Chapter Five
“ G ood morning,” I said over breakfast the next day as I took my seat opposite the queen and to the left of the king. As always, Sterling sat beside me, prepared to occasionally brush his fingers against my hand when I set down my spoon or press his knee into my thigh between courses. It annoyed me to no end.
“Good morning, my flower, how did you sleep?” Mia asked, a smile on her face. Her golden gown clung tightly to her torso, the intricate ties and buttons in the front holding her stomach and breasts in. She had cosmetics on already, her lips and cheeks a youthful pink. Her hair was loose, the orange such a startling shade that it took precedence over even her golden crown, which was littered with diamonds.
Xavier matched, his own tunic a shiny gold that appeared almost metallic. He too wore his crown of gold and diamonds, his black hair pulled back behind his head in order to draw attention to the menacing symbol of his reign.
Sterling, who stood out in his forest green top, spoke before I could.
“I do apologize for not walking you to your chambers, it seems I had the sudden urge to dance the night away.” His face was lit up with a handsome smile, but his tone was accusing.
After falling asleep, I had not thought again about the excuses I would need to make for Sterling. However, it seemed they would be unnecessary, as Mia was prepared. She cut back in, tone still light and welcoming.
“Unfortunately, Princess Asher had to maintain your safety before disposing of the disrespectful male from last night. I daresay he might have been a danger if given the chance,” she uttered, clearly feigning concern. Mia was not known to be afraid of anyone, no matter their power. Even I, with all my unknown and unheard of abilities, did not scare her in the slightest.
A small thud could be heard under the table, and Xavier’s face briefly contorted in pain before he added, “Yes, we did promise your father that we would keep you safe after all. Asher merely did her part, and she begs your forgiveness for the intrusion of your mind.”
Normally, I would have maintained my look of impassive agreeance, but last night had jarred me, and it showed through the disbelief on my face. My previous unfaltering fa?ade with Sterling had been slowly cracking, but it shattered at my introductory ball, and I was struggling to maintain a semblance of it.
Sterling caught my slip, narrowing his eyes at me. Before he could comment, I set down my spoon and faced him fully, my knees pressed to his thigh this time. It was something I knew he would enjoy, perhaps enough to quench his doubts.
“King Xavier is right, I am horribly sorry for what I did to you. There are no excuses, at least, none that are good enough to justify such an action. However, I beg for your forgiveness, and I do hope you will see the remorse in me that I so deeply feel.” Lies, all of it. Yet, my smooth tone, sultry and submissive, was enough to halt him. To ensure my success, I even reached out and took his hand from the table, wrapping both my own around it and pressing them to my heart.
Sterling startled at the contact, so used to my reluctance with physical intimacy that even this small action was a surprise. I nearly smirked in triumph when a smile formed on his face, one that reached his eyes and brought small crinkles to their corners. Unfortunately, that meant I had no reason to pull away as he leaned forward and placed a kiss to my lips.
It was not a ravenous kiss like Bellamy’s had been, rather a soft and slow joining that seemed to say, this is only the start. I considered that, a life full of being touched and complimented by Sterling. No sparks or warmth filled me, no emotions other than impatience at the length. For the rest of my existence, I would endure this loveless coupling, and never would I feel how I did last night.
An old and welcoming sense of panic came to me, which had been my companion for months. A dear friend that reminded me no escape was coming, no help. I would marry the boy whose lips felt like concrete, whose touch sent unease through me, whose personality left me exhausted. I would marry Sterling.
When we broke apart, I was forced to smile, to feign enjoyment. A flush filled my face, though I knew it was not from embarrassment or lust, but grief at the life I would never have.
“I forgive you, Asher. You are my future, and I would not dare risk a life with you over such a pesky creature. That man—I mean male—s hall get what he deserves in the end. And I will have you, a prize grander than any other,” the prince declared. It might have been a pretty speech if it were not for the gleam in his brown eyes that told me his motivations were far more selfish, more ambitious, than merely being at my side.
Still, I plastered on a small smile, placated and devoted as ever. When I moved to free his hand, he maneuvered to quickly clasp onto one of mine, entwining our fingers. Apparently, I had been far too convincing. Yet, I knew that if I let on my reservations, doubt might once again creep into the prince’s mind. With my orders not to use my power on him, I was forced to allow the affectionate hold.
Adjusting to face my breakfast once more, I was met with a joyous look on Mia’s face. She was proud. I could feel it radiating from her, projecting. Xavier looked just as pleased, even eager. They knew what an alliance between the fae and mortals would mean, and I had finally shown my first sign of submission.
“Back to my question, how did you sleep last night, Asher love?” Mia inquired once more, a newfound spring to her voice. I fixed that same look of reserved giddiness onto my face, allowing my voice to lift as well. We remained that way, chatting and smiling during all three courses of breakfast, which I dutifully pushed around rather than eating.
Throughout that time, I allowed my mind to stray to Bellamy, who had adventured to every inch of the fae lands. This was a rarity, even among fae of high standing, but he had managed it, had seen the realm in its entirety.
Why could I, the crown princess and future queen, not do so as well? The idea that I was limited in such a way suddenly felt ludicrous. Mia and Xavier had always insinuated my place was at The Capital, where I could rule on a throne of gold. But how could I rule a realm I had never seen?
Xavier was discussing my natural leadership, his tone that of respect and delight. He too was proud of who I was and would be. Confidence poured over me. I was going to be an incredible queen, one which had never before been seen. Once again I rallied, prepared to ask to see more of the realm that I would preside over.
“Xavier, Mia, I wonder if I might ask a favor of you both?” Their eyes snapped to me at once, the happiness draining from their faces instantly. I had asked before, though they never outright denied my request, the pair always managed to steer the conversation away from talk of travel.
Xavier recovered slower than Mia, who at once brought forth a smile again and said, “Of course, love. What is it that you ask?” I braced myself for the possible denial, which Xavier appeared ready to provide. There was no sense in being upset if I was told no, though I hoped for a different answer.
“I want to travel, to see the realm,” I said softly. The royals both cringed at my words, as if I had insulted them somehow. Could that be why they remained hesitant? Did they think me not thankful for the roof over my head and the food in my stomach—for my place in their family?
Reassuring words formed in my mind, ready to be offered as penance for my foolishness, but Xavier had finally found his voice.
“Ash, why are you so eager to leave? This is your home, no place is more important than The Capital. We need you here, where you can learn, rule, and remain safe. The demons would do anything possible to end your life, as they have to so many of your subjects.” The low timbre of his voice was absolute, though it was edged with a feel of somberness, as if it pained him to say it.
I nodded, no longer attempting to hide my displeasure. The royals offered tight lipped smiles, both of them reaching out their hands for me to place my own in. Sterling kissed the back of my left hand before letting go, his face full of understanding in this one thing, for he was also confined to the island.
I gripped Xavier and Mia’s hands, feeling comforted by the fact that I had them. My parents might be gone, but I was not alone. I would never be alone.
“We love you, Asher,” Mia said.
“Forever,” Xavier added.
“And always,” I finished.
***
After breakfast, Sterling offered to walk me to my chambers. I wanted to say no, so badly that I nearly did without thinking. But I felt the way the royals eyed me, and heard Xavier’s warning echoing in my mind.
“Your recklessness and disobedience put the future of this realm at risk.”
With the weight of a world I feared I could not carry, I agreed, taking Sterling’s hand. We walked mostly in silence, fingers entwined. He rubbed gentle circles on the back of my hand with his thumb, humming an unrecognizable tune.
“You know, Asher, for what it is worth, I believe that you should be able to see where your kind live. They are your subjects, and this is your realm, you should know it like the back of your hand,” Sterling said in a hushed voice.
I turned to him, bewildered by the statement. He merely looked straight ahead, a small smile on his face. What could I say to that? He was right, I needed to know my realm, but I could not agree. Not without verbally disagreeing with the royals, which would be the very disobedience that Xavier had reprimanded me for last night.
Sterling peeked at me from the corner of his eye, gauging my reaction to his words, to his lifeline. I maintained a stoic expression, my hand twitching in his slightly.
“In fact,” he continued. “I was thinking that perhaps once we are wed, we might work on seeing it together. And after, I would very much enjoy it if you allowed me the honor of showing you the Mortal Realm.”
A trick, that was what this likely was. He wanted leverage, submission, something. Because there was no reality in which he would fight on my side in that way. No future in which we would be a happy couple that traveled and ruled with grace.
So I stayed silent, listening as he described his home, his kingdom, the lands beyond. I smiled and laughed when warranted, all the while his hand held mine, grip tighter than it needed to be. As if he were holding me to him with every ounce of his strength, unwilling to let me go.
When we arrived at the double doors to my chambers, he turned to face me. Big, brown eyes glanced quickly down at my breasts, then settled on my lips. This time, I could say no. We were alone, it was not necessarily appropriate, and I could claim I was tired. Yet, all I could think of was the disappointed look in Xavier’s eyes last night.
With the battle of mind and heart ending before it began, I rallied myself, planting my feet. Sterling cupped either side of my face, licking his pink lips, then leaned in. I scrunched my eyes, wishing I could embody any other place than this one.
Our lips met, and I felt nothing. He settled for a soft joining at first, sighing into the way our mouths molded together. Then he grew hungrier, took more. I kissed him back, meeting his tongue with slightly less force and energy.
Sterling did not seem to mind. One of his hands slipped to the back of my neck, the other slid down to my lower back. All the while I wondered when he would be satisfied enough to leave me alone.
This might have been exactly why he offered the freedom of traveling once we were wed. He wanted me to make the marriage easy, to give and give until I was nothing but a shell of what I once was. Everything I had would gladly be offered on a silver platter, and when I withered away I would know that despite all of the unhappiness, I had saved my kind.