Chapter Thirty
M oments turned into hours turned into days.
The night of our departure was upon us, and I was ready, dressed in a thick black tunic, matching trousers, heavy black boots, a sky-blue corset that was surprisingly comfortable despite its armor-like feel, and a cloak that shone the sparkling silver of moonlight. After slowly braiding back my hair, I left my chambers.
Henry had escorted me back from training earlier, my hot bath of the day waiting for me. So I was alone as I made my way through the corridors, but I knew my way around.
Being idle and solitary had done me no favors, which was why I found myself roaming as often as possible. Bellamy had always conjured a reason to be near me, though he never pushed for us to be alone. During meals I was regularly sat next to his spot at the head of the table. When I trained, he insisted that he could use the practice as well. He even joined Noe and I on our walks along the beach. I never spoke more than necessary, much to Noe’s dismay, opting to listen instead.
Only once did Bellamy stumble upon me when I was by myself. I had been exploring the manor three days ago, when I found a room that was entirely white. The quartz below my feet was perfectly polished, reflecting back my stunned expression at the black pianoforte that sat boldly in the center. A closer inspection showed small red designs gracing the smooth, black surface. A crystal chandelier sat above it, a single demon light floating in the center, casting rainbows across the white walls.
I walked over to the gorgeous instrument, running the tips of my fingers across the keys. It called to me, begging for my frustration to be let out in the best way I knew how.
Reading had done me no good. In fact, books only served to make me feel far more than I desired to. Which meant that was ruled out.
With everything taken away from me as of late, I thought that perhaps I deserved this moment.
I sat down on the black bench, which had an incredibly comfortable red pillow atop it. The moment my finger hit the first key, I was lost to the world.
No particular melody came to mind; instead I improvised, letting the anguish, heartache, and betrayal pour out of me. My fingers blurred as they sped, the notes climbing higher, matching how my loss had built into a mountain of pain.
Tears spilled down my cheeks, the only sign that I too could feel. My anger rose then, mixing with a sea of self-hatred so vast that I could only sob and rage like violent waves. I slammed my fingers down harder, hitting the keys with enough force to send the song into a tuneless crescendo.
A bead of sweat made its way down my back, my arms and fingers aching, but I would not—could not—stop. If I stopped, then where would I pour the glass of sorrow? Where would I set the plate of anger?
Where would I hide when the music was no longer there to shield me?
Then my sweaty hand slipped, ending the melody with a violent jolt of off-key exhaustion. Clapping sounded behind me, and I turned to find Bellamy leaning against the doorframe.
His dimpled grin and shining eyes trampled over my sadness and threatened to make me feel things that would only lead to pain.
He had said that his art studio was in the next room over, but I knew better. He had been following me.
I left the room and never returned.
Much of my time I spent burrowing down into my well of power, learning the new depths that seemed nearly never-ending. It was a strange feeling, that strength. Discovering the sheer force that I could be made it painfully obvious that I had the toxins in me for quite a long time. Though who had done it, I was still unsure.
My life had previously been spent fighting against The Manipulator. Perhaps the problem had not only been the poison in my system, but also the poison in my mind. Maybe I could be powerful and not care if it made me a monster.
After the five days of mostly eating, sleeping, and training, I had found myself numb once more. Panic attacks had shot through me, forcing emotions upon my mind that I could not take. Nightmares left me startling awake each night, an endless cycle of fatigue and stress and terror. Though Ranbir had offered tonics for sleep and nausea, I had refused the former, not wanting to incapacitate myself further. Instead, I shut down to block it all out, not allowing myself the opportunity to be sucked into the agony of my inner demons and thoughts. Now I was not quite sure how I would go back to feeling like a normal female when I found myself strong enough to fight it all.
Infinite time seemed to pass and yet none at all as I walked down the many stairs and through the hallways. No one came to collect me or guide me, though that might have been for the best. I was eager to have more time to myself before I was surrounded at all times by creatures who wished to see my kind slaughtered by the thousands. Honestly, they might prefer to see me dead rather than spend a moment with me. Maybe I would let them do it.
Before I could spiral too far into the pit of my despair, I made it to the entrance of Bellamy’s manor, shaking off the horrid thought. I pushed open the two doors, welcoming the darkness that met me outside. Once my eyes adjusted, I was able to make out the group standing at the center of the grass field, a small ball of demon light glowing in the space between them.
Making my way to them, I opened the shield of sorts that I used to reign in my power, reaching for their minds. I could sense everything they were feeling, as if the emotions were my own. Their thoughts raced through my mind, like I had been thinking them as well. Every bit of my power told me to command, urged me to take control. I could not comprehend how small the effort was, how easy it had been since Ranbir had healed the poison from me. How very other it made me.
The Manipulator indeed.
Henry was eager to go home, his light sporadic. A mess of emotions he could not control, leaking into his magic. Then his mind veered, a mental image of me practicing today appearing.
Ranbir was calm, listing the supplies he had packed in his head. Healers always had a numb feel to them, as if my brain had been doused in morphine. Though it was much lighter tonight than it had ever been. Perhaps due to his wife who sometimes dragged him from those meticulous habits.
Lian was annoyed and slightly on edge. Her mind was ravaging through thoughts like a windstorm. Weapons, Bellamy, me, safe routes, and…royal fae guards.
Pino was a horrifying and exciting mess of the future, his mind racing quickly with images I could not comprehend. I had never seen a Tomorrow view what is to come in such a way, without touching another. Were those memories of past prophecies? When he noticed me walking towards them in the distance, he critiqued my clothing, realizing he had not created travel worthy options for me.
My eyes swept across the group, realizing they all—apart from Calista and Pino—were dressed in leather of some sort, the matching head-to-toe outfits black with the sigil of the Demon realm in red across their chests. They also all wore red cloaks, which billowed in the wind.
Noe was eager, searching for me. I focused harder on her, trying to understand what it was about me that had her so deeply interested. But she saw me there, and her mind went blank, a flow of black clouding my internal vision.
Winona was incredibly similar in her hopeful and uplifting mental tone, though her magic was blinding where Noe’s was deafeningly dark. She had a sense of awe as she watched me approach. She, along with the others, had been attending my practices and even lending aid.
Calista was practically shouting at me in her mind, that deeply rooted trepidation still ever present.
Ms. Asher, I implore you to keep your ears open during this trek. Listen to what you hear; pay attention. There is much to be deciphered from the vagueness of our crown prince and his Trusted, but the hints and the path are laid out for you, if you only open yourself to them.
Over and over the siren repeated herself, until I offered the slightest nod in acknowledgment. I wondered why she wanted me to know what the others did not. Where did her allegiance truly lie? If I could turn her against Bellamy, we could get away, I was sure of it. I would find time to make some sort of plan to win her to my side as we journeyed through the Demon Realm.
There was also another nagging thought—these beings knew how to speak to me through their mind. This was not something even I was aware had been possible, and yet more than one of them had done so already. What else did they know?
Bellamy’s emotions interrupted me, coming into my awareness like a punch to the gut.
Worry. Fear. Excitement. Sorrow.
Every other feeling was instantly overpowered by tenderness and devotion. This feeling, it was similar to the way some worship gods, the way they sat at an alter and professed their unwavering support, their unending commitment. Never had I felt such deeply rooted passion. Not even when Nicola and Kafele’s emotions accidentally found their way through one of my weak points, a crack in the gate. It was heavy and all consuming. This feeling was everywhere, blinding and immobilizing.
Love. Love. Love. Love. Love.
My head snapped in his direction, fueled by jealousy or curiosity or perhaps a combination of both. I wondered if it were Noe he was thinking of. But my eyes met Bellamy’s, his gaze focused on me as if everyone else had disappeared, and I knew that he was either more manipulative and twisted than I thought, or the demon was in love with me.
Before I could dive deeper, a sea of black fire flooded his mind, pushing me out and back into my own awareness. I shuffled back, surprised he had suddenly realized that I was using my power on him.
“Such a nosey, beautiful thing you are,” he said with a smirk on his face as I finally made it to them.
Of course, he was toying with me. He must have known I was going to try to break into his mind, so he was shooting false feelings at me.
“Prick,” I said.
Bellamy’s smile did not falter, but tension grew as the others looked back and forth between the two of us. Even the edge to their minds and the joy in Bellamy’s could not get me to feel more than a spark of annoyance.
I had always been emotional. At least, Mia had said so. She believed I was ruled and guided by the kind of empathy that only my power could give someone. I had thought it a compliment, that I could feel so deeply and care for others to the extent I did. The queen disagreed, vehemently so. That was the first time I learned what it took to rule, the amount of indifference and coldness that came with the position of queen. From that day forward I found myself less and less interested in the throne, what it meant to be the one seated there.
Would I have to watch unperturbed as my subjects suffered? Mia seemed to think so. Standing here feeling the stress of those around me, hearing their concerned thoughts, and understanding that they saw me as a potential threat to their beloved future king, I knew she had been right.
To feel that deeply, to take into consideration the opinions and wants of those around you, it made you weak. My emotions surrounding Sterling were what led me here, trapped and surrounded by enemies. Now, those very same emotions might sway me into becoming comfortable around these dangerous beings. Or worse, wanting to please them, as I had so often with others. I could not afford to care about what they thought of me.
I was hollow.
“A dashing prick?” Bellamy asked, clearly enjoying himself.
I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms, probably looking juvenile doing so, but not caring enough to offer a retort. The prince laughed, husky and low. A quick look around the circle told me he was absolutely the only one who found humor in my foul mood.
Good.
I dared a glance at Calista, but she was talking to Pino, the two of them having a sort of hushed disagreement if their tense bodies and sharp hand gestures were any indication. Noe and Lian were also huddled together, watching Bellamy and I out of the corner of their eyes and attempting to maintain a separate conversation. The others more blatantly watched, stared even, as I went head-to-head with their prince.
“Regardless, this prick has some rules for you.”
That got my attention. I snapped my head back in his direction, glaring up at his ridiculous dimples and freckles. Bellamy was like a carnivorous flower. Pretty and enticing, but deadly.
I thought back to my own reflection in the mirror of my bathing chamber. My long brown hair fell in loose, messy waves down my back. It was thick and prone to tangling, nothing like Noe’s golden-brown hair which was straight and silky. My large eyes were the color of storm clouds and angry waters. I did not have a sharp jaw despite my high cheekbones. My full lips were often red and chapped due to my nervous habit of biting them. My body was soft, rounded where others were straight.
At no point did I ever consider myself ugly though. Even after Sterling came along and Mia insisted I eat less, I still knew that I was pretty. There was one male who told me I was beautiful rather often, though he usually followed the compliment with “despite the fact you are terrifying.” I had had many casual romances that mostly involved the other enjoying the thrill of being with me, but each openly expressed their attraction to me as well.
That was the stark contrast between Bellamy and I. My beauty highlighted the danger inside of me. Behind the soft exterior there was a fear-inducing coldness. Farai had said it was in my eyes and mouth, my stance, my attitude. I was a walking nightmare to most.
Bellamy’s beauty hid the danger he presented. One look at me told someone immediately that I was a threat. Looking at The Elemental was different. There was kindness in his smile, innocence in his dimples, and seduction in his eyes. The evil within him was deeply masked, concealed within his soul.
His heart.
“And what might they be, Your Highness?” I asked, my tone flat save for the bit of sarcasm I could muster.
Henry let out a cough that sounded suspiciously like a laugh, and from the corner of my eye, I saw Ranbir’s hand fly over his mouth in surprise. I assumed I looked disrespectful, and likely rude, but that was because in their minds Bellamy rescued me. In truth, he abducted me from the only home I had ever known. He had done me no favors.
Bellamy’s smile did not waver. As he spoke, I could sense his amusement, that feeling of warmth pouring out of him.
“You will not venture out on your own,” he began, taking a step closer to me with each recitation of his so-called rules. “You will not harm any of us unless we are attempting to hurt you. And most importantly,” his voice darkened, the eye contact he maintained giving off a sense of seriousness that was not there before. “If you are in danger, you will fight for your life.”
We were toe to toe now, as we often seemed to end up. I wanted to claim he was ridiculous for even suggesting that I would not fight back, but I knew it was a lie. Days ago, I had fought for my life on instinct, but with time to rest and think I had come to a startling realization. Dying, especially when the outcome of survival would be Sterling, did not seem so horrible.
Running away to a far-off place and being free, that was the dream I had now. The only scenario that was not in play, the fate I was robbed of the second Sterling walked into my life. Death, it could take me there. Eternity might not accept me back, but that did not mean my afterlife would be horrible. Whatever existed beyond my final breath, whatever lay ahead of my end, perhaps it would be the bliss I was starved of during this lifetime.
Death, it would be a kindness.
Instead of admitting what he already knew, I just repeated him, my voice a bored monotone, “I will not venture out on my own. I will not harm any of you unless you attempt to hurt me. If I am in danger, I will fight for my life.”
Before he could argue with my lack of enthusiasm, a shadowy figured appeared to my right. I jumped back, screaming at the barely corporeal form.
Henry laughed as the shadow took shape, forming legs, arms, a head.
“Cyprus you truly are the worst.” Lian scoffed.
My jaw nearly hit my feet as the false guard materialized in front of me, a smile lighting his features. Cyprus’ shaggy brown hair ran past his shoulders, shaking with him as he chuckled. Gray shadows still swirled around his russet cheeks, as if they were not ready to fade. When I backed up further, I hit a solid form. Turning, I saw nothing, causing me to yelp once again.
This time everyone in the group let out laughs as Luca, the other guard who pledged himself to me nearly a fortnight ago, seemed to become visible before my eyes. His blonde hair and blue irises brought his youthful charm into view, but his skin seemed nearly translucent rather than the cream color I remembered it as before.
“Hello again Your Highness, it is wonderful to see you once more,” Luca said, bowing at the waist. He, too, had that drawl that the demons possessed.
As he straightened, the color of his skin returned. I was baffled, my mouth slightly open and eyes wide. What could I say? The two of them had appeared out of nowhere, as if flashing into existence. It seemed different than portaling. “Allow me to formally introduce myself, I am Luca Braviarte.”
“What are you?” I asked, not knowing how to go about asking kindly. Luca did not seem upset, or even fazed. Instead, he smirked, eyes alight with a sort of mischief I had not seen within the palace.
“I am a wraith . I believe your fae call us ghosts.” He shrugged. I was briefly stunned into silence once more.
Ghosts were terrifying. Every tale told in my realm about ghosts said they were evil creatures that haunted the living. That they were dead.
“So, you are not alive?” I asked, once again being quite insensitive.
I tried to remind myself to be more thoughtful in how I spoke to him, though I was unsure whether or not I would be able to at the rate this conversation was going.
“Last I checked I am very much alive,” Luca chuckled.
My brows pinched together as I attempted to understand what the wraith was saying. He was a ghost but was somehow alive? He must have sensed my confusion, because he clarified.
“Wraiths are born with the ability to blend into our surroundings. We do not go invisible per say, though it is quite similar. Ghosts are a twisted version of a wraith, a lie created to isolate us from the masses I imagine.”
“But,” I said, turning towards Cyprus, “you do not seem as though you blend at all. It was as if you turned into a shadow.”
Cyprus was equally amused at my line of questioning. He held up a hand, palm facing the night sky. Though the demon light did not allow for an easy view, I was able to make out a sort of black mist leaking from his skin. In a mere moment I could no longer see his hand at all.
Both mesmerized and horrified, I took a step closer. Cyprus did not seem to mind. He gently took my hand and placed it under his, allowing the mist to fall onto my skin. It was ice cold, but otherwise felt like air.
“I am not a wraith, I am a whisp. We are similar in many ways, seeing as we both function as fairly great spies.” At that I raised my eyebrows, surprised he would so openly admit to being a spy. Then again, they all appeared to be relatively confident that I was not going anywhere, made all the more clear by his accent being revealed to match Luca’s.
“I am able to turn my body into black mist, sort of like a shadow. It comes in handy at night more than in the day, but I can make myself unseen at any time,” he explained.
Then, Cyprus lifted my hand through his, as if it were not there at all. I gasped, equal parts impressed and intimidated.
The whisp flicked his arm, causing the black mist to vanish and his hand to return once more. Both corners of my mouth turned up slightly, unable to hide the awe. Cyprus smiled back, wider than before, and leaned down to place a kiss on my hand he still grasped.
“Luca is right, it is amazing to see you again. I am Cyprus Papatonis, eternally at your service.” I blushed at his flattering statement, which sounded far more inappropriate than it had when spoken by Luca.
“Okay that is enough introductions,” Bellamy growled, grabbing onto my hand. Cyprus let go reluctantly, winking at me as Bellamy pulled me back to the other side of the circle. I rolled my eyes, but did not argue. If he wanted to act like a jealous idiot then that was his prerogative. No part of me had the energy to care, as my mind still raced through my impending doom subconsciously. “Now that we are all here, lets head out.”