Chapter Twelve
W hen I could no longer hear him, I curled into a ball. I stayed that way until my sobs stopped and my pain eased. As my vision came back, I looked up. An arm’s length away from my chambers, that was how close I was. I could make that.
I forced myself to stand, wobbling as I walked the two steps to my doors, crying out at the sharp pain in my head and below my chest. I opened one and quickly locked it behind me.
Every part of my body hurt, but if I let myself think about it, I would break. I turned around to find a cloud of gold satin and gossamer hanging from the beams of my bed. At the sight of the hideous wedding dress, I found myself shattering at last.
In that moment, one that would seem so inconsequential to anyone else, I was swallowed whole by the grief of a life I never had the chance to live. To me the gown was a mark of an impending future I had no say in, one that would rip every ounce of joy that I once had. I fell to my knees, landing so hard that I heard a crack as I made contact with the golden floor. Sobbing, with no fight left in me, I laid down and closed my eyes.
I was unsure how long I had been lying there when the Royal Healer, Tish, and her assistant found me. She awoke me with a light shake and soft words. At the sight of her concern, I remembered I was supposed to lie, but the pain—both physical and emotional—drained me. I felt hollow and sluggish, like a raging sea emptied, forever just a husk of what it once was.
When I did not answer her questions, she gently pulled off my clothing. At the sight of my body, she gasped. Was it that bad? I wondered how I would possibly make up a good enough lie when I could not bring myself to even care what happened anymore.
Giving up never seemed like an option before. I thought I could push and struggle and manage. I would not give in; I would not submit. Even if I had to marry Sterling, I thought it possible to still govern my life. He would not dare test me or harm me when he knew of my power. I was infinitely stronger than him. Yet, I was the one in pain while he walked off smirking.
Maybe I could blame my emotional state, or the fact that he caught me off guard. But really it all came down to my own incompetence. I was untrained, unsure, and unconfident. In the grand scheme of our future together, I knew he would always be in control.
Tish got to work healing me, sending her assistant to grab Mia. The pain I felt when she began touching my stomach was red hot, causing bile to rise in my throat. A second later I vomited all over myself, choking on it. Tish lifted my head, and her touch sent another shockwave of agony through me. At my scream she set me back down and inspected her gory hand. Her eyes went wide, and she immediately got to work on the wound.
Every minute of the healing brought on pain and then relief, until I felt nothing but a light throb throughout my entire body. That was when Mia walked in. Her face was no longer perfectly blank and complacent. No, she was the embodiment of fury, from the shake of her fists to the set of her jaw. I had never seen the queen look so flustered, so angry.
Mia rushed over to me, kneeling in the pool of blood at my head. Her soft golden gown soaked up the color, and I wanted to tell her that she needed to move or it would be ruined. But the lump in my throat and the ache in my heart stopped me.
“What happened to her, Tish?” Mia asked. The venom in her voice promised retribution, but Tish would provide little help with the vengeance Mia sought after. I meant to speak, but my voice was missing, or perhaps I was lost inside myself. A child alone in the woods, searching desperately for a way out but never finding it.
“I do not know, Your Grace. She has yet to speak,” the Healer responded, her voice solemn. I thought I felt something from her, a sort of unspoken truth. “The extent of her injuries makes me believe she was attacked. She had five broken ribs, bruising around her throat, a fractured skull, and a black eye. It seems she also fell rather hard on her knees, as the bones there were bruised heavily. From experience I must say, it is rare for such a powerful being to be taken down so easily. With Asher’s powers, I find it hard to believe that she was harmed by someone she did not know.”
She looked at me then, communicating to me what she would not say to Mia. She knew.
The list of my injuries shocked Mia, as well as Tish’s statement. She seemed eager to continue the conversation, but apparently did not want me to be a part of it. “Put her to sleep for me, Tish. She needs to rest if she is to enjoy the first day of her ceremony preparations tomorrow,” Mia whispered. Of course she would still be thinking of the wedding, even after hearing the news of my attack. If I told her Sterling did it, what would happen? Would she call off the wedding? Would she stand up for me? I had thought the fight left me, but maybe not.
“Mia,” I said, my voice hoarse. She looked over at me with wide eyes, as if she were surprised to hear me speak. Her hands went to my head, softly stroking my hair, a tear beading down her cheek. The love that radiated from her gave me courage. I could trust her to save me.
“Yes, my love?” she whispered. Tish looked back and forth between the two of us, her power pulsing in her palms as she awaited further confirmation that I should be put to sleep. I took a few deep breaths, hoping that if I focused on the way my chest inflated rather than the quick beating of my heart, I would maintain the composure I needed to speak this truth.
“Sterling,” I tried to say. My voice broke, and I let out a strained cough. Mia shushed me, still weaving her hand through my blood-soaked locks. Her expression softened, and I knew she was misunderstanding before she even spoke.
“He knows. He is the one who found you. That poor boy is terrified for you,” she said, a delicate smile on her face that did not quite reach her eyes. I shook my head fiercely, needing her to see that she was wrong. The movement sent a piercing pain into my temples. I spoke before I could convince myself not to.
“No, he attacked me. He hit me,” I said, tears threatening to spill again. “He kissed me and touched me—he—please Mia, please,” I begged. For a moment, anger lit her face again, her power swelling. This is it, I thought. She would end the engagement and banish the boy prince. She was going to save me.
Bellamy’s words came to mind. What about your own feelings, do they not matter?
Despite my incertitude about that statement before, I realized in this moment that Mia did care. She would not let me suffer in this way. The queen would move mountains to save me from pain. I breathed a sigh of relief, because the last few months of fear were over. I would be free.
But then she schooled her face back into that neutral composure she always wore. “Put her to sleep, Tish. Now.” Her hand left my hair, her heat disappeared from my side. As Tish touched my cheek, the Healer’s eyes filled with sorrow. I sagged as Mia disappeared from my line of sight. I would marry Sterling, and my entire life would be a series of pains and tragedies every day after.
My eyes closed before the tears came, but I knew in my heart that in my sleep I wept.