Chapter 28
NASH
I watched as Raven and Munch made it to the other side safely and were pulled to shore by Rowan and Rob, Rowan and Raven’s dad. They loaded Raven’s belongings into Rob’s truck. Munch jumped into the back, and Raven climbed into the passenger side without so much as a glance back. My stomach turned, making me nauseous.
Rob turned to me and hollered, “You sure you don’t want to come with us, Nash?”
I shook him off. “Nah, I’m fine. I still have work to do here. Take care of Raven.” Rob gave me a nod and hopped in behind the wheel and shut the door.
Rowan pointed at me and yelled, “You’re lucky I can’t get to you now, Porter. But this isn’t over. I promise you.”
He climbed into the passenger side next to Raven. Soon they were driving off, with my heart chained to the truck, yanking it right out of my chest to drag behind in the dirt. There I stood, staring at the water as it washed over the bridge, wondering how everything could have fallen apart so quickly.
The walk up the drive to the cabin seemed interminable. My body felt like it was moving through quicksand. Part of me wished Rowan could have beaten me senseless, because then at least I’d have felt something. As it was, I just felt numb, like I wasn’t really here. Besides that, I knew I deserved whatever he dished out to me. Not only for betraying him, but for hurting Raven.
I deserved to be beaten for being such a stinking coward.
All I would have had to do was tell Rowan the truth about me and Raven. Yeah, he still might have punched me, but at least it would have shown them all that I was serious about her. And Raven would have known that I meant everything I said to her.
But no. I balked.
The moment I heard Rowan’s voice yelling at me, I became that weak little kid again. The one who couldn’t stand up for himself. Who didn’t have a voice. My heart was screaming to be heard, but the words just wouldn’t come out.
And now they all think I was just messing with Raven, essentially betraying them all.
And the pain on Raven’s face when I pushed her away is an image that will be etched in my memory for the rest of my days. It cut me to my core.
I don’t know what the hell was wrong with me, but when they caught us kissing like that, I panicked. I felt like a little boy who got caught stealing something he knew he wasn’t supposed to have. The worthless boy who didn’t deserve to have any of it. And all I could think to do was pretend it didn’t happen. The classic ‘it wasn’t me’ move.
It wasn’t easy for her to give me a second chance after thinking I rejected her all those years ago, but she did. And now I’d actually done what she’d feared I would. I’d rejected her in front of her family, without any explanation. There would be no third chance. I blew it. Big time.
And Rowan and the rest of the family probably hated me as well. So much for trying to protect the friendship.
In one fell swoop I lost my best friend, my found family, and the love of my life.
I looked around the cabin at all the work that needed to be done. But all I could see was Raven. Taking her anger out on the walls. Her face aglow in front of the fire. The worried look on her face as she tended my wounds. The peacefulness of her snuggled up against my chest as she slept.
I even caught a whiff of her minty scent every so often and stopped what I was doing to breathe it in.
The power came back on, so I could at least get some work done and try to distract myself from thoughts of Raven. Not that it did any good, but anything was better than sitting around feeling sorry for myself.
I worked all day and into the night, until I could barely see straight.
The next morning, I looked around at the cabin. I’d almost finished everything Gladys and Lanie wanted done before listing it. The walls were a combination of rustic barn siding in varying shades of gray to match the gray stone of the fireplace. I’d finished the sheetrock and white walls in the kitchen and bathroom, and painted the cabinets white as well. The vinyl plank flooring had a similar barn siding look, but of a lighter gray color.
I had to admit, it was like a completely new place and looked fantastic.
If only Raven were here to see it.
Another pang to my chest.
I needed to do something about Raven. But where to start?
She probably wanted nothing to do with me. I doubted she’d even answer my calls or messages. And if I showed up on her doorstep, she’d be more likely to shoot me than talk to me. And I’d deserve whatever she dished out.
Maybe I should start with Rowan. Let him take his shot with me before his sister finished me off.
I walked out to the stream. It had receded and most of the bridge was above water. I walked out onto it, and it held my weight, even when I bounced up and down. I didn’t see any obvious damage. But that didn’t mean it was structurally sound. It really shouldn’t be driven on until it was inspected. But who knew when that would be? I had more important things to do than wait around for the county to get here.
I ran back up to the cabin and packed up my tools, materials, and belongings. Then I loaded everything into my truck. As much as I dreaded what was coming, it was what I needed to do. I had to make things right.
The bridge creaked and groaned as my truck creeped across it. I let out a big, relieved exhale when I was once again on firm ground on the other side.
Pulling up in front of the farmhouse at Willowbrook Farm, the place that had been my second home for most of my life, my gut twisted. Was I still welcome here?
Rob stepped out of the barn and lifted a hand to greet me. “Nash. You made it back.”
“Yeah. The water had receded enough. I took a chance and made it across.” I scanned the yard between the house and the barn. “Is Rowan here?”
“Yeah. He’s in the barn. Go on in. I was just headed into the house.”
“Hey, Rob. I’m sorry for?—”
He held a hand up to stop me. “I’m not the one you need to apologize to, son. Save it for those who need to hear it. We’re good.” He cuffed me on the shoulder and walked away.
I took a fortifying breath and stepped into the barn.
Rowan was right there, waiting for me.
“You have a lot of nerve, Porter.” He wiped his hands off on a rag and tossed it angrily onto the bench. “Or a death wish.”
“I’m sorry, Rowan. I never meant for any of this to happen.”
He faced me with his arms across his chest and his legs in a solid, wide stance. “You never meant to kiss my sister, or you never meant for me to find out?”
My head dropped. I deserved his wrath. “I never meant to hurt anyone.”
“But you knew the rule about my friends never touching my sisters, and yet you did it, anyway.”
I met his gaze in a solid stance of my own. “It’s not like that.”
“Don’t lie to me. I saw it with my own eyes, you bastard.” His left hook caught me by surprise, leaving my face throbbing with pain. I ran the back of my hand across my lip and wiped away blood.
“I’ll give you that one, but anymore and I’m fighting back,” I warned. “I swear I’m not lying. You can fight me all you want, but it won’t change the way I feel.” My voice rose in volume with each word, knowing I was finally speaking my truth. “I’m in love with Raven. Always have been. But I kept it to myself out of respect for you and your family.”
“Then why’d you act on it now?”
“Because being sequestered together for so long, it became apparent that we both felt the same way. I promise you, Rowan, this isn’t some conquest or casual fling. You know that’s not me. And you know I wouldn’t risk our friendship for anything less than the real deal. And this is it.”
“Seriously? All these years of you two fighting? Are you really telling me that’s love?”
I shrugged my shoulders and threw my hands up. “That was apparently the result of lots of miscommunication and hurt feelings, on both sides.”
“Well, shoot.” He scrubbed his hand over his face as he mulled over this new information.
“I swear, I’d never do anything to hurt Raven, or anyone in your family.”
“Yet, you did. After she ripped me a new one on the way home, I saw how miserable she was. Like her light had gone out. I’ve never seen her like that. If I didn’t feel so guilty for my part in this, I’d rip you to shreds.”
“Part of me wishes you would. I’d rather cut off my arm than hurt her.” My heart bled for the pain I caused her. “Look. This isn’t an excuse, but I was just so caught off guard seeing you there. I panicked. What are you doing back, anyway? I thought you were in New York with Elle.”
“Dad needed help interviewing my replacement, and I thought I’d pack up another load of stuff to bring back to New York. If you’d have answered my texts, I’d have told you.”
“Sorry, I turned my phone off to save the battery since we didn’t have power to recharge.”
“Alright. That’s a plausible excuse. But that doesn’t explain why you rejected my sister when I caught you two.”
“Like I said. I panicked. I knew I needed to talk to you about it, but I thought I’d have more time to figure out how to do it and what to say.” I leaned against the wall and let my head fall back with an exhale. “Alright, I admit it. I screwed up and handled this completely wrong. I realize that. The question is… how do I make this right? I don’t want to lose her, Rowan, but I doubt she’ll ever forgive me. What should I do?”
Rowan’s eyebrows raised. “You’re asking me for advice?”
“You got the love of your life back. I’m hoping you can help me get mine.”
He tipped his head, as if he hadn’t heard me right. “Raven is the love of your life? You’re really serious about this?”
“One hundred percent.”
He sighed and shook his head slowly. “Alright. There’s honestly nobody I trust more than you, Nash. If you two make each other happy, I’d love to have you in the family, for real. But if you hurt her again, I promise I will tear you apart.” He wrapped his arm across my shoulders and gave it a squeeze. “You may have won me over, but I hope you realize you’re going to need a lot more than an apology to win her back. Raven’s even more stubborn than I am, and that’s saying a lot. You’re gonna have to go big, man. Really big.”
“I know. I have an idea. But I’m gonna need some help.”
Rowan smiled and, with his arm draped around my shoulders, he led me toward the farmhouse. “Well then, you came to the right place.”