Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
T he next two nights and days are uneventful. We eat, we sleep, we talk about nothing important, and we wait for the wind to die down.In the middle of our third night, rough hands grip my shoulders and I hear someone saying my name.
“What’s going on?” I ask in sleepy delirium.
“You were thrashing about—I caught an elbow in the face,” he says in a voice I can’t quite decipher. “Are you okay? Nightmare?”
Was it a nightmare? I have nightmares often. But… this was no nightmare.I remember lips against my neck, strong hands gripping my calf, my hand clawing down a back…Riley’s back. That was more than a dream: it was a memory. The rest of it came flooding back in an overwhelming rush.
I do something against my better judgment and reach for Riley.He barely has a moment to register what I’m doing—that I’m trying to undress him while undressing myself, while also trying to kiss him. But in a matter of seconds, he’s pulled me on top of him, both of his hands in my hair as he kisses me roughly.
“You lied to me,” I breathe, catching a moment without his lips on mine. “You said nothing happened.” I have enough room to be half sitting up, straddling his growing bulge through his pants.
“I didn’t lie. Nothing happened,” he says through a grin while my hands are holding his face, and he’s slowly lifting my tunic up, exposing the stretchy fabric around my chest.
He pulls off my tunic as he tries to sit up and remove his own, but I have to help him because the cave ceiling is so low.
“Is this still nothing?” I ask him as he’s gripping my thighs, and I grind against him, causing a moan to escape from his lips. He laughs as he roughly thrusts his full erection against my growing wet heat in reply, both of us still infuriatingly clothed from the waist down.
I growl as I grab his face again, taking a moment to smooth the hair away so I can see him properly. I need to see him, see his eyes again. Maybe I am greedy. Maybe I do want to take something from him. Or maybe I want to give him something of me instead. Enough light filters in that I can see his eyes, and I lean down to kiss his bottom lip, and then his top lip.
He’s reaching up to undo the fabric trapping my breasts. I let him, my heart skipping.He pulls me forward until I’m leaning on my elbows above his face.One of his hands grips my ribs while the other runs a thumb over the small mound and across one of my nipples, which has already puckered in response.He flicks a tongue to the other breast before kissing it fully, pinching the nipple between his lips and teeth, making me gasp.
Heat licks up and down my spine, and I can’t catch my breath.
Riley reaches back up to my face and pulls me down so he can kiss me, an intoxicating blend of forceful need and gentle wanting.His other hand is gripping my waist, and my brain is overwhelmed.
I shift all the way back to straddle his thighs, running my hands down his well-defined chest and over his abdomen, caressing every single muscle. A slight fuzz of chest hair trickles down the center and disappears underneath his pants.
Two raised scars an inch long mar the otherwise smooth skin near the left side of his navel. I kiss a line from the middle of his chest until I reach the scars, and I kiss them once each before moving down further toward the top of his pants.
Is Riley even breathing? Am I pushing this too far?
“Are you okay?” I ask, little more than a whisper between kisses.
“No,” he breathes. “You’ve done something to me, Firecat. I don’t think I’ll recover.”
I falter. I can’t tell if he means this is good or bad when I can’t see him properly in the inky darkness. My mouth is poised to ask when I hear voices.
Beans is calling our names, and that’s when I realize I can’t hear the wind. It’s stopped. Oh, Divine fuck . Riley must have had the same thought because we’re both scrambling , getting dressed, and calling back to Beans.Within minutes we’re both dressed, packed, and outside greeting Beans and Bitty, at what looks like the early stages of sunrise.
Bitty.
Bitty with the Gift of hearing .
I look at Bitty, trying to discern if they heard anything, but I get nothing.
“Good to see you’re both well. It’s been a long few days,” Riley says, clapping Beans on the back. “Everything okay?”
“Totally fine!” says Bitty a little too brightly, flicking their eyes to me briefly, and I know. I know right then, that Bitty heard something. What, I’m not sure, but it’s enough that Bitty can’t even look at Riley or myself, and they are definitely a little warm in the cheek.
“Uh, so I can hear Tovi just down there and she’s looking for us,” they say, as if I need a reminder of how good their Gift of hearing is.
I chance a look at Riley to see if he’s as mortified as I am, but he’s not. He’s smiling. Smiling widely , in fact. “Well, let’s get going,” he chimes.
After quickly replenishing our caves with firewood, we meet up with Tovi without incident. Tovi looks even grumpier than usual, which I wouldn’t have thought possible.
“I need a bath,” she demands. “We all do,” she says, as she rumples her nose and looks at each of us.
Can she smell that Riley and I almost had sex? I’ll have to make sure I don’t let her touch any objects from our cave for a while, lest she feel something about what was going on in there through her Gift.She uses my shoulder as an armrest as we listen to Beans and Bitty discuss which way to go.
Thankfully, we reach Waadi in less than half a day. We all get individual rooms so we can bathe in peace. Mine and Bitty’s rooms are next to each other on the bottom floor, while the other three are spread above on the next level.
I fall asleep for a couple hours after having a thorough wash, including my hair. When I finally wake up, change and wash my clothes, it’s dinner time. Bitty and Beans are sitting at a table near a window and wave me over, the colors of dusk in the sky. Tovi has already eaten and retired for the night and neither of them has seen Riley.
Despite the heat, we have the roast special. It doesn’t specify the animal, only that it’s roast meat and vegetables with gravy. My mouth salivates at the thought. It could be horse or snowolf or even fish, and I’d be happy to eat it. And I really hate fish.
I ask for a second helping of the roast potatoes, and the server kid gives me a knowing smile. A few minutes later, he’s back with a giant plate of roast potatoes and a boat of gravy. He looks as proud as can be as he sets it on the table for us.
“I hope you’re not getting yourself in trouble,” I whisper with reproach looking up at him, and he gives me a quick shake of his head, brown hair flopping about. The kid is probably taller than me. I slip him a few sneaky coppers and I am rewarded with his cheeky smile widening to show his two front teeth have only just started to grow in.
We dig into the potatoes, thoroughly enjoying the gluttonous indulgence.
The three of us are nursing our stuffed bellies when Riley joins us. He has the roast special as well and looks to be well-rested. I keep stealing looks at him as the table discusses nothing of importance. A flash of something—possibly my never-ending rage—kicks inside my gut every time I look at him.
Riley catches my eyes on him. He winks, and I turn away quickly as heat instantly engulfs every part of me. The next time he holds my gaze until I have to respond to something Bitty asks me. The final time, he’s already looking at me. When I meet his eyes, he smirks, and I squeeze my legs together to ease the desire beginning to burn. I’m flummoxed and excited at the same time.
I’m deliberately not looking at Riley when I spot a slimy, greenish-brown colored splotch on the tavern floor. My rage springs to the surface as the hairs on my arms rise. Surreptitiously looking around, I spot the Erduborn man who laughs like a duck from the tavern on the Nemoris side of Teorann—the one who spread the ugly rumor that I confronted Riley about. He’s downing the last of a beer, and I try to watch him leave.
He’s out of sight, but my rage is fueling my instincts already, and I know I’m going to put my sneaksuit on tonight. It’s too late for him to be traveling anywhere, and not much is in or around Waadi. I can’t see any of the other men from his table, so maybe it’s just him.
The sun had already started to set when I first woke up, so I quickly say goodnight to the table before dashing off. It’s not until I’m stripping off my clothes in my room that I remember Riley. I had started to wonder if he would come to my room tonight. Or maybe I would go to his. But I can’t now—I need to know if it’s the same man from Teorann.
Sneaksuit on and kajal blackening the skin around my eyes, I’m relieved to see a moonless sky. I do a full perimeter check, looking for places to people-watch. I note all possible exits and entrances and the roads in and out of town. After an hour of scouting, I settle on the stable as a good spot to wait. I’ll be able to see the comings and goings of everyone in the inn and most of the rooms. That is if he’s even staying here. I haven’t seen any sign of him since the first glimpse inside the tavern.
A dark spot at the side of the stable allows me some cover as I climb to the top. Once I reach the roof, I find a comfortable position, grateful that it isn’t a Nemoris-cold evening. I have a clear view of most of the rooms on this side and the main entrance into the tavern.
Lots of people are coming in and out, and the clientele is getting drunker and drunker. Beans and Bitty have retired to bed now, both their lights extinguished within a few minutes, and Tovi’s has been off the whole time. I haven’t seen Riley.
Jaena taught me how to use my rage to focus. I described all the feelings I’d had, and she was the one who said I had to control that rage and use the power it gives me. Most of being a spy, and even an assassin, is waiting. My rage keeps me awake and alert.
I finally locate Riley, but instead of heading to his own room, a stunning Erduborn woman is leading him to hers.
She's exceptionally tall, with tanned olive skin and big, beautiful eyes. Her hair is the color of melted cacote, falling in perfect waves down to her waist. In typical Erdu fashion, she’s covered in all kinds of metal jewelry: bracelets and bangles up her arms, multiple necklaces, and earrings, and even some pieces woven into her hair.
Riley is clearly trying to be sneaky, and she seems to enjoy being part of the tryst. Both of them keep looking around to make sure they aren't seen or followed before making a dash up to her room. Fortunately for them, the inn’s rooms all have their entrances outside.
He follows her into the room, and I watch as the curtains are drawn so that no one, including me, will be able to see what they are doing.But I know what they are doing.
Why does it bother me so much? Nothing truly happened between us, as Riley said. It’s not as though we have made any promises or have had a chance to be alone since. Though he’s found a way to be alone with another woman .
It was all a game from the beginning.
Yet I still crave— craved —his touch.