~Chapter 28~
The first thing I feel is the cold.
Not a normal cold.
Bone cold.
A cold that slides under my skin, down my spine, between my ribs, right where the bruises still throb.
I put my hand to my shoulder
It doesn’t hurt…
But my skin is hot, as if something is boiling under it.
Sergio sees me.
His face changes immediately.
“No.” he whispers.
It’s not a normal no.
It’s a panicked no.
Emy comes closer to see what I’m doing. But when her fingers touch my shirt. she flinches.
“Cassian…you’re as cold as ice.”
Theo places his hand on the back of my neck.
He pulls his hand back.
“Is… cold?” he says, confused.
Am I hot?
Am I cold?
I am nothing I should be.
And then, just as I look up at them…I hear something.
"Cassian"
A growl.
Long.
Vibrant.
Coming from within me.
I look at Sergio in panic but I see he's just staring at me and so are the others.
"Did you hear?" I say to them.
"Hear what?" Sergio says and the others shake their heads no.
I look around again, hoping to see someone react.
Anyone. A girl twirls her pencil between her fingers, two boys laugh behind her, the teacher arranges her journal on the desk.
Nobody. Absolutely nobody seems to have heard.
My heart starts pounding in my ears.
“No… it can’t be,” I whisper, feeling dizzy.
“He said my name. Sure. He said… Cassian.”
Sergio furrows his brows, but not with irritation, with pure concern.
“Cassy, no one said anything,” he says, his voice too calm for how strange the situation is.
Theo moves a little closer to me, rests his elbow on the bench, and looks at me carefully.
“Bro, are you sure you didn’t doze off?
Maybe you were… daydreaming?”
“I didn’t dream!
” I blurt out, perhaps too quickly. "It was…
it was a voice. It wasn't in my head. It was in the classroom. It was.."
And I stop..
Because the same feeling from earlier, the light, cold, icicle-like sensation on the back of my neck.
Is back. Slowly. Slipping under my skin.
I feel every hair on my arm stand up.
“Cass?” Emy asks, her voice low, as if she’s afraid of the answer.
She looks at me too hard. Too hard. As if she’s searching for something under my skin.
I look up at the window.
There’s a strange light outside. Milky. Mixed with fog. It wasn’t there two minutes ago.
And suddenly, the same whisper echoes, but this time it’s no longer in the air.
It’s inside me.
“Please accept this.”
I inhale suddenly, like a man emerging from cold water.
Sergio reacts first, he instantly stands up from his seat, his chair creaks loudly, the whole class turns.
“What’s wrong?!” he asks, trying not to look panicked, but it’s too late, his whole aura screams tension.
Theo is already next to me.
Emy puts her hand on my forearm, but only for a second, and in that second I see her flinch, as if she’s touched something…
hot.
“Cass…” she whispers. “Your body… is hot.”
“I’m not hot,” I say, but my voice is broken.
“Yes.” Sergio says, his tone harsh, brutally honest.
Theo looks at me and I see his breathing change.
“You don’t look good. Seriously.”
Emy bites her lip.
She looks at Sergio.
She looks at me.
And then she says something I never thought I’d hear come out of her mouth:
“I think… you better get ready…” she says softly, almost inaudibly
I look at her, completely lost.
“What’s going on?
” I ask, but my voice is too thin, too scared.
She closes her eyes for a second, then opens them, and when she opens them… something in them is different.
“I’m sorry Cass, I can’t help you.”
And just then, the loud sound of the bell fills the classroom, but all I hear are those words, repeating in a loop:
What begins? What begins? WHAT BEGINS?
And with that, my head went crazy and I saw black.
---
I wake up when I feel my back go numb and the sun's rays enter my eyes.
I stay like that for a while but then my hand is touched and I turn towards her.
NIKO?!
What is she doing here?
I look at him confused and a little flustered.
I don't think he noticed me looking at him because he's still looking at our hands, but then he turns to me and his eyes widen
"How are you feeling?
" He says and runs his hand through my hair.
"I don't know" I say as he strokes my head, "why are you here?
" I ask and try to get up but I feel a pain in my back that makes me scream a little.
He gets up from behind the chair quickly and well to help me
"Easy" he says and sits me down properly
I look at him and say "thank you" but then I wait for him to answer the question I asked him
Just as he was about to say something, Ash enters my line of sight.
He comes towards me and sits on the other chair, puts it on my forehead where Niko's was and says
"Don't ever do that again!
Have you heard? Not even once..." He seems nervous but at the same time needy.
"What should I do?" I ask because I don't understand what he means.
He glares at me but then softens.
He takes my hand in his and says
"Faint Cassian.
What if this is the end for you?" He says slowly and I can see a tear flowing down his cheek but then he looks towards the window
"What did you feel?
" Niko asks, trying to push the heavy fog away from us
"I don't know.
..a voice I think" I say looking towards the window, I sigh and continue "it was telling me not to resist and to pray nicely" I say.
I don't know what I should feel first, shame for fainting in front of everyone or that fear that clings to my ribs, as alive as my breath.
But when I have them both by my side… the shame disappears.
The fear remains.
And something else.
Something I can't name.
Niko is still holding my hand, as if if he lets go, I’ll be lost. Ash is so close to me that I can feel his breath on my temple, warm, steady, as if he’s trying to anchor my soul to my body.
And me?
I can only breathe heavily and try to understand what I’m saying.
“Prince,” Ash says. His tone… it’s not that of a guy who gets angry easily.
It’s that of someone who’s afraid. For me.
“You’re talking to me, right? I’m here.”
I look up at him.
His eyes are black. Not in color. In intensity.
Like he can read my thoughts and he doesn’t like what he sees.
I look at Niko.
At his warm hand.
At the way he looks at me, with an attention that suffocates and protects me at the same time.
My throat closes.
I’m not used to…
this.
To them.
To the way he acts like I’m something fragile, something that could break at any touch.
“No… nothing bad happened,” I try to say.
But my voice doesn’t help. it sounds small, weak, like it’s not mine anymore.
“I just… I’ve never… heard… anything like this before. ”
Ash moves closer. As if he wasn’t already glued to me.
His palm touches the back of my neck again.
And right where he touches me… something pulses.
Hot.
Cold.
At the same time… I flinch.
“Does it hurt there?” he asks immediately.
“I… I don’t know.” I tell the truth.
“It’s like… there are two sensations in the same place.
I can’t explain it.”
Niko shifts a little, moves his chair closer to be closer.
He stares at me.
“Cass… that voice. Did you recognize it?” he says
I take a deep breath.
I don’t want to answer.
Not because I’m lying.
But because the truth is even scarier than the alternative.
“No,” I murmur. “But he knew who I was.”
And then, without meaning to, I reach my hand to my chest. I do it instinctively, as if something inside me is trying to surface.
Ash notices first.
He grabs my wrist, but not hard.
Just to stop me.
“Hey,” he says softly, almost tenderly.
“Don’t force yourself. Don’t try to remember all this time. We’re taking it one step at a time.”
Niko nods.
“And you’re not alone in this. Right?” he says, stroking my hand.
I look at them both.
This silence doesn’t suit them , they’re not silent when they’re together.
But now they’re silent for me.
I feel a lump in my throat.
“I’m scared,” I finally admit, my voice cracking.
“Not the first time I’ve… not felt like I had control over my own body, I don’t want that again!
”
Ash closes his eyes for a moment, as if he’s been waiting to hear this.
Niko squeezes my hand.
Ash places my forehead against his.
Just a second. A brief, devastating contact.
“Then we’ll hold him,” he says. “Until you get him back, honey.”
My heart races.
“What… what does that mean?” I ask, confused.
Niko chuckles briefly, humorlessly.
“It means we’re not letting you out of our sight, Honey.
”
Ash adds,
“Not at all.”
I swallow.
“Is that… a threat?”
“No,” Ash says.
Very calmly. Too calmly. “It’s a promise. ”
And then, just as I want to say something, something else, anything, the cold sensation at the back of my neck returns brutally.
Like an invisible claw pulling at me.
A short, involuntary moan escapes me.
Ash is on me instantly.
"Cassian!"
Niko stands up, desperate.
The sensation cuts me, burns me, freezes me. All at the same time.
And that voice. whispered. returns.
"Just accept it Cassian, you're only hurting yourself"
My eyes roll back.
I feel the world turning upside down.
And all I can say is:
"No... I don't want to..."
Then everything falls apart again.
---
I wake up for the second time and see that I'm at home in bed. I sigh because I don't know if it was a dream or not.
I get out of bed but my body protests and my eyes get blurry and I fall on the bed
"Shit" I say and lie back down.
After I calmed down a bit and adjusted a bit, I got up again with difficulty but I was hungry.
Very hungry
My body protests that it has no food and that makes me think that I haven't eaten in 2 years, stupid right?
I slowly go down the stairs and my friends are in the kitchen with Sergio, who is at the stove.
"I'm so hungry" I say and after them they turn to me with a panicked face.
I see Emy get up from her chair and come towards me.
"Go to bed! Rest please" she says and tries to push me back but I don't move even for a second because I'm made of stone.
"I don't want to. I'm hungry" I say and walk past her.
I sit next to Theo and Sergio gives me something to eat so I keep quiet contentedly.
While we were eating, they were talking to each other about things and about me but I didn't really remember what they said or it didn't enter my head
"Where are Ash and Niko?
" I ask when I remembered that they were with me before I fell asleep again.
"They left 20 minutes ago. They brought you home and had work to do" Sergio says while drinking something from his glass
"Why were they there?
How did they know?" I ask and I see Emy withdraw a little so I already know that Emy told her about it so I ask something else.
"Where's mom?"
Sergio drinks from his glass and then says
"Gone as usual.
I don't know where exactly" he looks at my hands and I nod.
I get up and see Theo talking about Niko and Ash with Sergio so I don't bother him and go up to my room.
--
I get to my room and plop down on the bed.
I try to take a deep breath, but the air seems to stick to my lungs, thick, heavy.
Images begin to swirl behind my eyes: the classroom, the milky light, Ash and Niko’s hands holding me as if I were a fragile doll.
In my ears, I hear that whisper again that seemed to come from an impossible place:
“Don’t worry.
Everything is under control.”
The voice, it’s not loud.
It’s not screaming. But each word is like a solid rock placed in my chest, keeping me from falling completely.
I feel the shaking begin to subside, my panic reduce to a wave that still shakes me, but no longer overwhelms me.
I try to answer, but my mouth trembles.
“Wh… how do you know… that it’s not… not good to worry?
”
The voice answers without haste, without emotion: "Because I know who you are and what your body can do.
Breathe. It's all inside you, but you're not alone. You won't get lost."
My eyes are closed. I breathe in hard. I breathe out hard.
It’s strange, but I feel like my whole body is returning to a normal, human temperature.
The shaking doesn’t completely go away, but this time, I feel like I can…
sit with my head on the ground without falling.
“…it’s true,” I whisper, my voice barely coming out. “No… I’m not alone…”
The silence behind the voice isn’t strange, it’s comfortable.
It’s like someone has put their hand on my heart and said, Don’t panic.
Everything is fine.
Slowly, slowly, I get up.
I feel slightly dizzy, but more stable than before.
The voice recedes, but it remains there, like an invisible thread between my mind and soul.
And yet, I can’t help but think about what just happened.
There’s a knock on the door.
“Cassian, are you here? Open up, please,” says a familiar voice.
Emy.
I open the door and see her, Theo, and Sergio standing behind her, all with worried faces mixed with small smiles trying to reassure me.
“Hey,” Sergio says, stepping forward.
His eyes search to read what’s been going on inside me, but nothing is clear.
“What happened?”
I try to answer, but the words get caught in my throat.
“I… I don’t know… something happened…
a voice… it’s not… I don’t know how to explain it.
”
Theo approaches, but keeps a respectful distance.
“You scared us, Cass… but you’re okay now, right?
”
Emy puts her hand on my shoulder, but she doesn’t press me.
“Let’s sit down for a bit,” she says calmly.
“You don’t need to explain everything right now, but we want to know that you’re okay. ”
The three of us sit on the bed, and as I see their faces, I realize I’m not alone.
Even though the fear still shakes me, it’s less now, because they’re here, next to me.
After a few minutes, Theo and Emy leave.
I let myself feel the emptiness their absence leaves, but not for long.
Sergio stays. I feel my brother close, like a rock in the middle of my inner storm.
“Dude,” he says, sitting down next to me.
“I don’t know what to think about all this…
but I know one thing: I’m not leaving you alone.
Not today. Not ever, as long as I’m here.
”
I try to look at him. His eyes are serious, warm, full of care.
“Sergio… it’s a lot… everything is a lot…
”
“I know,” he says, placing his hand on my knee.
“But it’s okay for it to be a lot. Just know that you’re my brother and that I care for you.
That’s it. That’s all. You’re safe.”
I feel a wave of warmth pass through me.
It's no longer pure fear, no longer panic.
It's a strange but good feeling: trust, protection, family.
As we talk, I feel a wave of warmth pass through me. The pure fear gradually melts away, the panic subsides, and a strange but good feeling remains: trust, protection, family.
Sergio, however, can’t help himself. He raises his hand slightly and smooths the hair from my forehead, almost mechanically, but with a barely perceptible tension.
“… if anything happens again… I don’t want you to be alone.
I really don’t want to see you… in this situation again,” he says, his voice dropping, graver, more urgent.
“You have to promise not to let yourself panic alone again. If you feel like you’re losing control…
you call me, you look for me, anything! I promise I’ll be right there. ”
I try to breathe in, to receive his calm, but it’s hard. I can feel the small panic still pulsing, but it’s soothed by his presence. “Sergio… I can’t control this,” I say, my voice weak but sincere. “Sometimes… I can’t…”
His eyes fill with a slight tension, almost frustration, but not anger.
“I know… I know,” he says, putting his hand on my shoulder and pulling me close, to make sure I don’t lose my balance.
“But I’m holding you. And until you can do this on your own…
I’m staying here. Do you understand? I’m not going anywhere.
”
I feel my heart beating more quietly, but the trembling in my arms doesn’t completely disappear.
Sergio feels it and doesn’t ignore it. “Look,” he continues, his voice calmer but firm, “if you feel like you’re sinking, or that you’re losing control…
feel me here. Feel me holding you. I’m not letting you fall. Not now. Not ever without me.”
He pulls my arm closer, almost instinctively, and I feel a combination of warmth and protection that makes me breathe deeper.
The trembling starts to fade, but Sergio is visibly agitated—the protective brother who can’t bear to see me vulnerable.
He smooths my hair again, but this time faster, almost impatiently.
“Cassy… promise me you’ll take care of yourself.
I don’t want to see that panic in your eyes again.
”
I try to smile, but my voice trembles.
“I promise… I’m trying…”
“Okay,” he says, taking a deep breath, still a little agitated, but calming as he feels me calm down.
“That’s all that matters now. Breathe, feel me holding you.
Everything’s okay, Cassian. Everything.”
I rest my head on his shoulder, feeling his steady, steady pulse, and the shaking almost disappears completely.
“Sergio… thank you… for being here,” I whisper.
“Always, Cass. Always,” he replies, and I feel his arms become a barrier between me and any fear.
“I’m holding you here, and I’m never letting you leave my arms until you’re okay. Do you understand?”
Then there’s a light silence between us, almost nonexistent.
“I want you to know what happened downstairs,” Sergio says, slightly hesitant, as if he’s choosing each word carefully.
“When you… I took you away from here and you fell asleep, Niko and Ash… were there for you. They brought you home, so that nothing worse would happen. Me, Emy, and Theo tried to calm you down here. We wanted you to be safe before you got up.”
I try to digest all the information.
“So… they…?”
“Well…” Sergio says, with a small smile that tries to seem light, but it’s obvious he’s surprised by everything that’s happened.
“They’re moving to your school. They want to be close.
Because they know you need them, and you need them.
And… it’s okay. Everything’s going to be okay. ”
I feel strange. The fear hasn’t completely gone, but it’s not overwhelming anymore.
It’s more of a curiosity mixed with relief.
I’m breathing hard. I feel… protected. And relieved.
“Do you know something?” Sergio asks, looking into my eyes.
“It doesn’t matter what happened. It doesn’t matter that strange voice or what you’re feeling.
What matters is that you’re not alone. We’re here.
Everything’s okay.”
I touch my chest, feeling the nervous throb that hasn’t completely gone away yet, but is much calmer.
“Thank you,” I say, my voice shaking a little, but clearer.
“Thank you for being here.”
“Cassian,” he says, putting his arm around my shoulders.
“I’m holding you. And that’s my promise.
Let’s get some sleep. The world can wait, but you can’t.
You have to be okay, Cassian.”
I let myself fall into his arms, feeling the reassurance that only a brother can give.
His breathing is calm, steady, and my thoughts are calming down, slowly, slowly.
Before I close my eyes, I hear another whisper in my head. It's not his voice, it's not someone else's voice. It's an echo of silence:
"Everything is under control. Just breathe. Everything is okay."
His breath and the warmth of his arms bring me to a place where fear cannot reach, and with that I slowly fall asleep....