Chapter Seven
Emma
The silence from the other side of my door is deafening.
I’m afraid to walk away, because I expect him to knock yet again. With a glance over my shoulder, I meet Ryan’s gaze. He tilts his head and brings his shoulders up in a clear question, but all I can do is shake my head and hold my breath.
I can’t explain with every cell in my body on high alert for another round of Kade”s questions.
“What was that about?” Ryan asks, his voice betraying both concern and curiosity.
“Work,” I say. It’s not quite a lie, but it’s not the whole truth, either. I brush a strand of hair behind my ear and remind myself I don’t owe Ryan - or anyone else - an explanation.
But Ryan knows Alex. So I can”t let on that Kade is at my door, because if Ryan gets even a whiff of that, it”ll be back to Alex before I can blink, and I”m not ready for that conversation.
Ryan nods - maybe accepting my answer too easily - and I exhale a quiet breath of relief. But having him here, now, makes my stomach twist. He”s been a constant, a longtime friend. He’s like an old tree outside my childhood home, always just there. His presence is comforting, but maybe too familiar.
I creep away from the door, hoping if I back away slowly, Kade will be less likely to knock again. I know it doesn”t make sense, but what else can I do?
“You were telling me about work,” Ryan says, trying to get the conversation back on track.
“Yeah, Alex wants to hire some new DJ.” I roll my eyes as the smell of pizza invades my nose.
“And you... don’t...?” Ryan seems unsure, and I shrug. Our friendship has always been easy. He’s a good person to talk to and I appreciate him.
“I don’t care one way or another. I just don’t know why he wants someone new.”
Ryan nods. “If it ain”t broke, don’t fix it.”
“Exactly!” He gets it.
He glances at me, and that’s my only warning before he throws a live grenade into our casual chat. “So, are things getting serious between you and Kade?” He tosses the words out casually, as if we’re discussing the weather or a new song on the radio and not something I didn’t want him to know.
I stiffen, my heart slamming painfully hard. The question hits me like a physical blow, unexpected and disorienting. Sitting back on the couch, I try to gather my scattered thoughts and think up a response that’ll make sense and throw him off the trail of the truth.
Ryan watches me closely, his eyes searching my face for some clue to the truth I”m so desperately trying to conceal.
“Um...” The word catches in my throat and I almost choke. I shake my head instead, sending my hair swirling around my shoulders. “No, no. Not serious. We just worked together the other night.” I laugh off the statement as if it’s inconsequential. “And he’s an ass. So he was trying to apologize, I guess.”
But Ryan is studying me, and I shift nervously.
“He’s just being polite,” I say, “so I don’t complain to Alex about him.”
Ryan’s eyebrows lift.
I swallow hard. While nothing might be serious between Kade and me in the way Ryan means, everything about Kade shakes the very foundation of what I thought I wanted.
“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?” he asks.
My heart threatens to beat right out of my chest, but he flashes a smile and reaches out to push my shoulder gently with one hand in a playful gesture. “I’m just messing with you. He really rattled you, huh?”
That’s one way to put it. I think about how Kade had come so close to kissing me... and how much I’d wanted him to.
I nod, reaching for the pepperoni pizza. Stuffing food in my face might discourage conversation. I hope so, at least. I leave the box open between us in an open invitation for him to eat with me.
“Emma,” Ryan”s voice is gentle, but instantly puts me on edge. “What’s the real reason Kade was at the door?”
My hand pauses mid-air, the slice inches from my face. My chest tightens. I don”t want to think about Kade, let alone talk about him. “Can we not?” I mumble before shoving food into my mouth. At least I’ll have a reason not to respond right away.
Ryan”s gaze doesn”t waver. “So something did happen. Did he kiss you?”
I shake my head, but I must have moved too quickly or given myself away somehow.
“Almost kissed you?” He arches a questioning brow, and I can’t bring myself to lie to his face like this.
I let out a sigh and set my pizza down with a single bite taken out of it. “I said I don”t want to talk about it.” I want him to respect that.
“Okay, okay,” Ryan says, though his eyes tell me he”s not convinced and he’s making assumptions. He picks up a slice of pizza, the cheese stretching before breaking away. “I guess that means you don”t like him, huh?”
His question is like a splash of cold water in my face.
I force myself to pick up my pizza and pick the pepperoni off the top; I need something to do with my hands. What part of I don’t want to talk about it makes him think I’ll answer his questions?
I avoid his gaze, staring at my pizza like it holds all the answers. Instead of answering, I take another bite, savoring the tangy sauce and spicy pepperoni. As I chew, my mind races, desperate for a response I can give him that’ll make him stop asking. How do I steer the conversation toward anything other than Kade?
“What do you think about the DJ?” I ask.
“I think you’re right. Don’t change things if they’re going well,” Ryan says, his eyebrows raising as he takes another bite, clearly not fooled by my sudden change of subject.
But he doesn”t jump right back to talking about Kade, so I breathe an internal sigh of relief. He puts his pizza down, taking a napkin and wiping a stray spot of sauce from his fingers.
“I think I know why you don’t want to talk about Kade,” Ryan says softly, his gaze locking on mine with a sudden intensity that confuses me.
Before I can ask what he means, he leans in, his lips pressing to mine in a sudden, startling - and unwelcome - kiss.
Shock stiffens my body, and I shove him back with hands that tremble. “Ryan! You”re my friend, I don”t like you like that.” The words burst out of me and we sit there, staring one another down for a heartbeat, then two.
His face twists with anger and he rakes a hand through his hair, making it stand on end. “Enjoy your cats and dying alone,” he says, his hands shaking with fury as he stands up. With that, he stomps out of my apartment, leaving me staring after him in shock. I don’t know what to say or do, and the feeling of his lips on mine clings to my thoughts in a really unpleasant way.
Inside, I ache from his ugly comment and the sudden realization that he was never my friend. He was just waiting for an opportunity to make a move on me. Why is he like this?
The door slams behind him and I flinch at the sudden loud noise, followed by an absolute silence where warm conversation and fun had been only moments ago.
Stunned, I make my way to the door, searching for his retreating figure, even though I have no idea what I’d do if I saw him. But he’s nowhere to be seen, and I make my way to the sidewalk, wrapping my arms around myself to ward off the cold.
I sink down and sit on the sidewalk, the concrete rough beneath me as I try to catch my breath.
My brain can’t quite process everything that just happened.
How did everything unravel so quickly? This friendship has seen us both through really tough times. I thought I could trust him, that our friendship could survive most things, if not everything.
But now, it feels like everything is busted beyond repair. How can I ever trust him again? If he’s even interested in trying to fix things.
The sharp pang of loss digs at my insides, leaving an ache that throbs with each heartbeat. What the heck just happened?
My thoughts are a tangled mess, knotted with confusion and hurt. Ryan and I have shared countless laughs, secrets, and slices of pizza. Never did I imagine one impulsive act could sever years of camaraderie.
“Get it together,” I whisper to myself, drawing my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. I likely look like a fool, sitting on the sidewalk in my comfortable sweats and tee shirt.
But there’s no comfort to be found as his stinging words echo through my thoughts. Alone except for cats. Is that really how he sees my future? “I don’t even like cats,” I say to the night as if the world cares.
Whether he was just mad or not, the damage is done - along with our friendship. I know where I stand with him, and I’m not interested.
Still, the emptiness where our friendship used to be is agonizing. I sit there, under the star-speckled sky, fighting back tears and the fear he’s right.
When I finally pull myself together - and can’t stand the cold any longer - I drag my sorry carcass back up to my apartment.
I feel so stupid. I should”ve seen it coming—Ryan”s lingering looks, his off-timed jokes. But Kade”s unexpected appearance at my door earlier seemed to be the push he needed to shoot his shot. I wish he’d kept his feelings to himself.
But I guess it’s better to know he was never a friend.
Inside my warm home, the silence is suffocating, and I slump against the door. Sliding down to my bottom, I bring my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around myself, feeling hot tears pricking my eyes.
“Get a grip, Em,” I mutter to myself, wiping away the rogue tears slipping down my cheeks. I’m a mess, but I’m not about to let Ryan ruin my day, or my night.
A sharp knock at my door makes me jump, and I stand and turn around. I’m ready to ask Ryan what he forgot and why he came back. To set firm boundaries and let him know our friendship is over - he made sure of that.
But when I swing the door open, Kade stands on my front step, just as brooding and infuriatingly attractive as ever. But I see worry in his eyes.
“What are you doing here again, Kade?” I ask, the words sharp and angry.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
I lift both shoulders, not seeing any harm in letting him come in now. I mean, Ryan is likely going to tell Alex everything. Or some twisted version of things, anyway.
I take a step back, leaving the door open, before turning to make my way to my couch. Kade follows me and when I look over my shoulder at him, my heart skips a beat.
“Are you planning on kissing me, too?” I ask.
Emotions I can’t quite decipher dance behind his eyes, but a smile tweaks the corners of his lips. “Only if you want me to.”
How the heck does he manage to make me feel so at ease?
I should shut him down, remind him of the invisible lines we”ve drawn so many times before. But his dark eyes are steady on mine, and something about the way he says the words leaves me melting inside.
“Maybe I do.” The words slip out, my tone bolder than intended, and Kade arches a devilish eyebrow in response.
“Oh, do you, Emma Riley?” There’s a challenge in his voice.
A challenge I want to accept, but don’t dare.
My pulse races as I study him in my space, my home, my safe haven. The distance between hate and love feels perilously thin right now as we study one another like opponents ready to do battle.
If we do this, there’s no turning back.
To my horror, tears sting in my eyes once more.