Chapter 12
Elinor
It’s better this way. This way I don’t have to watch Blake get tired of me. Leave me broken and in tatters. These past few weeks, it’s taken me every last bit of my willpower not to fall hopelessly in love with him.
And I’ve failed—mostly. I’ve given him almost all of my heart.
There’s just that little bit that tells me, don’t trust him—
This is not my bird speaking, by the way. My bird is all in.
Mate,
Mine,
is blasting in my ear all day long.
It’s the sensible, cautious part of me. Which believes he’s trying to get rid of me.
Blake is sweet and attentive, and he acts like he loves me, but he’s never said the words, so I guess he doesn’t mean them. He’s not the kind of guy to hold back.
He’s not the guy I thought he was. At all. He’s everything I could want and more. So strong and protective, but he doesn’t take away my independence.
He lets me be me. It’s like he understands my flighty bird heart.
But maybe he’s losing interest now he knows me better. He didn’t sound so crushed that I was leaving.
I’m looking out the window of an airplane, watching the ground get smaller and smaller. Perdue is down there, and so is Arndale, but I can’t see them. And so is Blake.
The band collected me, in their private jet. It’s like a dream. And before I’d met Blake, it would’ve been my dream. But now, leaving him hurts so bad, it’s all I can think about.
I’ve got to pull myself together. Enjoy this experience. There’s nothing keeping me back in Perdue. Carolyn is on the mend, thank goodness. It turns out the problem was with her inner ear, and it’s treatable. We are all so, so relieved.
Before I left, Blake gave me a pep talk. Told me to make the most of every minute—to enjoy my dream to the max. He’ll be waiting for me when I get back.
I know that’s not true. Three months is a long time.
He will have met someone else. Of course, he will.
Girls salivate over him in JC’s. Whenever we’re together, there are a ton of eyes watching him with lust, and me with bitter envy.
I’ve tried to be cool with it, but some days, when I’m not feeling my best, those voices start up again.
They’re wondering what a hot guy like him is doing with a weird-looking chick like you.
Blake and I are just too different. I’ll always cherish our time together, but we don’t belong together.
He’ll end up with an ex-cheerleader, and that’s how things are supposed to be.
And I… well, I’ve gained a ton of confidence since I’ve been with him.
Maybe I’ll be able to go out into the world and find—
Mate!
Wow! That squawk is deafening. I resist the urge to clap my hands over my ears. Not that it would do any good, since my bird’s voice is in my head.
No, I’ll probably live the rest of my life alone. Since my bird has already chosen Blake, the stubborn little thing is unlikely to accept another.
“Hey, Elinor!” I jerk away from the window, discover I’ve been drawing a heart in the condensation.
I look for the lead singer, Rick.
“Come join us over here!” he calls from behind me. “We’re playing blackjack.”
I stand up with a grin and go join the guys. They’re great. Nothing like Umbilicus. They’re all married or have long-term partners, who are here with them on the tour. No egos. No groupies. They already promised me that, without me even asking.
This is the opportunity of a lifetime, and I’ve got to live it. Got to justify walking away from Blake.
Even if it tears my heart apart in the process.