Chapter Thirty-Eight
N oe and I had pushed the tub to one side of the tent, placing our cots beside one another. I was unsure whether my untamable sorrow came from the royals’ betrayal, the afriktor attack, Bellamy’s rejection, or finally having someone to lean on here in Eoforhild.
All of the above, most likely.
Noe did not balk, instead choosing to hold me as I cried and told her of what Mia had done, of what both royals had done. She stroked my hair as I spoke, and when I could no longer talk, she began sharing stories of her childhood.
Her mother had disappeared shortly after giving birth to Noe, running from her abusive husband. Noe had been left behind, suffering the wrath of her father who blamed her for the loss of his wife. She had met Bellamy not long after her magic manifested, when she was five years old and Bellamy was nine, still without powers.
She told me that around the age of maturity, about twenty-five years after their birth, a demon goes through something called The Almavet. In the year or so they remain in The Almavet, their magic doubles, and at the end their aging drastically slows. It was a difficult experience, as they often lost control and had to be secluded. Noe had been confined to her father’s home without visitors.
It was interesting to learn of the difference between fae and demons, as our aging slowed far sooner, occurring when we mastered our power rather than at a certain age. About ten years after birth, a fae’s power awakens. They are then sent to Academy, where training will begin to aid them in controlling the power they had been blessed with by Eternity. Once they were able to contain it, they would be scored on how much power they had. A series of battles and tests are recorded, determining where each fae ranks among their sub-faction.
Demons did not have rankings according to Noe. Instead, no matter their power, they were allowed the freedom to choose their own path. Apparently, even the strongest demons opt to run businesses or farm or sew or mine. Anything they wanted to become they could. Though it sounded beautiful, there was no denying the fact that such autonomy could weaken their entire realm.
Yet, I found myself thinking of what I might choose to be if given the chance.
Noe, unlike most of her kind, was not awarded the same privilege. She had been an assassin and spy long before Bellamy had created his Trusted. In fact, she often portaled to the Fae Realm— Betovere, if Bellamy was to be believed—and spied on the royals. Noe’s father had rigorously trained her to take down his enemies, utilizing her exceptional magic ability as a weapon for his own selfish needs and desires.
She spoke of her isolation growing up, the longing for companionship she would feel as a result.
Noe gave such detailed descriptions of the places she had portaled, that I found myself lost in them, dreaming of visiting the far off cave where she uncovered a small group of rebels or the rain forest where she had found large cases of smuggled goods to blackmail a Lord with.
It was all so fascinating and inconceivable. She and Bellamy both had memories of grand adventures and the desire to be something more than what their parents wanted.
I had never wanted to be anything other than good enough.
It was pathetic really, that I had spent over two centuries pining for the love of a couple who had poisoned and beat me. Even more embarrassing that I still found myself dreaming of being loved by them, seeing their proud faces and knowing that my life had meaning. Somehow, I remained unable to hate them, that small part of myself insisting they were innocent, believing I deserved it all.
Would it be ridiculous to think that? To see my own faults and conclude that I had been the catalyst to the downfall of our bond? I did not believe so, but I knew Noe would. And so would Bellamy. Neither of them believed the royals held any good within their hearts, that they were capable of redemption.
But I knew without a shadow of a doubt that there was no good without evil. Life was not black and white; it was gray and gloomy, and we were all the villain of someone’s story.
No matter what path I chose, I would be the worst of them all.
I scooted further into Noe as her words became softer and her breaths became even. When she fell asleep mid-sentence, I forced myself to not close my eyes. I fought it with every ounce of energy I had, but there was very little left.
My body begged me for relief and rest, but my mind reminded me of all I would see when I gave in to the fatigue. Slowly, trying not to wake Noe, I edged my way off the cots. Her soft snores stuttered at one point, but she did not wake, nor did she stir again after.
I snatched my cloak off of the floor, securing it swiftly, and made my way out of our shared tent. The morning sun burned, but the chill came with a satisfying jolt of awareness. Allowing my eyes to adjust, I stretched my arms and took in the empty field through squinted lids. Surprised to find no one keeping watch, I halted. What if someone—or something —attacked?
Bellamy was hardly an incompetent leader, and I doubted Henry would allow us to have no one keeping watch either. Someone had to be around here somewhere. I moved through our small camp, noting the dying flames of the fire and the snores coming from all five tents.
Figuring I should trust that they could manage their affairs, I wandered away from our site. There was a fresh taste to the wind as it blew my hair back, the sun overhead assuaging some of the frosty bite. Overgrown grass and hyacinths made for a fairytale-like scene.
Our horses remained nearby, untethered. I was once again amazed at Henry’s impeccable training. Frost had found a comfortable patch of grass to sleep in, Lucifer not far away, his black eyes scanning the area.
Those two seemed quite cozy.
I did not rule out the possibility that the two were mated. Bellamy would give me his steed’s mate only to later suggest it was fate. Stupid demon.
I walked around the sleeping animals, careful not to scare them. Lucifer watched me, tracking as I walked away. Promising myself I would not be reckless by straying too far, my feet pressed on for only a bit longer. When I felt satisfied with my distance from the camp, I collapsed onto the dewy grass near the edge of a cliff. The view was astonishing, but I resisted the urge to explore more, instead lying back all the way.
Basking in the light, I let my arms and legs spread wide. It felt like I was being cleansed—made new. I was far more comfortable than I had any reason to be. Exposed and exhausted, I risked my safety doing this. But I had fought so hard not to be still these last few weeks, and I craved that serenity.
So I laid there, breathing in the smell of flowers and autumn. I felt the cold seep through my clothes, welcomed it even. When my eyelids grew heavy, I allowed them to close. Perhaps I needed to see what would haunt me.
The thoughts that broke free terrorized me, and I let them.
Weak , they pushed. True, I conceded.
Worthless , they said. Yes, I agreed.
On and on images of every soul I shattered, every brain I manipulated, every light I snuffed out flashed before me. I relived every gentle hug from Mia, every proud smile from Xavier. Then the words of the afriktor echoed.
Such a silly, pathetic being you are. So trusting. So na?ve.
I was all of those things and more.
End it. The voices of the fallen urged. Yes, the world would be far better that way.
I saw the cliff’s edge again, and this time I walked over to the very cusp of it, ready to jump.
Sterling’s charming face appeared next to me. He was living gold, the embodiment of fae royalty in a mortal body.
“Asher, beautiful Asher. Please do not leave me again. Who else will love you if not me?” he asked in a sultry voice. For some reason, I was tempted to take his outstretched hand. To submit to a lifetime of torture.
But I hesitated when a familiar voice sounded from the other side of me. It was a husky rasp, one that held love and fear and strength. Sterling scowled at the looming presence, trying to snatch my hand.
I pulled away, my back hitting Bellamy’s chest. He wrapped his arms around me, holding on tightly.
Too tightly. He was crushing me against him, leaning down to kiss my disfigured ear. A voice came that was not his, but the afriktor’s once more.
Even worse, the prince at your side hides much from you. A liar, a murderer, a vengeful soul he is.
Bellamy spun me around, his black flames burning my arms. I cried out in agony, but The Elemental merely laughed, as if he enjoyed my pain. The icy blue eyes I had come to know so well slowly became overrun by black shadows. He pushed, causing me to lose my balance.
I toppled over the edge, a scream ripping its way up my throat. My hands flew out, trying to gain purchase on something, anything.
Sweaty, desperate fingers met cold, calm ones. Bellamy was there, holding onto me, his grin wide. He tugged me up as if I were weightless, bringing me into his arms. I hugged him back, thankful that the one who had nearly killed me, saved me. Was that not how I had always been?
“You are a fool, Princess.” The voice was different, the embodiment of death, ice cold and disorienting. “Though, it seems to run in the family.”
Bellamy’s words ended with a heated kiss, his tongue slipping into my mouth. Instincts failed me, because instead of pushing away, I pulled him closer. Relishing in the feel of him, I did not notice the pull between my breasts until it was too late.
He sunk his hand into my chest, ripping straight through skin and muscle, grabbing hold of my heart. His grip was excruciating, screams escaping my mouth in torment.
“Consider this a final warning, for I will not give another. You are doomed to a lifetime of loneliness. Any who you allow into your heart will surely betray you. The prince will sooner cut your head from your neck than love you. Guard this heart of yours before someone much hungrier feasts on it.”
When Bellamy pulled away, it was no longer the demon prince at all, but rather a different fae of sorts. The creature had ears that came to a sharp point, though they slanted outwards instead of up. Its skin was so pale it seemed almost translucent, revealing a blue blush. Purple hair that was nearly black fell down its back, a shiny sleet of silk. Its eyes were white and narrowed, as if assessing me. High cheekbones and a chiseled jaw made the thing hauntingly beautiful, which only added to the horror of it. The black robes adorning its body blew in a phantom breeze, and its smile revealed teeth that were too white.
“Sleep well, Asher, we shall meet again.”
***
I woke up with a jolt, eyes flying around the area for potential threats, but there were none. Only Lian sitting nearby, watching me. There was a furrow to her brows that told me I must have been a sight to see, asleep in the grass.
She stood, walking my way and plopping down on the grass beside me. I sat up, my body still shaking so violently that I could do nothing but hold my legs to my chest and breathe.
“I went back and retrieved this for you after Bellamy portaled you guys out of the forest,” she said.
In her hand she held out the dagger she had given me, which was now clean, the blood washed away as if it had never been.
My hand shook as I gripped it, but I fought to bring the weapon to my chest. A single tear fell from my eye, hitting the demon sigil on the hilt. Nodding a thanks at Lian, I stood, making my way back to camp on silent feet.
“Perhaps I was wrong before,” she whispered. I froze, the words she spoke next nearly breaking me. “Fear is not always healthy. For what it is worth, I am no longer afraid of you, Asher. I trust you.”
Without a word or a backwards glance, I made my way to my tent.
I did not sleep again for three days.
I knew what awaited me when my eyes closed.