Chapter 15
S oon as I’m dressed, I march outside toward the woodshed. I skip breakfast. Wade never came home last night, and Pops and Cora aren't back from their trip yet, which means it would be just me and her. I can’t face that, not after what she just put me through in the bathroom.
What the fuck was she thinking, coming in like that and taking off her clothes? It only confirms that I ain’t doin’ a good enough job at hiding my feelings. She’s using my affection as a fucking weakness, and it’s working.
Dalton is already here chopping up wood and stacking it to dry out, ready for winter, and I make him jump out of his skin when I come up from behind him and snatch the ax right out of his hand.
“Go find something else to do,” I growl, slamming the ax hard into the log in front of me.
I don’t know what to do with the build up of aggravation inside me.
That ball of tension I’ve been carrying around in my chest, since she got here, just keeps on swelling, I can feel the binds that hold it in pulling tighter, and it’s only a matter of time before they snap.
I grip the handle of the ax tighter in my hands and slam it into the wood over and over again, praying for some relief.
And when it doesn’t come, I throw the ax into the wood, head around the back of the building outta sight, and I have to physically bite my fist to stop myself from screaming.
I had a good mind to take her, right there, in that fucking shower. It’s what she wanted. She was practically begging me for it. I’m sure I would have been her first. I could have been all she’s ever known, and the thought of that, makes me crave her all the more.
“You ok, son?” I spin around and when I see Mitch, I quickly straighten my hat and pull back my control.
“Yeah, I’m good. Just caught my thumb under a log, that’s all,” I shake out my hand, acting like that’s the thing that’s fucking hurting, and the old man seems to buy my bullshit.
“Heard Laurie’s back in town.” He rests his shoulders against the shed and lights himself a smoke.
“Yep,”
“He’s one cocky son of a bitch, I’ll give him that.” Mitch shakes his head and chuckles to himself, as he holds out his packet for me. “So, how d’ya handle it?” I can already tell he ain’t happy that I handled it alone. Mitch likes to get involved with these kinda things.
“I kicked his ass, and then I put him to work.” I light up my smoke and rest the back of my head against the wood cladding, breathing out and trying to get the vision of that naked body out of my head.
“You offered him a job?” Now Mitch is looking confused.
“Not here. He came back to town because his kids are here, and he was looking for work over at the Mason’s. So that's where he should be, right now. We’ll figure out soon enough if he’s learnt anything about loyalty.”
“And what if he ain’t?” Mitch don’t sound too optimistic.
“Then I’ll kill him,” I smile, before throwing my smoke at the ground and crushing it under my boot. Time to get back to work.
* * *
It’s midday when Wade’s truck pulls up in the yard, and I excuse myself from talking to the farrier so I can catch him before he goes inside.
“Mornin’,” he lifts his hat and smirks at me.
“Thought you were coming home last night?” I point out, noting that he’s still wearing last night’s clothes. I assume he left the bar with one of the girls who were clinging to his ass like horse flies.
“I had a better offer,” he winks, “I’m sure you understand why I’d rather have ridden a couple of barrel girls, than take the long ride home with you two?
What the fuck was that, back there? Jason’s a good guy, he weren’t doing no harm.”
I can’t explain it to my brother, not without him taking triumph in it.
“I had a hard night. When I got back from the rodeo, Tate was waiting for me. He told me Laurie was back in town. I’d just finished dealing with the asshole when you called.”
“Is he…?” Wade checks around the yard for anyone who shouldn’t be listening.
“Not yet, I had a use for him.”
“What use could you possibly have for a disloyal bastard, like Laurie Cross?” he laughs.
“The only use you can have. I’m relying on that disloyalty .”
Wade must be too hungover to try and figure it out because he shakes his head.
“And what ya gonna do about her?” he points his head over my shoulder, and when I turn around and see Maisie sitting on the porch, I have to quickly look away.
Just lately, she’s started dressing to fit in around here, and the pretty, little summer dress she’s teamed up with a pair of cowgirl boots has me wanting to haul her over my shoulder again.
“I ain’t gonna do shit. Just ride out the summer.”
“Bet you wish you were riding it out on her?” He tries not to smirk but can’t help himself, and I can’t even react because I know she’s watching, and she’s seen more than enough violence outta me since she’s been here.
“That’s not the answer to everything, Wade, and it sure as hell won’t make the pain go away.
” I hurt him with my words ,instead. Me and him both know that fucking has been Wade’s therapy since Breanna died.
He don’t ever talk about her, but I know he blames himself just as much as I do.
It’s a burden me and my brothers will carry until the day we die.
“It makes it go away for a little while,” he shrugs.
“You should try it sometime, ain’t nothing like a meaningless fuck to clear your head,” he steps in a little closer to me, “but something tells me that with her, you’re scared it wouldn’t be meaningless,” he whispers.
“That ain’t the reason,” shaking my head I try to convince myself of that, too.
“Oh yeah, then tell me what is?” Wade pulls away and rests against the hood of his truck, folding his arms like a cocky prick.
“And remember, we’re past the denial phase now. You knocking Jason out last night and dragging her out of that bar gotcha over that hurdle.”
“Fine,” I check back over my shoulder, and it’s a mistake because seeing her sitting on the porch step, clenching a mug of coffee, just reminds me of all the reasons why I fucking want her.
“Number one, I’m too old for her. She’s fucking eighteen , Wade, and you see the look of disgust on people’s faces when they see Pops and Cora together. You think I want that for her? Do you think I want her to have to face people, judging her the way they do her mother?”
“That’s a piss poor reason. What else you got?” he frowns.
“Ok, the fact our parents are married to each other. I’m pretty sure that’s not fucking ok, either.
” Wade shrugs, but I can tell it’s not enough.
“And…” I take another glance at her and feel that squeeze in my chest again.
“Look at her, she’s beautiful, and despite the way she sometimes acts, she’s innocent.
That girl is na?ve to all the shit that goes on around here, she has no idea of the kinda man I can be. I like that, just the way it is.”
“You ever wonder if you’ve focused so much on this place, that you’ve never taken the time to figure out what makes you happy?
” he questions. “I’ll ask you again. What's it all for, Garrett? What is this place, if there ain’t a family to keep it for?
Who do you work all those hours for? Who do you think of, when you beat the crap into the bastards who try screwing us?
” He narrows his eyes because he thinks he’s getting somewhere.
“I’m thinking about our family,” I tell him.
“Garrett, you know as well as I do, that our family broke the day you found Grandpa swinging from those rafters,” his eyes glance over to the outhouse where I found him, and I can’t even follow them and look over there myself. I haven’t been in there since, and don’t care if that makes me a coward.
“He quit on us. Mom quit on us when she fucking left, and Breann…”
“Don’t you fucking say it!” I hiss through my teeth, and shove my finger at his face. I swear the boy will never saddle a fuckin’ horse again in his life, if he does.
“Bree didn’t fucking quit on us. She was crying out for fucking help, and none of us heard her. She was just a girl, we all should have been there for her.”
Wade’s eyes drop to the ground, proving he’s ashamed of himself.
“Don’t mean you don’t deserve to be happy,” he finally looks up.
“Maybe you're right about that, Wade, but I sure as hell won’t be forsaking someone else’s happiness for my own. Even I’m not that fucking selfish.” I leave him to it, and head toward the stable, so I can saddle up Thunder and ride the hell out of here.