Chapter 39
Chapter Thirty-nine
Jacinth
Iended up spending most of the rest of the afternoon with Safira, much to my surprise. But stripped away of Zumra and the competition, I’d found a very sad, lonely lady in desperate need of friends, and Erodite, could I relate.
It also had the added benefit of wiling away the hours until night fell around us, which meant that fewer people would be populating the hallways now that I’d finally got up my nerve to speak to Azurill. The last thing I needed was witnesses seeing me going to his rooms.
Safira’s prophecy had given me the last push I needed. If my next steps were to determine everything, they needed to be the right ones.
Alfrikr led me there, looking curious all the while, but he dutifully announced me.
After Azurill called for me to enter, I took a deep breath, my shoulders rising and falling as I contemplated the mess I was in.
Alfrikr’s hand fell on my shoulder, and I looked up, catching his amethyst gaze.
He nodded once, calming me slightly, before opening the door.
I walked in, feeling like I was marching to the hangman’s noose.
Azurill was standing before a long kyanite blue sofa, its circular shape seeming to surround him from where he stood before its center.
He looked momentarily surprised, but his eyes turned considering when he took me in.
I was sure my nervous expression had clued him in to why I was here.
“Here to finally tell me what’s going on, Mini-Dite?” he asked, shrugging off his stiff court jacket and leaving him in a teal button-up shirt with silver embroidery running along the edges.
I tried to smile, but it just wouldn’t come.
“Yes, Veri,” I said morosely. “I am.”
He frowned in concern and took the few steps needed to reach me, grabbing my hand. I looked down at where he held it, tears rising to my eyes as I wondered if this would be the last time he’d touch me in such a way.
He led me to the sofa, each of us taking a seat. With the round shape, we were facing directly across from each other, and the closeness was setting my nerves further on edge.
“I’m going to ask you to let me tell the full story before you say anything,” I requested, my eyes closing as I gathered myself. He hadn’t let go of my hand, and the soft press of his fingers and palm against my own sent all the blood there racing straight to my heart.
“Jacinth,” he called softly, his tone achingly sweet, and I wanted to bottle the sound to remember it forever. The knowledge that someone cared for me in such a way was so strange and yet so beautiful. And all it could take is a few words to have it all torn away.
I opened my eyes, meeting the beautiful teal ones staring back at me. His elbows went to his knees, enabling him to lean further toward me. The hand not holding mine went to my cheek, stroking the skin there as I tried to imprint everything about this moment into my memory.
“I want you to know that this story does turn around, so I beg of you, Azurill, let me get this out,” I begged Azurill, who looked more disconcerted by the second, but he nodded his confirmation.
“My name is—” My voice caught. I hadn’t spoken it aloud since I was a child, and the truth trembled on the tip of my tongue. “My name is Linnea Jacinth Marit.”
Azurill pulled back immediately, his eyes blown wide as he opened his mouth to speak, but I held up a hand, a plea for him to remain silent. He closed his mouth, his lips twisting, and I fisted my hands in my skirts, trying to keep myself together even as I wanted to rattle apart.
“My father was Lord Elros of Pearl Court, and I was the noble daughter of Pearl, until that night.” I shivered, trying to repress the memory so recently awakened.
“I was a little girl at the time, but my guard woke me from my sleep, and he immediately shushed me, telling me that I was in danger and needed to remain quiet. I nearly screamed as he dragged the already dead body of my cousin, Peony, to my bed, tucking her in as if she were me.”
Azurill appeared as if he’d seen a ghost, but I forced myself to continue.
“He tried to run with me, to get me to safety, but the attackers were closing in. We entered the living room, and I saw the bodies of my entire family laid out before me. If I thought seeing Peony’s body was bad, seeing the bloody remains of my parents’ bodies, their hands reaching out for each other from across the room… ”
My words caught, and I bit my lip to prevent tears from leaking out. Azurill’s eyes were wide as he digested this part of my story, and recognition shone in them as I spoke about the placement of their bodies.
“I tried to scream, to cry, to fight my way to them,” I smiled sadly, “but my guard was too loyal for his own good, and he was determined to save me. When he heard the men coming back, he hid me in a closet and told me to run the second I had the chance. To not stop running until I was safe.” I couldn’t stop the tears from trailing down my cheeks, and I didn’t even bother to wipe them away.
“I watched through a crack in the door as they killed him, his body falling to the floor to join everyone else I loved. Once the attackers finally left, I followed his directions. I ran—and I haven’t stopped running since that night.
” I admitted that truth to both of us at the same time.
I hadn’t ever stopped, had never thought it safe enough to.
I thought I’d found a life I could live with on the streets, but I’d been fooling myself for years.
Grasping onto whatever lies I had to so I could convince myself everything was fine.
It was never fine; it was a forest fire.
“I had nowhere to go, no money to buy food. I was slowly starving, scared, and alone. My resentment grew and grew. I finally found someone to help me, a woman named Ula who’d lived on the streets all her life, who taught me how to survive.
How to steal, how to lie, how to keep myself alive and one step ahead of everyone else.
I believed that if anyone ever found out who I was… ”
I trailed off, meeting his eyes for a moment before continuing. “That you would have me killed.”
He reared back in shock, his mouth gaping open, and I looked away, unable to take the sight right now.
“You see, the men who attacked my family, they hailed the High King,” I turned my eyes back to him, letting him see the sad truth within them. “They said he didn’t want a drop of Marit blood left alive.”
Azurill’s eyebrows furrowed as he cocked his head, trying to work it out.
“I spent years wanting to get vengeance for my family, a chance to finally sleep peacefully and not see their broken bodies in my dreams,” I cried, my head falling forward and my hair curtaining my face.
“And I finally got the chance. Ula fell sick, and we didn’t have the gems to help her.
I went to Ruby Court since we were close by, and I figured the banking capital of Gemaria would be the best place to find some dumb man I could steal coins or gems from. ”
“One man in a tavern mentioned to his friend that they’d found a fault in Lord Carnelian’s vault security.
They were fixing it soon, but it was now possible to break into.
I traded with him for a map and stole into the castle.
But I was caught and brought before Lord Carnelian.
He offered me a way to get out alive, and a way to save Ula—but more importantly, he offered me a chance at vengeance. ”
I thought back, recognizing now the clues I’d missed before about Carnelian.
He’d played me the entire time, and I’d missed it.
Azurill’s face had gone hard, and I could tell he was working to keep any discernible emotions locked down.
He didn’t want to give a thing away. I sighed miserably, but continued my explanation.
“He said he was working on a way to take you out and become High King himself,” I told him, gravely serious, worry lacing my words.
“I agreed to join the competition and win, where I’d poison you the night of and then disappear.
Carnelian would take over, he’d heal Ula for me, and I’d have vengeance for my family.
” My lips pursed as I thought about how stupid I had been, letting that horrid lord lead me down this path.
“But I realized quickly that who you were didn’t match the image I’d always had of you.” I admitted softly, “That you were hardly the boogie man who’d invaded my dreams for so long.” His lips twitched down into a frown at that, but I kept going.
“I began to doubt more and more, especially when you spoke of what happened to my family, and then Carnelian slipped up. He mentioned me getting vengeance for my family, but I’d never told him about my family at all.
” I frowned, furious anger racing through my body.
I took a deep breath, looking up at Azurill through watery eyes.
“I was so torn, Azurill.” Tears choked my words, and I cleared my throat to continue.
“I thought you were responsible for ripping my entire life away from me, but I found myself so drawn to you despite it all. You were charming and caring, fiercely protective and generous. And I felt myself tearing apart by inches as I fell for a man I thought had committed such an absolute atrocity against my family.”
My tears fell steadily, and I watched Azurill’s hands twitch as if to reach for me, but he forced them still. I could feel my heart tearing further, cracking along the fault line created by falling for a man I believed to be the blackest of villains.
“I used the trial to take a potion that would show me what really happened that night, and it did.” I laughed wetly. “Oh, I saw alright. I saw Cassan had been there that night.”
Azurill sat up straight at that news, and I nodded grimly.
“He stabbed my father himself,” I spat, my hands fisting as I tried to contain my rage.
“Carnelian apparently heard a prophecy that said as long as any person with the blood of House Marit lived, his plans to become the high king would be ruined. But if every member of House Marit was gone, then he would succeed at taking the throne.”
Azurill’s eyes narrowed, his lips curling into a snarl at the news. I watched his eyes shift from teal to silver, the transition mesmerizing.
“I believe he knows exactly who I am, Azurill,” I told him, looking away in shame.
“I don’t know whether he knew as soon as he saw me, or if he figured it out later.
All this time, I was working for the man who was actually responsible, while planning to take vengeance on the only man who did anything to get justice for my family. ”
His eyes widened in surprise, and I nodded.
“I saw you, covered in blood and surrounded by the bodies of the men who were there that night. And I can’t thank you enough for doing…
whatever it was you did. You got some of the vengeance I’d always longed for.
But two remain: Carnelian and Casaan. All of House Rousseau, truly. I’m positive they’re all in on this.”
I wanted to scream my frustration to the world, but that time would have to come later.
“I believe he still thinks I’m with him.
That I’ll kill you for him.” My voice cracked around the words, tears falling over my cheeks in steady handfuls.
“I would never. Not now. And I’m sure he also plans to kill me when I’m done.
After all, if he knows who I am, he knows he won’t get the throne with me alive,” I said shakily.
I’d survived so much, endured tragedy and starvation, all because some arrogant little man wanted more than the gods had given him.
“I want you to know, that every single thing I felt, everything I said,” I told him desperately, shifting forward quickly and grabbing his hand now.
Squeezing even as his fingers stayed stiff.
“All of it was true, Az. All of it. I promised you ‘truth’ that night, and I meant it. I’ve felt more true, more real, with you, than I have in my entire life. ”
Azurill stood, leaving me sitting with my hand grasping air and my mouth still open to spill my heart out on the floor some more, but he simply walked away.
I slid from the sofa, crashing to my knees as heaving sobs ripped from my chest. Azurill ran as fast as his legs could take him, slamming the door behind himself.
Leaving me, alone, as I had always been.