. “I wanted some quiet and I heard the water lapping at the docks. I suddenly just wanted to get away from all the people.” Being alone in a crowd was much different from actually being by myself. I took a fortifying sip of water.
“Where did you go?”
“I left the hotel and headed for the wharf. There were some people out front, but I just wanted to look out at the water.”
“Okay.”
He said he wasn’t going to judge, but I felt it all the same. “I’ve lived in Manhattan and Albany, Officer Stone. I’m not a stupid woman. Usually.”
“Salem has a way of making you feel safe. It’s a tourist area and we pride ourselves on how safe we are, but things still happen. Especially at night. It’s off season and things don’t stay open overly late except on weekends.”
“Thanks for trying to make me feel better. I was in my head. I’m dealing with some personal things at the moment, and I wanted some space to think.”
He frowned. “What kind of things? Are you having trouble with a boyfriend? Husband? Girlfriend?”
“No. Well, not anymore. I assure you, Officer Stone, my ex isn’t interested in me.
” He was too busy boning my ex best friend.
My fingers gripped the blanket as the old hurt snuck up.
“I left my job in Albany, New York. I just wanted to get as far away from the situation as I could. I often visited Boston for work and enjoyed day trips into Salem. I never really took the time to do much more than a hurried walk around.” I huffed out a laugh.
“Sorry, you don’t need all these details. ”
“No, it helps you get back into your headspace. Go on.”
I tugged at a loose thread in the woven cotton blanket.
“I packed all those clothes you have at the back of your closet. The special dresses that you never seem to have the time to wear. I threw a bunch into a suitcase and just headed out. Originally I was going to head north to the Adirondacks, but something pulled me to Boston. Then here, to Salem.” I shrugged.
My voice was raw, but I couldn’t seem to stop talking.
“Can’t explain it really.” I sighed. “Anyway, it was the middle of the week, so it was easy to find a room. I had dinner in the hotel, then went to the bar. Flirted with a few men on the rooftop, but I wasn’t interested in linking up with anyone. ”
“Were any of them pushy? Not taking no for an answer?”
I thought back and shook my head. “Mostly just dudes looking for a hookup if I’m honest. When I gave them the no-go, they seemed to just move on like I was dessert on a cart. They found a better option pretty easily.”
“Unlikely.” He cleared his throat. “Sorry.”
I laughed but it came out more like a cough. “Right about now, I’ll take the compliment.”
“When you left the hotel, did you notice anyone?”
I thought back to that night. “Just people looking for rides or a walk on Derby. I think I heard someone talk about a ghost tour starting, but I was distracted. I just wanted to listen to the water. I didn’t notice anyone following me until I got to the boat slips and dry-docked boats along the back of the wharf.
” I shuddered, rubbing the arm without the IV in it.
“The light was...” I trailed off, the night coming back like a dream—missing moments and things out of focus.
“I was wearing a white dress with flowers on it. I knew I’d stand out like a glow stick, even with the limited lights. I just wanted to hide.” I swallowed down the tightness in my throat, fumbling for my cup.
I took a long swallow of the cool water and still the images kept coming in and out.
“Dark. It was so dark. Like he sucked out the light.” I licked my lips. “I couldn’t see his face. Not then. Just the fingers thrumming at his leg. Gloved fingers. The light caught his fingers, but the rest was so dark.”
I closed my eyes, my pulse rocketing.
“He just kept coming forward. It was like he could see me, even though I thought I was hidden. I hid near a boat. Maybe he heard me trip over the pail of paint. Or whatever it was. It was a big pail and wouldn’t budge.”
“Hey.” He covered my hand. “You’re doing great.”
I opened my eyes and fisted my fingers under his. “I think he wanted me to run.”
He frowned at me. “Are you sure?”
“No, just a feeling.” I wasn’t sure why. “I remember running. My feet pounding. I could hear the water.” I laughed, but it sounded a little crazy even to myself. “I got to hear the water. I almost jumped in, but it was so dark. I was afraid of what was in it. Guess I should have jumped.”
He was quiet, just giving me space.
I blew out a slow breath. “I ran toward the ferry launch I think. I was looking for people. I couldn’t go back toward the hotel, I was just hoping there was someone walking—anything. But there wasn’t.”
My eyes burned. It was as if there were no tears left. Just the dryness of my throat moving into everything else inside of me.
“Then he...hit me or something. It’s fuzzy. You know, like those dreams you can’t quite remember?”
He nodded. His eyes were kind. Steady. Direct.
I cleared my throat. “I don’t know what happened or how long I was out, but when I woke I couldn’t move.” I frowned. “No. That’s not right. Every time I moved it was like...” I lifted a hand to my throat, remembering the ropes. “They got tighter.” My fingers shook. “He wanted me to struggle.”
The cop’s fingers tightened on mine. “Did you see a face?”
The darkness kept coming. No air.
“That’s enough, Stone.”
My eyes flew open. His voice.
The voice in the darkness.
“I agreed to let you come in here if you kept your damn mouth shut.”
Locke walked out of the shadows.
How had I not seen him?
Felt him?
The darkness threatened to roll over me. How could I ever feel safe again?
Where could I even think about going?
I couldn’t stay here forever.
Just go home like nothing happened?
Back to my place in Albany—with my plants for company?
“Hey.”
A voice came from the other side of my bed. It was rougher, almost like he hadn’t used it much in a long time.
I kept my eyes tightly shut.
“Just breathe.”
Wasn’t I breathing?
The black dots were getting bigger.
The light in the room was gone.
“Cilla.” The voice sharpened. “In for four.”
Four what?
There wasn’t four anything in me right then.
A calloused hand covered mine. “One.”
I couldn’t count right now, asshole.
“One. Two. Three. Four. Breathe in slow.”
My heart was racing so hard that I couldn’t possibly calm it.
His hand moved to my chest. Big. Warm. The pressure made me stiffen.
My eyes snapped open, and his face came through the dark.
Just like that night.
“Breathe.”
I gulped in a breath and met his hazel eyes.
“Hold, one, two, three, four. Let it out slowly.”
I followed direction and the pounding around me lessened.
“Again.”
The orders rankled, but I followed them.
And again.
Following his voice again and again.
Feeling the bed beneath me.
His hand on my chest.
Steady.
“There. Good.”
My fingers unclenched from the sheets. The sounds of the hospital started to fade in.
I looked up at Locke.
Safety Locke.
Then he withdrew and I wanted to reach for him.
Demand him back.
But he was a stranger.
I turned to look for Stone. He was standing by the door, his face unreadable. Then he slipped out.
“I don’t think I helped at all.”
I hated that my voice sounded so weak. The tears were so close, but it felt like if I let them out there would be no going back.
That I’d drown.
So I swallowed and did the breathing trick.
Again.
And the scent of the water drifted away into the antiseptic hospital smells.
I looked up and Locke was standing by my bed.
“Just rest. I’ll be here.”
I didn’t want to ask for the help, but my eyes slid closed.
I was so tired.
“Rest, Cilla.”
And I did.