~Chapter 47~
I wake up in the morning when a ray of sunlight enters the window that stretches from top to bottom on the wall in the room.
I gather my strength, and I get up a little harder today.
I have that feeling.
So...squeeze.
When you know something is going to happen but you don't know what.
I close the bathroom door behind me and turn on the light.
The mirror greets me mercilessly, light circles under my eyes, eyes too bright for how long I've slept.
I take off my T-shirt and throw it over the edge of the sink, then turn on the shower.
Its sound fills the room, steady, almost soothing.
The steam begins to rise immediately.
I step under the shower and let the warm water fall on the back of my neck, on my shoulders, as if it could wash away that feeling of something coming.
I close my eyes.
"Cass..." Brex's voice creeps into my mind, low, restless.
"I don't like this day."
I take a deep breath, letting my forehead touch the cold wall of the cabin.
"Me neither," I murmur, the water sliding down my face and stealing a little of my words.
"I have the exact same feeling."
"It's different," he continued.
"It's not fear. It's… a warning.
"
I run my hand through my hair, take a deep breath, and feel the wolf in me move, not agitated, but alert. Too alert. "I know," I say softly. "As if this day weren't mine. As if I'm just getting through it."
The water beats harder as I turn the tap a little. I hold my palms under the stream, watching my skin redden.
“If you have to choose today,” Brex says after a heavy pause, “don’t choose guilt.”
My eyes snap open. “It sounds like you know something.”
“No,” he replies simply. “But I know what guilt does to people like you.”
I swallow hard. The water doesn’t seem so warm anymore.
“Then,” I say, more for myself than for him, “I’ll be careful. More careful than usual.”
“That’s all I ask,” Brex murmurs. “Don’t ignore the signs. Today… they’re speaking.”
I turn off the water and stand still for a few seconds, with the steam around me and the oppressive silence in my head. The day is just beginning.
And I already know:
it won’t be ordinary.
I come out of the bathroom with a towel around my belly button, and another in my hand while I dry my hair.
I go into a dressing room and get a pair of shorts, with a normal blouse because it's quite warm in the house and the sun is blazing outside.
I put on my Apple Watch and smile without even realizing it.
I go downstairs, wondering if Ash and Nikolai left this morning.
"What a night" I say softly when I remember what stupid things I said last night.
I enter the living room, and I start to go into the kitchen but I'm interrupted when I hear their voices.
"Элара связалась со мной. Она сказала, что у Каэля плохое предчувствие насчет волка Кассиана, и он думает, что это оборотень" Ash says as quietly as he can but I can perfectly hear every breath he takes.
(Elara contacted me. She said Kael has a bad feeling about Cassian's wolf and thinks it's a lycan)
"Я так волнуюсь, малыш.
Почему брат Кассиана так думает, а мы нет?
" Complete Niko.
(I'm so worried, ash.
Why does Cassian's brother Feel this way and we don't?"
I stand still, the towel still clutched in my hand.
My heart skips a beat, then slows, harder.
Kael. The name falls into me like a stone thrown into still water.
“Cass…” Brex’s voice comes in immediately, sharp.
“You heard, right?”
I don’t answer.
Not yet.
Ash continues, still in Russian, his voice betraying more than he wants:
?Он чувствует связь.
Он сказал, что волк Кассиана не обычный.
Что он… откликается.”
(He feels the connection.
He said Cassian’s wolf is no ordinary one.
That… he answers.)
Niko clears his throat.
?Это плохо. Если Каэль чувствует его, значит, другие тоже могут.
”
(This is not good. If Kael can feel it, then others might too.)
A cold shiver runs down my spine. The wolf in me doesn’t stir. On the contrary. It rises. As if it’s been called by name.
“They know more than they’re saying,” Brex murmurs. “And Kael… he’s not just someone..”
I clench my jaw. I press my shoulder against the wall, breathing slowly, calculatedly, as if any sound might betray me.
Ash sighs.
?Я не хотел, чтобы он узнал так.
Он не готов.”
(I didn't want him to find out like this.
He's not ready.)
"But we can't keep him in the dark either," Niko replies, more sharply.
?Это уже происходит.”
(This is already happening.)
My palms feel sweaty.
'Cassian's brother', what a brother, and I only have Sergio and that's it .
The words hit me, and something deep, old, recognizes the truth before my mind can accept it.
"Cass," Brex says slowly, gravely.
"Today is not a warning. It's a threshold.
"
I take a deep breath. The towel slips a little from my hand, but I don't let go of it.
Not yet.
There's a brief silence in the living room. Then footsteps. They approach.
I step aside and sit on the living room couch, staring at the doorway between the kitchen and the living room.
Ash comes with Nikolai, or rather, enters the living room talking something but then they stop when they see me leaning against the couch with my hands on the back.
"Good morning" I say with a smile on my face looking at them while they took a few more steps.
"I didn't hear you get here" Niko says and comes towards me to hug me, and I let him go.
Maybe I want that.
"Why do I have the impression that you're lying to me all the time?
Nikolai and Ash? What are you hiding?" I say when my rage was already at its peak.
"What do you want to...?" Ash says and leans against the wall
"What do I mean?
Who is Kael? Why didn't I know you knew Russian?
What a brother..." I say quickly trying to calm myself down.
Ash slowly pulls away from the wall, as if any sudden movement could break something already cracked.
Niko stays by my side, his arms still around me, but not tighter.
He feels it too. The moment.
“Cass…” Ash begins, then stops.
He runs his hand over the back of his head, a rare gesture for him.
Unsure. “You weren’t supposed to find out like this.
”
My smile remains on my lips, but it’s stiff.
“Like what? By mistake?” I ask calmly.
Too calmly. “Or not at all?”
Niko exhales deeply and steps forward, between me and Ash, like a shield.
“I didn’t lie to you all the time,” he says.
“But… yes. I hid things from you.”
I look up at him.
“Beautifully phrased.”
The silence falls heavily.
The wolf in me doesn’t howl. That’s the part that scares me the most.
“Kael,” Ash finally says, clearly, without mincing words.
“It’s not a random name.”
I feel my stomach clench.
“Then explain it to me. Because I only have one brother. And I know his name for sure.”
Ash looks at me directly.
No mask. “Kael is your blood brother.”
The words don’t explode.
They sink in.
“No,” I say immediately, without raising my voice.
“No.”
Niko bites his lip. “Cass”
“No,” I repeat, more forcefully.
“There’s no such thing. If there was, I would know.
My mother..” I stop. My breath hitches for a moment.
“My life has no room for a lost brother.”
“You’re lying,” Brex murmurs, not accusingly.
Just sadly. "You feel it too."
Ash takes a step toward me. He stops halfway, keeping his distance.
“He was separated from you and Sergio when you were little. Not out of cruelty. Out of fear.”
“Whose?” I ask.
“Everyone,” he replies. “Because three wolves bonded by blood… they’re not just stronger.
They’re visible. Especially since we think you’re a lycan…
so complicated”
Niko adds, his voice low: “Kael senses things before they happen. That’s why he talked about you.
About your wolf. Not because he suspects you.
But because he recognizes you.”
I feel something in my chest give way.
It doesn’t break. It opens.
“And you?” I ask.
“How long have you known?”
Ash looks down.
“Long enough to know it wasn’t the time.
”
I laugh. It sounds wrong even to me.
“The time for what? For the truth?” I say
Niko reaches out his hand toward me, then lets it fall. "For your safety."
Silent. I slowly pull away from his arms and take a step back.
“Then you chose,” I say quietly. “You chose for me.”
No one contradicts me.
“The threshold,” Brex says.
“Now you see it.”
I run my hand over my face, take a deep breath.
“Where is he?”
Ash looks up immediately.
“Who?”
“Kael,” I say. “Where is this man?”
Niko and Ash exchange a look.
A brief one. Hard to miss.
“Not here,” Ash says.
I feel the wolf in me rise fully. Not angry.
Determined.
“Then,” I say, looking between them, “this was definitely not an ordinary day.”
I glance at them again and start to leave to get something to stand up, but Ash grabs my arm.
"Where are you going?" He says in a dominant tone
"You have so much guts , Ash Voss!
So much. After letting me think I could get my stupid problem out of me to make myself better for you, and what you give me.
.. You're lying to me. Absolutely everything.
LITERALLY EVERYTHING, MY WHOLE LIFE" I finish my sentence louder than I need to and glare at the stairs.
I just hope I didn't wake Sergio up, at a miserable 8 in the morning.
"Don't let me catch you coming after me" I say through gritted teeth and slam the door.
When I close the door, I burst into tears.
Not the 5-10 minute, and it's over kind.
The "after so long" kind
I don't even know where I'm at until I get to Theo's house and knock on the door, my cheeks full of tears and my heart so broken.
"Hey.. oh' Cassy?" Sophie answers, and looks at me as if she regrets opening the door because she's about to cry.
"Theo" is all I say and he lets me in after I take off my shoes and put on some slippers.
My feet lead me to Theo's room, I open the door without knocking.
"Theo"
My voice comes out broken, lower than I expected.
He's on the bed, his back leaning against the headboard, his phone forgotten in his hand.
When he sees me, he doesn't say anything.
That's the hardest thing and, at the same time, the best thing he could have done.
He gets up immediately and comes towards me.
He doesn’t ask what happened. He doesn’t ask who.
He just opens his arms to me.
I collapse into them.
The crying hits me again, brutally, as if only now my body has understood that it’s safe.
I bury my face in his T-shirt, my fingers clenching into the material, desperate.
My breath breaks, gathers, breaks again.
Theo places his hand on the back of my neck, pressed, steady.
He holds me. He doesn’t caress me hastily.
He doesn’t try to stop me. He lets me be.
“It’s okay,” he murmurs, almost pressed against my ear. “You’re here.”
I cry even harder at this.
“They lied to me,” I manage through my sobs.
“Everyone. About everything. About me.”
Theo doesn’t move away.
He just rests his forehead against my head.
“I know.”
I tense up. “What do you mean, you know?”
“Because you’ve been acting like someone who’s been through something alone for too long,” he says calmly. “And because… Cass, I know you.”
I let myself slide to the edge of the bed, and he comes with me, staying next to me, shoulder to shoulder.
My knees clench into my chest. I feel small.
Exposed.
“They told me I was… something,” I say quietly.
“A lycan. That my wolf wasn’t normal. That I had a brother I never knew about.
” I swallow hard. “And you knew.”
It’s not a reproach.
It’s an observation.
This hurts the most.
Theo exhales deeply. He rubs his hands together for a second, then turns to face me fully.
“Yes,” he says simply. “I knew.”
My eyes fill with tears again, but they’re not crying anymore.
Not yet.
“Why?” I whisper. “Why didn’t you say anything?
”
Theo takes my hand. He squeezes it firmly but gently.
“Because every time the subject came up, you didn’t talk about the wolf,” he says.
“You talked about guilt. And Emy said I couldn’t help you because I was a poor human, and you guys are…
powerful animals.” I look at him.
“You talked about fear,” he continues.
“About how you’re afraid that if you’re too much, people will leave.
About how you think you need to be better, calmer, more in control.
”
I feel the lump in my throat.
“If I had told you then that your wolf was different,” Theo says quietly, “you would have thought it was another reason why you had to change.”
A shaky breath escapes me.
“Maybe.”
“Maybe not,” he says. “Sure.”
“That’s true,” Brex murmurs.
“And you know it.”
Theo lifts my chin slightly, just enough to force me to look at him.
“I didn’t want to burden you any more. I wanted you to be…
you. No labels. No prophecies.”
“What now?” I ask.
He smiles weakly. “I can’t protect you from the truth now.
Just be there for you when you wear it.”
I look down at my hands.
They’re still shaking.
“I’m scared,” I admit.
“Not because of who I am. But because of what he’s going to ask of me.
”
Theo puts his arm around my shoulders and pulls me gently toward him.
My head rests on his chest. I can hear his heart.
Steady. Real.
“Then stay here as long as you need to,” he says.
“You don’t have to be anything else today.
Not a wolf. Not a brother. Not a chosen one. ”
I close my eyes.
I breathe.
---
I've been at Theo's for two hours now, my head is pounding, my stomach is crying for food and the phone...it won't stop ringing.
Or Ash
Or Niko
Even Emy.
I stare blankly again and then Theo pushes me a little on the shoulder
"If you cry again, I swear, I'll kick you straight to the front door," he says and I pout softly.
"Look at that smile! Stay like that, Cassian.
Please," he says and I nod.
"I'm hungry," I say and he gets up and leaves the bed, leaving the door open and I follow him 2 minutes later.
He's on the stove, cooking what I think is spinach and there are 4 eggs in the pot.
"Yesterday, Mom said to get spinach, in case you come to my place again.
She found out you like it," I say and laugh at Mrs. Maria.
"By the way, where are Mom and Dad?" I ask when I can't smell either Maria or Victor in the house.
"Or gone on vacation, I think... 3 days?
They left today, they come for a week when they come"
He puts the spinach and two already peeled boiled eggs on my plate, and pushes them towards me.
"Thank you. And you?" I ask and wait for him to give me a spoon.
"I don't eat that kind of food," he says as he hands me the cutlery and I laugh at his reproach about my spinach leaves.
"They have a lot of fiber and are good for your diet, you know," I say while I eat.
"BLAH. BLAH .BLAH. I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING.
"
He lets me eat in silence while he throws himself on the couch and watches TV.
After I finish I get up and wash the dishes, dry my hands and then the phone rings.
Sergio.
"Yes?" I say and go to Theo's room where I can't hear what's being played.
"Finally! Jesus Cassian! Why aren't you answering the phone?
" He says and I throw myself on the bed.
"Leave it. Where are you?" he says quickly
"At Theo's.
I needed some relief" I say and he adds with a louder voice
"I'm coming now"