Chapter 4 Rose
ROSE
Seeing how little space everything I owned took up in the back of Cullen’s pickup made me question every choice that had led me here.
Most of the girls I’d gone to high school with back in California were married and settled down already, some of them with multiple kids.
I didn’t care or keep track, but my mother did.
She hadn’t given a crap about me when I was little and didn’t put up much of a fight when I was taken out of the house and put into foster care.
I could still remember the smell of bleach and cigarette smoke the day they took me away and picture her face as she closed the door behind me.
But now she’d decided it was time to make up for all of those bad decisions she’d made.
She wanted a relationship. I wanted to get as far away from her as possible.
Keeping my distance was easier than reopening old wounds.
My phone buzzed. Callie’s soft fussing from the back seat drowned out the sound, but I still felt it like the past tugging at my sleeve.
I glanced at my most recent text as Cullen pulled into the gravel drive leading up to his cabin.
My mom wanted to know when I was going to turn around and come back to California. The answer was never.
The week I’d spent taking care of Callie had been the most stable period of my life.
I’d been wary of Cullen at first, but Ruby vouched for him.
That meant a lot, but I’d also had my fair share of “good guys” turning into creeps, so I’d been on guard all week.
Lucky for both of us, he hadn’t tried anything.
I could handle myself but didn’t want to leave town and have to keep looking over my shoulder.
Been there, done that. Had the scars to prove it.
“Do you want to bring in the baby, and I’ll grab your things?” Cullen asked as he killed the engine.
“Sure.” I climbed down out of the truck before he could race around to open my door.
He was just being polite, but I didn’t want to feel like I owed anyone else a damn thing.
Even opening the door for someone could be twisted around and used against them.
He moved in behind me to grab the bags. Heat rolled off him along with the smell of pepper and smoke and soap. It landed low and unwelcome.
Ozzy greeted me at the door and immediately nudged his nose into the baby carrier.
I still wasn’t sure how Cullen felt about being a dad, but the big dog was clearly in favor of having a baby sister around.
It only took him an afternoon to figure out how quickly she could clear off her highchair tray.
Since then, he sat next to the chair during every meal, ready to nab whatever treats happened to fall his way.
We’d been gone so long that it was time for Callie’s next bottle. I changed her, then set her in the baby saucer while I mixed it up.
Cullen carried in the few bags I had and put them in the guest bedroom. It only took one trip. By the time I had her bottle mixed, he was done.
“Do you want me to feed her while you get unpacked?” he asked.
“That would be great.” I passed him the bottle.
He carried Callie over to the couch and sat down, a burp cloth already draped over his shoulder.
She immediately sucked the nipple into her mouth and the two of them stared into each other’s eyes while she sucked it down.
Watching the tough, tattooed firefighter cradle her in his arms knocked something inside me loose.
Forearms inked, hands impossibly gentle.
His brown eyes went soft when she sighed, and my chest pinched hard enough to make me look away.
He was a good man, and she was lucky to have him.
I headed into the bedroom before I ruined the moment.
There wasn’t much to unpack besides my clothes.
I hadn’t wanted reminders of the life I was leaving behind.
Except for a snow globe my grandma had given me from a trip she took to the Outer Banks when I was a kid, I hadn’t kept anything personal.
Once my clothes were tucked into drawers, and I’d stashed my toiletries in the bathroom, I didn’t have an excuse to hide away in the bedroom anymore.
I walked out to the family room to find Cullen stretched out on the couch.
One arm rested over his head, the other held Callie to his chest. Both of them were sound asleep.
I snapped a picture with my phone so I could send it to him later. Then tears welled up in my eyes, and I blinked them away. What was it about a relative stranger sacked out on his couch that hit me so hard? I didn’t want to stick around long enough to find out.
“Come on, Ozzy. Want to go for a walk?” I picked up his leash from a hook by the front door. He bounded over, his tail thumping against my legs like a whip.
Fresh air helped. I inhaled deep gulps of pine-scented air.
I set a fast pace, like distance could outrun the thought of unpacking anywhere.
Fall had definitely settled over the mountain.
Tall trees stretched toward the sky, their leaves a mix of orange, red, and brown.
I pulled my sweater tighter around my shoulders as my feet crunched on the gravel.
Back home, fall would mean a slight dip in the temperature, not a total metamorphosis.
Here, everything changed at once… the weather, the sky, even me pretending that moving in with a hot, inked firefighter didn’t make me feel good for a change.
Not that I was ready to acknowledge it. I took in another deep breath.
The woods were too still, the kind of quiet that made every crack of gravel sound louder.
Somewhere behind me, a branch snapped. Probably nothing.
Still, I picked up the pace. I wondered what it would look like this time of year on Hatteras Island.
If the sound of the Atlantic Ocean would be more comforting than the Pacific.
If I had enough strength to make it all the way there.
When my boots had rubbed a new blister onto my heel, I headed back to Cullen’s.
I stopped when I reached the edge of the clearing and took a long look at his cabin.
Smoke curled from the chimney, and lights glowed in the windows against the dimming late afternoon light.
It didn’t just look like a house. It looked like a home and somewhere people came back to on purpose.
I stood there too long, wishing I didn’t want what that picture promised.
Maybe someday, I’d have one of my own to return to after taking my dog for a walk.
Maybe I’d even have someone who loved me waiting for me inside.
As I took a step toward the porch, Ozzy’s head snapped to the right.
I followed his gaze to where a huge gray wolf stood near the edge of the tree line.
Mr. Farley had warned me to stay away from the wildlife that frequented the land he owned down by the river.
I thought he meant deer or maybe a stray moose.
He hadn’t said anything above wolves. A chill raced down my spine as the wolf eyed us across the distance.
Ozzy pressed into my leg. I slid my palm over his head to keep us both from bolting. The air felt thinner, sharper.
As eager as I was to get inside, I forced myself not to run.
But by the time I opened the front door and slipped inside, my heart thudded so hard against the walls of my chest that I felt like I’d just completed a marathon.
For a woman whose curves made jogging impossible, the comparison might have been a stretch, though it was true.
Cullen was in the kitchen and Ozzy raced over to see if Callie had dropped anything from the highchair yet.
“There’s a wolf outside. A big one.” I hung the leash on the hook and moved to look out the kitchen window.
Cullen came up behind me, so close I could feel the warmth of his breath across the back of my neck.
His shoulder brushed mine as he leaned in to see.
My pulse jumped for a reason that had nothing to do with teeth and claws.
“That’s just Hades. He’s part town mascot, part protector.
He probably heard Callie crying or something and wanted to come check it out. ”
“This town has a real wolf as a mascot?” The idea didn’t make me feel any better.
“Yeah.” Cullen shook a few more rice puffs onto Callie’s tray on his way back to the counter. “Jackson raised him from a pup. He won’t hurt you. Might even follow you around if you give him a snack.”
“I don’t think I want a wolf to follow me around.”
Cullen let out a soft laugh. “Is brisket okay for dinner? I wasn’t busy at the station during my last shift so I smoked a couple to practice for the upcoming barbecue contest.”
I’d been so rattled, I hadn’t paid much attention to what he was doing when I first stepped inside. The kitchen was warm and steamy, the air thick with sweet smoke and spice. “You cooked?”
“Yeah.” His voice rumbled low, close enough to feel at my throat. He held out a spatula with a smear of sauce on the edge. “Try it. The sauce is homemade.”
Our knuckles brushed as I reached for the spatula… just a quick spark, but too intense to ignore. I touched my lip to the spatula. It was sweet at first, then a smoky heat filled my mouth. “That’s delicious, but I need a glass of water.”
He dropped the spatula in the sink and filled a glass from the faucet. “Sorry. I should have warned you it has a little kick to it.”
“A little?” He set the glass in my hand. I felt the strength of his fingers long after he let go. A gulp of water barely took the edge off the heat. “Where did you learn how to barbecue?”
“My great-aunt taught me. I’ve been trying out some of her old recipes on the guys at the station and they told me I needed to enter the contest. What do you think?
Is it too hot?” He looked at me like he cared about my opinion, like what I thought actually mattered.
Something flickered between us… something small, bright, and inconvenient. I crushed it fast.
“Let me fix a plate, and I’ll let you know. How does that sound?” I grabbed two plates from the cabinet and served myself a few slices of brisket along with some beans he had simmering on the stove. A skillet of cornbread sat on a trivet and I cut a slice.
“Can’t have brisket without coleslaw.” Cullen pulled a bowl out of the fridge and set it on the counter.
“When did you have time to do all this?”
“What can I say… I’m a man of many talents,” he teased.
I could only imagine what other kind of hidden talents he might possess.
Word around town was that Cullen had a bit of a reputation with the ladies.
I’d heard a couple of women gossiping about him when I stopped by the Merc with Callie a few days ago, wondering what kind of effect becoming a single dad would have on his love life.
That made me more determined than ever to ignore the attraction that zipped through my veins whenever he got too close.
“Does your extensive collection of talents include handling baby blowouts yet?” I asked.
He chuckled. The casual laugh sent warmth racing through me.
“Sure does. You should have seen the one she had earlier. It went all the way up her back, and I had to give her a bath.” He picked up the other plate and helped himself to several slices of meat.
“You’ve come a long way in such a short amount of time,” I said as I set my plate on the table. It was time for Callie to eat dinner, so I wheeled the highchair over to the table. Ozzy took his usual spot underneath.
“I’ll feed her tonight,” Cullen said. “Just because you’re here doesn’t mean you have to work around the clock.”
“About that…” I started.
He looked over as he gathered what he needed to feed the baby. “About what?”
“I’m only here for two more weeks. Have you thought about what you’re going to do when I leave?” I didn’t make eye contact as I scooped a bite of beans onto my fork. Either he’d been extremely secretive about his plans or he hadn’t wanted to think about it yet. My bet was on the latter.
Callie bounced up and down in the high chair as Cullen set a jar of peas and a jar of applesauce on the table.
“Can I be honest with you, Rose?” His dark eyes flicked to mine for a second before he focused his attention on feeding his daughter.
“Of course.”
“I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do.” His hand shook as he lifted the spoon to Callie’s mouth.
My heart cartwheeled through my chest. “What do you mean? I bet Ruby has some suggestions. Or there are agencies who can place a nanny.”
“It’s not just that. Don’t you think Callie deserves a real family? I don’t even know how to be a dad, much less a mom too.”
The spoon in his hand clinked against the side of the ceramic bowl he was using, and my stomach flipped. It was almost the same sound one of my foster dads used to make when he tapped his fork against a glass to make me look his way.
Cullen shook his head. “Maybe she’d be better off—”
“No.” The word came out too loud, too sharp. I pushed back from the table, my appetite gone. A cold sweat prickled the back of my neck. “All she needs is someone she can trust. Someone who can put her best interests first. Someone who can love her unconditionally and protect her.”
Cullen stared at me, his brow furrowed. “Are you okay?”
“Sorry. I’m not feeling well. Do you care if I go lie down for a little bit?” My phone buzzed again on the counter.
Mom: Where are you?
I slid it under my sweater like that could shut her out.
“Do you need anything?” he asked.
“No. I’ll be okay.” I was overreacting, my thoughts spinning out of control.
There was no guarantee that what happened to me would happen to Callie.
If Cullen decided he couldn’t take care of her, he’d do his best to find her a good home.
But I knew better than most that there were a lot of things that could go on underneath the surface in even the most wholesome-looking household.
This wasn’t my responsibility, not my problem. But still, I couldn’t let it go. Even worse, I couldn’t forget the press of his shoulder at the window or the scrape of his knuckles against mine. I wanted the steadiness of that touch. And I hated that I did.