Chapter 15
RAVEN
Did Nash just say what I thought he said?
I must have heard him wrong. It sounded like he was saying that all the times he teased me, called me this goofy nickname, and wouldn’t let me do anything was because he liked me.
No, that can’t be.
But after the words escaped his mouth, he seemed almost vulnerable. Then he bolted. Granted, he couldn’t go far in this small space. But I’d bet money, if there hadn’t been a storm raging outside, he’d have been out the door.
I set the candle on the cooler next to me, returned to my spot on the bed, and hugged my knees to my chest.
“Kind of hypocritical, don’t you think, Nash?” I blurted over the howling wind and driving rain.
He whipped his head toward me, his expression hidden in the shadows. “What?”
“You say she should have been more obvious in letting him know she likes him, but then say that he’s probably doing things to show he’s interested, things she wouldn’t know meant anything either.”
He chuffed and ran his hand over his head. “I guess you’re right.” He turned back to the window and spoke with his voice low. “I shouldn’t be giving anyone advice.”
I’m sure he was hoping I’d let it slide, but he should know me better than that. And I couldn’t let him off the hook that easily.
“So, Nash, let me get this straight.” I rested my elbow on my knee while my hand gestured for emphasis. “If guys like everything to be direct, why would he not just come out and tell her he’s interested?”
He shrugged and leaned against the window frame, keeping his gaze on the storm outside. “Probably because her family wouldn’t approve. He’d rather keep it to himself and still be around her than say something and be pushed away.”
“Why does he think her family won’t approve? He’s already practically one of them.”
“Maybe it’s because he didn’t come from as good of a family as she did, or maybe he doesn’t believe he’s good enough for her.” He slowly turned away from the window and tentatively made his way back to the bed, perching on the opposite corner from where I sat. He faced me and rubbed his finger and thumb on his beard-like scruff. “There’s also the issue of her brother. Guys have rules in their friendships. The bro code.”
“The bro code? Seriously?”
“Yeah. It’s a big deal, too. You don’t break the bro code, or your friendship is done. If his friendship with the brother is important to him, he’ll likely set his feelings for the girl aside.”
Hmm. Was this what he truly believed? The tone of his voice and the way every word struck a chord in me, told me this was his truth.
Sitting alone together in near darkness seemed to be allowing us honesty that we’d never had between us. If he could admit it, maybe I should, too.
I took a deep breath to gather my courage. I let my voice rise with indignation and pointed a finger at him. If he were closer, I’d be poking him in the chest to make my point. “What if she feels the same way? They can’t be together because her brother, I mean, her family, might get upset? That’s ridiculous.”
“Maybe so. But that’s the way it is.”
My heart was pounding in my throat, making it hard to swallow. I wondered if he could see it in my neck. My hand went to my throat to cover it.
If I was understanding him right, he was basically saying that he liked me but never said anything because he didn’t think he was good enough and my brother wouldn’t approve. What a crock!
I couldn’t decide if I wanted to smack him or kiss him.
Rowan might have been a roadblock for us in the past, but he wasn’t standing with us in that cabin. Maybe this was our chance. We were stranded all alone, with nobody to interfere or try to keep us apart.
What if I slid over to his side of the bed and snuggled up next to him? He’d put his arm around me and pull me close. Then he’d kiss me like his life depended on it. And I’d be breathless but would ease onto his lap to continue kissing him.
(Record screech) Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on there. Remember what happened the last time you kissed him?
Of course, I remember. It was the best moment of my life. Until it became the worst.
The party hadn’t been all that great. First, my date, Bryant, was all hands, and when I put a stop to that, he started flirting with other girls right there in front of me. I left him to go to the bathroom and came back to find him kissing Darci.
Cooling them both off with a full beer was probably not my best moment. But I definitely made my point. I left the party and walked up the beach to my favorite thinking spot. I’d never seen anyone else up here, so I was certain I’d be alone.
Anger pulsed through me. Yeah, I was angry at Bryant for being such a moron. Angry at myself for having such low standards. But I was also angry at Nash for not realizing and reciprocating my feelings. Why did things work out for other girls to date the guy they wanted, but not me?
I let the soft whispers of the waves against the shore, drown out the music and laughter in the distance and soothe my battered heart. I was so mesmerized by the waves that I was caught off guard when I heard a rustling through the leaves. I leaped to my feet in a defensive posture. When a tall figure emerged from the trees, I threw my empty beer bottle at it.
“Ow. What the?—?
“Nash? Is that you?”
“Yeah. Did you just throw a bottle at me? What were you thinking?”
“I didn’t know it was you. I thought something was coming to attack me.”
“So you threw your only weapon at them? Not the best strategy, Tweet. You’re lucky it was only me. What’re you doing up here, anyway? Where’s Bryant?”
I gave him a half-hearted shrug. “Who knows? Based on what was happening when I left the party, it would be a pretty safe guess to say he’s somewhere with his tongue down Darci’s throat. But I’m just speculating.”
“I’m sorry. You deserve so much better than that douchebag.”
I returned to my spot on the ledge and swung my feet. “Thanks. Funny thing is, I don’t even care. I didn’t even really like him. But it still makes me wonder what’s wrong with me, ya know?”
“There’s nothing wrong with you. Any guy would be lucky to be with you.”
I pulled a few blades of grass from the ground next to me, ripped them to bits, and tossed them over the edge. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better. But I appreciate your effort.”
“No, I mean it. You should know, I’m not that nice.” Nash turned his head and gave me the most bone-melting smile I’ve ever seen.
He moved closer and sat next to me on the ledge, his thigh touching mine. My leg tingled at the contact and heat flooded my body. My hand itched to touch him. A magnetic pull seemed to draw me to him, even as a part of me was flashing “Warning. Warning.”
Ever the rebel, I ignored the internal alarm bells going off in my head. I met his gaze. His eyes mirrored the desire I felt. Every nerve in my body seemed to short-circuit and melt on the spot. The overwhelming need to kiss him took over.
I had daydreamed about this more times than I could count, but those imaginings hadn’t even come close to the real thing. My hands rested against his hard chest, directly contrasting the warm softness of his lips on mine. I moaned and sank into him further, unable to get enough, and oblivious to the world around us.
Suddenly, he pushed me away and wiped the kiss from his lips with the back of his hand. The look of disgust on his face shattered my heart into a million pieces. And that was before he spoke words that would reverberate through my mind for years to come.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “Just so we’re clear. Nothing happened here. Rowan will kill us if he ever finds out.”
Then he ran off to find my brother, taking what was left of my heart with him.
Since that night, I’d been angry at Nash and at my brother, but most of all, I’d been mad at myself for being so vulnerable and giving someone else so much power over me. I vowed that would never happen again.
And there I was, wanting to kiss the same man who destroyed my heart, and also wrecked me for any other guy.
This is why you swore off men, remember—why you decided to date yourself.
That’s right. No men for me. I’m better off alone.
If only I still believed that.