~Chapter 38~
His footsteps are heard as they come out of our garage and into the room before I see them. Heavy, measured steps, like a man who knows everyone has to make room for him. The room cools, the air around me seems to tighten. Sergio remains still, but the tension keeps his shoulders rigid.
Silas appears in the doorway.
He’s wearing his expensive suit, his tie perfectly pressed, and that smug face that’s been there for over 50 years hasn’t changed a millimeter.
His gaze sweeps over me as if I’m a misplaced object.
He doesn’t say “hello.” He doesn’t say “I’m here.
”
Just:
“Cassian.”
Cold. Flat. Like a verdict.
I don’t answer. I never have. He was never my “father.” Not even a shadow of that.
He was just someone who taught me what it means to be someone else’s mistake.
His eyes assess me. Weigh me. Look for flaws.
Just like he did at school, when he came to every meeting and discovered “what I messed up.”
“Aren’t you going to get up?
” he asks. His tone is calm, but it’s that kind of menacing calm.
“No.”
Sergio turns his gaze to me, as if he’s waiting for this reaction.
Silas… raises an eyebrow. That’s his reaction when something really pisses him off.
It’s the first sign.
“A stupid kid" he says simply
A cold shiver runs down my spine.
Not because it scares me. But because it reminds me.
It reminds me of the day I came home with a bad grade in math.
How he closed the door behind me.
The slap I DID NOT see coming.
The way he pushed me against the wall, dryly, without screaming, without hysteria, just pure, cold, disciplined disappointment.
"If you're not good at school, then what are you good for?
"
A phrase that has stuck in my head.
How should I know? I'm just a stupid mistake, I ended up in the wrong place and in the wrong family.
Now… he takes off his coat and throws it over the back of the chair.
And he takes 3 steps towards me.
“I asked you for something simple,” he says, the exact same tone he used when he picked me up by the collar in eighth grade.
“Stand up.”
I sit. Stiff. And I feel my hands clench.
Silas reaches in front of me. Too close.
His shadow falls over me.
He looks at me like a child who has made a mistake again.
“Do you think if you keep quiet, you’ll do better?
”
He raises his hand very slightly.
Sergio takes a step.
“Dad..”
Silas gives him a quick, murderous look.
“It’s not about you.”
Then his palm comes down towards me.
But this time it doesn’t catch.
Because I suddenly stand up and his hand hits the air.
The blow doesn’t hit me, but its intention… is clear.
Silas doesn't stop.
He doesn't get scared.
He doesn't back down.
He comes closer and pushes me with his shoulder, hard, to move my body out of place, as if the territory doesn't belong to me.
"You don't stand up when I tell you to?
Since when did you start having an attitude?
Or did others teach you how to talk to me?
"
His tone is acid, sharp, without a hint of emotion.
And then, very close to my face, he says what ignites everything I've buried:
"I never thought you were good for anything.
But at least you knew how to shut up and not get in my way. "
The air is cut off.
Sergio clenches his jaw.
I feel the tension rise in the back of my neck.
And then…
The front door opens.
Very slowly.
Silas just turns his head, irritated, like a disturbed man in the middle of a performance.
But his expression freezes in place.
Because Ash and Niko are standing in the doorway.
Niko leaning against the door frame, his gaze cold, appraising.
Ash straight, still, his jaw set, his eyes fixed on Silas' hand.
No greeting. No sound.
Just silence.
That thick silence that says,
"You touched the wrong place.
"
Silas smooths his suit as if nothing had happened.
"And who are you supposed to be?"
Niko tilts his head slowly.
"Those who can't stand to see a man full of himself raise his hand to someone.
"
Ash takes a step forward. Just one.
That's all it takes to fill the entire room with tension.
"Back off," he says.
One sentence.
Cold.
No emotion.
Silas laughs a short, fake laugh.
"You?
" He points at him. "Young man, I don't.."
He doesn't get to finish.
Because Ash takes another step.
Enough to make it clear that this is not a joke.
And his voice cuts through the air like a knife:
"I told you to get away from him now, you Old Whore"
And for the first time in my life…
I see Silas take a half step back.
"NeDisciplined kids," he says quietly and walks with his tail between his legs, straight towards the stairs and his room separated from the rest of his 'family'
I sigh dramatically and put a hand on my shoulder.
He always puts pressure on something he knows will help me, and it really hurts now.
I see him coming towards me and Ash is the one who gets the closest, he stops and stares at my shoulder and then at me
"Does it hurt.
..?" Sergio asks who is sitting further back than necessary
"Just a little.
..a major problem" I say and suddenly sit down on the couch
"A major problem Cassian?
" Ash says loudly and that makes me put my hands on my head.
What did I do wrong here? Am I asking too much?
"He touched you and the way...he spoke disgustingly.
" He says and glares at the stairs and how he could kill my dad just by looking at him.
That makes me smile a little but I push that thought away.
"Thank goodness I didn't kill him, baby" he says and plops down next to me.
He takes my face in his hands and kisses my forehead, pulls me towards him and signals Niko to turn to the other side, which he does.
A few seconds of silence pass and Sergio says without trusting him
"I feel stupid.
."
"Why?" I ask and try to put my hand on Ash's waist but I literally fail
"Because this happened.
.. that I didn't do anything, that I stood there in vain.
... because every time" he says slowly and I see that he turned his gaze towards the window
I don't like this silence.
Not the one between us; that's what I'm used to.
But the silence from him. The one that comes after something cracks inside you and you don't even know what to protect anymore.
Sergio gives way before me.
He doesn't fall, he's not like that, but he folds, as if the weight in his chest is pressing him down.
I see him.
I rarely see someone so clearly.
And I don't like it.
"It's not your fault" I say the words without warming them.
I'm not made to warm anything.
But the truth doesn't have to be soft to be true.
Sergio raises his face. Wet. Unstable.
His eyes search for an explanation that doesn't exist. Because he keeps trying to fix people who don't want to be fixed.
His movement to collapse is faster than I expect.
But Ash goes quickly and catches him first.
Normal.
Ash is pure reaction.
Niko is balance.
And I... pretty much nothing
All three of us know this, but we don't talk about him.
"Breathe." Ash says.
Niko lifts him up, puts a hand on his shoulder.
Natural order. They deal with the body. I deal with the reality that grinds us down
I give him a few seconds to stabilize him.
Then I speak again.
"I told you. It's not your fault," I say and put my hands behind my head, "it was never your fault and it never will be, Egio.
"
I don't try to calm him down. I hold a mirror up to his face.
If he can't see what's right, I can't draw his image myself.
Sergio trembles. I hear it in his breathing, not in his body.
And that... annoys me.
Because it reminds me of other breaths, other weakness, other words that have been used against me, not for me.
Niko glances at me briefly. He looks for signs.
I don’t give him anything.
Ash asks if we should take him to the couch.
Sergio nods. Very weakly.
I look at all three of them.
They’re a team even when they don’t want to be.
And I…
I’m outside of them, but still in the center.
The perfect irony.
They prepare to move him. And before he turns, I finish what I had to say.
"If you want to know what it was, you will.
" I hold his gaze. "But you were never the reason.
"
I turn my head.
Not because I care if he's following me.
But because I can't stand to see people broken who don't deserve to be or, worse, because of me.
I let the air die between us and head upstairs.
I have a project to finish.
And, quite frankly, it's the one thing that doesn't ask anything of me.
---
It was almost 3 am and we didn't sleep a wink.
I felt bad about everything that happened, about Sergio, about the so-called father and especially about my mother.
She is never home when you need her, about her instincts, about what she was before.
I feel like my cheeks are soaked in tears unheard and unfelt by me, I didn't accept this.
I didn't want this.
And this is draining everyone.
I stop myself from thinking when I hear the door open
"You'd better sleep, angels" Niko says and comes to the bed.
He sits on the side facing me and then Ash comes who closes the door and stands behind me.
I look at his chest but the truth is that I'm looking into nothingness, into something indescribable
"I can't" I say after a while and the tears flow as fast as before but to no avail for Sergio.
Ash lifts my chin and wipes my tears.
He kisses my right eye and squeezes me and brings me to him
"We'll do it and you can if you have to" he says softly and then Niko comes close to me, hugs me and Ash and sits with his head on my chest.
---
Niko still has his head on my chest, breathing heavily, as if trying to match his rhythm to mine. Ash, behind me, has a hand stretched out across my abdomen, as if trying to anchor me to not fall apart again.
But my mind... doesn't stand still.
“Sergio…?” I ask, my voice lower than I want.
It’s like I’m stammering inside, but it’s not coming out.
“Er… how is he?”
Ash sighs once, deeply, the kind of sigh that tells you it’s all been too much for everyone.
“He’s okay,” he says finally. “Just down. Tired. And with all that in his head… more than he says.” I don’t like the sound of that.
I don’t like it at all. “He’s resting,” Ash continues, and I feel my back heat up as he rests his forehead there for a second.
“I let him sleep. He didn’t want to, but he fell asleep almost immediately.
”
Niko murmurs a “yeah…” into my chest. It doesn’t even press, it just sticks.
It’s warm. Too warm for how cold I am inside.
I lift Niko's chin slightly, just enough to see part of his face.
His eyes are tired and sleepy. I giggle at this and see a smile forming on his lips.
I don't know why, but something tightens under my breastbone.
.. I love seeing this but it's weird, it makes my heart skip a beat in a way that we don't expect from me.
I run my hand through his hair slowly. I don’t usually do this.
I’m not one for gestures of affection. But now it comes without thinking.
I part his strands with my fingers, pulling them gently behind his head, until I feel the tension in his shoulders release.
Niko sighs as if I’ve untied him from something.
Ash lifts his body a little and rests his chin on my shoulder.
“You’re not responsible for him, Cass,” he says softly.
“Not for all his reactions. You just… touch him where it hurts. Without meaning to.” he says and continues after “it hurts to see his brother suffer, and that’s what’s suffocating him”
“Mhm.” That’s all I can get out.
Niko rubs his nose against my chest and says, weakly:
“Sergio is strong… but he’s not made of iron.
”
“Neither are you,” I murmur, stroking his hair again, without thinking.
Ash laughs briefly, but without joy.
"We? We stick together, that's the secret.
Baby"
They pull me closer, as if they're wrapping me between them so I don't break somewhere else.
I don't admit it.
But
I love sitting like this.
Stuck between them, as if all that matters to him is that I'm sitting next to me.
And with all this talking, I fell asleep after a while too.
---
I wake up when I hear the alarm and feel cold behind me, I grunt at the new feeling and hide my face in the pillow.
I hear someone giggling and I turn towards the sound.
It was just Ash looking at me while he puts something on
"Oh did I wake you up prince?
Sorry babe" he says and washes himself towards me, kisses my nose and I laugh softly at the tingling sensation.
Niko squeezes my stomach, tighter than it should and almost leaves me breathless but then sighs dramatically and gets up
"I think you should sleep darling" Niko says sleepily as he lies down
"Where are you going?
What time is it?" I ask while yawning
"It's 5 in the morning, angel" Ash says and puts on his pants "but I'm not answering your other question.
It's too early to be filling your head with idiots" he says and after he finishes he approaches Niko and kisses him to which Niko responds with a kiss and a little 'thank you' that he thinks I can't hear but I did.
I can still hear them talking to each other but I'm too sleepy to continue the conversation so I lie down on my stomach and go back to sleep.
, After all, it's only 5 in the morning and I have school at 8 so I still have at least 2 hours of sleep.
"See you later, sweetheart," Niko says, the last thing I want to do with this is to enter the abyss of the night again.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I still don't know how I'm supposed to write when he's talking in his head or with wolves or talking nonsense on the phone. It's a total mess.
I still need to make improvements, there are some things I don't like about the way the story is being told but I don't really have a way to make them better.
This is the last chapter of Part III.