Chapter 11
Blake
What to do when you’ve fallen for a little bird, whose nature is to fly away, because of what you did?
If you love someone, set them free.
And if they’re yours, they’ll come back to you.
And if they don’t, it’s because you screwed everything up when you were a fucked-up young idiot…
For the past few weeks, Elinor has barely left JC’s. We work all day and all evening. And all night long, we mate.
We’re insatiable. As hungry for each other as the first time.
I can’t get enough of my little crow. Her jet black hair.
The startling contrast between the feathers etched all over her skin and her pale tits, with those tender nipples.
That tiny pussy that stretches around my cock.
I can’t believe how she can take all of me, in every position.
I love to hold her up while I’m fucking her.
She feels weightless, like a bird in flight.
Her beautiful face glowing with ecstasy.
I love the way she takes me in her mouth, touching herself while she does, as if the feeling of me between her lips is driving her crazy. I’ve never met a woman like her before.
And she’s mine.
But I don’t know if she’ll ever really be mine.
What a goddamn paradox.
Will she fly away one day and leave my soul in tatters?
I’d search for her to the ends of the earth. But I know a bird can fly to places that a wolf can’t reach.
As long as I’ve made her happy in the meantime, I tell myself. That’s what counts.
Elinor is a big success at her job—just like I knew she would be.
Bands start coming to play at the venue.
Good bands. And she’s a genius at bringing the crowds.
Every night, the place is full to bursting, and the bar sales are awesome.
And at long last, the impossible happens—JC’s starts to turn a profit.
My dad is ecstatic.
“Not such a dumb idea after all, was it, son?” he keeps saying.
I grit my teeth. Try to distract myself by catching a glimpse of Elinor, wherever she is—usually rushing around, talking to ten people at once.
She’s blossomed these past weeks. That edgy watchfulness has gone, replaced by a new self-confidence.
I see her starting to think of herself as the sexy woman that I see when I look at her.
I’m in love with her, but I don’t know if she feels the same way about me. She’s sweet and affectionate. But I feel her holding her heart away from me. And I know I can’t push her. I don’t have the right. My beast needs to be humble and reined in and wait for her, as long as it might take.
So, even though I wake up early every morning, just so I can watch her sleep for a while, the words, I love you burning on my tongue, I don’t say them to her.
I don’t force something that she’s not ready for.
Instead, I try to watch the signs. I tell myself that she’s always with me.
That she sleeps in my bed every single night.
But the more rational part of me knows that it’s practical for her to stay.
The proximity I forced so I’d have time to win her heart also prevents me from knowing whether she’d choose to stay with me if we didn’t work together.
And that knowledge eats away at me. Maybe I’ll have to be content with being her admirer.
With protecting her, cherishing her, and making her come like crazy—
Impregnate her, my wolf growls. Fill her with your seed.
And it’s so goddamn tempting. If she had my baby pup growing in her belly, she could never leave me. She’d be bound to me forever.
But I’m not that selfish anymore.
Because I know she’s not ready to have a child.
She’s just at the beginning of her career.
She has a bright future ahead of her, and there’s plenty of time for her to have pups later.
So, when she comes into heat in a few days, I’ll warn her.
And we’ll have to find ways of mating that don’t involve filling her sweet pussy with my cum.
“You’re amazing. You know that?” I tell her one night.
We’re standing at the back of the venue, and I’m speaking close to her ear, because the crowd is wild.
Hysterical. On the stage is Dead Fox Parade, performing the secret gig Elinor mentioned weeks ago.
The tickets sold out in under two hours, and there’s currently a mob of people hanging around outside the venue, begging for spare tickets.
I’m so proud of my girl, I could burst.
She shrugs. “Just doing my job,” she says, but I know how happy she is that she managed to make all this happen.
The gig is awesome. The band loves the venue, the acoustics, the crowd, and it really shows. They wind up doing a four-song encore, before they reach the final crashing, throbbing crescendo of the night.
Elinor has been darting back and forth while they’ve been playing, but from time to time, she stops by to kiss me. She’s romantic like that, my girl.
When they’re done, she goes out back to check on them.
I’m caught up making sure people get out of the venue safely, so for a while, I lose track of time. I don’t notice she’s been gone for a long time.
But when she comes back, her eyes are bright with tension.
My heart plummets to my boots. Because I know in that instant that the words she’s about to say will change everything for us.
“What is it?” Ignoring everything else that’s going on, I pull her aside.
“What happened? Did someone upset you?” My heart crashes against my rib cage, and my beast is already burning my skin, ready to destroy anyone and anything.
She bites her lower lip. “It’s nothing. Forget it.”
“Elinor. I want to know everything about you. Don’t hide anything from me, please.”
She exhales slowly. “The guys are going on tour for three months, and they’ve asked me to manage them. Their manager doesn’t want to travel because she’s pregnant, so they want me to fill in.” The words come out in a rush, and I can tell she’s uncertain, but excited.
“Manage them remotely, you mean?”
“Nope. On location.”
I feel like I’ve been sucker punched.
“And what did you tell them?”
“I said I have a job already.”
“You should go.” I force the words out before they choke me.
“What?” She frowns.
“Elinor, it’s a great opportunity. This is what you’ve always wanted, right?”
“I guess.”
“So?”
“Well, I thought you’d freak out when I told you.”
“I want you to follow your dreams.”
“I am. I mean, I’m managing this place.”
“But they’re an international band. This is bigger than JC’s—” I break off because my beast is whining in confusion.
I want to tell her not to go. Of course, I do. I can’t stand the thought of her not being with me. Of her being around other men. But I don’t have the right.
After all the things I did to limit her happiness in the past, I’ve got to let her free.
I know it deep inside.
And the knowledge tears me apart.
“The calendar is almost full for the next three months, anyway,” she says.
“Totally. And I can take over, now I know how to do stuff.”
“You won’t even need me.”
“Yeah. We’ll be fine,” I say, and the words come out way harsher than I intended. Hurt chases across her features.
I could take it all back now. Tell her I didn’t mean it. My beast is howling in pain. Howling for me to make the right decision.
To beg her not to leave.
To stay with me forever.
But I don’t.
“When do they want you to start?” I ask instead.
“They’re playing in LA in two days,” she says. “So, then.”
My beast roars. I step away from her before I lose control of it.
“Go, and be happy,” I say.
I gave her wings.
And they helped her fly the nest.
It was the right thing to do.
To atone for all the damage I did her.
But I can’t pretend it doesn’t hurt like hell.