Chapter Seventeen
Asher
W hile he might not have had any memories, Sterling was still an excellent companion.
After my bath I had quickly dressed, the forest green top and black cotton trousers fitting me rather well. When I had pulled the door open, Sterling’s body had careened backwards. No amount of sleep would have given me the strength to stop myself from saying, “Ah, it seems you have discovered gravity.”
Sterling, ever the partaker in wit, simply stared up at me from the floor and said, “It is painful being this brilliant.”
We now sat on his bed, playing cards and eating what I used to call the trifecta— buttered bread, pastries, and cheese-stuffed rolls. Sterling had lost four games in a row, which was truly just the product of me having been bored for two centuries and getting good at nearly useless things. Which was why I took pity on him and let him win.
“Finally! You know, I got rather good at cards while I traveled,” he commented, smacking his hands together as if to dust them off. I froze, my mind adjusting to his comment at rapid speed. Yes, I had known he traveled despite him never telling me before the wedding, which was proof I had not made any of it up. Tangible proof!
“Yes, your travels. I know all about those. You told me about them, do you have any recollection of when?” I asked, knowing he would not remember our times in the cells. To my surprise, though, Sterling nodded his head.
“While you were unconscious. Queen Mia suggested I speak to you of myself as you slept so that you might wake up sooner. I think it worked, oddly enough. You were conscious a week later.”
“No, Sterling. The reason I know those things is because you told me when we were in the dungeons together. I do not know what they did to you, but I can show you what I mean—the memories. Would that be okay?”
Sterling nodded, unflinchingly curious. Today that would be in my favor. With a deep breath, I pressed out my magic. It hurt, the act making my head pound and my stomach roll, but I pressed on, projecting my memories of our time beneath the golden palace.
Emotions flashed across his face: confusion, surprise, horror, heartbreak, fury. When I had finished, tears welled in his eyes and anger tightened his jaw.
“Do you believe me?” I asked cautiously.
He gave me no answer other than reaching forward and wrapping me into a tight embrace. My muscles tensed at the contact, memories of horrors committed by those hands but a different being entirely flashing behind my eyelids. The moment I reminded myself this Sterling was different— good —I melted into the hold and returned the embrace. Even if he did not necessarily believe me, at least he was there.
A knock disrupted the moment of peace. We parted quickly, my mind instantly on edge.
“Who is that, Sterling? Did you tell someone?” I did not wait for him to answer my panicked accusations. Instead, I reached out my magic, gasping at the pain of it as I searched for who it was that stood on the other side of that door.
Relief cooled my blazing body. Nicola. Leaning back against the headboard, I slowly massaged my temples. Sound that I had not realized I had blocked out came back to me, Sterling’s terror loud in my ear.
“Asher, did you hear me? Asher! It is just Nicola.”
Everything was hurting. My body, my mind, my heart. I felt like I might explode from how badly my own magic pierced me. A war drum seemed to beat at full speed beneath my eyes, pain shooting down my spine. Clawing at my skin, I tried to dig out the source of the pain—to do anything other than just sit there.
Then a hand touched my shoulder.
Maybe it was my magic being more volatile than normal and corrupting my senses. Or it could have just been reflexes that I knew I had. Either way, one second I was clutching my head, and the next I was twisting Sterling by the wrist, a sickening crack met with a pained shout.
The doors burst open, Nicola racing forward with wide eyes. “Sterling!”
“I am fine, it was an accident,” he said through clenched teeth. He was not fine though, I could feel the way his agony crashed through his body in waves.
“We need Tish to heal this, there is no way that was a clean break.” Nicola’s calm words broke through the haze of my panic, and I found myself far more aware of my own sanity—or lack thereof—than ever before.
“I am so sorry, Sterling. I thought…well, I do not know what I thought.” Shaking my head, I leaned forward and inspected the odd twist of his wrist and the limpness of his hand. Gods, I could not believe what I had done. Nicola was to my left, standing beside the bed with a vacant and distant look in her eye. Was she scared of me?
“No need to worry, the only thing I used it for was pleasuring myself anyways.” Sterling’s joke forced an incredulous laugh out of me. How could he jest like that when the female he thought was his wife had snapped his wrist?
“Well then, I guess I was really doing you a favor.” My voice shook, the pitch higher than my normal tone.
“How is that?”
“Now you have an excuse to train the other.” His smile was bright despite the scrunch of his eyes and clench of his jaw that betrayed the pain he felt. The kindness he offered me made my chest tighten. I did not deserve it. Perhaps I really was losing my mind.
“Asher,” Nicola finally spoke. I looked over to her, watching her beautiful features contort into an almost pained expression. “This will lead to something quite nasty, but we are on the right track. You must call for Mia, not Tish. Get back to your chambers and change your clothing. When Mia asks what happened, you say that the two of you were getting intimate and Sterling fell off the bed.”
“Why would we lie?” Sterling asked, furrowing his brow.
“Do you want your husband to live?” Nicola asked, cutting off Sterling. She stared at me with those haunting and distant eyes, so different than the bright and joyous way they used to shine. So we would all be changed by this war. If any of us survived, we would never be the same.
I spiraled through the possibilities of what she could mean, but really only one thought made it past my lips.
“He is not my husband,” I muttered. Sterling scoffed at my side, still sprawled on the bed and clutching his broken wrist to his chest.
“Asher, do you want him to live?” Her gaze zeroed in on me, the veil of her power momentarily dropping.
Against my will, my eyes darted to the boy. That was what he was, in truth. Just a boy. Young even by mortal standards. He had so much life to live. His wit and curiosity and pure joy reminded me of what Bellamy never got to be. What I never got to be.
“Yes, I want him to live.”
“Then get him to your rooms, mess your hair, and call the Queen.”
With that, she turned and left. I did what I had once done best, what I had forgotten how to do until this moment. I followed orders.
“Do I at least get to kiss you to make it realistic?” Sterling asked as I began pulling him up.
“Did no one tell you? Fae females have tongues like razors.” My words were paired with Sterling’s hiss as I wrapped his uninjured arm around my shoulders and tugged him to the door. The pain was clearly making him dizzy. Incoherent too.
“All the more reason to take me for a ride.”
“Unfortunately for you, I am spoken for.”
“Yes, by me, your husband,” he clipped, his tone betraying his annoyance at my refusal to believe in our sham marriage.
“Currently, the only thing you are to me is a problem,” I spoke, a grunt nearly cutting off my sentence when my foot caught the edge of the gold carpet that ran the length of the hallway.
“So, no to the kiss?”
“You learn so quickly. Perhaps we can find you a far better female to kiss. Maybe even fuck.”
I released him for a second to reach into his pocket and grab the keys. As expected, Sterling mumbled something about me fondling him and my false disinterest in his cock. I ignored him, choosing to focus on getting the door open. There were five keys and three locks, so he was forced to direct me.
“It does not fit!” I hissed, trying and failing to get the final key into the lock.
“Not the first time I have heard that,” he responded.
“Not the first time a male has lied to me about their size either. Now tell me which key.”
“You sure are crass. Anyways, I think I got them mixed up, try the more rounded one.”
“Eternity damn you,” I groaned, grabbing the correct key.
“Yes, Eternity damn me to the Underworld. I love all things hot and spicy.” His wiggling eyebrows brought a reluctant grin to my face. Mortals were menaces.
“You are even more of an idiot when you are in pain.” There, the lock clicked.
“A hot idiot, at least?”
“I would not know, I prefer savory, now get in.”
We made it through without being seen—a miracle if I have ever known one. Sterling winked before jumping into my still perfectly made bed and crying out when he accidentally jostled his hurt wrist.
What an absolute nitwit. I was constantly surrounded by such creatures.
Ignoring the prince, I hastily made my way to my wardrobe, grabbing out a thin nightdress. Making it believable. My hair was newly washed and still fairly damp, but I reached up and mussed it on my way to my bathing chambers. As quickly as I could, I stripped from Sterling’s clothes, tucked them behind my tub, and dressed in the golden silk.
From there it was just a matter of ringing the pulley that would alert Mia’s handmaidens. My hand touched the rope, the ends frayed from just how often I had called for her.
I used to love her. She was my rock, an immovable force that stopped me from being pulled out to sea. When someone hurt me, it was Mia that I first called to. Her arms would wind around me as she whispered kind words about my magnificence. Xavier would later tell me ways in which I might fight back, how I could destroy them if I was smart. How was it that those same two beings—the fae I thought of as parents—would then hurt me so deeply? Would call me a monster and tell me to thank them for their love?
With a deep breath, I cleared my mind and tugged the rope.
Passing through the door, I darted back to Sterling. In my absence he had taken on a sickly pallor, his face nearly as green as the flecks in his eyes.
Time was of the essence, so I did not hesitate to jump on the bed with him and run my hands through his hair.
“This will hurt and I am so so sorry for that. For hurting you before. Likely for hurting you again, I am sure.”
Then I ripped him up towards the pillows, dragging him until his head hit the cushion. My fingers expertly undid the golden buttons of his tunic, parting the fabric to reveal his bare chest. Then I yanked off his shoes, threw them to the side, and tucked him beneath the blankets. For my own part, I slapped and pinched my cheeks, shook one of my straps off my shoulder, and moved to straddle him.
Wait, no. He needed to be on the ground. Shit.
“We have to move you! The story is that you fell and broke your wrist. How could you have done that on the—”
A knock on the door cut off my sentence. She was here. With no other option I moved to the side and kicked Sterling off the bed, diving to the ground after him.
“Come in!” I said, using my hand to cover Sterling’s mouth and muffle his cries. He jostled for a moment before stilling. Then my doors burst open. Mia ran, her golden gown swishing around her. Every part of her was immaculate, crafted with precision. Her lips were full and pink, her orange hair once more shorter in the back than in the front and cut above her shoulders. There was no sign of her freckles, but her eyes of ice were confirmation enough.
Bellamy’s mother approached, Tish not far behind her. As if she knew my need for her could only mean injury now. So different than it once was.
“He fell,” I said, trying to elicit some of the panic at her nearness into my voice. Mia’s gaze ran over me, taking in my hair and my flush and my exposed shoulder. Then she looked at Sterling, who was even more of a disaster than I was. His buttons still exposed the flesh of his chest, his curls a mess from when he had ran his fingers through it as we played cards.
“Tish, check on him,” the queen ordered. Tish nodded her head, her complexion once more perfect and simple. She looked healthy. Like she no longer needed to heal every day.
“Or perhaps she never had.” My eyes moved to the harsh sound of Wrath’s voice of their own will. I caught sight of him just behind Mia, a smirk on his feline face. He was smaller than normal, but just as daunting.
I wanted to yell at him. To swear at the queen before me. More than both of those things, I wished to curse the ethers themselves for all the wrongs they had committed. For it was Eternity who I owed my bitter thanks—my bloodlust—my insanity.
“Yes, Strange One. Blame all but yourself. What a new way of thinking for you. Perhaps your imagination has taught you something after all. Madness looks wonderous on you.”
And then he disappeared.
Mia was on her knees, her gown splayed out around us. She grabbed my jaw, tilting my head back and forth. “Did he force himself on you, my flower?”
As if she would care. She had proven that, when push came to shove, it was her plans over my wellbeing every time. But of course, I could not say that. So instead, I lowered my gaze and slumped my shoulders. I made myself small and shy. Becoming the Asher she had raised.
“No, we were…” I allowed my words to trail off, my eyes to flick up to hers and then over to a now-healed Sterling as he sat up. “We got a bit too excited.”
For a moment, I feared she would not believe me. Her jaw seemed to clench as she looked between the two of us. I did not dare check that Sterling was playing his part. No, my attention remained fixed on the queen.
Believe me. Take this victory. Accept that the future you desire is coming to fruition.
I did not dare use my magic. Not when it was so determined to work against me. Instead, I waited for Mia’s ego to be her downfall.
She stared, her shoulders back and her lips pursed.
Sterling seemed to catch on to the tense showdown, because he quickly wrapped his arms around me.
“Sorry for the scare, love.” His heart was beating rapidly against my chin, a sign of the nerves he so clearly had.
Burrowing further into his chest, I returned the hug. “It was my fault, really.”
Just as we went to release one another, Nicola’s singsong voice rang out.
“Ash? Are you okay?” I jerked back, my eyes scanning my chambers for her. She was dashing from the doorway, making quick work of closing the distance between us. Glee filled me to the brink as she shoved past Tish and lowered herself to Mia’s side. “What happened?”
A smirk lifted the corner of my mouth as I answered, “Fun happened.”
“Okay, okay. Nicola, I think it is about time Sterling goes back to his own chambers. Will you take him? Asher needs her rest.” Mia’s voice was commanding. The tone of a queen who had been wronged too many times.
“Actually, Your Majesty, I had an idea,” Nicola nearly whispered. Face docile and tone sweet, Nicola was the picture of a subservient fae. She smiled, ever the doting subject. “I was thinking that it might benefit Asher to see the realm. With her and Sterling wed, they could go together on a sort of royal tour. After all, they will one day rule the Fae Realm. Traveling throughout it might even get Asher’s spirit up once more.”
My shoulders straightened at the idea, though I had a feeling Mia would just say no. Her attention remained on me, scrutinizing the way I became eager at the idea. What she could not see was how different this eagerness was than how it used to be. I no longer cared about adventure. Now I wanted nothing but her blood and my freedom.
“Nicola, you understand more than anyone why that is unwise. Your own husband was attacked by demons late last year.” There was a harshness to her normally lovely voice, Mia’s mask falling.
Nicola was undeterred, her eyes glazing over for a split second before brightening up again. “But would it not be wise to have her see the reality of what is out there? To remind her of how important her role is? How special The Capital is?”
“Do I have any say in this?” I asked, my irritation getting the best of me. Mia scrutinized Nicola for another moment before turning my way again.
“It seems you are about to get your wish, my flower. We will leave for Isle Shifter tomorrow morning.” At that, she gracefully stood. “Tish, see to it that handmaidens come to pack for Asher and Sterling.”
“What about me?” Nicola asked, her voice holding the barest hint of panic. Mia flashed her a dazzling smile, shedding the face of the demure queen.
“You will return home to your husband, of course.”