Chapter 3
Chapter Three
ARABELLA
“ Y ou are probably right.” Thinking about Tate and how much I love him, I know he is going to be hurt when I talk to him.
Why haven’t I said anything to him before now?
“Can we also talk more about the parts that I’m worried about, how you feel like you aren’t coping, how you are worried what care Millie is getting, your ability to be the perfect mom and doctor at the same time? But most importantly, can we talk about the biggest thing I took from that sentence, that you are afraid to take the help that Tate is trying to give you with the night nurse?” Paige is a woman who to me looks like she successfully juggles it all. She has two children, owns and manages a billion-dollar business empire, looks after her aging father and his wife, and still looks so put together.
“What do you mean? I didn’t say no to the nurse.” Although in my head I know I only did so begrudgingly because Tate wasn’t going to take no for an answer. I didn’t want to, because to me it’s like I’m failing, and that just adds to me feeling flat.
“Maybe so, but it’s written all over your face that you wanted to.” She sees right through me.
I don’t say anything but just drop my head a little, and they know my answer.
“Millions of women around the world manage to do just fine, having kids, working, managing a home, keeping it all together. So, I should be able to do it as well. Those women don’t have the luxury of being able to afford hired help or live the kind of life Tate and I do. Don’t ask me why, but I just feel like I should be able to cope better than I am.” Another few stray tears run down my cheeks again.
Then I say something I didn’t even know was inside me.
“I just want to be the perfect mom and have the perfect family.”
“You do,” Tilly says at the same time as Paige.
But it’s Mia’s answer that resonates the most with me. “No one is perfect. You need to realize that, and it will get easier.” She says it in the strongest voice which is so unlike her.
I look at her, wanting her to explain what she means. Plus, I can see the shocked look on Tilly and Paige’s faces.
“I was one of those women you mentioned. You know my story. Just getting through every day was a struggle. But I kept putting one foot in front of the other until it got a little easier. It was the hardest part of my life and not because I was poor or had a dirtbag of a husband back then.” She moves so she is sitting right next to me and puts her arm around me.
“It was difficult because being a mother is hard.”
Her words bouncing around in my head are just that simple.
“Being a mother is hard,” I whisper to myself.
“That’s right. I’ve had kids in two different chapters of my life. One where I couldn’t sleep, worrying if I could feed them the next day with no support from anyone, and it was hard. The second time when the twins were born, where I have so much money, an amazing supportive husband and all of you…” she says, her eyes moving around the group. “And still, being a mother is hard.” Her arm tightens around me, and she gives me a squeeze.
Tilly speaks up. “Our mothers before us lived in a different world. There wasn’t the same pressure to work. If they were lucky enough, they stayed at home and raised their family. Kept the house perfect and had quality time to spend with their husband. The pace of life was a lot slower. Now the world we live in is so fast and we try to do it all. Society has paved the way that as women we can do or be anything we want to, but sometimes, we forget that those decisions can come at a cost to our mental health. Because it has now also put the extra pressure on us to think we have to do it all and be perfect at it too. Christ, if you look at social media, all you see is the wonderful happy women, with their perfect families and spectacular lives. And I’m sure most of the time it is great. But the reality is also that they are living and feeling just like you are, Bella.”
“Bella, you look at all of us and think we coped better than what you are at the moment, don’t you?” Paige is getting serious with me.
“Possibly.” I try not to laugh at myself to break the moment, something Tate would do, using humor to divert the attention away from himself.
“Oh, sweetie, you are forgetting what it was like.” Tilly rolls her eyes at me. “Don’t you remember when you turned up at my house and Gracie had just tipped all her toys all over the floor, while I had Brooke in my arms, who had just had a poo explosion all up her back? I was still in my pajamas at three pm, there were dirty plates in the sink, not much food in the house, and I hadn’t showered in two days because Gray was on call and every baby in Chicago had decided to be born at the same time.” Tilly takes another sip of her drink. “I burst into tears on your shoulder, and you told me to go and take a shower and lie down and have a nap. You took Brooke out of my arms, turned me toward my room, and ordered me not to come out for at least two hours.”
My mind is now remembering a day I haven’t thought about for years, and to be honest, had totally forgotten about.
“You saved my soul that day. I was at my breaking point. I took a long shower where I stood under the water and cried to myself about how I was so bad at this mothering thing, then I collapsed on my bed and ended up sleeping for longer than I should have, and I woke up to your smiling face. Not only that, but a clean house, clean and fed children, and you had dinner delivered and in the oven for later so when Gray got home, he and I could have a meal together while you looked after the kids, putting them to bed. But although everything you did was wonderful, truly the most important gift you gave me that day was that you didn’t judge me. When I felt at my lowest and wasn’t coping, you didn’t care, you just helped me get through it.” The last words from Tilly hit home.
“So why the fuck haven’t you reached out to us sisters before now and let us know you needed us?” Tilly waves her finger at me like I was a naughty girl, but at the same time, smiles at me to let me know she is joking.
Trying to think of an answer, it comes to me why.
“Because it’s hard to ask for help.” I start to cry a little again.
“We get that, but you have talked to us now, and we will be there for you. Not just to come in and do the things at home that are weighing on you, but we are here to remind you what Mia said every single day.” Paige now smiles at me too.
“Being a mother is hard,” they all say at the same time.
“Being a mother is hard,” I repeat back to them.
“Fucking hard!” Mia mumbles, and we all laugh, because she is not one to swear.
“But I also want you to promise to have a chat to a counselor when we get home who can help you too. I know you spoke to one about your mom, so it might be time to go back and have a few more sessions. I couldn’t have gotten through my twins without mine.”
I have known for a while that I have all the signs of suffering from some form of mental health issue and that I needed to do something about it, but when you are in the moment, it is hard to do anything about it. Today is the first step toward helping myself by reaching out to others for support.
“But just as importantly, you need to talk to Tate. Let him take care of you. He loves you so much that he just wants you to be happy. We all know he puts on the big personality for show, but deep down he is a big kid with a big heart, and that heart is all yours.” Tilly leans forward, as do the other girls, and they take me in a group hug.
It was hard to open up to them, but I’m so glad I did. I feel a little lighter, but I know I still have a ways to go.
“Oh my God, look at those jet skis circling the guys,” Paige exclaims, and we all look up as the boys fall one by one into the water.
Laughter breaks out between us as we watch them yelling to each other and then start to head to shore. Quickly, I grab the girls again and whisper to them in the circle.
“Thank you, I needed that, and I would be lost without you all.”
To which they start replying at the same time.
“We’re always here,” Mia says.
“We’ve got you,” Tilly who has always had my back says.
“That’s what framily is for.” Paige kisses me on the cheek.
Hearing the boys coming, we break apart with that look of comfort from all the girls that I need to know I can get through this.
Spending the last hour pedal-boating around on the flattish water has actually been more fun than I imagined. At first it was leisurely, where I was sitting back enjoying floating around and talking to my husband about random things that popped into either of our heads. And for the first time in a long time, they weren’t about work, or the kids, or anything relating to home.
But of course, it didn’t last long, and the boys decided to race the boats, and the competitiveness in all of us, not just the boys, came out. My calves and thighs are now screaming at me from pedaling as fast as I could to get a win for Tate and me. At one stage, I even heard Mia screaming at Lex to pedal faster so they could catch those suckers, which had us all in stitches laughing because she is never the one to show that die-hard winning attitude. But I think it was all a ploy, because we were all so distracted by the funny side of it that they ended up getting past us and won the race.
“Okay, this is the last sporting activity for you all, and then we are off on an afternoon sail on the yacht where they will serve a late seafood lunch on board, and we can laze away the afternoon before we head back to our rooms to get ready for tonight,” Tate announces to the group like he is the resident tour guide.
All the guys cheer as we head to the pickleball courts, while us girls groan under our breaths.
“Can’t we just skip to the yacht?” Tilly giggles as she whispers in my ear.
I just smile back at her. “Good luck with that. Even I wouldn’t attempt that.”
Dumping all our stuff in the little hut next to the courts that Tate had reserved for us, I hear some yelling and cheering from the courts next to ours.
“For fuck’s sake, I can’t believe it’s them,” Lex declares.
“It’s who?” I ask, spinning around trying to work out who he is talking about.
“Oh, this is priceless.” Tilly starts giggling.
“The little pricks who ran us off our boards this morning,” Lex grumbles.
“Don’t worry about it, let’s show them how real men play pickleball.” Tate picks up the rackets and ball and starts heading onto the court.
“Come on, Lex, you’re on my team, Gray and Mason can be together.” Tate places his arm around Lex’s shoulder and drags him with him. I can see the annoyance on Lex’s face which I think Tate is going to try to use to his advantage. If he is fired up, it might help them win.
“Oh, look, it’s the old-timers, out for a social game. Wonder if they can manage to move fast enough to get to the ball.” The voice comes from the next court over.
“Christ, this is going to get fiery, I can tell,” Mia whispers. “But the good thing is the guys aren’t even going to notice that we aren’t playing. If we just sit here quietly and watch, maybe we’ll get away with it.” Mia quietly moves the chair out from under the table and sits with her feet up on another chair, facing the court so she has the perfect view.
“Great idea, Mia.” I sit down next to her as Gray and Mason are busy talking strategy on their side of the court.
“Our guys don’t need any encouragement to be competitive with each other but add some young guys into the equation and this is going to get ugly. I think it’s time for another round of drinks, ladies, and maybe a charcuterie board. What do you think?” Paige already has her phone in her hand and is on the app to have it all brought to us.
Mia smiles. “That sounds like the best idea I have heard today. You know sports aren’t my thing.”
The guys hadn’t even noticed that we are settled in the shade, glasses in hand and nibbling away on cheese and crackers.
My phone buzzes on the table, and it’s a message from Annie, my dad’s wife. Attached are several photos of the kids, who all look happy, and then one of my dad, with Millie fast asleep in his arms, looking very content. Annie’s message is so sweet, reassuring me that everything is fine, and the kids are having a great time with their cousins and that I’m not to worry about anything.
I didn’t know how much I needed that message until I opened it. The reassurance I needed that I wasn’t an awful mother who has left her four-and-a-half-month-old daughter overnight with her parents. As much as I knew she would be fine, seeing her so happy and sleeping just helped with the guilt.
I need to just enjoy this time away because it will be short-lived, and tomorrow, when I’m back in the middle of the crazy, I will regret not making the most of it.
I love my kids, but maybe it’s okay to take time for me too.
TATE
Lex is so wound up that it’s almost funny, but if there is one thing we have always done, it’s have each other’s backs.
If he needs to prove a point, then we will help him do it.
The comments coming from these young guys are deliberately loud enough that we can hear them, even though they are making out they are just having a conversation amongst themselves.
So, there is only one way to sort them out and teach them a lesson and hopefully calm the little grumpy ex-lawyer down too. Then we can enjoy the rest of the day and night.
“You boys over there remind me of little dogs who are all bark and no bite. There is also another name for it called little man syndrome,” I call out to them as we finish our last game, with Mason and Gray the victors.
“Oh fuck, you went and threw down the gauntlet, didn’t you?” Mason starts chuckling, knowing there was no way any of us could walk away from the goading that had been happening while we were playing.
It’s exactly what these young guys were hoping for, and we walk straight into what they think was their trap. But I’m not sure they’veve worked out that they may have bitten off more than they can chew.
“Be careful what you start there, old man. Doubt you’d be able to keep up with us if this morning’s efforts are anything to go by,” the guy wearing bright red shorts with pineapples all over them yells out, with all the confidence in the world.
“Oh, quite the cocky little shit, aren’t you, frat boy. You might think you have age on your side, but let me assure you, experience is far more valuable,” Lex replies as he waves his hand across the court to gesture they come and take the challenge.
I can hear the girls laughing off to the side, and we all know this is going to get fiery, but Lex has his cranky pants on, and we are about to see fireworks.
When the four guys walk onto the court, I’m not going to let them just get straight into it.
“So, boys, tell us your names and what college you’re at, because you don’t look old enough to be out of diapers yet.” I wink at Bella who looks to be finally relaxing and having fun.
“Oh, you’re fucking hilarious,” one of them replies but then continues. “This is Ken, Dylan, Ross, and I’m Mac. We all grew up and live in Chicago and attend college there.”
“No fucking way!” Mason bursts out laughing. “This just got better.”
The boys all look weirdly at him.
“What are you studying?” Gray asks with a glint in his eyes.
“Us three are all studying medicine at University of Illinois College of Medicine and the odd one over there in those god-awful pineapple shorts is studying mechanical engineering at the same college, which sounds boring if you ask me.” Mac is pointing to his friend Ross.
Makes perfect sense, they are cocky enough to be pre-med. Not that I’ll admit it, but they remind me of us when we were their age.
“Well, well, well, a bunch of bright sparks. Now let’s see how much you can put those brains of yours into use on the court. Pick your best two and we will get started,” I tell them and watch as they huddle, and Lex and I move to our side of the court together.
“Don’t let me down, Mr. Perfect,” Lex taunts. “You talk a big game about how great you are at everything, so you better not make me look bad.” He looks so serious that all I can do is start laughing.
“It’s just a game, Lex, who cares if we win or lose?” Which I know is crap because I never like to lose.
“Keep telling yourself that.” Lex starts bouncing the ball up and down.
“Okay, old man, start the game.” Mac and his friend Dylan are the chosen two.
“Best of three sets,” Gray calls from the sidelines. “You can swap out at the end of a set for another player if needed, because I know you boys will tire easily.”
“Won’t be us that will need to tap out for a replacement. But yeah, whatever,” Mac yells across the net.
“In the spirit of good sportsmanship, you guys can serve first,” I say as Lex gives me the death stare and reluctantly throws the ball across the net to him.
“Why do I doubt you old men play anything like good sports.” Everyone bursts out laughing because Mac is probably right.
The first twenty minutes has the points going back and forth, and it’s now ten points to us and nine to them in the first set. The winner is the first to get to eleven and winning by two, so we are in major danger territory here. As much as Lex and I were talking the big talk, these kids are good, and if we aren’t careful, they will wipe the floor with us.
“We need to win this game, otherwise we are in danger,” Lex grits at me through his teeth so they can’t see what he is saying.
“Roger that,” I reply, and it’s my turn to serve.
Bouncing the ball and hitting it over the net, Mac hits it straight back to me. We rally a few times back and forth, but he hits the next one a little higher and toward Lex, and without any hesitation, Lex smashes the ball down so hard it bounces on their side of the court but rebounds so high that neither of them can reach it.
“Yeah, that’s set point to us. Tough luck, boys.” Lex points at them, and to be honest, I’ve never seen him so invested in a game, not even our weekly basketball games. “Do you need to tap out and hope your friends have better luck playing the real men?”
“Nah, we are just warming up, old man. Now let’s get going,” Dylan says, and I can see they are pissed they lost the first set.
To be honest, I wouldn’t mind substituting with either Mason or Gray, but I’m not game to even mention it to Lex who is so focused and relying on me.
Taking a quick drink of water, we are back into the next set, and it goes downhill fast. These boys weren’t kidding when they said they were just warming up.
“I believe with the score being ten to five, that if we win this point, that will give us the set, gentlemen.” I just want to wipe the smug look off Mac’s face.
“Just serve the damn ball, man,” Lex yells at him in frustration.
“Oh, now that we’re winning, I’m a man and not a boy.” Ughhh, this kid is killing me.
The moment he serves the ball and it’s in play, Lex and I are trying so hard that I hit the ball and it goes flying off to the side and we lose the point.
“Fuck!” I’m so annoyed at myself.
“It’s okay, Tate, you’ve got this, babe. Show them who’s boss,” Bella calls out from the peanut gallery where the girls have been giving us shit the whole time. I thought our wives were supposed to be on our side of this grudge match.
An idea springs to mind, and I grab Lex by the neck and whisper a few things into his ear, and we get ready to start the next set. Although I’m tired, the adrenaline is now pumping, and we are determined to show these little cocksuckers who the champions are.
The rallies between us are relentless, and we are at nine-all now. I’m just about to serve, and Lex looks at me, giving me the nod. As I’m bouncing the ball up and down, I ask the question.
“So, I guess you will be interning at Mercy Hospital this year? My guess is you’re in your final year.” Looking at them, I give an educated guess at their ages.
“Yeah, we’ll show those doctors a thing or two. I’ve been the top of my class every year. They should watch out, I’ll be taking their jobs,” Mac says, and both Gray and I burst out laughing.
“Come on, serve the ball, man,” Dylan calls out.
“Sure can, and I just wanted to mention to you both that my name is Dr. Tate McIntyre, chief of neurosurgery at Mercy Hospital.” And I serve the ball as the last words come out of my mouth.
Both of them nearly trip over their feet trying to get to the ball after they completely lose their concentration. Mac’s racket just barely nicks the ball but not enough, and it goes shooting out sideways.
“Would you look at that, Lex, I believe this is match point to us if we win it, and that would make us the champions of the day.” I’m still looking straight at the boys who are trying to get their heads around what I just said.
“Yeah, and that would make it really awkward when they have to look you in the eye in the hospital, knowing that you are not only their boss that is assessing them, but that you are the king of the pickleball court too. That would really suck, wouldn’t it.” Lex is trying not to laugh too hard, and I start bouncing the ball again, ready to serve it.
“Even more so when they work out that my friend over there and my wife are also doctors at Mercy Hospital.” I finally let go of the ball, and as it travels over the net, I sing out, “Bring it on, boys.”
Dylan and Mac are trying so hard not to lose this point, they end up running into each other and both miss the ball.
“Yeah, baby!” Lex screams out, and we both jump in the air, bouncing our chests together. The cheers from the peanut gallery are loud, and the looks on the young guys’ faces says it all.
“We should be the adults and be gracious in defeat,” I say to Lex as I place my arm around his shoulders, and we walk around the net to where the four boys are now standing, with Mason and Gray also walking out to meet us.
“Well, young men, thank you for the joy of whooping your asses today. Like I said to you earlier, your youth might be great, but experience will beat you every time.” Holding out my hand to shake theirs, I can tell the smile on my face is wide and full of cockiness.
“You mean you cheated to get the win because that was all you had left up your sleeve,” Mac grumbled as he went around the circle, shaking each of our hands.
“I’m not sure what you are talking about. I just worked the game the best way I could. See, life is like a game of chess. You need to cover all moves on the board, even the ones you don’t see coming.” Crossing my arms over my chest, I wait for them to ask the questions, now that they know who we are.
“So, have we earned a mark against our names already for when we start our rotations in the hospital?” Dylan asks because I think Mac’s pride is still too hurt for him to talk yet.
“Now this is a life lesson for all of you. You can fuck around all you like out here, tell the world what legends you think you are, try to rattle the guys who look older and stupider than you…”
“Hey, speak for yourself.” Mason gives me a shove on the arm.
“But the biggest piece of advice I will give in life as a doctor is that you check that ego at the door when you walk into our hospital. People’s lives are in your hands, and that should be the only thing you are thinking about from the time you take your first step in the door to the moment you leave, and if you go on to be the doctors you should be, then you will still be thinking about your patients every minute that your eyes are open.”
The three med students are nodding their heads up and down, and the engineering student is just thanking his lucky stars he doesn’t have to report to me.
“So, providing you turn up in our hospital with the right attitude, willing to learn and show respect to everyone around you, from doctors, nurses, and all the other staff, including the cleaners, then you start at square one with me.” I wave my hand around the court. “This is just a bit of fun and some old dogs teaching you young pups who’s top of the pyramid.”
“Now that we’ve had the dad lecture from this guy. Hi, I’m Dr. Grayson Garrett, and we will look forward to seeing you during the year. Mainly because it will give us great satisfaction to be reminded that we aren’t old yet, but besides that, we enjoy teaching new doctors. Can we interest you in a beer and you can meet our wives? Dr. Arabella Garrett McIntyre is my sister, his wife, and also another doctor you will be working with.” Gray puts his arms around the shoulders of Mac and Dylan as he leads them and their buddies toward the girls.
We all follow, and Mason had already ordered the beers which are waiting for us on the table.
As we make the introductions and the guys relax a little around us, we start to chat with them about their studies and life in Chicago, while Mason is chatting to the engineering student about things they can both relate to.
Even Lex has calmed down now, and if I didn’t know better, I would think he likes the boys, the way he is chatting with them.
As we wind up the conversation once the beers are empty, we start saying our goodbyes, and I have one last thing to say as they walk away.
“Gotta admit, you remind us of all the stupid things we did at your age. Happy New Year, boys.” They all laugh but just keep on walking as the girls start giggling too.
Bella standing up next to me and whispers in my ear, “You neglected to tell them you haven’t grown up yet and are still doing stupid things.”
“Harsh.” I tap her on the ass softly. “But true.” Leaning down, I kiss her soft lips.
“Time to relax and think about all the things I have planned for you tonight, my beautiful wife,” I tease, biting her on the ear and then pulling her in for another more passionate kiss.
“Let’s go, people, we have a boat to catch and food to eat,” I call out as I lead the way to the dock.
My head is still wrapped up in thoughts about Bella and how I plan to make her feel so special tonight.
She deserves it.