Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
T he following Monday, Finn found himself behind a group of tourists on a beach ride. It was a last-minute booking, but thankfully Hud had been available to lead. Usually one rider from Blackwell Farm was enough to supervise, but given on the number of nonriders in this group, Finn felt compelled to go along.
Now they ambled along the sand at a slow pace, and Finn pulled up next to his kid brother. Hudson stared out at the water and let the others plod by toward the picturesque cove that gave Carolina Cove its name.
“What’s going on with you today?”
Hud had been pensive all morning, his usual, irrepressible smile replaced by a seriousness rarely seen.
“Nothing. Just thinking.”
“Is thinking hurting that brain of yours?”
Hudson smiled, but it was faint, and Finn’s concern increased. So much so he shoved his diatribe of thoughts regarding Mak and how he’d kissed her after hearing her whisper just once aside to focus on Hud. “Come on, you’re freaking me out. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. It’s nothing, just… I’ve been thinking about what I want to do.”
“And?”
“And I have a master’s in business, and all this time, I thought I’d follow all of you and do my own thing. Pursue a business of my own.”
Finn shifted with his horse when it dipped its large head to get a better look at a curious seagull. “That’s changed?”
“I don’t know. Maybe?”
“Did something happen?” He understood getting blindsided. He kind of felt that way when it came to Mak and the way she spoke to him, seemingly accepted him—yet pushed him away.
She’d avoided him the remainder of the party and practically ran out of the building once it was over. Which left him wondering if he’d made a huge mistake in crossing that line despite her invitation to do so.
She’d offered friendship, nothing more. Maybe she hadn’t meant to say the words aloud? Maybe he’d read her expression wrong? Heard what he’d wanted to hear?
But the way she’d looked up at him, it had seemed to him like she’d wanted him to kiss her, so he had before he could overthink it and chicken out.
Apparently he wasn’t the only one pondering life today, though.
Hud had gone quiet, and Finn noted the way his brother’s grip tightened on the reins in his hands.
“Jameson, Luke, and I went out last night to grab a drink for my birthday. On the way home, we saw an accident happen right in front of us and stopped to help.”
Hud shook his head, his gaze still somewhere on the water. “It was a mom and two kids. The car caught fire. We got them out—barely—but we got them. And they’re okay today when…they wouldn’t have been.”
Images from the past came to mind—that of him, trapped in the backseat, upside down and screaming, staring at his mother’s face as the light faded from her eyes and she’d bled out.
“The thing is, I got a few scholarships, and I know I worked while I got my degrees, but I couldn’t have done it without you guys funding me.”
Early on, Alec and Brooks had started putting back money to help any of them who wanted to go to college. Cole had passed it up and enlisted, but Dawson had gone into finance. Elias had a business degree like Gage and Hudson.
Isla had tried college but decided it didn’t work for her. He couldn’t blame her, though. She’d hired in as the Drakes’ full-time nanny and made six figures doing a job she loved. It helped that she worked for a billionaire and his artist wife, but dang. That was good money.
They required her to keep up on CPR and other light medical training just in case and were even paying for her to take self-defense classes should they ever be needed.
She traveled with them, and she wasn’t allowed to leave the house with the Drakes’ kid unless there was a bodyguard with them. The Drakes wanted the child—and Isla—as protected and prepared as possible.
Hudson flashed Finn a glance, and Finn forced his thoughts back to the matter at hand.
Given Jameson’s training and friendship with Hudson, Finn had a pretty good idea where this was going, but Hud was the only one who could make the call.
“How mad are you all going to be if…I don’t follow through and use the degrees?”
“You want to be an EMT?” A face flashed in front of his eyes. A grizzled older man reaching into the backseat toward him, talking to him, trying to calm him down. He’d been an off-duty fireman driving by the night of his parents’ accident, much like Finn last night.
But the things those firemen and EMTs saw on a daily basis… Helping save a trapped family who were able to get out and walk away was one thing, but what about the others? The ones who didn’t make it. The images that couldn’t be unseen or forgotten.
God bless those men and women for the jobs they do, but was Hud cut out for that?
“I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe a fireman too. Jameson’s doing both.”
Finn had always promised himself he’d never cut down someone else’s dream. When he’d first brought up buying the farm from the original owners, he knew his brothers had their own opinions on “Farmer Finn,” but having scraped through high school due to the bullying, it wasn’t like college was for him. “I’m not diminishing what you did last night, Hud, but are you sure it isn’t just the adrenaline? The rush from saving those people?”
The riders had paused ahead of them, and several had dismounted to take photos.
This area of beach had sun-bleached driftwood that had washed up from hurricanes and a pretty backdrop of pines and craggy live oaks opposite the water. No matter the direction, the images were beautiful.
“Maybe,” Hud drawled softly. “I guess that’s something I have to factor in. I like helping out on the farm. I like being busy helping out with all the businesses you guys already own, but I don’t know if I’m ready to be tied down to my own just yet.”
“It’s a lot of responsibility,” Finn agreed. “And if you’re not ready, nothing you start will work because your heart won’t be in it.”
Hudson groaned long and low. “But when I think of the money for school and how disappointed everybody’s going to be with me…”
“Tell them what you just told me. We all know how this works, Hud. We understand the pressure. Besides, you may do the training and hate it or come up with a business idea while you’re at it and change your mind again. You’re exploring things right now, postponing until you figure out exactly what you want to do. Doesn’t mean you’re giving up.”
Hud turned his head and stared at Finn. “You’re taking the news better than I thought you would.”
A laugh huffed out of Finn’s chest. Maybe he was. But he had his own issues to worry about when it came to a woman and the kiss he hadn’t planned but hadn’t been able to stop. “Life throws lots of curve balls.”
“Like a cute baker?”
This time Finn was the one staring out at the water, waiting for the serenity of the spot to kick in and calm the surge of unease flooding his system.
“You know she likes you, right?”
Finn groaned, the sound pure frustration. “I’m not so sure about that.” Why leave the way she had if that was the case?
“Dude, she doesn’t care about the stuttering, okay? And when you spend enough time with her, it might even stop, right? Quit worrying about that.”
The feel of her compact body against him, the kisses they’d exchanged, came to mind once again and blasted through him like a wildfire.
But Mak’s avoidance after the fact couldn’t be ignored. She’d run away like she regretted it.
Being okay with his stuttering in private was one thing. Maybe he could even believe she didn’t mind. But his fears that she would get tired of his stuttering and people—like her ex—making fun? Those were legit.
Those had been proven in the past.
And while Hud and his brothers said the women were obviously shallow if that was how easily they avoided a bit of unwelcome attention, they’d still done it. But who was to say Mak wouldn’t do the same?
That she hadn’t?
No woman wanted a man who embarrassed her. Who drew criticism and mockery. That kiss. Just once. That might have been her one and done. An experiment or curiosity on her part.
Maybe that realization had dawned on her last night after the kiss and she felt awkward now.
Duke shifted under him, obviously sensing his turbulent emotions. He stretched out a hand to pat his neck.
“All I’m saying is that it can’t hurt to try,” Hudson added. “And if you don’t, maybe I will.”
Finn grunted. “She isn’t going to be your next cougar conquest. Leave Mak alone.”
Hud waved a hand as though blowing off the statements, his wide grin back in place.
“She’s only a few years older than me, so she doesn’t qualify as a cougar.”
“Hud, I’m warning you?—”
“I might be persuaded to leave her alone,” Hudson said with a bold grin, “if you step up your game and ask her out before I swoop in and show you how it’s done. What do you have to lose?”
What did he have to lose?
Everything.
Later that evening, Finn pulled out his phone and stared at the text from Hud.
Tick tock, old man. Better ask before I flirt her up.
Finn scowled and clicked off the text, but then pressed a thumb over Mak’s name a couple of rows down.
Maybe it wouldn’t hurt?
But what did he say? It was late. Emi should be in bed. Mak might be busy. Or tired.
She was a single mom caring for her daughter. Maybe she was in bed too?
He squeezed his eyes shut and groaned again at that mental image. She was the kind of woman a man wanted in his bed. Soft, curvy, caring. Not to mention an itty-bitty bite-size snack.
He inhaled and found himself reliving that kiss in the hallway of the party barn. The way she’d smelled, the feel of her hair sliding over his fingers as he’d held her head to support it due to their height differences.
His phone buzzed, and it was Hudson again. Only this time he sent a photo of Mak taken at the party—during their kiss.
Finn sat forward abruptly and wished Hudson was standing in front of him so he could pound him.
The hallway kiss hadn’t been as private as Finn had thought. Hudson had apparently caught the moment, even though he was supposed to have been dancing with the birthday girl.
But like it or not, Finn pinched his fingers to blow up the image and zeroed in on Mak. On how sweet and beautiful and sexy she appeared. Despite their size difference, she looked good in his arms, protected. He liked that. He’d protect any woman who needed it, but something about the look of Mak in his embrace…like she fit. Like she was made for him.
Wishful thinking.
But that was probably the point Hudson was trying to make. That if Finn felt nothing for her, why had he kissed her?
Life’s short. You really want to spend it alone?
The text from Hud surprised him. Or maybe it was the sentiment in the weighted words. The rescue Hudson, Luke and Jameson had performed had stirred something in Hud. Something big.
All day, his kid brother had been off, seemed different. More serious than his normal, devil-may-care self. But in a good way.
Hud hadn’t been old enough to remember much about their parents. He knew the details of the accident, but other than the chaos in the aftermath, Finn wasn’t sure Hud had all that many actual memories of their parents. It was good to see him opening his eyes to serious things. Finn just hated that Hud felt the need to endanger himself as a result.
Finn downloaded the image and even went as far as to set it as his screensaver. He’d get an earful if anyone saw it on there, but—he was leaving it. At least for now.
That done, he tapped out and opened up Mak’s contact info once more to send a text.
But what do you say when you’re not sure what to say? In person, he had the excuse of his speech to stay quiet but not when he could text whatever he wanted. It had to be good.
He closed out the message before groaning and opening it a third time.
Hey.
Yeah, brilliant there, Sherlock.
He scrubbed a palm over his eye and tried not to ground it down to the socket in his frustration.
Hey yourself. How was your day?
Finn nearly dropped the phone trying to read it because he’d rubbed his eye so hard everything was blurry.
He blinked a few times, thumbs hovering over the keys.
Busy.
No, he deleted that.
Had a trail ride this morning and in the afternoon. You?
That sounds fun. Emi had school, and I puttered around the house. Not quite an exciting life.
Maybe not exciting, but it sounded like a good day. Did she want excitement? To go out and—do whatever women did during the day if they weren’t tied to a job? Did she like to ride? She hadn’t seemed afraid of Pepper at all. And she’d held Dash like a pro.
You should come riding sometime when you’re free. I’ll take you and Emi. No charge.
He hit Send and then added,
If you don’t mind her being around me. I get that dating is tricky with kids.
He hit Send again before swallowing his tongue because he’d used the word dating as if they were dating and— Holy mother of God.
I mean—I get that you might not want Emi around men because of your ex, but if she’d like to try riding a horse, I can make it happen. That’s all.
He let out a loud groan and fell back among the couch cushions.
What an idiot.
Did it make him sound needy? He sounded needy, right?
The phone buzzed in his hand, and he was afraid to look. Finally he worked up the nerve.
I’ll think about it, but I’d like to be comfortable myself and have the hang of it before I take Emi along.
Finn took a cleansing breath and hoped it helped his nerve-addled senses. Being able to take Mak on a ride? Just the two of them?
Sounds like a plan. I’ll look at the schedule and text you the openings.
He paused then added,
Things good over there? No more issues with your ex?
Dots appeared and then disappeared. Then nothing. What was that about? If Brad had come back and?—
He’s threatening to take custody as always. I think it’s a bluff, but I’ll be honest; it’s a good one. The thought terrifies me.
Her ex was a jerk who would undoubtedly use Emi as a threat until she turned eighteen. And maybe thereafter.
You can’t let him run your life. But I understand the fear.
I don’t know what I’d do if he took her away.
He heard Mak’s voice in his head, saying the words. Heard the fear she felt as a mother.
Remember, he just got a car that isn’t kid friendly. He wouldn’t have done that if he planned on taking her.
True. Thank you for reminding me of that. I hope that’s the case.
Finn stared at the phone, brain tripping over itself trying to think of something to say that might help soothe her.
My family knows a good attorney if you need him.
As far as a conversation goes, it wasn’t exactly flirtatious or sexting, but—this was more important, right? Reassuring her. Letting her know she had people who had her back and supported her. Were willing to help her.
Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind.
Finn?
Yeah?
I’m glad you’re still talking to me.
A smile pulled at his lips.
I wasn’t sure you’d welcome a chat given how you tore out of the party yesterday.
I’m sorry. I was just…surprised.
A good surprise?
Dots. Then nothing. Dots. Then nothing again.
Was she trying to kill him? Torture him by making him wait?
The pause left him struggling to take a deep breath, and he told himself to calm down. He wasn’t even looking for a woman. He was?—
What was he doing?
What was he doing?
Flirting—trying to, anyway. But was he doing it because he wanted to? Was he ready to try again? Or just to keep Hudson away from her?
That wasn’t fair to Mak, but Hud’s warning had given him enough of a push to incentivize him.
And there he was, sounding needy again.
Yes. And confused.
Why confused?
Dots. He was beginning to hate those dots.
I’m a divorced, out-of-work mom living with my uncle.
He frowned at that, not liking the way she put herself down.
You’re a loving mom and niece. Beautiful too. What man wouldn’t want to kiss you?
He sent it before he could think twice about deleting it. It was true, though. Mak was one of those women who made a man look twice. Kindhearted and sweet and gorgeous to boot.
Well, I could say the same about you.
I don’t think anyone’s ever called me beautiful ;)
LOL You know what I mean. It’s all just…a lot. Which is why I’m going to say goodnight.
He scrubbed a hand over his face.
I’m here if you want to talk. About anything. Shoulder to lean on and all that.
If she hadn’t liked the kiss and wanted him to never do it again, she’d say so, right? Set boundaries. Give him the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech he’d heard several times before if the women in his life had deigned to actually end things between them rather than ghost him.
I appreciate that. Goodnight, Finn.
Night, baby girl. Sweet dreams.
He set the phone aside and stared at the ceiling. What now?