Chapter Thirteen
I woke up in a daze, my brain fogged and my eyes crusted. Light shone in through the many windows that lined the southern wall of my chambers. At some point in the night, I must have been moved to my bed, because I was tightly wrapped in my blankets with pillows under my head. I stared up at the golden mesh above, letting all of yesterday’s events come back to me.
Bellamy’s touches, Pino’s premonition, my discovery of the deception that took me away from the palace, Sterling’s attack, Mia’s failure to help me. My wedding. All of it swarmed me and threatened to wreak havoc on my psyche.
I pushed every memory and every pain to the back of my mind. I needed to get through these next two weeks, I could break later. My limbs felt sore and tired, but my head ached the worst. I grabbed the cup of water off of my bedside table and drank it in one long gulp. Though it left me out of breath, it also quenched my scorching thirst.
I sat up, feeling the leftover ache of the previous night. Today would begin the planning for the elaborate celebration that royal weddings entailed. Fae would come from all over to witness the marriage, and the festivities would go from sunup to well past sundown. Sterling and I would leave after for the consummation ritual, which would have guests flicking water at us and praying to Eternity for a fruitful marriage, toasting us with sweet wine and kissing our palms. Many would openly discuss things they did to ensure pregnancy, and it would be expected of me to immediately begin attempting to bear children. With fae it was difficult to conceive, which was why our life spans were seemingly never-ending. If we died as early as mortals then we would never reproduce, and the fae would go extinct.
To my knowledge, no mortal had ever married a fae, and for good reason. I myself was surprised when Xavier first told me about the betrothal. Mating outside of one’s faction was outlawed in the Fae Realm due to a mass dilution of powers. In fact, there was a time many millennia ago when fae were attacked by demons and had no way of protecting themselves due to the reduction of power within our realm.
So many died during that dark age. Now, it was a part of our history that reminded us of what—and who—we stood to lose. This was why I was baffled when Xavier told me I was to marry a mortal. Power, especially mine, was coveted in our realm. If Sterling and I had younglings, would they be able to manipulate minds? Or would they be without fae power at all? To this day we are unsure how I came upon my gifts, and I dare say it seemed unlikely to be wielded by half mortals.
Then of course there was the fact that I was the only of my kind. On a deeper, more intrinsic level, I would never be matched properly. Before Sterling, I had been worried I might not marry, because who would pair with me? If an occasion occurred when someone expressed interest, Xavier and Mia were quick to remind me that it was forbidden, that they would find my match, and what the consequences would be if I chose to disregard their rules. Which I did of course do, but in secret and only for a night of pleasure. Never more. Not after I suffered the consequences the first time, that is.
Swinging my legs over my bed, I slowly lowered my still sore body. When I was steady on my feet, I turned around and yanked down the golden wedding gown. With more energy than I thought I could conjure, I marched to my bathing room and hung the offensive piece. When it was up and glowing like the sun of a new day, I covered it with a blanket, refusing to look at it again until I needed to.
The dress was a reminder that this marriage with Sterling was my only chance, my only choice. Bellamy, he took a great risk even being alone with me in public. It was no secret that being caught with me could lead to an untimely end.
I reveled in his lack of fear, but I now suspected that it was more due to how he might use me rather than enjoying my company. Acknowledging that forced me to also see that I would always be used, at least by those who I did not call family or friend. No suitor would be with me for anything other than gain. So Sterling, who was foul and evil, was simply one version of the many.
I think that Mia knew that. She was aware that I would have little in the way of options, so last night she did all that she could, she gave me rest in hopes that I might face this upcoming marriage with a clear head. Intelligence and cunning would keep me from getting hurt like that again, so I would sharpen my mind and harden my heart these next two weeks.
With that fact in mind, I rung the pully system that would alert the handmaidens of my need for bath water, ready to wash away the memory of last night and push forward. Within minutes three of them were carrying two large buckets each of steaming bliss. When they finished filling the tub, I thanked them. They all curtsied before leaving me to my washing.
The second my body sunk into the warmth I moaned, finally relaxing as the smell of vanilla—my favorite scent—wafted my way. But when my eyes closed, visions of curly hair, brown eyes, and pain flashed through my head. A sense of urgency came over me, making my eyes open wide.
Move, my mind seemed to tell me, keep going.
So I did.
For the remainder of the day, I refrained from being still, even to sit and eat. Especially to sit and eat, as I knew who would be at the table, wearing false pity and providing empty threats. Sterling would want to convince everyone that he did not lay a hand on me, and that he would kill anyone who did.
He was a skilled fighter, as were most mortals. He once told me that in the Mortal Realm, children were taught from an early age how to fight against fae and demons, to go head-to-head with a power wielder and live to tell the tale. None of us truly knew what the demons were capable of, but still the mortals prepared.
His heroic defense of my honor would seem very in line with his capabilities, though many understood that I needed no protection when I could grab onto any mind. That was not true though, was it? The mortal prince had me incapacitated so easily, as if I was nothing.
Perhaps I was.
By the time I went to look for Nicola, she had already finished with her wedding planning for the day. Her hair was left down, her curls wild. Her blush dress had long, loose sleeves and a flowing skirt, which she had paired with a white cloak. My gold gown hugged me closely, threatening to prevent me from breathing.
Together we walked the long path from the palace grounds, stopping at the golden gate. The guards, wearing black armor with the fae sigil etched across their chest plates, looked at us and immediately opened the gates. Two more guards came from inside their small station, following us as we walked down the tree lined path.
When we came upon the market, a surprising pang of sadness hit me. I was well aware that Bellamy had misled me yesterday, though where I had been taken, I was unsure. Still, I enjoyed my time with him, as well as seeing the market there and meeting the vendors.
Those who held booths rented them, traveling by day to get here, and leaving at night, causing it to be a cold and calculated place. Sellers did not talk to, laugh with, or befriend one another, but rather sold their product and left. Their booths were luxurious and large, painted gold like the rest of The Capital. Each vendor also dressed in elegant finery, adding to the emptiness of it all. Talent was rampant among them though, making for a fantastic shopping trip every time.
When the market closed in the evening and the booth holders left, the silence became a living entity. Sorrow and hopelessness often found their way to me in the night, especially as of late with Nicola constantly away with Kafele. Only certain fae were permitted to remain on the center island, including my family, the members of the fae council, The Capital guards, and the students at Academy. Which meant Farai and Jasper were often not allowed to visit.
The council consisted of the Primes and the Royal Court, an exceptionally large group of fae that loved to argue and give me headaches.
There was a Prime for every need of the realm—coin, trade, military, agriculture, and diplomacy. Since no living fae was powerless, we chose those most qualified, regardless of their faction. They would be offered residence within the palace.
Our Royal Court contained a representative from each sub-faction, which was what we called the groups who possessed each power type. This meant that one Healer, Multiple, Single, Yesterday, Tomorrow, Air, Earth, Fire, and Water would live within the palace as well. Only the strongest candidate from each sub-faction would be offered the position. Though, offered seemed to imply choice, and there really was not one.
Whoever was chosen to sit on the fae council had to be married, therefore unlikely to fraternize. This also meant their families would live in the palace, too.
I recalled saying how confusing it all was when Xavier first tried to explain the inner workings of the council to me.
“We must be diligent in maintaining the safety of our realm, Ash. That means allocating jobs to others. I sit at the head of the council because I rule the realm, I cannot also worry about how much coin we have or speak on behalf of the needs of those in the Fire Lands. I must know my own limitations, which means a very large fae council.”
It made some sense, and anything that allowed Nicola to remain with me was brilliant in my eyes.
Nicola’s father took over for my mother as the Royal Tomorrow after her death, which was why we had been joined at the hip for so long. In fact, we only separated when she would travel to Isle Reader to visit her fiancé.
She became betrothed to the Warden of the Yesterday Lands after visiting Reader River and seeing him across the way. From what Nicola has shown me, it was love at first sight.
Kafele was named Warden due to his ranking within his sub-faction. His strength as a Yesterday was second only to Ulu Kekoa, who held the position of Royal Yesterday—the title granted to the representatives of each sub-faction on the fae council— and lived in The Capital with his family.
I cannot recall how many times I had asked Nicola to think the memory for me when she came home with the happy news, the beauty of it a thing of rarity. Despite him technically taking her away from me, I did adore Kafele. It would be difficult not to like the male that loved and cherished my best friend.
When we got to the open cobblestone square, the small buildings bordering it like a fence, my chaotic mind had at last slowed. Nicola must have noticed, because I heard her let loose a breath, as if she had been holding it in for some time. “Are you going to tell me what it is that happened?” she asked.
I had gone back and forth all morning on whether or not I would tell her. On the one hand, I knew Mia would be against anyone knowing. Actually, she would be furious if I risked the marriage by spreading the tale, even if just to Nicola. On the other hand, I was breaking. If my mind rested for even a moment, I would feel rough hands gripping me and hear a harsh voice in my ear. Thinking of having her to shoulder some of this pain with me, to hold me, it would make all the difference this next month leading up to her wedding and then her permanent move to Isle Reader.
Instead of speaking, I grabbed onto her hand and pulled her to the edge of the market where a booth remained empty for the day. When we stopped, I turned to face her, making eye contact as I projected the memory into her mind. She was used to me doing this, speaking to her without talking, but at the violent memory, her entire body stilled. Tears ran down her face as the scene played out from my view. I was unable to stop my own sobbing while I relived the violent attack. By the time Sterling walked away in my memory, I was shaking uncontrollably, my arms wrapping around my torso as if to hold in the wretched pain. To hide it.
Nicola replaced my arms with her own when the memory faded as Tish put me to sleep. I latched onto her, knowing that I would receive no such comfort from the female who was, for all intents and purposes, a mother to me. In my ear, Nicola whispered, “I will find a way to save you, Asher.”
I nodded, but we both understood she would not be able to. Nothing and no one could save me now.