Chapter 4
ARABELLA
We spent the afternoon lying on the deck of the yacht, with the most beautiful spread of fruits, cheeses, and selection of cold meat. Then we were served hot finger food that just kept coming all afternoon, luckily slowing down the effects of the many glasses of alcohol that have been consumed today. We need to pace ourselves, otherwise we will never get through to midnight.
I often wonder as we get older if our tradition of New Year’s Eve will be a group of old men and women asleep on the couch of wherever we have ventured off to that year, probably by ten pm.
To be honest, we could only be so blessed if we are all still healthy and happy into our old age and celebrating another year together.
Watching the sunset from the water was special, my head in Tate’s lap as he leaned back in the seat on the deck, his hand just gently running through my hair and softly massaging my scalp. I drifted off to sleep for a little while to the sound of the water lapping the boat and the rocking of the waves. We had all paired up and there wasn’t much talking, which is a miracle for us as a group, but it was almost like we just took the time to be one with nature and be with the person we loved. No kids, no work, no outside craziness of our lives, just the pure peace of the moment.
We may have been complaining about the busyness of the morning with all of Tate’s activities, but he knew what he was doing. He got it all out of the way, using up the energy that the guys have, and then finished the afternoon perfectly.
“As we had a late lunch, I’ve organized for dinner to be served at eight thirty tonight at our residence on the balcony. So, you have two hours to fill however you wish, but please don’t be late for dinner. I don’t want to hold the staff up so they’re still working at midnight.” Tate gives everyone the last instructions as we split to head off to our own residences.
“Who the hell is this responsible man acting like an adult? And concerned about everyone being late? It’s almost like you have swapped bodies with Lex.” Mason grins, just waiting for a reaction.
“Ewww, do not say shit like that. I don’t want to think about touching any of his body,” Tate replies at the same time that Lex yells at Mason too.
“You say it like it’s a bad thing that I’m responsible and own a watch. Someone has to give a fuck about being on time in this group.”
“You know Tate only ever does it to piss you all off, right?” I can’t help but laugh as I say it.
“Yes!” is the resounding answer from everyone around us.
“On that note, fuck you all and see you at eight thirty.” Tate takes me by the hand, and we leave them behind and walk into our residence.
My heart is fluttering a bit, and the sinking feeling in my stomach is there, but I know I can’t wait any longer. If I’m going to do this, I need to do it now so the night isn’t ruined by my mood.
“I’ve been waiting all day to get you to myself. Come here, baby.” Tate is standing in the living room with his arms outstretched as I put down the beach bag.
There is nothing better than a Tate hug. His strong arms around me holding me tight, my cheek on his chest and ear above his heart. Knowing that every beat I hear is for me and our kids.
“How about we have a shower together and wash off the day. I mean, it’s not about me wanting to get you naked or anything.” He brings his finger under my chin and tilts my head up to look at him, giving him full access to my lips as he kisses me ever so gently.
I could so easily let him take me to the shower and then bed and just push this conversation to the side, but I promised the girls; plus, I owe it to myself and Tate, for that matter, to be honest with him. To hold my hand out and not only ask for help but be willing to accept it too.
“Can we talk first?” I look up into those eyes that look like he is getting ready to devour me.
“Of course. And I hope it is to tell me what is bothering you, because I’ve been concerned for a while, and you keep brushing me off.” Tate slides his hands under my ass and lifts me up. My legs instinctively wrap around him.
“Tate,” I squeal.
“What, I just thought we could take a seat on the couch, and I want you as close as possible. AKA in my lap.” He is trying to keep it light, but I can tell in his eyes that he is concerned.
As he drops down into what looks like a very comfy couch, he takes me with him so I’m straddling his lap.
“I want you facing me while we talk.” Tate’s voice is soft and caring. In my head I’m thinking it would have been easier for me to be close in his arms but not have to look at him and see the disappointment when I start to talk. Not in me, but just that I haven’t confided in him.
“The floor is yours, Tink.” His arms are now wrapped around my waist as he leans forward and kisses me on the lips.
“This will be hard to say, so can you just let me get it out and then we can talk about it?” I’m already feeling the emotion bubbling under the surface as I start to speak. Tate nods at me and gives me the space to collect my thoughts, not rushing me but just slowly rubbing his hands up and down my back to soothe me.
“I know I should have said something sooner, but I had needed to face it myself first, before I could share how I feel.” I take a deep breath and continue on.
“Ever since Millie was born, I haven’t felt right, not physically but mentally.” I start to talk faster to get it out now that I have begun. “I am a doctor and know all the signs for post-partum depression, and although it is not severe, I think I have some form of it. I just don’t feel like I’m coping or that my skills as a mother are good enough.” I can feel Tate stiffening under me, and he is about to jump to my defense, but I lift my finger and place it on his mouth before he can talk. “Please, just let me finish.”
I can tell it takes a lot of restraint from him.
“My memory of my mother was how perfect she was, and I suppose I have always just wanted to live up to her memory. I feel she would be proud of me becoming a doctor, but I want to be the perfect mother too. And I know that sounds ridiculous because no one is flawless, but that is what I have been trying to achieve. Yet some days, I just feel like I’m not winning at anything I try to do. The house is a mess, the boys are running rings around me, and Millie won’t settle even after she is fed and changed. And then all I want to do is spend time with my husband and let you make me feel good, but the moment I look in the mirror, I see this woman with bags under her eyes, stretch marks on her body, boobs that are sagging, hair that looks so flat and needs attention. Why would you even want to love me when I look like this?” The tears that I was trying so hard to keep at bay are already falling, and I can’t seem to stop them.
“I can’t keep quiet. Not now,” Tate blurts out. And to be honest, I thought he did well to last this long.
My emotions are overflowing, and I’m not sure I can speak anyway.
“No, no, no, I don’t want you ever thinking that I don’t love you. Because not a day goes past, or even a minute, where I love you any less than the minute before it. Instead, every second my love for you grows. I never understood love until I met you, Arabella. And then that night of your eighteenth birthday, I knew there was no going back for me. But what I need you to understand is that I love you no matter what you look like. You can be dressed in an evening gown or some sexy lingerie, your doctor’s scrubs or my old track pants and an oversized shirt from my college days that you just won’t throw out.” And the thought of that holy tattered shirt has me smiling through my tears.
“But those are all superficial things. What’s underneath your physical appearance that you so poorly described is what I crave the most. The eyes that you describe as tired but no matter what still have a twinkle in them when I walk into the room, and your hair I love to run my hands through and bury my nose in because it smells like home. They are just the beginning of the absolute beauty I see before me. And I won’t deny your body has changed since you had the kids, but I just love it even more. Christ, Bella, do you not see and feel what you do to me every time I see you naked? The pain of my hard cock that is longing to be inside you some days is almost unbearable. And if anything, I love your body more now with stretch marks that you call them, where I prefer to think of them as marks of the love you gave to grow our babies. And if you think I’m going to complain about you having bigger breasts now, then you are sadly mistaken. You had the best tits before the kids, but now, they are just like heaven every time I take them in my mouth. Shall I say the perfect mouthful?”
“Oh my God, Tate, you can’t say that.” I smack him on the shoulder with my hand.
“Yeah, I can, and I will because they were the boobs of goodness that gave our little ones the important nutrients they needed in their first moments of life. And will give their daddy years of enjoyment until the day he dies.” He can’t help himself; even when he is trying to be serious, his humor always creeps in.
“I’m not a cow just here for your milking pleasure.” I roll my eyes that are still full of water, but I’m no longer crying so hard.
“Wrong answer. You are not a cow, but they definitely are there for my pleasure and the pleasure I can bring you by playing with them.”
He kisses my breasts through my shirt, and even with all the emotions in my head and body, he still manages to have me tingling with just his simple touch.
As he raises his head, he is smiling at me, and his lips, rough from the sand and surf today, kiss me so tenderly. Just when I’m expecting him to start taking it further, he pulls away.
“If you let me, I will show you how much I still love every inch of your body and the way you turn me on just by being in the room with me. But first, I want to talk seriously about all the negative emotions you mentioned you’re feeling. I don’t want you to ignore them, and please, let me help you to work through them. You are one of the strongest people I know, but it is okay that you don’t feel like that right now. We can work through this, talk to your counselor, and do whatever you need me to do, even if that is to just do nothing and let you do it your way. I’m here for you no matter what. But remember one thing. Like you said, no one is perfect, and although I’ll never admit it outside this room, I’m so far from perfect it’s not funny. But somehow, you love me anyway.” I can’t help but burst out laughing now.
“What, you weren’t supposed to agree with me.” He pulls me in for the tightest hug that feels so amazing and is just what I need right now.
“Oh, Tink, I wish you had told me sooner, and I wish I was smarter and could have worked out what you really needed from me. I knew there was something, I just couldn’t tell what.”
Just like I thought he would, he starts to beat himself up for not seeing how much I have been struggling.
“No, Tate, this isn’t on you. I’m terrible at asking for help even when my logical brain tells me I need to. But I’m asking now for you to take my hand and walk with me until I can get back on my feet.” I pull back from him, needing to see his face and more importantly his eyes which are the windows to his soul, to know we are going to be okay, that I’m going to get through this with him by my side, not that I have ever doubted him for a minute.
“You’ve got me, however you need me. I never want you to doubt that.” The pure emotion in his voice goes straight to my heart.
“Thank you, for just being you.” Placing my hands on his cheeks, I pull his face toward me. “I know that was a lot, but just by opening up to you, my shoulders feel lighter. But you know what would feel amazing right now?” I don’t want to talk about this anymore, I just want to take the time we have and remind Tate how lost I would be without him.
“Tell me, Tink.” His voice has dropped that little bit deeper.
“To shower and clean off the day… and maybe then get a little bit dirty again.” I try to push off his lap to stand, but he’s not letting that happen yet.
“I only want what you want tonight. If that is to just cuddle and enjoy each other’s company, then that’s what we will do.” He’s trying so hard to hold back his own needs.
“Fuck no, I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be a sensual woman. Remind me, big boy.” My lust overtakes any of the negativity that I have been fighting, and although I know it won’t last, I want to take every bit of it and enjoy the night.
“Your wish is my command, my Tinkerbella.” And before I even get to reply, he is up on his feet and carrying me toward the bedroom where we left our bags earlier. Not stopping, he walks straight into the bathroom where the shower is huge, and it’s just as well with what we are about to do.
“I’m going to strip you down now, and I want you to remember how it feels to be worshiped.” Oh, that’s exactly what I want—no, it’s what I need .
Stopping in the middle of the room and lowering me to the ground, his hands that are still salt kissed from the ocean today get to work on the buttons of my shirt. In no rush, he takes his time, undoing them one by one until he bends slightly to reach the last one.
His head drops to my neck, and his lips explore up and down and nibble at my skin as he pushes the shirt off my shoulders and lets it slip to the floor.
“Mmmm, you taste very salty tonight, my love.” He runs his tongue from the hollow on my shoulder all the way up to my earlobe before taking it between his teeth and biting down a little, just to let me know he’s there.
“Maybe you need to wash me then.” I can feel my breathing start to change as his hands run up the side of my body, starting to explore, until he places them on my shoulders and turns me to face the mirror.
“I know you are having trouble seeing how beautiful you truly are, so I’m going to remind you. I don’t want you to close your eyes. You are going to see everything I see in that mirror and know how I feel, which I hope will be enough until you can find that love for yourself again.” He sweeps my hair off my shoulder and again kisses my neck and right down to that place just over my collarbone that drives me crazy.
“Don’t close your eyes,” he growls in my ear, and his hands start exploring over my body. Down my sides and then up my stomach until they are grasping my breasts.
“These luscious tits are the things I dream about at night. You wonder why I wake in the morning with a hard-on, well, it’s from the vision of these.” His hands now at my back, he unclasps the bikini top that he wastes no time pulling away from my skin. Both breasts fall down a little, but my nipples are dark and hard which is all from Tate. “Taking these into my mouth and trapping them between my teeth as you arch your back from the sensations it sends to your pussy.” Now he rolls my firm nipples between his thumb and finger so I can imagine having his teeth on them too.
“How does that feel?” Tate asks as he looks straight into the mirror and zeroes in on my eyes as a moan escapes my lips. I have forgotten what it feels like to be able to take our time with each other.
“Amazing…” I murmur in reply.
“I bet I can make it feel better.” One hand slides down my stomach from my breast and into my bikini bottoms. Not stopping until he’s cupping my whole pussy. “Just by touching you here I can see the glow on your skin, but for me, it’s not enough. I want to see it all. Every. Single. Inch of you.” The pressure of his hand gets harder, and I feel it on my clit. Without any thought, I rock back and forth, trying to get more friction against his hand.
“I’m not letting you go, so I want you to push down those bikini bottoms so I can see what I’ve been missing today.” Almost in a trance, I do as he asks and hook my thumbs into the sides of the bikini, letting it fall to the floor.
“Stunning.” His finger swipes from the bottom of my folds to the top and ever so slowly circles over and over my hard and craving clit.
My head falls back onto his shoulder the more he works my body. Feeling weak in the knees, I want to sit down, but I don’t want to move. This feels too good to let him stop.
“That’s it, Bella, keep watching how beautiful you look when you are on display for me. Your flushed cheeks, the sheen of sweat on your sun-kissed skin from today and not hiding behind an ounce of makeup or clothing. Just the raw, authentic you. The woman I fell in love with, married, and professed to love and cherish until the day I die.” The squeeze of the hand on my breast gets harder as he pushes two fingers inside me.
I want to be all those things he said.
I remember when I felt all the words to be true.
Tonight, I promise myself that I will do what it takes to find that place of confidence again.
“Take your hands and push my board shorts to the floor.” His voice is getting deeper and slightly more urgent. “Don’t hesitate, Bella, just do it.” Reaching behind me, roughly and not very coordinated, I manage to get his shorts to the floor.
“Good girl, now feel what just looking at you naked does to me.”
The whole time Tate is talking, he is working me into a sex-fueled frenzy.
“Please don’t stop, Tate, I need this so much. I want you to fuck me right here, on the counter.” I’m begging and not sure what to do as my body starts swaying, and the moment my hands come into contact with his cock that feels hard and huge, I moan.
“Now, God, fuck me now. Please, I need you.”
“I want you to watch me fuck you. To see me lose control the moment I slip inside you. Because your body does that to me, makes me uncontrollable in all the best ways. Buckle up, baby, because you are about to get what you asked for. But remember, the moment you stop watching is when I stop. Because tonight is about reminding you of your beauty. And one of the most sensual moments is watching you come all over my cock, knowing I did that to you.”
Tate moves off me and gently pushes me forward so he can do as he promised. The moment he thrusts inside me, so hard and fast that I can feel it all the way to my core, has me screaming out his name so loud. Such a freeing moment not to have to contain my excitement.
“Oh my God, Tate, yes!” I don’t care who hears me. Let them all know that I’m being fucked within an inch of my life and I’m loving it.
“That’s it, baby, look at your tits bouncing so we can both see them. Fuck, I wish I could taste them. Promise me I get to taste them tonight.” Now it’s him begging me, and that power makes me feel so strong.
I can feel the orgasm building and rushing through my body.
“Make me come and you can have anything you like,” I scream at him, and it’s like he knows the magic buttons on my body. Reaching around with his hand, he pushes down hard on my clit and my body explodes. The electricity zinging through my arms and all down my legs leaves a wave of goosebumps behind it.
Tate isn’t far behind me, pounding into me twice more until he comes deep inside me.
“Bellaaaaa.” His roar has shivers running over my skin at how turned on he is.
Not only can I see the bliss on my face, but it is also written all over his too.
“My beautiful, beautiful Bella. I love you more than the air I breathe. Never forget that.”
His cock slips from inside me, and he turns me and lifts me up onto the vanity.
Our mouths connect in a frenzy, reassuring each other that nothing has changed in our physical relationship since Millie was born. This crazy-ass but soft and romantic man still rocks my world.
The sexual intensity slows in the kiss as we pull away to get some air into our lungs. I can see in Tate’s eyes everything he wants to say without making me feel like he is pushing me.
He is asking me to let him in. Not to push him away and let him love me.
“I’m trying,” I whisper.
“And that’s all I ask for.” They’re the words of reassurance I need to hear.
Dropping my head onto his shoulder and being once again wrapped in his arms, I just wish I could stay this way all night.
“We need to clean you up, because I know you aren’t going to want to sit down to dinner smelling like sex.”
And just that simple, sweet sentence of Tate caring about me has me laughing and crying at the same time. Happy tears, and I’ll take them over sad ones any day.
TATE
Hearing the pain in Bella’s voice earlier tonight as she poured out her innermost thoughts really hurt.
I don’t ever want her to feel less than she is.
But I had the realization that I need to be more attentive to her and my own feelings. I knew something was bothering her, and although I asked her, I just didn’t continue to try.
We both need to do better at being one in our marriage. To share not only the good times but the bad times and every little moment in between.
Sitting around the table on this spectacular balcony, overlooking the ocean and having the soft breeze blowing, I can’t help but feel blessed.
My wife is sitting next to me with a smile on her face that tells me she is feeling herself tonight, and to me that is just how I want to be ringing in the new year. With hope and positivity.
The food has been exquisite, but the company is even better.
“You know, I had my doubts about this trip when we arrived this morning, but as we are five minutes from midnight, I have to say, today has been great. I actually think you managed to pull it off, Tate.” Lex holds up his beer in the air toward me, and the others follow suit.
“Here’s to the man who talks the talk, but today, he actually walked the walk. Great fucking New Year’s Eve, my friend.” Lex is feeling merry and mellow after a night of drinking, but I’ll take that from him.
“Hear, hear.” They all cheer, and a part of me can finally stop panicking that I was going screw it up.
But I can’t let them get away with the smart comment.
“Was it ever in doubt?” I ask, taking a sip of my beer.
“Yes!” they all cry out at the same time.
“Wow, love you too, assholes,” I reply as they all burst out laughing.
“I really can’t wait to see what Lex comes up with for next year.” I look down at my watch. “You officially have one minute left until I hand over the baton, and I must say, it had better be impressive.”
“Oh, this year is going to be hell, isn’t it?” Mia giggles into her drink.
“Abso… fucking… lutely,” Bella replies as the fireworks down on the beach start shooting into the sky over the water.
“Happy New Year!” we all cry out at the same time as we hear the cry of others saying the same echoing around the resort.
Pulling Bella up with me as I stand, I take her in my arms, giving her all my wishes for the year ahead for both of us through the most passionate kiss. Dipping her back, I look down into her eyes.
“I love you, my beautiful Bella, and that’s all that matters. The rest we will figure out together.”
“I love you so much.” Her eyes are a little watery, but I know it’s for a good reason this time.
I stand with Bella by my side, looking around the table. “Here’s to another year of the crazy that we are together, and to happiness and good health.”
Clinking our glasses together, we celebrate in the only way we know how.
Together as one big, loud, chaotic framily. Just the way I like it.
Now let’s see what this new year brings and just how painful Lex will be.
Only time will tell.
Thank you for reading NYE in The Cayman Islands .