12. Chapter 12
W hy does everything hurt?
I lay still, holding my breath, trying to collect my thoughts as if that would help ease the pain. It felt like I had the worst hangover ever, but I didn’t remember drinking. I was lying on something hard and hairy, and the tickling sensation on my nose forced me to change position. The sun was obnoxiously shining in my eyes even after I moved, so I squeezed my eyes tighter in annoyance and pushed my face into the hard pillow, wincing at the feeling of knives stabbing my brain.
It wouldn’t be the first time I’d woken up in the stables, cuddling whatever animal was confined there. Though, I’d thought I was past that dark period in my life. Clearly, that wasn’t the case and I’d lapsed into old habits. I hated sleeping alone, but as with everything in life, I had gotten used to it. However, the heartbeat beneath my cheek reminded me of just how good it felt to not have to.
I remembered little from the past few hours, only fever dreams of fire and pain. I knew Orm had stayed with me because his voice seemed to be the one constant throughout the ordeal … There had also been another man who touched my mind and soothed the flames—and a dragon.
Vahin! Oh crap! Did I Anchor Orm’s dragon yesterday? The breath I dragged into my lungs didn’t slow my racing heart, and when my pillow groaned and shifted, I leapt out of my skin so quickly my heart had surely stopped .
I’m lying on a man!
This was way worse than drinking myself stupid and cuddling the local wildlife. I opened my eyes the tiniest bit, dreading what I’d see.
I was lying on a muscular chest with a vast expanse of soft dark hair cushioning my cheek. I looked upward, needing to know where I’d ended up, and when I saw Orm’s strong features, a strange emotion shivered through my body. I was glad it was him … no, not just glad, I liked it.
Much to my confusion, it no longer felt as if my magic wanted to entangle his soul. This was a huge relief but small consolation in these circumstances. I was in bed with the man who controlled my geas, and even if I liked how it felt, I hoped the commander had a good explanation for why I was using him as a pillow.
Gods, please have mercy. I didn’t invite him in, did I? Not after I so vehemently told him that under no circumstances would we end up in the same bed. I tried to pull away, but he only tightened his hold, murmuring something in his sleep before he patted my head like a bloody dog and nuzzled my hair, inhaling deeply. That gesture was a testament to an intimacy that hadn’t been there before.
The bastard promised me, I thought, trying to rouse some anger, but it was hard to feel righteous indignation when his touch felt so right. Focus, Annika, you also like drinking and hunting dangerous monsters, but that doesn’t mean they’re good for you. I tried to recall last evening. I vaguely remembered Orm’s voice and the reassuring feeling it had given me.
I didn’t feel as if I’d been violated, but this wasn’t right. Still, if I’d invited him, I couldn’t blame Orm any more than I could myself. I raised my head to study the man cuddling me.
Orm’s shirt was open, revealing more than a muscular chest. His body hair narrowed as it reached his stomach, the thin line begging to be followed, and he had a scar running from his left shoulder to his right hip, as though someone had tried to slice him in half.
I wasn’t surprised by the scar. The commander was a man who lived by the sword, but when I looked back at his face, I noticed something that didn’t match his overly masculine physique. His eyelashes were so long and delicate that every maiden who ever saw them would surely be green with envy, and the thought of some jealous lover trying to pluck them made me chuckle.
My mirth woke Orm up, and he looked at me with concern. ‘How are you feeling, Nivale?’
The soft baritone, so filled with worry, disrupted my merriment, and I pulled away, but Orm’s arms caught me before I could escape, pulling me in close again.
‘What do you think you’re doing?’ I pushed back with my hand to his chest. ‘I’m sorry if my invitation gave you the wrong impression. I don’t remember what I said, but we should forget this happened.’
‘All I’m doing is trying to rest. You kept me up most of the night; it’s only fair for you to let me sleep now,’ he said, rubbing his forehead. ‘And you didn’t invite me in. You just wouldn’t let me leave.’
‘You should go to your own bed then.’ My eyes opened wide. ‘Wait, what? ’
‘I’m already in my bed. Can we get some rest now? Please?’
‘No! What is wrong with you? If I didn’t invite you to my bed—I mean, your bed—then what the hell happened? Oh, and where is my bed so I can go there—preferably before I fry your arse for taking advantage of my drunken state?’ I again pushed on his chest. This time, he let me go with a heavy, exasperated sigh.
‘Last night was challenging for everyone, especially for you. After you Anchored Vahin, things progressed so fast. When you collapsed, I ended up beside you in bed. Once the danger had passed, you refused to let me go, so I thought you needed me and stayed. I owed you at least that much for saving us all.’
‘What? I would never cling to you … you’re lying. Tell me the truth—’ I hadn’t finished when he sat up, causing me to fall to the side. With a sigh, Orm wrapped the blanket around my shoulders.
‘We are both tired. Your questions can wait until after you rest. In the meantime, since the sight of me angers you, I will go find another bed. Get some sleep, please. It’s still early. Once you wake, I’ll have some food delivered; just tell me what you’d like.’ He stifled a yawn.
‘Also, Vahin sends his regards; and he said that if you leave the room, he’ll track you down and hold you captive until you go to sleep.’ The commander stood up, and when I tried to follow him, he raised his hand. ‘Stay in bed. Don’t waste your breath, I’m not even listening.’
He started tying his shirt but stopped, noticing the laces were ripped. ‘I have to say, you are a persistent woman. Although, the next time you rip my shirt open, please just tell me you want to be held instead of growling that you want my heartbeat. With a mage of your class and power, it’s a worrying statement to hear, Nivale.’
‘W … what? Why do you keep using that ridiculous nickname? I’m nobody’s flower. Gods, men . And if you’re so upset about your shirt, I’ll get you a new one.’ I was so confused, and the longer he looked at me with that glint in his eye and the smirk on his lips, the angrier I became. Until I snapped.
‘I only wanted to know what happened, but instead of answering, you’ve accused me of assaulting you and are telling me how to spend my morning. Do I have any say in how I live my life? Or has the mighty commander already decided what’s best for me along with what my name is?’ Orm gazed at me, barely restraining his laughter. Something about what he’d said filtered through the fog in my mind and distracted me.
‘What do you mean, Vahin sends his regards ?’ I asked, studying Orm’s features to make sense of everything, my eyes narrowing at the crinkling at the corners of his eyes. The bane of my existence tapped his temple, and the corner of his mouth lifted into a mischievous smile.
‘You broke my dragon. We’ve always been able to communicate with images and emotions, but since he’s met you, he’s started talking , and godsdamn, he hasn’t shut up since. The short version of yesterday’s events is that your spell worked, you saved everyone, and you are Anchored to Vahin after a very tense few hours of delirium. Now I’ve got two voices shouting at me: one in my mind and the other in my ear, so if everyone could just calm the f …’ Orm’s deep sigh and now tightly closed eyes made me realise he wasn’t just talking to me, and curiosity overcame my anger.
‘Is he talking to you right now?’ I asked, fascinated, and Orm nodded. Then, leaning into my ear, so close his breath gave me goosebumps, he whispered, ‘And when it comes to your nickname?’ His smirk returned as he continued. ‘I call you Nivale because you are as special and as rare as the mountain flower. You have a strength and resilience that leaves me awestruck. I wish our circumstances were different—you have me mesmerized, Ani. As for your strange need for my heartbeat, I found it quite adorable.’
I couldn’t even remember a time when a man would dare talk to me like that without fear, reverence, or hunger for my conduit abilities. And I felt like a fool because I was falling for it, so I decided it was time to cut him off and change the subject.
‘I didn’t know dragons could talk like that. When we met, he felt … well, he didn’t feel like a person.’
‘He has always been a sentient being, but something changed after your meeting at the lake. Vahin’s thoughts have become clearer, and we can communicate with the same ease as if I were talking to you or Alaric.’
Before I could ask more questions, his gaze grew serious. ‘Ani, I owe you a life debt, and I don’t know if I can ever repay you. I know you wanted to have defined boundaries between us, but I crossed them last night to save you. I don’t regret a single thing, but it will be difficult to keep our agreement when I remember how good it felt to hold you in my arms.’
How in Veles’ pit did I end up in such a mess?
I didn’t know what to do with Orm’s confession and certainly didn’t want to tell him how I felt about it. I was too tired to deal with it now, but one thing I most definitely had to correct was that ‘life debt’ nonsense.
‘I appreciate your words, but I hope you remember that I was in danger, just the same as everyone else during the skirmish. If Vahin had fallen from the sky, I would have died there, so I was just saving my own sorry arse. You don’t owe me anything, Orm.’
He looked at me with amusement glinting in his eyes.
‘My dear Annika, it is my decision on how I feel about my life debt and your actions. For you, it may not have been much, but having my riders and their dragons safe here at the fortress instead of injured, or worse—dead at the bottom of the mountain—is more than I could have ever hoped for. You may think you were saving yourself, but you saved my squadron and the women from the village. You almost died in the process. That is why, my sweet Nivale, I will decide how I feel, and there is nothing you can do about it.’
He looked at me with such intensity that I felt naked, even with the covers.
A slight draft from the window caused the candles to flicker as it brushed over my skin and made me shiver. I pulled my arms together for warmth, looking down to see goosebumps on my skin. With a slight frown, I lifted the cover and looked under the blanket.
I was completely naked.
My clothes were gone, and Orm’s calloused hands had been resting on my body the entire night, warming my skin. At the same time, I’d ripped his shirt open in my delirium to cuddle his heartbeat. That was something that needed explaining. Right now.
At least now I understand why he appears so confident and casual.
‘Care to tell me who did this?’ I pointed towards my body while pulling the blankets tighter around me. I was sure I knew, but I wanted to hear it from him.
‘That was me,’ he answered, so nonchalantly that I grabbed the nearest pillow and smacked him across the head. My hit landed perfectly, but the next thing I knew, he’d grabbed my wrist and pried the pillow out of my hand.
‘Let me go,’ I said, but he only raised his eyebrow. ‘I’m tempted to answer “make me” just to challenge you and see where it takes us. I enjoy touching you, and I certainly enjoy a woman who is not afraid to stand up to me,’ he said with a voice so raspy and low that I gasped. ‘Do you want this, Nivale? Do you want to make me let go of your hand?’
I bit my lip, fighting the flood of arousal before relaxing my hand and diverting my gaze.
He enjoyed a challenge? I wondered how he’d like me acting like a docile lady from court.
‘Could you please release me and explain? Please also accept my sincere apologies for the unwarranted attack, my lord.’
Orm burst into laughter but let me go.
‘You are impossible. I should be offended; do you so dislike my touch that you’ll really resort to demurely submitting like a courtly noblewoman? It was amusing to watch, but you don’t have it in you, Ani. You wouldn’t submit to a man just because he is stronger. Gods, I wish we weren’t facing war; I’d show you just how I like strength and courage—with that delicious dose of mischief. Alas, I will leave you to your rest. We can talk later,’ he finished with a kind smile.
Orm was back to being in complete control, and the tension disappeared from the air. I couldn’t help but smile back, even if I was still angry with him for my present state. ‘Don’t leave just yet, please. I need to know more,’ I said, and Orm slowly exhaled before nodding in agreement.
‘Very well. Your mind rejected the bond with Vahin, and you weren’t able to control the dragon fire. Alaric was able to help you, but we needed to cool you down before he could devise a spell. The fire was consuming you from the inside, Ani, and only I could touch you because of my connection with Vahin. I couldn’t let the servants get hurt worrying about your modesty.’
‘Right … Just tell me one thing: did I Anchor you, too? Or Alaric? Is that why you’re acting like we … are more than casual acquaintances forced to work together? Because we haven’t … we didn’t, did we?’ I heard the sharp edge of panic in my voice, and he must have noticed it, too, because Orm instinctively raised his arms in a calming gesture. Still, I couldn’t think straight, frantically searching for Orm’s Anchor in my soul.
‘No, nothing like that happened. I only undressed you, and Alaric helped you accept Vahin. I wouldn’t take you or Anchor you without your consent, and I wouldn’t let anyone, even my best friend, do that either. I’m sorry if all this frightened you, but we couldn’t let you die.’
‘Thank you,’ I murmured, still shaking. Orm smiled crookedly, but I didn’t miss the frown flitting across his features. ‘You shouldn’t thank me, Ani. I did what needed to be done. Alaric’s the one you should thank.’
The lack of emotion in Orm’s voice confused me for a moment, but whatever was happening, he clearly didn’t want to share it right now. With pursed lips, I looked away but turned back when the commander covered me with extra blankets and mumbled something to himself.
Heat blossomed across my cheeks, and I hoped the blush wasn’t too noticeable. Nothing had happened. Orm was right. I didn’t feel tethered to him. I could sense Vahin, but no one else, and that instantly calmed me down. Somehow, Anchoring the dragon steadied my unpredictable magic, and I could touch the tempting man without dire consequences.
‘At least my magic is no longer trying to tie you to me,’ I offered cheerfully. I reached out and touched his forearm, keeping my hand still for a few moments to test the theory. Orm observed me quietly, then he placed his hand over mine.
‘I know what you are afraid of, and while I liked the touch of your magic … I don’t feel it anymore. Would you believe me if I said that if I had felt the pull, I wouldn’t have stayed the night?’
‘Strangely enough, yes.’ I removed my hand before shaking my head. ‘Still, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m naked in your bed. That’s exactly the opposite of what we had agreed to. I don’t intend to renegotiate my position here, so please show me the way to my room. I promise I will eat and sleep as much as you want, but … this is wrong.’
‘What is so wrong about it? If you’re afraid of gossip, I can ensure the servants won’t say a word.’
‘What? No, I don’t care about gossip,’ I scoffed, and he frowned as if struggling to understand my reasoning. ‘I don’t want to grow attached, and being around you makes it difficult to remember that. Somehow, even if I’m angry, you make me smile. This was just supposed to be a contract, a year of my life given to the man who holds my geas. I don’t want to like you. I don’t trust easily, and … I don’t really know you, and I want to keep it that way. So please, let’s not make this awkward.’
As soon as the words had left my mouth, I saw Orm’s eyes darken, their mossy green becoming so dark they were almost black, but I didn’t regret what I’d said. My attraction to him, the comfort of his embrace, made little sense. I might have had a near-death experience, and he may be a handsome man, but he was also the one who could always command my obedience.
‘There are things in my life that I regret deeply, Ani, but bringing you here is not one of them. I misjudged the situation and should never have threatened you with the geas, but what’s done is done. I wish you’d understand that I’m not your enemy and don’t want to be the owner of your contract—Ani … I want …’ He reached out, but I pulled away when I saw something dangerous flash in his features, an emotion that made his handsome face frightening.
Orm noticed my reaction and closed his eyes, inhaling deeply.
‘I see. Nothing I say or do will change your mind.’ His face reverted to that emotionless mask. ‘We’ll do it your way. You will stay here until you recover, and I will have your room available for you tomorrow … I will give you some time alone now, but don’t expect me to stay away just because you are afraid to like me.’
Orm stalked to the door but then halted, looking back at me. His gaze took me in before he brushed unruly strands of midnight-black hair from his forehead.
‘You will get used to my presence, Annika. And although nothing happened between us last night, I can’t promise that nothing will in the future. I didn’t expect this … pull, but it is what it is, and I’m just a man, Nivale. A man who refuses to deprive himself of your company.’