24. Chapter 24
T he moon had been up for hours when Vahin informed me that Ani had finally made camp. I felt guilty pushing my kirbai so hard. His fur was now matted with sweat, and his breathing laboured. My mount was one of a race of magical, catlike creatures created by Cahyon Abrasan before whatever madness led to his transformation into the Lich King.
The kirbai were his first creation. No one knew if he’d abandoned them or if they escaped captivity, but they’d lived and bred freely in the mountains for several centuries. Rumour had it they were created to shelter the souls of warriors, giving them another chance to live on within a new body. I didn’t know how true that was, but it took great patience and a gentle hand to tame the striking beasts.
They acted much like the cats they resembled, often using that strange sense their smaller cousins employed to select their riders. Once they made their decision, though, their loyalty was unquestioning, and it was well known that the kirbai fought to the death to protect their humans. They were also one of the most intelligent animals I knew, able to find their way home and understand complex commands. I often wondered if that was where the rumours came from.
Now, as the clouds drifted across the moon, my feline companion silently approached the small camp Ani had set up. The smile stretching my lips was predatory as we approached from the rear. I planned to surprise Ani and scold her for not being aware, but as I dismounted and took a few steps, my body froze, held in place despite my struggles to move forward.
‘I’m willing to believe you weren’t sneaking up on me to prove a point. My warning spell alerted me the moment you arrived. For a man so concerned about my safety, you didn’t even notice the warning signs I left out.’ She turned to look at me. ‘Didn’t you bother reading my letter? I asked you not to look for me, so what are you doing here?’
I would have answered, but her spell held me so tight I couldn’t even blink, which was annoying because all I wanted to do was laugh at my carelessness. I had treated her like a simpleton from a backwater village and was now being served humble pie.
Ani must have noticed I couldn’t speak because she smirked, muttering something under her breath, and the force holding me immobile disappeared.
As I stumbled forward, I nodded, acknowledging her talent for setting up such a cunning trap.
‘I came to ask you to return to the fortress. I’m sorry for causing our disagreement. I made a mistake, and seeing how easily you caught me proves how wrong I was. You’ve made your point; no human can sneak up on you, and if it helps, you can tell everyone you captured Varta’s commander without even trying,’ I said, noticing with pleasure that her lips quirked when she looked at me. Seeing that coveted smile gave me such immense relief.
‘I’m better in the wilderness than any of your men,’ she responded, and I bowed my head. ‘Yes, but please don’t rub it in. There is only so much male pride can handle.’ Ani snorted her amusement and her reaction gave me the courage to continue.
‘Please come back with me. Returning to Zalesie makes no sense. We can discuss which patrols would suit you best, and you can join them as soon as you wish. Don’t leave just because my paranoia got the best of me and I stupidly forgot how impressive you are.’ Her frown was one of confusion as I came closer, and she took a moment to reply.
‘I’m not leaving, you idiot. I just went hunting … I thought it might draw out those threatening me. Once they’re gone, there will be no reason for us to argue. I don’t want to fight with you. I don’t like it.’ It was my turn to stare at her. ‘You keep flying around, but some things you can only see while on land, especially if something’s going on underground.’
‘I didn’t take you with me, so you went by yourself to act as fucking bait? Why didn’t you tell anyone?’ I dug my nails into the palms of my hands to control my temper. That was exactly what I was trying to avoid.
‘I tried, but you didn’t want to listen. I joined you at the fortress because my power could help, but our plans fell apart. I can still help, though. Look at what happened with the merchants. I can clear the roads. I can protect those fleeing monster attacks. But I can’t do anything if you hide me away behind stone walls. Please, look around and ask yourself, was I really in danger on my own?’ She bit her lip. ‘I think you are right about the terrain and the vjesci. Something is moving underground, and I wanted to know what it is, preferably before it tunnels out and bites us in the rear.’
I ran a hand through my hair, now sweaty from the strenuous ride. It was my fault Ani couldn’t talk to me. I was so absorbed in keeping her safe—partly from me—that I had forgotten to listen to her concerns.
‘I’m sorry, Nivale. Still, you should have told someone. I thought I’d lost you. Ani, for the love of all the gods, was speaking to Alaric not an option?’ I reached for her but stopped myself, willing my hand to drop before I wrapped her in my arms.
‘If you want me to listen to your orders, maybe you should make them reasonable. You ordered the stable master not to give me a horse?’ she challenged, rolling her eyes when I looked at her. ‘Everybody seems to be under the impression that you and Alaric want to keep me locked up in my room, preferably chained to the bedpost. What do you think would have happened if I informed him? That he’d open the fortress gate for me and wish me good luck on my journey?’
‘You have a point, but you should have told someone. Agnes, maybe?’
‘Katja knew, and why do you keep saying I told no one? I left a letter in your room explaining everything,’ she insisted. I frowned, trying to remember if I had missed a letter amongst the stack of papers my adjutant had brought me today.
‘Orm, please tell me you got my letter. I slipped it under your bedroom door,’ she said, observing my reaction before she sighed. ‘You haven’t been to your bedroom …’
‘No, I wasn’t thinking straight. When I heard you were missing, all I could think of was finding you before anything bad happened.’
She shook her head and rolled her eyes so hard I had to smile.
‘Let me guess, you jumped on Vahin and flew here as soon as you realised I’d left. So, should we sit by the fire, or are we expecting the dragon and Alaric to show up any moment now as the second half of your rescue party?’
‘Vahin is flying back to the fortress as we speak, and Alaric stayed behind. I came alone on my kirbai. I wanted to have time with you alone, to talk—’ I began, taken aback when she squealed.
‘You have a kirbai?! Here? Why didn’t I see it in the fortress?’ Annika’s smile instantly made every problem disappear. She grabbed my arms, steadying herself as she looked past me. I whistled quietly, and my mount trotted forward to stand beside me, hissing when Ani tried to stroke him.
I grasped her hand before it ended up in the stomach of the temperamental beast, gently placing it on the kirbai’s neck, just like I did when introducing her to Vahin. I kept my other hand on his bridle, ensuring he wouldn’t attack as Ani stroked his fur with wonder in her eyes.
‘He is so beautiful and soft. What is his name?’
‘He doesn’t have a name. I don’t like naming other beings,’ I answered simply.
‘You named me after a flower,’ her voice was barely a whisper, but I felt it deep in my soul.
‘And see where that got us? I grew attached to you.’
I slid her hand over the soft fur, letting our fingers entwine, feeling her body relax as she leaned towards me.
‘Please … don’t leave me like that ever again. I care for you, Nivale. I have tried to fight it, but I can’t help how I feel around you. You bring peace into my mind and laughter into my life. I’ve even begun wishing I could be your Anchor. I can’t stop thinking about how much I would give for it to be possible. I’m so afraid to lose you.’
Ani turned towards me and bit her lip before she finally nodded. ‘You won’t lose me. I want to make the fortress my home if you’ll let me. After the year passes, I want to stay here. My friends are here. Katja likes the fortress and wants to settle there, and Bryna—well, she just arrived. Prolonged absence from Vahin is difficult … would be difficult, but you and Alaric aren’t making it easy.’
‘You want to stay? With me? With us? Even after the year ends?’ I tried to stay calm, but the mere thought of Annika even considering it filled me with hope.
‘W—well, in the fortress, yes. I’m not sorry for leaving today, but I do apologise for the way I did it.’ As her words stuttered into silence, I let go of the kirbai and locked her in my arms. The world could fucking burn around us for all I cared. I had Annika here, leaning towards me, and that meant more to me than anything else I could imagine.
‘Orm, what are you doing?’ came the muffled query, and I felt hands pressing against my chest.
‘Apologising,’ I said, letting go of all reason.
I kissed her.
Ani tasted amazing, like honey mead that caressed your tongue before going straight to your head, leaving you dizzy. I felt arousal wash over me when she gasped, parting her lips and yielding to my touch. I was lost, drunk on her taste, and craved more.
Then I felt it, the sting of her magic, my skin shivering as it wrapped itself around me. I welcomed the feeling, hoping for more, needing more. ‘Gods, you’re perfect,’ I groaned, her power lighting me on fire until Ani abruptly gasped and pushed me away.
‘Could you apologise and let me breathe at the same time?’ she said. Annika licked her lips, refusing to look me in the eye, and I had to use all of my willpower not to grab her again. A tentative smile ghosted over her lips as she smoothed down her braid, tussled from our passionate kiss.
I immediately reached out and wrapped my hand around the silk tresses, pulling her closer. ‘Orm, no. That was very pleasant, but shockingly unwise,’ she rebuked, though she didn’t pull away from my touch. If anything, her breathing sped up. Cheeks flushed, she looked up and pulled the braid from my grasp.
‘Not for me, Nivale. I want to do it again … and so much more,’ I said, her braid sliding over my palm.
‘I can’t,’ Ani murmured, shaking her head and stepping away from me. I inhaled slowly, calming my thoughts, determined to find the reason behind her refusal. The pull was there. The desire I saw in her eyes was unmistakable. She wanted me, and I was ready to do anything to be with her.
‘Tell me why, Ani, I … I can’t promise my nature won’t get the better of me, but I’m done with sheltering you. I will happily employ you as garrison battle mage if you want.’ She looked at me sharply.
‘You would employ me as a battle mage? Even if I only have Vahin as my Anchor?’ she asked. I nodded, pleased with myself as I sensed the hope in her voice.
‘I would, although I think he’d be upset if he heard you say “ only ” Vahin,’ I teased. As she smiled at me, I added, ‘You can always add more Anchors, Ani. Alaric is eager … and so am I.’
‘I know, but I’m not ready. I need to be sure. I can’t risk what happened with Vahin happening again. If I’d been conscious, maybe then I’d know what went wrong,’ she pondered while playing with her braid. ‘The way my emotions seem to have changed is unnatural. You can’t just switch yourself off like the pain that dictated the last ten years of your life never happened. Without knowing how I truly felt, how can I know I won’t reject Alaric? I can’t risk anyone else. I can’t bond with someone unless I’m sure I’d accept them.’
That was it—the key to Annika’s refusal. I knew the moment we returned to the fortress, I would ask Alaric to help Ani; but before he could do that, she needed an explanation of what happened that fateful night. My reckless kiss opened my eyes to a simple truth: if I wanted Annika, I needed to come clean about what we’d done.
‘Ani, the way you feel is my fault.’
She frowned, ‘Your fault? You don’t have that kind of power …What do you mean?’
‘The reason the past no longer bothers you is because Alaric used a spell to suppress your feelings, and I allowed him to do it. It was life-or-death, and you were being burned alive while you held onto the spirits of your Anchors. Your grief was preventing Vahin from controlling the fire and I used your geas to force your compliance so that Alaric could bespell your emotions.’
‘You … used my geas?’ Ani pulled away from me, suddenly emotionless, a wall of distrust crashing down between us. The tears in her eyes almost sent me to my knees, but as much as I wanted her understanding, I couldn’t regret saving her life.
‘I had to! There were no other options. I would do it again if it meant saving your life. Every time I close my eyes, I remember my helplessness, seeing the flames beneath your skin as you slowly died in my arms. So yes, I used the fucking geas. I know I’ve been acting like a prick recently, but there is nothing I wouldn’t do to protect you, even if you end up hating me because of it,’ I argued with a vehemence that earned me a sad smile.
‘I don’t hate you. I never did. It’s just … this thing between us … I like you, but I guess I forgot that I’m basically your slave,’ she said in a monotone. ‘You promised me you wouldn’t use it, but your promise didn’t even last a day. I fled the capital because they held that threat over me like an executioner’s axe, and now, if I stay here, I know my choices will never truly be mine.’
‘I swear I only did it to save your life.’
Ani raised her head to look at me. My dragoness with broken wings … there was no light in her eyes—and I was the man who had crushed her soul.
‘Tell me, if I said I wanted to return to Zalesie, or go somewhere those bastards from court couldn’t find me, would you force me to stay? If I told you I was leaving for good and never coming back, would you promise never to use my geas?’ I opened my mouth to deny it, but Ani shook her head. ‘No, Orm. Think it through. If I can’t have freedom, give me honesty. Please.’
Deep inside, I felt my answer would be the turning point for whatever future we might have. While I considered it, a gust of wind blew sparks from the fire, surrounding Annika with the light of a thousand dying stars. I couldn’t offer her anything but my honour, even if that meant whatever feelings were budding between us would die like the sparks flowing into the night sky.
‘I don’t know. I know I would beg you to stay, offer you whatever you wanted, but … for the people we’re both striving to protect … you are still my greatest weapon,’ I whispered, knowing I might as well kiss my future with this remarkable woman goodbye.
To my surprise, she came closer and placed her hand on my chest.
‘I hate it, Orm. I hate that you’ve been placed in this position, and I hate how it makes me feel. However, I really appreciate you being honest with me. I don’t blame you for saving my life, but knowing you own my geas … it makes things difficult between us. We will never be equal. It is an unbreakable chain weighing me down. Even if I know you’d never want to use it to hurt me, the fact remains that it will always be there if circumstances force your hand. But I know that you’re a good man faced with an impossible choice, and I don’t blame you for any of this.’
Ani’s answer, but more so the single tear that fell from her cheek, hit me like a hammer. Before I could do anything stupid, my kirbai headbutted me from behind. As I turned to rebuke him, Ani’s eyes narrowed.
‘Orm. My spell … four Vel demons are heading our direction,’ she stated, and I cursed because, whilst focusing on her, I’d forgotten we were still in a forest frequented by monsters.