Chapter 2
Chapter Two
TATE
W atching Bella head back to the beach, something just doesn’t feel right with her.
She’s been quiet for weeks, and I know we have been busy trying to settle Millie in and juggle her with the craziness of Jessie and Dominic, but I just can’t put my finger on it.
I’ve been trying to help as much as I can, but she wants to be super mom and completely hands-on with the kids. I know part of it is from the trauma of losing her mother at such a young age, but I’m starting to worry she is pushing herself too hard.
Hearing Gray and Mason laughing has me turning back to what is happening. Lex has ended up in the water again.
“Fuck off, all of you,” Lex says as he wipes the water from his face and hoists himself back up onto the board.
“Oh, do you need a hand there, Lexy boy?” Mason says, provoking him which will just make him worse.
“What the hell is that name? I’m not your boy, and I don’t need help, thanks. I’m quite capable of managing this myself.” He climbs back onto the board. “You just wait until we get on the court later and I’ll show you who is going to need a hand.” Lex sounds serious, which is his tone most of the time, but the great thing about our friendship is that none of us take it seriously at all.
Friendly banter is what we do best.
“Are you issuing a challenge here, my friend?” I ask, winking at Mason and Gray who know how easy it is to provoke Lex.
“Too right I am. You might be great at standing on a damn plank of fiberglass in the middle of the ocean, but being the shortest in the group and therefore lower to the ground, I think pickleball will be my thing. I mean, you can’t be an expert at everything, surely,” Lex replies as he wobbles a little on the board.
“Are you for real, Lex? This is Tate you are talking about. Even if he isn’t the best at something, he will tell us all he is. Have you not been his friend since we were twelve?”
“Well, I think it’s time he gets his ass kicked and put in his place, once and for all.” Lex starts laughing because he knows he has just laid down the challenge that I can’t back down from.
“Bring it on, buddy!” I call to him. “But what happens if I end up on your team?”
“Then I’ll make you look good, and the win will be because of me and not you,” he calls back as he is struggling to stay upright.
The noise of jet skis grabs my attention as I hear laughter and cheering above the revving. Turning to look at the last minute, they are closer than I was expecting and start doing a big swoop around the four of us. Whooping and hollering with their cool sunglasses on, mullet hair flapping in the wind, no shirts on and flashing their muscles, thinking they’re awesome.
Racing off as quickly as they arrived, their circuit around us accomplishes exactly what they were trying to achieve.
Our nice, peaceful water that was just a little rolling swell becomes like a tidal wave with the wake from their skis all hitting our boards, and although Lex is the first to hit the water, the rest of us aren’t long behind him.
“Assholes!” Lex screams after them, waving his fist in the air.
“Little pricks with their boy toys!” Mason yells, and Gray and I just look at each other and start laughing.
Lex is still grumbling as he hangs onto the board and bobs up and down like a cork in the water. “Probably trying to impress some girls with their bad-ass skis, but instead, we all know they are just trying to compensate for something else that obviously isn’t impressive at all.”
“Oh my God, when did we become old! That would have been us twenty years ago.” I’m still laughing at the slow motion of us all tumbling into the water like bowling pins, one by one, as the waves hit us.
“And we would have thought it was fucking hilarious.” Gray joins me in thinking it was funny. “Plus, you’re one to talk about big-boy toys, Captain White, whose wife brought him a new jet this time last year. I don’t think you get to say shit like that.”
He rolls his eyes at me, realizing what he said. “Okay, fair point, but I’d still like to give the little shits what-for. We’re just lucky the girls weren’t out here, falling and hurting themselves. Because then I would’ve chased them down and shown them a bit of respect.” Mason also starts to see the joke but still has his Mr. Protective hat on.
“It was a bit of fun, boys, see the funny side in it,” I say, splashing the water over in their direction.
“Yeah, lighten up,” Gray adds. “God, before you blink it will be our boys out here trying to rile up some old guys and thinking they are fucking hilarious. Coming home, telling us how funny it was.” Gray looks at all of us, knowing he doesn’t have any boys to worry about but still including our boys as his.
“Not mine, they are perfect angels.” I hold my hands up under my chin and pretend to be praying.
All three of them look at each other then back at me and burst out laughing, louder than before.
“We are talking about the same kids, right? Because I’m the first to admit that my son John will be right in the thick of it.” At least Mason is realistic that both our sons are growing up just like we were. Noisy, curious, and full of energy, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“I don’t know, I kind of have a feeling that it’s the girls that we will have to worry about. The boys will be noisy, and we will know what they are up to, but the girls will be the sneaky ones and not so sweet and innocent like we are hoping for.” Gray rolls his eyes, as he is the one who has the most to worry about.
“I don’t know, I think Jack will have them all under control, and with the help of his cousin Grace who seems to be everyone’s mother, then I think we will be fine.” Lex seems convinced his oldest son will be the guiding influence.
I am now close to Lex and tap him on the shoulder. “I want to hope so, but he is only one boy, we can’t expect him to perform miracles now, can we.”
“Anyway, I think we are done with the paddleboarding. Let’s go check on the girls and move on to the more sedate pedal boats where we can take our girls with us and make them do all the pedaling.” Turning to the shore, we start to wade back in toward the beach.
“Always such a gentleman, aren’t you, Tate,” Lex yells after me.
“I’m joking, Lex. Seriously, you need to lighten up today.” I’m not sure why I’m even saying that because today is no different to any other. Mia and the kids have certainly helped, but he still gets so uptight, and I know it doesn’t help when we keep picking on him, but he is such an easy target.
As I’m walking up the sand, I lay the board and paddle down with the pile the girls had left. I can see the four of them leaning in together and hugging. I might be mistaken but it looks like they are hugging Bella, but it’s probably just the angle. They are so close that they are doing things like that all the time.
It still has me feeling a little on guard.
I just want everyone to have a great time together.
They all like to joke about me, and I put on the smart-ass attitude most of the time, but I care deeply about everyone here, and it’s my job to make sure they are happy, and I don’t want to let anyone down. Plus, they will never let me hear the end of it.
“What’s going on here?” The tone of my voice is light, but it’s not how I feel.
They pull apart from their hug, and Bella has tears in her eyes.
That lighthearted tone just changed in a split second.
“Tink, who do I have to kill for putting those tears in your eyes?” Moving to her side in two steps, I’m about to pull her up to me when she waves me away.
“Oh, don’t be silly, I was just laughing so hard at those guys knocking you all off the boards. You must admit it was pretty funny.” Wiping her face, the others join in and are all talking at once. I swear sometimes it’s like a chicken pen when they are talk over the top of each other. I think they do it on purpose half the time to confuse us boys, and to be honest, they succeed.
“Yes, yes, hilarious!” Lex declares, picking up his towel from Mia who is holding it out for him.
Gray joins us, leaning down and kissing Tilly on the top of her head as he reaches behind her to grab his towel. “Mr. Old and Grumpy over there is not impressed by a few younger guys trying to show off and rattle a group of older—not old, but older—men. I mean, it’s just that they obviously felt threatened by us and needed to take out the competition on the water.”
“Oh, they bruised a few egos, did they?” Tilly starts laughing at the scowl on Lex’s face.
“Not a chance. My ego is big enough to take a nudge or two from those college guys.” I’m laughing now at the thought of us when we were college-age and the stupid shit we got up to.
“I think we are all forgetting the antics of our younger selves, people. I seem to remember, Lex, you led that prank on those older law students at college that were making life hell for a few of your friends and that girl you were trying to impress, what was her name again? Martina or something like that.” I think back to the time we visited Lex at college and helped him pull this off.
Mason laughs. “Yes, that was freaking funny. The email you guys sent me trying to tell me what you had done had my whole platoon in stitches that night in the mess hall. I just wish I was there to see it.”
Paige is now looking at him quite intently and waiting for the story. “Not our quiet Lex, I can’t imagine him instigating something. I mean, we’ve heard about him following you idiots in doing stupid things, but Lex, what made you become a rebel?”
“I hate you all, you know that, right? Why do these trips away always result in some stupid story coming up?” Lex grumbles.
“Why are you worried about this story, Lex? It sounds like you might have taught these guys a lesson, or did something bad happen?” Mia is trying to be sympathetic to her husband, but I can tell she is trying to hold back laughter.
“Ughh, I’m not going to get out of this, am I?” he asks, looking around at us all.
Mason starts laughing as he slides in behind Paige on her lounge chair, getting comfortable. “Well, you have a choice. You tell your version of the story or Tate will. I know what I would choose.”
“Hey, I’m the best storyteller, they end up way more interesting than when you tell them,” I say, backing myself in front of the crowd.
“You mean you stretch the truth the most and add in plenty of bullshit along the way,” Lex gripes as he sits on the end of the lounge in front of Mia. “So, I don’t have a choice if you want the truth.”
“I can’t wait to hear your version.” Mia puts her hand on his shoulder and gives it a slight squeeze.
“Floor’s yours.” Gray laughs, leaning on the back of the beach chairs.
“I’m going to preface this by reminding people that I had these two idiots with me, which is important to the story.” Lex points to Gray and me, and I’m already starting to laugh because I know why he’s saying that.
“We were at the end of the semester, and it was tradition that there was a mock trial of the senior law students as they were getting close to graduating that we would all go to watch. I was a second-year student, and there were three guys that I was, let’s just say, acquainted with. They weren’t friends because I only had three of those idiots. When your family is wealthy and your father is influential in the legal and political world, then everybody wants to be associated with you just in case they could use that to their advantage.”
“I hear you.” Paige reaches over and places her hand on Lex’s knee. Coming from the same sort of upbringing, she truly understands.
“Anyway, these three guys were so full of themselves and thought they were the kings of the college. I was sick of seeing them making people who weren’t part of their group feel less than, or making fun of them in front of others. The week before, they had upset one of the girls in my class who, as the boys already threw out there, I liked. She was quiet, and they chose to humiliate her, so I decided it was time to fix that.” A small smile now came onto his face.
“The guys always met for lunch at the bar on campus for lunch before that class, and occasionally, I would be there too, so it didn’t look odd that I was there that day. These two clowns had arrived for a visit for the end-of-term break, so I clued them in on the plan. I introduced them to the others, and then I went to the bar to get drinks for everyone. Of course, we were all underage, so it was just glasses of Coke all round.”
Laughing to himself, he keeps going. “So, this is where the fun begins. I slipped two Viagra into their drinks, just for good measure, to make sure they got enough of the dose for it to work if they didn’t finish their drinks. But I wasn’t counting on them having a hip flask of alcohol that they then slipped into their drinks as well. So, everything started heating up quickly, and I could see they were starting to squirm in their seats.
“Luckily, we didn’t have much time and were due in class for the mock trial, and they were already dressed in their court attire for the exercise, so loose-fitting dress pants, a dress shirt, and tie. The mock trial was open to anyone, so Gray and Tate came along with us. Walking behind the three cocky bastards, I could see them constantly putting their hands on their dicks to adjust themselves. And as we entered the room, they start whispering to each other. I go and sit with my classmates, and these guys just hang at the back of the room.”
“You do know it’s dangerous to play with medication, right, Lex?” Bella says, trying to be the responsible doctor in the room, looking at both Gray and me too.
“Hey, the wannabe doctors told me they would be okay, and stupidly, I trusted them. I will put the disclaimer that no poor cock was hurt in this prank. Well, technically, I mean, I’m sure they were in a world of pain there for a few hours,” Lex clarifies.
“Don’t look at me, I studied brains, not dicks. That doctor looks at reproductive organs,” I say, pointing at Gray, trying to deflect my wife’s scrutiny.
“Vaginas, you idiot, I don’t do dicks either. Seriously, I know you operate on brains, but how in the hell you function with yours is beyond me.” Gray starts walking around and plonks himself down on the sand on a towel in front of Tilly.
Tilly starts giggling. “I seriously wonder how either of you passed the medical exams at all. I think there was a payoff of some sort along the way. Anyway, carry on, Lex.”
“Thankfully, Professor Watson walked in and called the room to order, and he was a man you did not mess with. So, when he told them to start, they had no choice. I could see their heads hanging low as they stood and turned to face the packed room, and they had the biggest erections all standing out and up, so straight there was no way they could hide them.”
“Are there photos? Please tell me you have evidence of this!” Tilly is already laughing loudly, and I can imagine that she and Fleur would have been right behind Lex if they had been around then. The two of them are crazy together.
“Should I be worried you want to see photos of some random guys’ hard-ons, Mrs. Garrett?” Gray smiles up at her, pretending to be offended, when really he couldn’t care less.
“Oh my God, that’s so mean!” Mia is blushing a little at the thought of it.
“Bullshit, they deserved it,” Lex confirms with Mia.
“What happened when they turned around?” Paige is now leaning back against Mason’s chest and looking quite comfortable.
“As expected, there was a lot of sniggering and gasping. But the professor who hadn’t looked at them just gave the death stare to the crowd, and we sucked it up. The longer the mock trial went on, the more uncomfortable they looked and like they were in pain. And the whole time I could see Mary Ellen, the girl I was seeking revenge for, with the biggest smile on her face at everyone laughing at the guys for a change.” Lex is happy with himself, but he is leaving out the best part.
“Um, excuse me, Lex, aren’t you leaving out part of the story?” I smile at the boys, waiting for the comment to come.
“Like I said, I hate you, asshole, you couldn’t just let it go, could you?” He looks at me to let me know I will pay for this.
“Well, we can’t have half a story, can we?” Gray starts laughing before Lex even starts again.
“Okay, these two pricks put half a tablet in my drink too, so the whole time during the trial I too had a stiff cock that I couldn’t do anything about because I was sitting next to Mary Ellen, and the whole time, I was fucking panicking that I would end up looking like them. Meanwhile, when I turned to find Tate and Gray leaning on the wall at the back of the room, they had the biggest smirks on their faces and were trying not to react out loud at the furious look on my face.”
Mason now joins in with Gray’s laughing. “It was the funniest thing I had heard in a long time, and I was just pissed that I wasn’t there for it.”
“To be fair, we were protecting you from blame because if it happened to you too then they wouldn’t suspect you.” I was trying to go with the lame excuse we came up with at the time.
“Fuck off, you two were just being the normal dicks and trying to get one over on me too. I suppose I should be grateful that I only got a mild dose from my gracious friends.” His pretend coughing tells us how genuinely he feels about it still.
“My poor husband, how have you survived all these years with these three?” Mia can see the funny side of it but is still always going to side with Lex. They are so close but in a different way than the rest of us. Each couple is different in the way they connect, but these two are on a level that comes from a shared experience of years of trauma in their own different circumstances.
“Thank you, baby, at least you can see what they’re like.” Lex looks at Mia like she hangs the moon.
“What? No, don’t feel sorry for him. He tries to act all innocent, but he has pulled enough of these stunts over the years to be in the same category as the rest of us. So, no more complaining about those young jet-ski riders who were just doing exactly what we would have done at the same age, and in fact, did on a regular basis. Otherwise, we will be buying you a walking stick and one of those old-men hats.” I throw my towel at him, and everyone joins in now.
Bella slaps me on the leg. “Be nice.” She is smiling at me and looks happy which is all I worry about.
“Me?” Raising my eyebrows, I hold my hands in the air, looking so innocent. “I’m the nicest man anyone will ever meet.” And with that comment, everyone is now laughing at me, while throwing comments of ridicule.
“Okay, moving on. Let’s get to the next activity which is where, gentlemen, you get to take your ladies on a little pedal-boat ride. And before you start complaining, ladies, you get to sit on you little backsides and there is no exertion needed, well, that’s if your husbands are doing it right.”
“Tate.” The girls all start to groan at me and my innuendoes.
Everyone picks up their hats and bags and starts walking to our next adventure.
Placing my arm around Bella’s shoulder, I lean down and give her a quick kiss on the lips as we start to follow everyone.
“You okay, Tink?” I can’t seem to put my finger on it, but I know she isn’t herself today. Something is off, and without making a thing of it in front of everyone else, I try to make sure she is alright.
ARABELLA
“I’m fine, just a little tired,” I say, trying to brush Tate off from probing any further.
“That’s because you are always being a super mum with the kids. Don’t worry, I’ve factored in a slower afternoon so we can relax a little.” Tate tries to reassure me that I can get a rest, but the poor man really doesn’t have any clue what is in my head.
Trying to divert his attention, I say, “That sounds amazing, and it will do the trick.” Seeing him smile down at me is enough for now.
The girls are right, though, I need to talk to him.
Thinking back to a little earlier when I opened up to my girl tribe, I’m reminded of what they made me promise.
“Hey, can I ask you guys something?” The words feel like the first crack in the armor I have unknowingly started building around me, keeping everyone on the other side of my wall.
“Babe, you can ask anything, you know that.” Paige turns her head toward me and pushes her sunglasses onto the top of her head.
“Except for how we can escape from your husband’s torture itinerary for this trip. Only because I haven’t worked out the answer… yet” Tilly looks at me with the smile that the great-tasting mojitos are bringing to our faces.
But Mia has sensed there is something more in my question as she sits up and moves a little closer to me. She places her hand on mine and with the sweet voice that she has asks me the question that finally breaks me. “Are you okay, sweetheart?”
As she looks deeply into my eyes, the tears start to build, and all I can do is shake my head, and the next thing, there are three women all sitting facing me, hands on my knees or arms around my shoulders, and I let it all bubble up and out.
“Bella, what is it, talk to us.” Tilly, who has become the big sister I always needed and usually the person I would confide in, is now looking at me like she has missed something and is kicking herself.
Taking a few deep breaths, I pull myself under control so I can talk clearly and they will actually be able to understand what I’m saying.
“I’m not okay, and to be honest, I don’t know how to fix it.” And that is it in basic words.
I just don’t feel like myself. And at times, it gets heavy and I want to crawl into a corner, but I push through, and I know that’s not necessarily the answer either.
“You know it’s okay not to be okay. But let us help. Tell us what you’re feeling.” Paige squeezes my knee, and for the first time, I do actually want to tell them.
“I’m a doctor and have all the medical training to know that I should have been talking to someone about this, but still, I’ve been trying to cope with it on my own. Poor Tate has worked out there is something wrong and has been softly trying to get me to open up, but I just wasn’t ready.”
The girls are all nodding at me like they understand that sometimes as much as you love your man, he just isn’t the person you need to pour your soul out to on some things.
No one rushes me, and I collect my thoughts.
“You all know how desperately I wanted a little girl, and we tried for a while to conceive her. I needed her to complete my family, but since she was born, I haven’t felt right and have been struggling with things.”
“Oh, Bella, you had a rushed premature birth, and your hormones must have been all over the place.” I know Mia is trying to help, but it doesn’t make me feel any better.
“I think it’s more than that,” I say, taking a moment. “I just feel like I’m failing at everything. The boys are crazy most days, and the house is a mess. I’m not spending enough time bonding with Millie so that she knows she is loved. I’ve been trying to help with work, which is what I want to do, but am I putting my work before my kids? By the time I fall into bed at night, even if Tate waits for me, I’m just too tired and not interested in sex. My body feels like everywhere you look you can see the results of being pregnant three times. Tate has hired a night nurse for a few nights a week when we get back so I can get some sleep, but I don’t want that. It’s my responsibility to raise my kids. Plus, the charity has its next function coming up, and I’m supposed to be helping Tilly. And all of this is just the beginning of the things I’m not getting my head around.”
It's like now that I’ve started, I can’t stop talking and it all rushes out.
“I haven’t even managed to make it to our last few girls’ get-togethers, and I can’t tell you the last time I made it to a beautician, not that it’s even that important. But I don’t even look attractive anymore, and that is just making it worse. I don’t even know why Tate wants to have sex with me anymore.” That feeling I get in my gut when I look at myself in the mirror is back, and I just think he is probably pretending he is attracted to me because he thinks he should. That’s a husband’s job.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let’s back the truck up here. Nobody needs a beautician to make them beautiful. Sure, they can help enhance it and make us feel good in our own skin, but you are so naturally beautiful all on your own. Right now, after three babies and the toll it’s taken on you, I’m still sitting here looking at a stunning woman.” Tilly is not pulling any punches. “And I can tell you that is crazy talk that Tate doesn’t find you attractive anymore. Lordy, the way he looks at you any day of the week has never changed since he admitted to himself that he was in love with you.”
I want to believe her, but it’s hard.
When you doubt yourself, it’s so hard to believe what other people might see.
“You need to tell him what you are feeling. Men are not great mind readers. Don’t doubt him, and give him the chance to be there for you.” My sister-in-law is always calm and straightforward.
Maybe that’s my problem.
I haven’t let anyone be there for me.