23. Chapter 23
I hoped this journey was worth keeping Ani in the dark because at the moment, I felt like the worst kind of arsehole. However, if my brother’s informers were right, I could expect a messenger from the Lich King trying to cross the Barrier today; and the gods help us if that monster discovered Ani was alive.
I knew I’d been unreasonable, taking my precautions to the extreme, but I had my reasons.
Only a few days after I returned from Truso, I had received letters from court demanding Annika’s return, and I knew I would have to talk to her about it. Worse, though, was my brother’s warning of not only the growing unrest but also rumours of ‘ special means ’ for bringing Ani back.
For a mage of her calibre, that could only mean that someone planned to use her geas. The royal mage had assured me he had given me the only copy, but could I trust him? Could I trust anyone in Truso except my brother?
This is the last time Ani, I promise. Alaric has almost finished checking the fortress for spies, and once he is done, we will hunt together, my beautiful Nivale.
Even now, I couldn’t stop thinking of that fierce, caring woman who always had a smile for those she held dear, who was merciless in destroying those who targeted the weak. I couldn’t wait to receive another victory kiss. To feel the elation of her choosing me … Except that she didn’t choose me—it had become painfully obvious when I tried to talk to her. Reynard was right; Ani had demolished the years of rigorous training and walls I’d built around my emotions.
My thoughts turned to Alaric, and I felt my chest tighten as my hands gripped the pommel of the saddle. An emotion I couldn’t identify made its presence known. I saw how he looked at my Ani—the raw hunger in his gaze matched mine. For the sake of this godsforsaken kingdom, he should be her Anchor; and I wouldn’t stand against it, even if it killed me.
You have to let it happen. They share a powerful magical synergy, and that connection will only strengthen their bond . I thumped my chest, but the pain the thought caused didn’t want to subside. The reality that the man I thought of as a brother deserved to be loved by Ani more than me was a bitter potion to swallow.
‘Fuck!’ I knew I had lost this battle. I should step away—a better man would … but I couldn’t. Not anymore.
The night I’d spent in her chair after being injured had been the most beautiful torture. My whole being demanded that I wrap myself around Ani and tell her how I felt—and hope that she would accept me and that no one would take her from me. I’d pushed the memory into the deepest recesses of my soul because it had shocked me that I wasn’t repelled by the idea, but the reminiscence of the night I touched myself thinking of her and Alaric intruded on the moment.
‘Orm, you’re thinking too loud, and I really don’t want to be imagining your hairy arse anywhere near Annika, ’ Vahin said in my thoughts.
‘Do you think she hates me?’
‘No, of course not. Why would Annika hate someone who refuses to reveal why he’s so overprotective and acts erratic and confusing? Who fails to see that she is dying inside, suffocating in the golden cage he put her in?’ I could feel his sarcasm and anger, which only served to increase the guilt eating away at me. ‘The least you could have done today was explain why you refused her request .’
‘I will apologise and explain everything, but she must understand that I wasn’t doing it to spite her.’
‘Must she? Even if you tell Ani about the letters, what other reason could you possibly give her? That you feel guilty for using her geas and swore you wouldn’t let anyone do it again? Or that seeing her almost die awakened a fear you never knew existed? Of course, you could tell Ani you’re harbouring a secret obsession with her, but I’m sure you’ll keep quiet because you fear her having to choose between you and Alaric, thinking she will reject you.’
Vahin lashed me with his opinions, the anger and concern entwined with them making it even worse. ‘You’re trying to do the right thing, but in the wrong way. Don’t keep her locked in a cage of your fears, assuming you know what is best for her. It won’t work, my friend. Those born with wings die behind bars, even if those bars are made of gold and good intentions.’
The image that Vahin shared with me was shocking: a beautiful dragoness, her kind eyes lifeless, and her wings—bound by a golden rope—withered and dry. It was the wake-up call I needed. Was that what he thought I was doing to Ani? Binding her wings?
I looked down at the squadron as we circled the Rift, swooping back and forth through the Barrier, but there was no sign of movement. No activity—human, animal, or monster. There was only the vast, bare, poisoned plain spreading out from the Rift.
I directed Vahin closer to Tomma, ordering him and two others to stay in position as a precaution. They signalled their agreement, and I sighed, feeling defeated. I’d argued with Annika for nothing. We were no closer to finding out who in the court was the Lich King’s ally.
‘Signal the return,’ I said, and Vahin roared, relaying the information. ‘ What are you going to do? ’ he asked, his attention focused on my reply.
‘I will tell her the truth and let her decide what she wants to do. If she still wants to go on ground patrols knowing the danger, we will plan it carefully. You are right, but even if I put my feelings aside, this area is more dangerous than Zalesie, and it won’t be only about her safety, but also about my men’s. But I’ll make it work. If I don’t, she’ll probably go out alone. I wish we hadn’t argued. I just … I keep messing it up,’ I admitted to the dragon, which made him laugh.
‘She agreed to help, so let her, ’ he said as we flew back to the fortress.
We arrived late in the afternoon, and I went straight to my office. I wanted to show Ani the letters, and I needed to gather my thoughts before meeting with her. Much to my adjutant’s annoyance, I couldn’t find them even after we scrutinised every document on my desk.
It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him; I just needed a sense of control with everything being so chaotic right now. Ani would probably be with Alaric at this time of day, and I wanted to come prepared with an apology and the information that would hopefully explain my behaviour.
A decisive knock broke through my thoughts, and after a moment, Alaric walked in with a deep frown on his face.
‘I heard you’d returned early. Ani skipped our session today, and the only reason I’m not raising the alarm is that her friend Katja seemed calm and told me to ask you for an explanation. So, could you please explain? Because gossip around town says you had a spat with your little Nivale,’ he said warily.
My confusion at the accusation in Alaric’s voice made me frown, but I answered truthfully. ‘And you came here because … you thought I’d know why Ani didn’t come to your session? I’ve been near the Rift most of the day with Vahin.’
I heard my adjutant mutter in the background, ‘ Typical. He pisses off a woman, and now the entire fortress has to suffer because she’s avoiding them .’ Alaric had turned to him, having heard his muttering, but then his angry gaze snapped to my embarrassed features.
‘What is he talking about, Orm? What did you say to Ani to make her avoid me ?’ Alaric demanded. His lips pressed in barely restrained emotion while my adjutant paled, likely realising he’d spoken out loud. ‘Fuck, I’m sorry. That’s not what I …’ the soldier wilted under Alaric’s stare before I placed my hand on his forearm, halting his nervous attempts to clean my desk.
‘Concentrate on finding those letters. It appears I have an angry mage to find.’ I said, and he nodded vigorously. Ari ignored the other man as we headed for the door.
‘So, where to start? Have you checked the garrison? Annika has become a regular there recently,’ I asked, sighing when Alaric rolled his eyes. ‘Yes, I did. Twice. It still amazes me how much they all love her despite you circling around like a bad-tempered lynx. It is a testament to how impressive she is.’
‘I don’t circle her like some horny wildcat,’ I muttered, but he smirked. ‘It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I struggle whenever I see someone other than us touching my Domina.’ He shrugged, and I sent him a sharp look.
‘Did you—your Domina?’
‘Why are you so surprised? I’m not just a mage. I’m also a male fae. Annika appeals to every aspect of my personality. Even if we didn’t have perfect synergy, I would still want her. She is cunning, ruthless, and she made me bleed,’ he grinned, and I gasped.
‘Did you … taste her blood, too?’ I asked cautiously, and Alaric nodded before I continued, ‘Does she know what it means?’
‘No, and you won’t tell her. She is not dark fae and doesn’t have to adhere to our customs.’
‘How the fuck did you let that happen? Was it on purpose?’ I accused, wincing at the hostility in my voice, but I was at a loss. Dark fae took their blood rituals seriously, and Alaric had just claimed Ani as his domina. ‘I didn’t intend for it, but fate decided for us. You remember the mess we made after getting carried away duelling?’
‘Yes, but Annika told me it was just horseplay and that she enjoyed it. Then she offered to cover the renovation costs.’
‘We both enjoyed it, maybe a little too much. Although, in hindsight, I will admit that challenging Ani to a duel might have been a mistake,’ he said with a crooked smile.
Gods, this is getting so out of hand , I thought, rubbing my neck. Even if Annika didn’t know what had happened, Alaric knew—and in dark fae culture, he was now a bloodied contender, someone whom a dark fae woman was considering mating with. ‘You have to tell her. Don’t make my mistake; look where we ended up.’
‘I will when she is ready. I want it to be her choice.’
I had no answer to that. Alaric wanted Ani to choose him, and I wanted the same. This was one massive fucking mess, but I couldn’t argue or fault his reasoning, not when I felt the same. I could only grind my teeth in frustration.
We were exiting the central bailey of the fortress when a stern-looking soldier approached us. I recognised him as the sergeant in charge of the main gates and instantly focused on his grim expression.
‘Sir?’
‘Report, soldier,’ I ordered, noticing the furtive look the man gave Ari.
‘Lady Annika left the fortress and hasn’t returned.’ I felt the world darken around me.
‘When did this happen?’
‘This morning, sir. Just after you left.’
‘You didn’t think to tell Alaric about it?’ I asked, tightening my fist. The sergeant paled, hearing the low, menacing tone of my voice.
‘Respectfully, sir, there was no reason to stop her from leaving, and Lady Annika is more than capable of managing time outside on her own. I am bringing this to you now because it is almost nighttime and she hasn’t returned.’
‘You should’ve sent a message as soon as she left!’ Alaric snapped from behind me, and I let him continue with the conversation as I struggled to calm my raging emotions. The bloody sergeant was reprimanding me. It might be indirect, but I saw his disapproval.
She fucking left. Why? Gods, did she head for the Rift alone? Did she want to return to Zalesie? I felt the weight of the world pressing down on me. ‘ Vahin? Ani left. Can you track her? ’ The worry radiating through the bond made me shudder, and I felt the moment Vahin burst from his lair. To the solider I instructed, ‘Bring my kirbai from the stables, and my hunting leathers. Now!’
When he took off, I turned towards Alaric. ‘Ari, stay in the castle in case she returns. Take charge here until I bring her back.’ It would take me time; kirbai weren’t as fast as dragons, but they were more agile and versatile in the forest.
‘I should go after her,’ he contended. I could see he wasn’t happy with my solution.
‘No, she left because of my stupidity. I have to be the one to bring her back,’ I insisted.
‘She is my Domina, but I’ll stay here, just in case. Orm—I know you love her; it is clear to anyone but you. So stop holding back. It’s causing more problems than it’s worth.’ I took a step back, stunned by his words and the dark aura staining the air around him.
‘Just find her and bring her back. Then we’ll have the conversation you’ve been avoiding.’ He walked away, the soldier returning with my kirbai and equipment. I dressed as quickly as I could while waiting for Vahin to reply. After what felt like an eternity, he sent a mental image of a female figure marching north towards the Rift.
‘She blocked our thoughtspeech, but I still can see her. I will look over her. Nothing will touch her—but hurry,’ came the dragon’s thought, calming me a little. Within minutes, I was galloping through the gates, led by the directions Vahin projected into my mind.