~Chapter 7~
The rest of the day was pretty smooth. At one point during lunch, Theo even met up with his sisters, Sophie and Martha, with whom I was at Starbucks until I got a call from Sergio to tell me that my parents weren't coming home today and he said something else but I don't necessarily remember.
After we got back to school, the three of us went to art class but we knew that the teacher wasn't coming, so we only stayed in class for half an hour and then we went to the gym with the class because a few of our classmates wanted to play and we were there as a trinket.
We got to the gym, and Emy, Theo and I went to the benches near the end.
"And...what did you guys do at the party?
" I ask while I glance at Sergio to make sure he doesn't get hurt again.
"I spent it with a super beautiful girl" Emy says and starts laughing softly.
I look at her curiously. "YES. I'm not lying" she adds
"I also stayed with a girl last night.
You've already caught up with what I'm going through.
Super beast girl at night" I say and lean back.
Theo says after a short pause
"Yeah. I saw Sergio walk into the same room with Colby, what should I think?
" He says quietly as he steps forward so only we can hear.
Emy and I look at him.
"Sure? Maybe you saw something else.
" Emy says even more quietly than Theo
"Yeah!
" Theo yells and stands up, and then I look back to see the others staring at us.
"Sorry-" Theo says and sits back down. "That's exactly what it was" he continues.
"To be honest, I don't care if he's my brother," I say and turn on my phone.
"And I don't care if yesterday or today he says he likes dick.
Let's be honest?" I keep seeing Emy looking at me in panic with her hand over her mouth and Theo has a bored face.
"You're right, Cassian," Theo says and then we move on to another topic.
About 5 minutes pass and then I hear someone calling me from downstairs
"Cassian"
"CASSIAN!
"
I look at the person calling me and see a boy in my class.
I look at him questioningly and wait to see what he says
Let's play.
Let's make it 5-5," he says and looks back.
I look at him for a moment without saying anything.
The thought crosses my mind that I don't feel like people today.
But maybe... maybe a game doesn't sound so bad.
I go downstairs and take off my shirt so I don't get it dirty, and when I come back I smile slyly.
"That's how I want you, little brother," Sergio says and pats me on the back.
We start playing soccer and my team scores first, we hang out for a while and the next goals are scored by me.
When I was about to score the last goal, I feel something break behind me and the ball falls out of my hand, my eyes blur and I hear words but I can't make them out.
"Come on, bro, do you have any more.
.. Hey, are you okay?" I slowly come back to my senses and see Colby handing me a bottle of water.
I take it and say nothing. I drink the water like it's the last thing on earth and I need it more than anything.
"Is everything okay?" Emy comes to me and I only now realize that I was sitting on the floor.
I think about how humiliating this is and I quickly get up, grab my shirt from the chairs and quickly go to the bathroom in the gym.
"CASS-..." My name is heard behind me but I better leave with my tail between my legs and a hand on my aching side.
I get to the bathroom and put on my shirt but I don't fasten it and splash water on my face.
I stand in front of the mirror until I see Sergio in the mirror.
I turn around and wait to see what he's loading my head with.
"Are you okay? Can I get you something?
What happened?" He says quickly and I don't even know how to proceed because he adds more questions.
I look at him bored and you can see he's worried.
In vain.
"I can take care of myself, you know" I say and run my hands over my head
"Cassian!
I'm serious now, why are you acting like this?
There's something wrong here..." He yells at me in an annoyed tone about the whole situation
"Yes Sergio I know!
I know I'm a mistake here and you don't have to tell me too!
I don't need you.." I yell at him louder and I seriously think it was heard all the way to the gym.
He looks at me surprised. I sit down on the bench and take a breath
"Look what you did.
.." I continue slowly
"ME CASSIAN? I was just trying to help you and you keep making a big deal out of it every time!
You think you're more important than everyone else but what do you think?
You're not and you never were."
He says nonchalantly and takes a breath.
I try to hold back my tears but they fall so fast that I don't see them.
I get up and then I see Sergio's face after he bursts out and the truth that they lied to me about for a long, long time.
"I'm sor-..." Sergio says but I interrupt him
"No.
I feel sorry for me. That I'm a problem here, that I think I'm above everything but the truth is that I'm nothing.
The truth is that I took your love for me for granted.
It's all a lie. A mistake..." I say and leave the bathroom and don't give him time to answer.
The first thing I see when I come out of the bathroom is that my classmates who are sitting as close to the door as possible can hear the stupidity of unnecessary arguing.
"Useless" I say and I leave the school as quickly as possible.
I hear Theo behind me but I have no intention of stopping.
When I finally walk out the school door I pause and put my hands on my head.
"JUST SHUT UP! KILL ME" I cry so hard I can't even breathe.
Right now I don't care if anyone sees. I feel someone take me in their arms and I accept that hug completely.
I need it so much. When I finally calm down a little and my subconscious comes out thinking more clearly I lift my head and see Emy hugging me.
"It hurts so much Emy..." I say softly and I hope she heard me.
She pats me on the back harder.
"Cassy.
..ugh, you're making me cry" she says between moans.
I look at her and pout and she turns my behavior around.
"Better?"
"A lot"
"I'm glad" she says and lets go of my hug.
I complain a little because I only now see that I have absolutely nothing on, I think it fell off when I was screaming like crazy.
"I'm going home" I add and try to keep my eyes from watering because it's embarrassing and in such bad taste
"Call me if I can help you with anything" she says and with that she heads back to school.
The cold air hits me as soon as I leave the yard.
The clouds are heavy, as if the sky is crying with me.
The horns on the street, the voices of children laughing in the distance.
.. they all sound as if they come from a world where I no longer exist. The drive home is silent and painful.
I put the car in the garage and into the house. The house is quiet. Too much.
I rush to my room and then to bed, but I only feel the weight of the world on my chest. The phone vibrates continuously - Theo, Emy, even Sergio.
.. but I don't answer. I'm scared. I'm ashamed.
I miss the me who didn't break into pieces for every word said too loudly.
After a short while, as if it were years, a car is heard in our yard and 2 minutes later Sergio was in my room.
"You shouldn't have run away." he says softly
"You shouldn't have told me the truth. " I reply sharply
The silence between us is heavier than the falling rain.
And yet, for the first time, I feel like maybe what I choose from now on really matters.
Sergio comes and sits on my bed next to me and puts his hand on my head to comfort me.
I cling to his touch because that's what I need right now but I don't let it show right now.
"Look Cassian... you know I didn't mean to say all that" he says and pauses but then continues "I never meant anything I said.
I...exaggerated. Please forgive me" .
I hear him crying.
Not the fake crying, but the kind of crying that breaks you.
I want to hate him for how much he's made me suffer, but at the same time, something inside me breaks when I see him like this.
I realize that there are no clear culprits, just two souls who made mistakes trying to protect each other.
I reach out and touch his fingers, saying nothing.
For a moment, the rain outside seems to stop.
It may not be forgiveness, but it's a beginning.