Chapter Sixteen
Asher
E very breath of Nicola’s floral scent was a relief to my system. Peace in the eye of a storm.
“Asher, you need to breathe,” she said into my hair. What did she mean? I was breathing. Desperately so. Maybe too quickly, actually. “You are going to have a panic attack if you do not take a moment to settle yourself.”
Oh gods, she was right. It hit me then, how my gasping heaves of air and the tears running down my cheeks must look. She likely thought I was insane.
“No, I am fine,” I muttered, pulling back from her. She was just as stunning as ever. Her dark skin was glowing, her full lips pursed and brown eyes wide. She had pulled her wild and lovely curls back with pins the color of the sun. Her dress matched, a bright spot in an otherwise bleak world. “I need to tell you something—to explain everything.”
“Listen, there is very little time. If there was ever a time to trust me, that time is now. Your future, all of our futures, hangs in the balance of whatever decision you are about to make,” she whispered, eyes darting back and forth. Backing further away, I ripped my arms from hers, unable to make sense of what she was saying.
“Of course I trust you. But you do not understand, we are living a lie. We have to figure out how to stop the king and queen, we—”
“Ash, you are sick and confused. I understand, but you have to follow my lead right now, okay? Can you do that?” She asked, her wide eyes pleading as they bore into my own. My mind spun with the vague and ominous information she was giving me. What did she mean? I was not sick, I was finally awake after centuries of sleep walking through my life.
But this was Nicola. She knew more than others. If there was anyone here in Betovere that I could trust, it was her.
“Yes, I trust you. I can do that.” With a nod and a sad smile, she stood up straighter and pasted on a look of glee.
“Your Majesty,” she greeted, pulling me to her side before bowing low. I watched in horror before turning my head, internally screaming as Xavier stormed our way. My best friend’s grip on my skirt tightened and pulled, yanking me into the same dip.
“Nicola, while it is lovely to see you, I need Asher to come with me. She is very sick.” His voice was like thunder as it boomed out, the meaning beneath the words delayed lightning striking me in the heart.
“I would like to come with, King Xavier. She has been asleep for so long,” Nicola pleaded. A hand gripped mine, her skin warm and soft and familiar. Xavier’s eyes darted down to where Nicola’s fingers intertwined with my own, and I watched in horror as a muscle ticked in his jaw and fire seemed to blaze in his dark eyes.
“Do not read her, Nicola. The attack left her weak and disoriented. She needs rest, not company.” With that, he grabbed my arm and pulled me away from her. Yelping in both pain and terror, I tried and failed to wrench away from him.
“Please, let me be there. Just to watch over her. Kafele’s injuries prevented me from attending her wedding, and I may never forgive myself when I might have been able to make a difference. I wish to never leave her side again.” The words sounded earnest, but there was a sort of hollow feeling to them that I could not place or understand.
“Kafele was injured? What happened to him? Is he okay now?” The two of them both looked at me, Xavier in fury and Nicola in discomfort. Eternity spare me, was he… dead?
No, Nicola would not be so cavalier about the death of her soulmate.
“He was attacked, but he has fully recovered. Nothing to worry about,” she said, pursing her lips and reaching for me.
Xavier jerked me further back, forcing me to stumble away from her. Nicola’s eyes squinted slightly, and I watched as she seemed to weigh her next words. As she hesitated.
“It was…a demon attack,” she finally clarified.
My mind went blank of everything except Bellamy’s smiling face. The dimples that dug into his cheeks and the tilt of his head. No. It was not demons.
With all my might, I shoved Xavier, forcing him to let go of my arm. Then I ran at Nicola, gripping her biceps and staring into her eyes. I felt crazed, desperate, disturbed.
“No, it was not demons. It has never been demons! The attacks are—”
“Ash, you are not well. We need to get you to your chambers,” she said, her eyes wide and full of an emotion I could not understand. I wanted to argue, to explain to her how wrong she was.
We had been fooled our entire lives, and she was still being tricked. Trying to enter her mind to show her, I was met with a sharp, stabbing pain in my temples, leaving only the faint taste of my best friend’s terror on my tongue. I grabbed my face, the ache strong and disorienting.
Nicola came closer, whispering through her teeth, “Remember what I said?”
“You have to follow my lead right now okay?” she had said.
I trusted her. Of all the beings in this Eternity forsaken realm, it was her that I trusted the most. With a nod, I released her. Xavier was quick to once more claim my arm, practically dragging me away from the Tomorrow—no, the Oracle. Nicola was an Oracle.
“Come, Asher, you need to lie down and allow Tish to see to you,” he ordered. Nicola looked at me in horror as he pulled me farther and farther from her, one of her hands outstretched towards me.
“Wait, Your Majesty! I think that—”
“No, Nicola!” Xavier shouted, abruptly stopping to turn towards her. My chest flew into his, my head knocking into the muscle there. “Asher attacked Queen Mia. She is volatile and unwell. She needs to be looked over and alone. We will let you know when it is safe to visit. Go home to your husband.”
Husband.
They had gotten married. I missed my best friend’s wedding.
Though it was not the most important part of the day, or even of the conversation, it was that fact that had me obediently walking alongside Xavier.
***
“You will not leave your chambers until Tish has deemed you well enough to do so. Under no circumstances are you allowed to have any visitors other than Mia, Sterling, or I. If I find that you have used your powers—”
“Magic,” I mumbled, cutting off Xavier’s tangent. He froze, his finger still pointing my way and his mouth left open.
“Eternity above, Asher. You have truly lost your mind. You do not have magic. You are not some demon from the depths of the Underworld.” There was a sincerity to his tone that made me close my eyes. He was lying. I knew what was real. “If you use your powers on anyone, I will have no other choice than to have your blocker placed on you once more.”
Forcing my eyes to remain closed, I further curled into myself in the corner. Waiting for his suffocating presence to leave. I felt like a youngling again. I felt weak.
“I do not want to do this, Ash. Seeing you like this hurts me. But you are proving yourself to be a danger and a liability. We cannot allow it. Please, get into bed, eat your lunch, and rest. That is all I ask.” Had I truly once thought they loved me? It baffled me that those hideous words hidden beneath false endearment had convinced me for so long that I was loved.
Choosing to stay silent rather than acknowledge his deceit, I remained still until his retreating footsteps were met with the click of my doors closing.
And then, just as I had once always been, I was alone.
***
Two days passed without me so much as moving to relieve myself after I had stripped my body bare. I remained there, in my own mess and hopelessness, chanting.
It was real. It was real. It was real. It was real.
“Sure it was, Strange One.” Wrath had unfortunately kept me company. “I wish you would bathe. You smell horrendous.”
Though I did not speak back to the dalistori, he rarely stayed quiet himself.
“I am a figment of your imagination. If you want me to be silent, then make me. It is not my fault you have dreamt up a fake life and love and cat.” His tale swished as he spoke, his gray fur silky and his fangs short. Those big yellow eyes bore into me, waiting for a reaction.
I would not give him one.
I knew what was real.
“You are insane, do you know that?” he asked with a sharp-toothed smile. I scowled his way, watching with annoyance as he chuckled and scooted closer to me. If only I could drop-kick him.
“Maybe you should try, see if you can look any more ridiculous than you do in a pile of your own urine and wearing nothing but your own shame.”
Wrath was a figment of my imagination. He was the part of me that was unwilling to leave the past behind. Every piece of my mind and soul that loathed me. What he said meant nothing.
“Sure, Strange One.”
Closing my eyes, I begged for a reprieve.
***
The next morning, I awoke to pounding on my door and the sound of Sterling’s horrified shouts.
“Asher! Are you okay? Asher!” Again and again his fist slammed into the granite, the echoing sound making my head ache.
I wanted to tell him to leave me be. I was wallowing. That and plotting. My mind was swimming with potential ways I could eventually kill Mia and Xavier. Prioritizing my own strength was important. In the last three days I had come up with a sort of checklist.
One, do not eat the food or drink the water. There was no doubt in my mind that it was poisoned. However, I had to be cautious. Baths were out of the question, because they could taint that too.
Two, do not wear the clothes. How easy would it be to lace the gowns with hemlock or belladonna? Yes, I could wear gold, even if it made my skin crawl. Bellamy had taught me that I was stronger than that. But, if they tampered with the fabric, then I could be wearing my downfall.
Three, no visitors. I would not be forced to endure the presence of anyone who might harm, poison, or sway me. They were attempting to manipulate me, but I would not let them.
Four, remember it was real.
“Asher, I have a key. Please do not make me enter your space without your permission.” Eternity above, he never left. Every day, he came and yelled behind the doors until I finally said to leave. It was annoying. More than that, it was tempting.
I feared for the mortal prince. They had harmed him—tortured him—before. There was nothing stopping them from doing it again. A part of me wanted to welcome him in and not allow him to leave. To protect the boy with adventure in his soul and light in his heart. Another part of me, the more sane part, knew that it likely only put him in more danger to be around me. To be seen as someone I cared about.
“That is it, I am coming in!”
Shit.
For the first time in three days, I moved. Far slower than normal, I pushed myself up and crawled to the bed. Locks jingled on the other side of the doors, freedom closer than it had been in a while. My hands gripped the golden gown I had tossed days ago, pulling the hideous thing onto my body just as Sterling burst through the doors.
He wore golden silk that matched the perfect coils of his hair. His skin was slightly darker than it had been in the dungeons, his pallor no longer sickly. I had no idea how they managed to rid him of the thinness that signaled malnutrition, but there he stood, his body filled out and quite strong.
Despite that, the mortal prince appeared terrified.
“Asher, what happened?” he asked in a panic.
I stared at him, unsure of what to say. Or what to do. He rushed to me, brown eyes wide. Despite the smell, Sterling knelt beside me, his hands coming to either side of my face as he seemed to search for any sign of injury. He would find none that were visible, think me mad, and then leave to tell Xavier or Mia. I was sure of it.
“If you tell me what is wrong, I can help,” he said. Then, far quieter, he whispered, “Please let me help you.”
The ring around his finger on his left hand seemed to sizzle against my skin. Gold crackled and burned where it kissed my cheek, a marriage forced upon me like a curse. Sterling was kind, funny, curious, and handsome. He was more than I could have asked for a year ago. But now, after knowing what it was like to love and be loved by Bellamy? Well, nothing would ever compare. And even if I never saw Bellamy again—if perhaps I died ridding the world of the fae king and queen—I would still never call anyone else my husband.
“Take off the ring,” I ordered brokenly, tugging my face free of his grasp. Sterling’s face fell, sadness seeping in to wash away the terror. With a slight nod, Sterling pulled off his wedding ring and tucked it into his pocket. Freeing me from the sight of a false promise I wanted nothing to do with. “Thank you.”
“Of course.” A beat of silence passed, a moment of tension and unknowing in which we both stared at the other. “How about a bath?”
“It will be poisoned. You do not understand, but the king and queen wish to keep me weak. They are trying to remind me of how small they can make me. I will not let them,” I stated, lifting my chin.
While I expected judgment or condemnation, Sterling just sat back on the heels of his shoes and studied me openly. After a few moments, he simply nodded and held out a hand.
“Okay, my bathing room it is.”
“What?”
“You can come to my chambers and bathe there. I will have them bring up fresh water and I will lend you some of my old clothing.“ With a few words and a simple shrug, Sterling completely shattered my shields of defense. Nodding, I grabbed his hand and let him pull me up.
“Are you only doing this because you think I am your wife? Because you want something from me?” I had to ask. There were so few beings in this world who gave without ulterior motives. Even if Sterling was once the type of man who harbored more kindness in his heart than most, who knew what they had done to him since I saw him last.
“I am doing this because you are a person—sorry, being. You deserve to feel safe. Of course, you are my wife, so I owe more to you than most.” With that, he tugged me forward. “Which means, if you say the king and queen are out to get you, then I believe you.”
I followed silently, knowing I was not meant to leave my chambers but caring little. He seemed perfectly fine, so they likely were not tampering with his water. And they probably would not have thought to do anything nefarious to his clothes. Maybe this could work.
Or maybe he was in on it and was just trying to get that poison in my system for them.
Honestly, I did not feel much better without it. My head throbbed, my body ached, and my magic felt distant. All of which could have been due to dehydration and starvation, but I feared it was because whatever they did was going to permanently affect me—or maybe they were still poisoning me after all.
We did not go far, passing through my doors and walking to the end of the hallway. Sterling halted at the final door and pushed it open, revealing a golden disaster. Clothes littered the floors, trays from meals sat on the bedside table, and books were everywhere.
Mess did not accurately describe Sterling’s chambers.
For some reason, I loved it.
“Do maids not come here?” I asked, letting out a soft and weak chuckle. The first since we had been locked in the dungeons together.
Sterling looked over his shoulder, grinning widely my way. “They try.”
Shaking my head, I let the prince lead me through the mess, hopping to each spot he did. We stumbled our way past his golden bed on the right, his matching dresser on the left, and made it to the bathing chamber in the far right corner.
Sighing dramatically, Sterling straightened and opened the door. His bathing chamber was simple, containing a tub, a vanity, and a chamber pot. Nothing exciting, though the gold made everything gaudy.
“I will have them bring water but will not let them carry it in. When it is ready, I will fill the tub and then leave so you can have space. Let me go grab you some of those clothes really quick.” He left me then, pulling the rope that would alert the servants who were meant to serve him. I waited, listening to what sounded like him tripping. Curses sounded from the main chambers, putting a smile on my face against my will.
Minutes passed as I stood there, thinking. Plotting.
If I could get close to Mia or Xavier, then maybe I could use a weapon to end them. My magic was volatile, so it would be of little help, but blades were steady. Constant. Yes, I would just need to find a way to walk through the palace without notice.
“You sure are thinking hard,” Sterling muttered as he carried two enormous buckets of water to the bath. I watched silently as he dumped them, the steam enticing me to halt my planning in favor of taking a moment to relax.
“Are you positive they did not know I was here?” I questioned instead of responding to his comment. He shook his head, golden curls swaying with the movement.
Between chuckles, he answered, “Positive.”
Nodding, I walked towards the bath. I would clean myself then get out. There was no time to waste. Maybe Sterling could help me find a way. He seemed to believe me. Or at least, he appeared willing to go along with my beliefs. That was enough.
“I will be right on the other side of the door if you need anything,” he said. His steps back towards the door were slow and measured, the same way one might walk away from a monster they feared would attack.
“Well, if I drown, slip, or die suddenly, then my ghost will tell you first.” Laughter and a salute were his only responses before he slipped through the door and shut it behind him. A moment later, the door swung open again, and he set down a small pile of clothes on the floor before closing the door again.
It felt wrong to laugh. To be anything but miserable when those around me attempted to steal Bellamy and my family from my memory.
Still, I allowed myself to feel the amusement as I stripped from my dress and stepped into the scorching water. Then, like a flower basking in sunlight, I vowed to never wilt again.