Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
I t made no sense for Mak to ask Ana to drop her off at Sam’s on the way home when Finn lived next door and would drive right by on his way home.
At least that’s what Mak told herself when the night drew to an end and the girls were cuddled up with their guys dancing, teasing, flirting, or just staring deeply into each other’s eyes like they couldn’t wait to get somewhere private.
Ana lived close and was just across the highway on the other side of the four-lane, but Finn was right there. And he didn’t seem to want to let her go, either. Which, if she were honest, left her feeling more than a bit flustered and confused about her need for breathing room.
She had all sorts of doubts in her head as to why she’d so determinedly set the friendship boundary when there was so much to like about him. When that red-flag meter Zoey mentioned had yet to go off.
But when she thought of the chaos in her life at the moment? Adding Finn still didn’t seem like a good idea. In fact, it seemed like a quicker way to disaster and pain.
Stop living in fear.
She lifted her chin and squared her shoulders, telling herself fear wouldn’t win. But that didn’t change the fact letting Finn think there could be more wasn’t fair to him.
She wasn’t sure she could be a girlfriend in a new relationship—should he even want that—when she was already a single mom and caretaker, starting a new business…
Who had time for all the work a relationship required? The emotional capacity to open up and be vulnerable and— be in a relationship, period? If that was even what he wanted, because like it or not, Finn was a man, and men wanted a lot of things that had nothing to do with relationships, and she wasn’t a casual kind of girl. Never had been.
Still, they’d danced nearly every dance—with Hudson insisting Finn not be a “Mak-hog” and allow him one. Finn had reluctantly released her to Hud, but not until he’d muttered something in Hudson’s ear that Mak wasn’t able to hear.
Hudson, being the ornery scamp that he was, just grinned and winked at her, earning a scowl from Finn that lasted the entirety of the allotted one dance.
Hudson’s friend had eventually joined the fun, and Mak couldn’t help but sense some tension between the two when Hudson caught Jameson’s gaze straying to Isla a few too many times.
Jameson and Isla had even wound up dancing together—until Hud had pointedly made himself a third wheel.
Since Isla wasn’t old enough to drink and her brothers were determined to make sure she didn’t, she was safely walked to her Jeep to drive herself back to what Mak had heard was an elaborate mansion on the island where the young woman worked as a live-in nanny.
The group had said their goodbyes at the luxury hotel’s entrance, with Mak feeling loved due to the many hugs she’d been given by her new friends.
The cool night air felt good on her skin when they emerged from the hotel lobby. The bar was still hopping, and Quinley and Ana had told her Rhys Lachlan considered expanding the bar into one of the ballrooms to accommodate the crush and make it an actual nightclub since the island didn’t have one. Apparently plans were in the works.
Given the high-end vibe of the hotel and the fun-loving crowd, she had no doubt the expansion would go over well with locals and tourists alike.
After yet another round of hugs between the ladies, everyone said their goodbyes and walked to their respective vehicles. They made it to Finn’s truck, and he moved with her to the passenger side to open the door like the gentleman she knew him to be.
It wasn’t until that moment she realized the truck was lifted and she couldn’t get in even with the vehicle’s side steps, not without exposing quite a bit of thigh and rear in the borrowed shirtdress Ana and Quinley had insisted was perfect for her.
Mak shivered when she heard Finn’s deep rumbling chuckle as he realized her dilemma. He stared down at her, a twinkle in his dark gaze and handsome face as he stepped closer.
“Need a lift?”
His low murmur held the slightest trace of stutter with thick consonants, but they were there, and she hated that he still felt so nervous around her.
Finn had touched her all night. His fingers at her waist, back, or around her hips when she’d sat on his lap because every seat was taken.
Despite several offers from Hudson to change companions, Finn hadn’t allowed her to sit with his younger brother. If anything, every offer had resulted in Finn cuddling her a bit closer until she’d leaned against him with an arm around his shoulders and the musky, woodsy scent of his cologne teasing her senses as much as the fingertips that felt like fire scorching her skin wherever he touched.
Throughout the course of the evening, Finn had brushed her hair over her shoulder and discreetly wiped a drop of her drink from her lower lip before bringing the digit to his own lips to absorb.
He’d kept a hand on her knee, thumb stroking lazily back and forth across the skin and bone, leaving a breath-stealing drag of tingles behind that had her imagining that hand moving higher.
And now?
Holding her gaze, he shifted and leaned low to scoop her up bridal-style, but then just held her against his broad chest. She wrapped her arms around his neck for balance, holding her breath at the way he looked at her.
After all the evening had wrought, it seemed like the most natural thing in the world to lean up when he lowered his head to kiss her, even though warning bells went off in her head that she was the one who’d said she needed a friend more than a boyfriend.
But this sweet, gentle man? Her gentle giant? She couldn’t imagine not kissing him right now.
Finn groaned softly, and the sound shot a tingle through her body. His grip tightened, and he curled his arms up, shifting her higher against him while angling his head to take the kiss deeper. That he could lift her so easily left her with a heady feeling, and her heart rate kicked up even more as she lost herself to the moment.
She let him control the embrace, reveling in the sensation of being cradled so securely, enveloped in his strength and warmth and scent. Safe. She felt safe, and it rocked her entire world.
She breathed him in as deeply as she could, the muskiness of his cologne and soap mingling until her mind spun with the deliciousness and all doubts and fears faded away, replaced by Finn’s steadfast presence that drew her like nothing ever had before. Making her wonder what if…?
A powerful motor and blinding lights flashed over her eyes, causing her to wince. The car pulled in a few spaces away, interrupting the moment with a blare of the radio.
She reluctantly ended the kiss but stayed close, trying to gather her wits—until she realized the person who’d slammed from the vehicle walked toward them instead of away. “Finn.”
He must have heard the tension in her tone because he sat her on the seat of the truck and blocked the door with his large body as he turned to face whomever approached them.
“What’s going on here?” Brad demanded.
Mak took in Brad’s designer jeans and button-down shirt opened one too far. He had way too much product in his hair to give it a mussed look. How many times had he left the house like that saying he was going to put in a few extra hours at work?
“Were you really just kissing my wife?”
“I’m not your wife, Brad,” she said in a droll tone. It was amazing what hindsight did to a person. The awareness that nothing was as it had seemed at the time when her focus had been on Emi and the house and making sure things got done in an effort to appease the unappeasable.
“I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to F-f-f-f-finn.”
Mak saw the way Finn’s shoulders tensed up even more and his hands fisted at his sides. She heard his angry inhale, but he stayed silent and her heart broke for him. “Brad, what I do is none of your business.”
“It is when my daughter is God knows where, while you’re here with a man who spent his school years in the principal’s office for fighting. That gives me reason to be concerned. I think maybe a judge would agree.”
She turned on the seat to hop out of the truck, but Finn shifted sideways and pressed in with his body to block her exit, forcing her to remain there with a brief warning glance.
She stayed put, but she wasn’t going to stay quiet. “The only reason Finn was there was because you bullied him. He had—has—a right to defend himself from you.”
“So that’s how this will go, is it? Fine. I thought I was doing the right thing by letting Emi stay with her mother, but I’m not so sure now.”
Her gut knotted with a nauseating twist of fear. “You know she’s better off with me.” Brad was never home and often worked odd hours. Especially when it allowed him to screw his coworkers in a backroom.
“Not when you’re here with him.”
“One has nothing to do with the other, Brad.”
“That’s not what you said in court when you brought up me dating,” Brad countered, his hands on his hips like it made him look intimidating compared to Finn’s taller, bulkier frame.
“I wasn’t dating while we were married! You were! It mattered in court because it’s a testament to your integrity and moral character.”
Brad all but sneered at her. Or maybe it was her words. It didn’t matter. He would always deny any wrongdoing and claim anything he’d done was justified because she’d “forced him” to do it. As though she’d forced him to sleep with other women. Forced him to lie and cheat and steal and do all the other awful things he’d done that weren’t his fault because Brad wanted the freedom of a king and the accountability of a toddler.
“You’re really going to risk losing Emi to be with him?”
“We’re not—” She broke off, but it was too late. She saw her words hit Finn like a knife to his back. Saw him stiffen as though she’d physically attacked him.
Just as that registered, so did Brad’s mocking laughter.
“You’re not together— That was F-f-finn shooting his shot?” Brad asked in that obnoxious, bullying tone, his lips curled in a derisive smile. “Guess that didn’t work out so well for you, eh, freak?”
“Brad, stop it . Grow up, and act like a man instead of a bully!”
Brad scoffed and turned to walk away but paused in the act, his gaze locked on Finn and that look on his face.
“I’d tell you to stay away from her, but I see now there’s no need. Enjoy that ride home.”
Brad’s laughter filled the air as he walked toward the hotel and the silence that followed left her pulse sounding too loud in her ears.
Seconds passed, but Finn stayed rigid, standing in front of the truck with his fisted hands and shoulders tight. “Finn…”
Finn turned and avoided her gaze, looking down as though to make sure she was tucked safely inside the truck before shutting the door .
She lowered her head to the seat back and groaned.
Could nothing ever be easy?
Mak tried her best to ramble through an explanation on the ride back to Sam’s, but Finn tuned her out and focused on the road as he battled the anger and hurt running rampant in his head.
She’d told him. Warned him. Stated point-blank that she only wanted him as a friend. Saw him as a friend.
But after kissing her and feeling her response to him, something had obviously short-circuited in his brain when it came to her. After the evening together, he’d thought things had changed.
Every muscle in his body had locked up the moment he’d heard Mak defensively—emphatically—say they weren’t together, and he’d stayed that way since. To the point he felt like he was having a full-body spasm.
He needed a trip to Elias’s gym so he could punch something and pretend it was Jensen’s face. Jensen’s face and the stutter in physical form.
Because while Jensen had talked and talked, Finn hadn’t been able to say a word, his throat a vise locked tight, making him the same stupid fool.
“Finn, I’m sorry , okay? But it’s the truth. We aren’t together—but I didn’t mean it to sound the way that it did. Finn, please. Say something.”
Ah, that was it, though, wasn’t it? He couldn’t say anything. Not when it mattered most, like back there when her ex was being an ass and verbally attacking them both.
Or now when his mind churned with all the anger and rage he’d held pent up inside him since the night of his parents’ deaths.
He couldn’t say anything without embarrassing himself and Mak, and it infuriated him that the stutter still held him in its grip despite all the years since the accident. It made him crazy that he couldn’t open his mouth and tell Jensen off without sounding like an idiot. Like the freak Jensen called him.
He drove down the road as fast as he dared, given the pedestrians and traffic, and hoped there wasn’t a cop sitting on the Wilmington side of Snow’s Cut Bridge as he crossed over. The bridge was a known speed trap for those in the area and a great way to ticket tourists and locals alike. Of all nights, tonight was not the night he needed another run-in with the police.
“Finn Blackwell, you listen to me,” Mak said in a tone he’d never heard her use before. “I’m not leaving this truck until you hear what I’m telling you. I didn’t mean for my words to sound the way that they did. You are a great guy. A wonderful man. But we’ve already discussed the reasons why the timing isn’t right for us. I know we kissed, and it was— It was everything, but we were just caught up in the moment. It doesn’t change the situation.”
His hands tightened over the wheel, and he inhaled what had to be his first deep breath since leaving the hotel.
He could feel her gaze on his face as he changed lanes to make the U-turn that would let him get to Sam’s driveway and then his own.
Once he’d made the turn and crossed the two lanes to turn right into Sam’s driveway, however, she reached over and placed her hand atop his. “Finn, stop. Right here. Stop !”
He hit the brake, slowing the truck with a slight jerk and crunch of gravel before shoving it into Park with more force than necessary.
They were about halfway down the long driveway, in the shadows beneath the pines. The bright lights from his farm flickered through the trees and over her beautiful face as she stared at him, looking all earnest and sincere and—even sad.
“I did not mean that to sound the way that it did. I—I panicked when Brad threatened a custody battle again, and it— My response was just automatic. To defend myself because we are friends . I like having you for my friend, and I-I don’t want Brad to mess that up.”
Finn tightened his grip on the wheel before letting go and shifting sideways on the seat toward her.
And because he couldn’t help himself, he stretched out an arm, gently sliding his hand into her loose hair and cradling her head in his palm. “What if,” he said, the words emerging low and more breath than sound as he used his hold to gently draw her toward him, “I w-want m-more? You ?”
He watched as her eyes widened a bit before she blinked, looking as though she couldn’t believe what she’d heard. Or was afraid to?
“We agreed,” she said softly. “Because of me using your kitchen and—and Emi and Sam. Finn, tonight was fun. We had fun, but—it’s not a good idea.”
“C-could b-be,” he said, leaning closer, watching as her wary eyes grew soft and hazy before he lowered his gaze to her full, tempting lips.
He heard the way her breath hitched in her throat, the sound telling him she wasn’t as immune to him or the chemistry between them as she wanted to be.
She was right about all the reasons they had stacked against them—between them—but something pushed him to push her anyway. Compelled him to try. To prove to her that she was worth the effort. Worth the fight it would require of them both.
“Finn…”
He closed the distance between them and brushed his lips over hers, keeping the caress light and easy when he wanted to show her exactly how he felt about her and this thing that was between them.
She smelled wonderful, like vanilla and honey and sweetness. Her scent drew him in, tangled his thoughts up in knots, as heady and more addictive than any drug.
Her hair felt like silk against his wrist and hand, and he felt the fluttering of her pulse beneath his thumb. Heard the hitch of her breath, a sound she couldn’t hide from him, that made him ache to hear more.
He felt her shift, press against his chest for balance, but she didn’t push him away. No, her fingers clenched and Mak leaned into him, giving herself over to his kiss like she was as helpless to the pull as he was when it came to her.
Still, he kept things easy, teasing. Getting to know her, coaxing her and himself with kisses meant to prove they were very much more than friends.
Hearing her deny their relationship to her ex had angered him, but right now, they were very much together, and he didn’t want to hear her deny it again.
Even if it meant finding a way to force himself out of his comfort zone and deal with idiots like her ex. Maybe if he did—could—it would bring them a step closer to whatever this was?
But it meant opening himself up to a woman who could walk away like all the others if he failed. And he knew instinctively it would hurt way worse.
After long moments and drugging, achingly sweet kisses, she tore her mouth away and leaned heavily against him.
“Finn…”
He brushed his lips over her cheek, up to her forehead, pressing them there while her breath hit his neck in soft pants. “Kissing f-friends.”
Her low huff of laughter curled his lips as he pressed them to the top of her head next.
“It’s not a good idea.”
So stubborn, this one. Even if she was probably right. When he thought of all the things that could go wrong—probably would go wrong—he saw the risks as clearly as she did.
But he angled her head back and kissed her again, until she made a low sound and sighed against him, and he felt her give herself over to him once more.
Only then did he pull away.
“I can handle your ex.” The words emerged low and husky, thick on the consonants.
“Maybe you can. But I have to think of Emi, too. Of Brad’s threats to take her from me. And— I wouldn’t want Emi to get her heart broken if things didn’t— And Sam will need more and more care and attention. They come first— They have to come first.”
He was a man, not a child. He knew how things like that worked, and he was good with that. Especially since it forced them to take things slow in order to accommodate the others and their very specific needs. “Understood.”
“No, Finn,” she said, sounding a bit breathless and exasperated. “There’s also…Brad and your history.”
He tensed, and Mak lifted her gaze to meet his.
“He’s Emi’s father, like it or not. And you know he will use every chance he can to try to get under your skin. To threaten me and make things as difficult as he possibly can because you’re you .”
He smoothed his hands over her hair and gripped it again at her nape.
Mak’s expression softened at whatever she saw on his face, and she wrapped her small hands around his wrists, her fingers unable to meet.
“It’ll be worse than it was in high school. You know it will, and—I’m not sure I’m up for that. To hear him talk to you that way. To see him treat you that way.”
He frowned at her choice of words, at the fact she’d just confirmed everything he already knew. That no woman wanted a weak man unable to defend himself. “You’re sc-scared.”
“Of course I am. Life is too much right now and this—us? It’s a bad idea. Especially when you— When you haven’t come to terms with the reason behind your stutter.”
He was going to kill Hudson. Because that?
That statement had Hudson written all over it.
What all had his brother said tonight during that dance of theirs? Had they been talking behind his back?
“You believe you’re cursed, and yet you want us to be together? How would that even work?”
That feeling of unworthiness that blindsided him at times did so again now. The curse that he’d never have the kind of love his brothers had found because of his responsibility for his parents’ accident.
But how did he explain that to her? How did he make it make sense? That he didn’t want it to be that way. It just was?
But she was right. If she knew about the curse, what kind of woman wanted to take that on? What chance would they have if he already believed them doomed?
Mak ran her fingertips over his knuckles, her touch soft and soothing.
“You are a wonderful man.”
“J-just not g-good enough.”
“That’s not true,” she countered, sounding pissed once again. “It’s just I feel like with everything else—the kitchen, for one example—we already have enough stacked against us without adding Brad into the mix. It’s too much, Finn. Too complicated. Do you hear what I’m saying?”
He couldn’t stop the way his jaw locked up or the anger he felt that her ex held so much power over her. One threat and she caved because she was that scared of him?
But when he hadn’t been able to speak up for her, for himself, why wouldn’t she be afraid? She thought she was on her own because he hadn’t done anything to protect her. Defend her.
And like it or not, he remembered what it was like to fear CPS coming to the door and taking them away after Alec got custody of them. Remembered the tension and fear they’d all felt in some way, knowing one screwup could split up their devastated family. And yet at some point they’d all acted out and kept everyone on edge.
Mak felt that kind of fear as a mother, and he couldn’t fault her for that.
“I like you, Finn,” she said in a soft voice. “I do . But surely you realize you’d be better off with someone else? Someone with less baggage and an ex who doesn’t absolutely delight in tormenting you?”
Her words sent a shockwave through him. She thought she carried more baggage than he did?
If that was the case, what hadn’t she told him? What else had Brad done to put that wary, bone-tired look in her eyes? “Y-you’re w-worth it.”
He saw the surge and sparkle of tears before she hurried to blink them away. Anger filled him until he ached to land his fist in Jensen’s face once again.
Had he never told her that? Made it clear she was levels above whatever obstacles might need to be conquered? Worth the struggle? Made to feel special?
Of course he hadn’t, Finn realized sadly. Because that’s not what bullies did. They tore their partners down and ripped them to shreds in order to feel better about themselves and then got mad whenever the victim reacted and tried to defend themselves.
He knew that from his own experience with her ex, and that was years ago and on the most basic of levels. He could only imagine what it was like living and sharing a house with the guy. Sharing a bed.
The thought left him fuming and angry all over again, and he shut his mind off to what she might have endured during her marriage to Jensen.
“Why should I believe you,” she whispered softly. “When you can’t believe that about yourself?”