Chapter 9
LOCKE
I told Stone I’d help.
I was an idiot.
I couldn’t do this. We couldn’t have two fucked-up people on the boat and expect it not to crash into the rocks with our combined crazy. She needed someone who wasn’t me.
Who could actually be good for her.
But those eyes.
Those big, dark eyes had just locked on mine, and I’d known I was toast.
I knew about the sinking thoughts that threatened to drown you and never let you go. I knew what it felt like for the air to be sucked out of the room. I knew where the edges of sanity shifted and the goalpost got further and further.
I’d been there.
I’d lived there for months now. Even on the good days where the sunrises and the sunsets were pure magic. Where it was just me and the ocean. Sometimes it was the only thing keeping me going.
Me, on the water where no one cared that I was a head case.
I knew I wasn’t right for anyone else.
I couldn’t be responsible for anyone.
I’d get her killed just because I was a messed-up fuck. I needed to go tell Stone that I wasn’t his guy.
She’d be better off with someone who wasn’t completely off his goddamn rocker.
But then I looked down at her and I couldn’t walk out of the room.
I couldn’t walk away from her.
Her small body, so fragile.
Her face with the dark circles under her eyes. But when she opened those eyes, there was nothing but endless trust.
I didn’t deserve it.
But she was the first person to even remotely look at me like I was something other than broken.
And that was probably just me being fucked up beyond redemption.
I didn’t want to be that guy.
She didn’t need my brand of crazy.
Absolutely didn’t need me to fuck her up any further.
I stalked down the hall.
I needed to get some air.
Stone chased me out the door and down the hall. I was in no mood to talk to him or to hear what he had to say.
“You said you’d stay quiet. You weren’t supposed to be in there with me.”
“She was having a panic attack, and you kept asking her questions. What the hell else was I supposed to do?”
“I had it under control.”
I whirled around. “Have you had one?”
His dark eyes went flat. “No, but I’m trained on how to deal with delicate—”
“Fuck your delicacy. You feel like you can’t breathe. You feel like the world is dropping out from under your fucking feet. You feel like you’re dying.”
“And you know this?”
“Yeah, I do.” I stalked past the elevators to the stairs. I needed air and a metal box wasn’t good right now.
My feet pounded in the echoing stairwell.
The scent of stale air and bleach made my head ache. I finally got to the bottom of the stairs and strode out through the front doors. The sharp scent of a newly lit cigarette mixed with the sickly sweet vape pens of a trio of nurses grouped together, scrolling their phones.
I jogged down the path to a sitting area and dropped onto a bench.
I put my head between my knees and pushed my own anxiety spiral down. I knew far too well what it felt like.
Milligan’s face swam into the heavy darkness. His skin fading to gray.
His blood pumping through my fingers.
I dug my nails into my palm and the pain cleared out some of the memories.
When I looked up Stone was standing a few feet away.
“Sorry, man.”
I sucked in a slow breath. “It’s fine. Just goes to show I am not your guy.” I slumped back on the wrought iron bench.
“Opposite. You know what she needs more than anyone. You knew how to bring her back. Maybe you can get more details out of her.”
“What makes you think she’ll want to go with me? And she’s hurt. Tooling around on a rocking boat isn’t exactly the best option for her.”
“Or it’s the best.”
“You’re a fucking cop. Why the hell are you so glass half full?”
Stone barked out a laugh. “Look, I need time to dig deeper on the files we linked. If you keep her safe, then I can focus on that. He can’t find her if you’re in the middle of the ocean.”
I sighed. I couldn’t argue with that, but the boat was big until it was only two people.
“Any clue how long they’re keeping her?”
“Not really. They’re going to need the bed eventually. Their ICU is small, and the hospital is already making noise about safety.”
“I’ll stay with her.”
I said it before I could think better of it.
I couldn’t even blame it on Milligan’s voice.
Fuck.
Stone’s face remained impassive. “Get some rest. I’ll know more tomorrow, but she’s covered for tonight. I need to talk to Miranda. She’s not going to like what I have to say, but I have to make her see it.”
I didn’t believe that. Not since the guy got through their so called security. To me, it showed it was more than just impulse. Had this asshole been watching her when she was at the bar?
Had he picked her out?
Or just picked her because she was easy prey.
I rubbed at my temple. “Show Diaz the grid we made up. If that doesn’t convince her, your partner is an idiot.”
“She’s not.”
I arched a brow in answer.
“She just follows the rules. And maybe I wasn’t focused enough the first time I showed her the victims, but we pulled a lot more solid victims in more streamlined parameters.”
“I don’t need to play by anyone’s rules.”
“Which is why I want your help. I don’t want her to end up like the girl on the beach.”
I shut my eyes at the thought. I could see her crumpled on the rocks far too easily.
I stood. “The guy on the door is decent?”
Stone nodded. “He’s a solid cop and Nelson’s only got a four hour shift before someone else will relieve him. No need for a break.”
“Yeah.”
Being in personal security was a different animal than the mindset of a cop. They knew know to look for trouble on the beat or with a suspect, but situational awareness was a different strength.
Boring as fuck sometimes, but part of the job.
“I’ve got to go on shift. I’ll check in later.”
I nodded and waited for Stone to head to his car.
Still uneasy about leaving her, I took a walk around the building.
I wasn’t sure how the jackass got onto the floor.
I supposed it was easy enough to sign in and get upstairs.
Then again, the hospital wasn’t exactly brimming with security either.
It would be easy enough for someone to go right up to the ICU floor if they just looked like they knew where they were going.
The visitor badge was little more than a sticker.
The back of the hospital was fairly buttoned up, except for a door propped open with a broken picnic table leg.
For the nurses or perhaps the cleaning crew. Maybe even the small eatery open this late in the evening.
I was waiting for a security guard to come looking for me, but no such luck.
I snuck through the open door and found very little resistance. A janitor was dumping trash, but he barely looked at me when I walked by. It was far too easy to gain entrance if someone didn’t want to be seen on the main entrance cameras. Or to check in.
Annoyed, I power walked through the halls to signs for the elevators.
No need for a badge to swipe in through the doors.
Hell.
My annoyance surged as I went directly up to the ICU without incident.
The hallway to the rooms on that floor was quiet. It was well after hours of visitation, but with such extreme cases there were a handful of visitors there to see patients on borrowed time.
The nursing staff was smaller and stretched thin.
I saw a number of places where someone could easily slip through the cracks.
The officer on Cilla’s door was alert, no phone in hand, but it was more of a thousand yard stare than a constant scan of the staff and visitors. He probably thought it was a shit assignment.
I tried to look at it from the attacker’s point of view. Distract, or wait for a distraction—like the cop needing to take a piss.
Had it been another crime of opportunity?
Was this guy an idiot or couldn’t he help himself?
Annoyance rode my neck like when I had to wear a tie on an assignment.
See, you missed this.
I gritted my teeth against Milligan’s voice. Ignoring it, I ducked into the visitor’s room. There was a vending machine for both snacks and drinks. I chose a Coke over a coffee and wet my parched throat.
The cold caffeine helped me shake off the tired. I pulled out my phone, staring at a single name on my contacts.
If I opened this door, I couldn’t close it.
A sound in the hall had me tucking my phone away as I set my soda down.
A rush of people congregated in one of the rooms. From the way everyone jumped into action, I imagined it was a serious code of some sort. The cop craned his neck, but didn’t move from his post.
My eyes scanned the corners.
This would be a good time to watch for.
Could this shithead resist trying to kill Cilla again?
He had to know the security was doubled.
But it truly depended on how bad he needed his fix. Or to correct his mistake.
I caught someone in dark clothing out of the corner of my eye. I braced, but only saw Nelson’s relief walking down the hall.
The uniform, freshly pressed and clear eyed, spotted me. “You Jordan?”
I nodded.
“I’m Jim Blake.”
“Stone tell you about me?”
He nodded. “Says you’re a solid dude.” His gaze tracking me said otherwise.
I glanced down at my jeans, boots, and wrinkled T-shirt. Compared to him, I looked very much like a guy who lived on a boat. I didn’t give a fuck what he thought about me. I shrugged. “Been a long day.”
“Evidently.”
“I’m going to go look in on Cilla before I head out.”
He nodded. “You’re cleared for that.”
From Diaz or Stone? Blake gave me a brief nod before he checked in with Nelson.
Go see her.
Annoyed at Milligan’s voice, I slipped inside.
Someone else was in the room.
White coat.
I didn’t see a doctor or nurse go in before.
Black gloved hands—latex like a hospital glove—made me pause, but then the man darted into the bathroom.
“Fuck.” I called out for the guard on the door.
The door opened. I tugged at the locked door.
“Does this have another way in?”
The cop gave me a dead stare. I pushed past him and back out into the hall. I went to the connecting room and burst through the door. A man was on a ventilator, his bathroom open.
“Motherfucker.” I ran over to see it was a connecting bathroom.
I bolted out the door, the cops already in search mode.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
I ran down the side hallway. It was a maze between the half dozen rooms that made up a large circle around the nurses station.
And half the staff was worried about the coding patient.
Again.
I pushed past the cop and back into the room.
Cilla was so damn still.
Was I too late?
I rushed the bed, brushing my fingers along her pulse.
It beat steady and true. I gripped the mattress and bent at the waist, the room sparkling with the quick spike of adrenaline. Her hand covered mine. I met her gaze, and she gave me a sleepy, trusting smile.
“You came back,” she said on little more than a breath.
“Yeah.”
She didn’t need to know.
She didn’t need to be scared right now.
I brushed my thumb over her hand. “It’s okay. I’m just going to sit by you if that’s cool.”
She licked her lips. “‘Kay.”
I dragged a chair over, sitting down before I fell the fuck down.
There was no way I was sleeping now. I waited for her to slide back into the heavy sleep of the damn good drugs she was on, then dug my phone out to text Stone.
She was getting on my boat.
Tomorrow.
No matter what.