Chapter 18 #2
“It’s a lovely evening for a lovely wedding,” Ginny agrees. She loops an arm around her sister, hugging her. “Hold me up, Bronte. I might pitch over otherwise.”
Bronte sets her hand on her sister’s bump. “Are you sure you don’t have twins in there?”
“Ugh, goodness. I’m more than sure.”
“Sorry. We were talking about the wedding.” Bronte leaves her hand on her sister’s belly for a second.
They obviously share a close bond, and it makes my throat ache. I never had a sister, and I’ve honestly never had a best friend either.
“Two lovely people choosing each other,” Ginny adds.
Shit. Suddenly, I’m seeing the world through a haze again.
“Oh. No. What’s wrong? Are you going to throw up again?” Tarynn yelps. She grabs my elbow while Lark thrusts a small trashcan into my hands.
“No. I’m sorry. I- I’m so happy that all of you are here with me.” Breathing is a must. In and out, nice and slow. “You’ve accepted me so readily and that’s made everything else easier to bear.”
Tarynn eases the trashcan away from me and sets it down on the floor beside the foot of the bed. She plops down right beside me and rubs small circles on my back. “But it’s not easy.”
“It’s not. I called my mom twelve days ago, when we set the date.
I needed to tell her something. I didn’t want to because things aren’t good between us, but I felt it was the right thing to do.
I told her everything. Where I was, that she was going to be a grandmother, that I was getting married and who it was to.
She lost it.” Oh my god, I didn’t realize I was going to say any of that.
Of course, I told Odin that I was going to call her, and he was right in the other room when I did. He held me in the aftermath, letting me bawl in his arms.
“That’s um… wow. Incredibly hypocritical.” Lark mutters.
A murmur of agreement ripples through the room.
“She said some terrible things.” Ella snatches up a few tissues from a box on the dresser and presses them into my hand.
I clutch them tightly, my sweaty palms balling them up beyond use.
“That I was ungrateful, that I was brainless for acting like a child and taking my revenge this way. She accused me of getting pregnant on purpose just to spite Preston, but it was just going to backfire because Preston doesn’t care. ”
The wadded up tissues become a nice little stress ball that I clench my fingers around.
“He barely knows his father and it doesn’t matter what he thinks about him.
She said if I was going to carry on like this, she might as well come out and tell me that the affair with Preston wasn’t a one-time thing.
and it wasn’t over. Maybe she’d marry him and we’d be one unhappy, fucked up family. ”
“Oh my god!” Ella kneels down in front of me, still holding those makeup brushes.
At this rate, it’s going to be one in the morning before I end up making it out there to get married. At least the JP is Preacher. He used to be a legit pastor back before joining the club, and I guess he’s still ordained to do weddings.
“Damn,” Willa curses. She mutters a few other scathing words under her breath. “Literally the epitome of who needs enemies when you have friends like that, but it’s worse because she’s your mom.”
“It’s the worst because I’ve always taken care of her.
” I’m doubling down on blurting things out.
I know that these women are safe. This room is safe.
The clubhouse is safe. “It was me working after my dad died. It was me forcing her into the lawyers’ offices and explaining everything about the company to her.
It was me who tried to reach out to other family, and while they were sympathetic, they didn’t offer much help.
I’ve never felt so alone, for years and years. ”
“People get angry when women have standards, when they stick up for themselves, and when they use their brain,” Ella says.
“A lot of people just take the disrespect, and take it and take it, or they believe that they’re the problem.
They live with being gaslit like that for years.
I’m so sorry that your own mom is trying to twist this around and make you believe that you’re not worth being treated like an absolute queen. ”
“Maybe part of me understands. She’s been like a zombie since my dad died.
She’s been so bitter. Not about losing what we had, but about him being taken.
I don’t think she’ll ever go back to the mother she was, although even back then, it was mostly me and my dad.
She was never that maternal, but I knew she loved me back then.
She was never mean and horrible, and she never would have done something like sleep with my fiancé to hurt me, even if she believed she was keeping our family together with her sacrifice or something.
I don’t even know. She never said that and I’m not even sure she implied it.
I’m trying to find a reason where this is none. ”
“That’s right. Sometimes people are just awful. There’s no reason and no justifying it because it shouldn’t be justified.” Hayley has been pretty quiet this whole time, but when she speaks, it’s with absolute conviction.
“It makes it a thousand times better that you’re marrying a good man. There is real affection between you. Anyone can see that. I know you might not have put a ring on it so soon if you weren’t pregnant, but that doesn’t mean that what you feel is fake,” Lark points out.
It makes me feel ten thousand times better than she sees the spark between us. The rest of the women nod in affirmation.
“I know you’ll take care of Odin and he’ll be there for you.
I think that’s the best definition of a soulmate—romantic or otherwise.
A real soulmate isn’t just stumbled onto.
Your heart might recognize another person in a crowd full of strangers, and you’re not even sure why, but I believe that soulmates grow with time and fuck anyone who says otherwise,” Bronte says.
“Bronte never swears,” Ginny points out. “So you know that she doubly means it when she does.”
“It’s so painful losing contact with your parents,” Tarynn whispers roughly. “I know that firsthand. We can’t replace anyone, and we’re not here to try, but we are here. In every way.” I take her hand in the one I’m not clinging to a nasty, lumpy ball with.
“Thank you,” I tell her, but raise my head and nod at the rest of the women, extending my gratitude silently to all of them.
The kindness and the swell of belonging triggers another stinging round of tears. This time, I can’t blink them back and I have to scrape the tissue wad over my cheeks and hold it against the corners of my eyes.
“Jeez. I’m sorry.”
“Hey. Cry all you want.” Tarynn leaps up. “We’ll get you a cold cloth and we’ll fix you right up. Not just with makeup, but with hugs and good company, and all our best wishes.”
“I’m not going to say fuck ‘em because it’s your mom and Odin’s son, but in my opinion, they’re acting like spoiled imbeciles, and that’s on them.
Boundaries are important, and sometimes people do need to be cut out of our lives, even if it’s only temporary.
” After I get the cold cloth and wipe my face, Ella immediately mists some primer onto my face.
“This will provide a good base for everything to stick to.”
“It would be better to have their blessing, but I was prepared not to.” The admission stings. It sucks preparing yourself for the worst and being proven correct in doing so. “I’m too much of a realist to think that they’d ever be able to understand. It’s too soon. Maybe it will always be too soon.”
“Where you started is not where you’re at today,” Ella says as she applies some foundation to a sponge and applies it to my face, dabbing gently.
“Some of us grow up young, and some of us age more in a day than in years because we have to. I can’t promise it will all be okay and that it will all work out, but you have us. Whenever you need us.”
“Most of us have lived pretty crazy pasts, so you can tell us pretty much anything and we won’t be shocked,” Lark says. She gathers up the contour, concealer, and blush, passing them all to Ella. “That’s just a by the way I’m going to insert in there.”
“I just don’t want anyone to feel that this isn’t…
that I’m trying to take advantage of anyone.
I don’t expect the world to understand, but to me, I would never take this step if I didn’t feel like there wasn’t room for more in the future.
Not just more as in raising a child together, but more as in kindness, respect, compassion, understanding, communication, and eventually, love. ”
“We’re with men that the rest of the world had pretty much written off.
” Tarynn hovers behind Ella. I have to keep my face still, but I can still look at her when she’s standing there.
“Some of them gave up all hope of ever having a partner romantically. Love was the last thing on their minds, and it was a hard and long road for some of us, but we’re all here.
We’ve fallen in love and grown in that love in every different way possible.
We’ve got you. We see you. We support you as women loving on women.
That’s what we mean by sisterhood. No jealousy.
No cattiness. No competing with each other.
No judgment. That’s the kind of place the club is, and that’s the kind of family we want to be.
Are we perfect? Fuck no. Do we fall short sometimes? Yes. But we do our best.”
“We do our best to be besties.” Willa’s light voice and her lovely laugh cut through the room, dispelling any lingering gloominess I have about my mom’s response.
I have to let it go. Sure, it might bother me, but I can’t let it ruin this day or any of the others that follow.
“I’m not going to cry again, I promise.” Especially not now that Ella is doing such an incredible job with my makeup.
“Take all the time you need.” Lark passes more product, eyeliner and mascara this time. “It’s a biker clubhouse on a Friday evening. What’s a schedule?”
“I don’t want to make Odin wait. He might think I’ve got cold feet.”
“The guys have him, don’t worry. He knows you’re in here with us and it’s not like you’ve booked a time slot at the courthouse. So, yeah. No hurry. No rush. No pressure.”
It’s comforting that the men do have Odin, and all these women have all of us.
They each played a special role in making today happen.
Lark and Ella looked after the catering, getting the meat and arranging for extra grills to be brought to the clubhouse.
Tarynn did my hair, Willa made a gift of a gorgeous set of antique wedding rings.
She brought a huge tray of jewelry over to the apartment one evening and let us pick the ones we wanted.
Odin kept trying to get her to accept money for them, but she refused every time.
Lynette helped us out with all the legal documents, and she’s already promised to get me on the club’s benefits, ASAP.
If it wasn’t for these women, this day wouldn’t have happened as quickly as it did. They’ve gone out of their way to make it special, and to make me feel as though I’ve been here for years, a part of this found family.
I take a deep, shuddering breath and dab at the corners of my eyes. “I’ve got this. I’m okay.”
“Yes, you do,” Tarynn encourages, and again, a round of agreement echoes through the room.
“And you will be, no matter what. We promise.”
Each woman nods. Ella takes a break and every single one of my newfound sisters piles on the bed with me and surround me with hugs, whispering words of encouragement and love, and just… this.
This is what I waited my whole life for without ever knowing it.
I couldn’t know it. I couldn’t even dream of this before I had it.
I do now, and I find myself closing my eyes and thinking about my dad.
About the parts of us that will always be connected.
I don’t know what’s out there or how it all works, but I do know that you can’t affect one particle without changing the other.
It’s because I’m so changed that I know he’s changed too.
I believe in that, even though it blows my mind.
When I open my eyes, I feel more centered. I feel… ready. I really do have this.
“When you’re done with my makeup, I’m really excited to get out there and get married to one of the best souls I have ever known. It’s fast, but it’ll last, and I stand by that.”
Ella kneels on the floor again, ready to finish making me look like the queen these women have me believing that I am. “We like to use the term ride or die. You might not be ready for that, but one day, hopefully you will be.”
I realize how fitting that term is. I hope that’s what Odin and I will be for each other.