41. Avery
FORTY-ONE
AVERY
Reid
What are you doing tonight?
Me
Probably trolling you on TikTok.
Reid
Cute. Want to hang out?
I only saw it through the photos you sent, but that skirt of yours drove me wild today.
Me
I’m on my period and feel like I’m on my deathbed.
RIP me.
Reid
I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. Is that a no to hanging out?
Me
I’m going to be a monster.
Reid
Get some rest, Ave.
Me
It’s not a no.
Reid
So it’s a yes?
Me
I’m not in the mood for sex.
Reid
That’s not what I asked.
Do you want to hang out with me? With our clothes on?
Me
Oh.
Yes. I do.
I wrap my blanket around my shoulders and shuffle to my apartment door. I open it for Reid and grimace when I turn back to the living room and the nest I’ve made for myself.
“How are you feeling?” he asks, shutting the door behind him. “You look like shit.”
“Nice to see you too.” I sit on the couch and close my eyes, trying not to wince in pain. “Honestly? I’m miserable. The first day is always the worst, and being on my feet for eight hours didn’t help.”
“Cramps?”
“It feels like someone is taking a knife to my insides. Hacking up my small intestine and leaving me for dead.”
“I brought you a few things. The internet told me they would help,” he says. I open my eyes and watch him unload a bag of groceries on my coffee table. There’s a heating pad. Aspirin and Gatorade. A gallon of water and a bar of dark chocolate. “In case you need them. The message boards are very divided on what works best.”
I blink at the pile in front of me. “You brought all of this? For me?”
“Yeah.” He unscrews the top of the Gatorade bottle and hands it my way. “You said you were in pain.”
“That didn’t mean you had to help.”
Reid pauses and looks at me. His hand is halfway in the bag, and I spy more candy. His eyebrows are pinched, and he nudges his glasses up his nose.
“I wanted to help. Is that okay?”
My nose stings and my eyes blur with tears. I’ve been in so much physical pain all day. Walking from my bed to the couch was excruciating. I’m exhausted and hungry and so thirsty, but thinking about making myself food or getting a glass of water sounded like too much work. Work I don’t have the energy to do.
And here he is, standing in front of me with everything I could ever need.
Asking if it’s okay if he helps.
My heart nearly splits in two.
“Yes,” I whisper, hiding my face under the pile of covers. Under here, he can’t see my red-rimmed eyes or puffy cheeks. He can’t see me at my absolute worst, and I don’t have to see him being the selfless man he is. “It’s okay.”
“Hey.” The couch sinks under his weight. I peel back the blanket that needs to be washed and look at him. “What’s going on, Ave?”
“This is very nice.” I sniff and wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. “I feel like garbage and you did something very kind for me. I’m overwhelmed, and it doesn’t help that all my emotions are amplified by my cycle.”
“Consider us even after you cleaned me up during the charity softball game,” Reid says. “You stopped my nose from swelling. I’m helping your uterus… well. I’m not sure of the biological phenomena, but I’m trying to return the favor.”
“I only stopped your nose from swelling so you couldn’t complain I won our bet because you were holed up in the hospital.”
Reid hums. “That’s exactly why I’m here too. Though, I guess it’s futile at this point. It’s looking like you’re going to be the winner.”
We both turn quiet. He sits next to me and picks up one of the books resting on the arm of the couch. He opens it and reads the first page, then the second.
“Is it okay if I—” I ask, and he interrupts me by patting his thighs.
I rest my feet on his black sweatpants. This unbuttoned look of his is one of my favorites. The basic white T-shirt and the joggers that hug the curves of his legs. A pinch of exhaustion on his face and the hint of sunburn across his nose.
“Do you have dinner plans?” he asks after a long stretch of silence, and I realize I’ve been staring at him. Dozing off to the fiery red of his hair and the pink on his cheeks.
“Nothing besides crying in pain,” I say. “Check back in a few days.”
“I’ll order us some food later. How does Thai sound?”
“Reid.” I put my hand on his arm. He looks down at where we’re joined, the smallest smile on his lips. “I was serious when I said we weren’t going to have sex tonight.”
He lifts an eyebrow. “And I was serious when I said I wanted to hang out with our clothes on.”
“If you knew we weren’t going to have sex, why are you here?”
“I told you.” He marks his spot in the book with a long finger and taps my calf with his other hand. “I wanted to help. This is me helping. For the record, I have no problem fucking you on your period. I don’t mind a little blood, and you know I like to clean you up after. But I can tell you’re uncomfortable. You can barely keep your head up, and hanging out on the couch is just fine by me.”
My body heats.
I imagine him on top of me, not a care in the world about getting dirty.
It would be intimate. Messy, and I like that he’d want to have sex with me when I’m vulnerable and not feeling like myself. I like that it doesn’t turn him off.
I stare at him, lost for words, and everything sharpens.
This man.
This man is here taking care of me and getting nothing in return.
This man is reading my romance book and ordering food so I’m fed.
This man brought me a heating pad, for fuck’s sake.
I should be on one knee asking him to marry me.
My breath comes out in short bursts the longer I stare at the hook of his nose. My chest hurts when I see his smile stretch wider.
It feels like a knot in me is pulling tight, some string I can’t see tugging and tugging to the point of uncomfortable.
It’s time for me to acknowledge the thing I’ve been trying so hard to fight.
I like him.
I like him so much.
I’d give him my heart if he asked.
I’d promise to treasure his in return, if he let me.
I think I might be a little in love with him too.
“Hey.” Reid scoots closer to me and grasps my knee. His fingers fold around my leg and his thumb rubs up and down my thigh, a touch that grounds and steadies me. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” I curse myself for being so obvious. “A little bit of pain. That’s all.”
He studies my face. When his eyes connect with mine, I feel it.
The worry.
The anxiousness.
The question on the tip of his tongue, ready to ask what else he can do to help.
He’s looking at me like I’m made of stars. Something racing across a midnight sky made of hopes and wishes and wants. There’s wonder when he parts his lips. Joy when I give him a nervous smile. Affection, too, when he moves his hand to my cheek, his touch as soft as clouds.
I’m falling for this man, and from the way my heart beats when he doesn’t let go, I know I’m tumbling head first.
I wake up with a firm body pressing against my back.
I stir and open one eye, taking in my surroundings.
I’m in my bedroom. The window to the left of my bed is cracked and the curtains move in the light breeze. The lamp on the table to my right is on, a soft glow covering the sheets and blankets.
There’s a heating pad against my stomach. Reid is wrapped around me, his arms resting on my waist and his mouth warm on the back of my neck. It’s like he’s holding me delicately, as if I’ll break if he touches me too hard.
I hum when I stretch out my legs, delirious from a sleep I desperately needed.
“Hey,” he murmurs, voice thick.
“Hi,” I say back. “What time is it?”
“Not sure. Last I checked it was past ten. You fell asleep and I carried you in here. Fell asleep myself. I hope I’m not overstaying my welcome.”
“You aren’t,” I say hurriedly, and I spin in his hold so I can face him. “Please don’t go.”
He yawns and rubs my back. “If you insist.”
“I didn’t realize I was so tired. My entire body aches. I feel like I got hit by a truck.”
“Do you want me to run you a bath?” Reid slurs, and he sounds more delirious than me. “Might warm you up. Your feet are like fucking icicles.”
“Because I normally sleep in socks. My equilibrium is all thrown off.”
“You’re a fucking weirdo.”
“Yet here you are. Curled around me like a vine and making no effort to leave.”
“Yeah, because you’re my weirdo,” he says.
I bury my face in his bare chest. He’s warm and soft and smells like the soap I love—pine trees in the middle of a forest and the hint of rain. I blink back fresh tears, and I hate how exposed I feel right now.
“What hurts?” Reid asks. “I unplugged the heating pad before you fell asleep because the instructions said to not leave it on for extended periods of time. Let me get it set up for you.”
“It’s not the heating pad,” I say, lifting my chin to look at him.
“It’s not?” He wipes away my tears with his thumb and smiles. He blows out a breath and touches my cheek. “God. You’re so beautiful.”
“You told me I looked like shit earlier in the night.”
“You’re still beautiful even when you look like shit. Sometimes I—” Reid swallows and shakes his head. “Never mind.”
“Tell me,” I plead.
“You need to sleep. To rest and relax. I shouldn’t be talking your ear off.”
“I want to hear it.”
“Sometimes I can’t believe I get to be here with you,” he tells me, and it’s the softest he’s ever spoken. “It’s overwhelming, honestly. I look at you and…” he trails off, the words difficult to find, but I’m hanging on to every syllable he gives me. “I can’t believe I get to exist within a four-foot radius of you. You’re made of dreams, Avery, and I’m the guy lucky enough for even a few minutes of your time.”
“Reid.” The lump in my throat seems impossible to ignore, but I forge on. “I need to tell you something.”
“Hang on.” He fumbles behind him, reaching for his glasses, and slides them on his face. “There you are. I like you a lot more when you’re not blurry.”
“Speaking of liking things.” I sit up, and the sheets pool around my waist. “I don’t know how to say this without being direct, so I’m just going to go for it. Having you here tonight made me realize I haven’t been completely honest with you.”
“You haven’t?” He frowns and props up on an elbow. “Is this another Watchman thing?”
“Not exactly. You’ve done all these wonderful things for me, and it wouldn’t be fair to let you think you were operating under one school of thought, when really, it’s something entirely different.”
“I know I’m tired, but you’re talking in circles, Ave.” He puts his hand on my forehead. “Are you running a fever? Let me get you some water.”
“I like you,” I blurt out, and he gapes at me. “A lot. In a more than friends way. In a more than friends with benefits kind of way. I have feelings for you, and I can’t let you sleep next to me thinking this is purely platonic for me. It’s not. It hasn’t been for a while, I don’t think, but tonight solidified it. I’m so happy when you’re around, Reid. I… I miss you when you’re gone. I check my phone constantly to see if you’ve sent me a message. The time I get to spend with you is the best part of my day.”
“Avery, I?—”
“I know we said we weren’t going to let our emotions get involved, and I tried really damn hard to not fall for you. I did my best, but I can’t help it anymore. I’m sorry for misleading you. If you don’t want to see me anymore, I understand.”
Reid smiles. “Are you finished?”
“Yes.”
“Good.” He sits all the way up and draws me close to his chest. He kisses my shoulder and rests his chin on my head. “You’re my most favorite person in the world, Avery.”
“I am?”
“Is it not obvious?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “I don’t like to get my hopes up, because you’re my favorite person too.”
“That means I need to do a better job of showing it. I wanted to tell you the other night when you came over, but you were on top of me and talking about comic books. It’s hard to form any intelligent thoughts when you’re wearing one of my shirts and grinding against me.”
“Sorry for being distracting,” I say, touching his arm. I know he’s right next to me, but he’s not close enough. I want to feel him everywhere. “Do you forgive me?”
“Yeah.” His smile lights up his eyes. “How the hell did we get here?”
“Well, you asked if I wanted to hang out, I said yes and?—”
“I don’t mean literally here, smartass.” Reid eases me onto my back. He hovers over me, stroking my hair, and even though I feel like the lowest of lows, I’ve never felt more beautiful. “I mean here. Having feelings for each other. Wanting to spend all our time together.” He swallows down something else with a small shake of his head. “Five months ago, I hated you. I would’ve done anything to bring you down. Now I’m wondering how I lived so long without you.”
“You’ve always had me,” I say. I reach up and cup his cheek, my thumb running over the rough scratch of his beard. “In a way, I’ve always been yours.”
I might love you .
I think I’ve been waiting for you for a very long time.
The thoughts ping-pong around in my brain. They cement themselves with certainty, a lightning strike in an open field. One second ago, it wasn’t there. Now, it’s all I hear.
I love you.
I love you, I love you, I love you .
When he kisses me soft and sweet, murmuring kind words until I drift back to sleep, I know there’s a chance he might love me too.