30. Ben
30
Ben
Babe, I was photographed coming out of a jewelry store today.
CARLISLE
Okay…
I bought you a new charm for your bracelet, but the paps ruined my surprise.
Wanted to give you the head’s up in case the press starts running stories that I was buying jewelry for Willa.
CARLISLE
Ah, got it. Thanks for telling me. And for the charm. I can’t wait to see it—and you! Miss you!
Miss you more, babe.
I miss Carlisle more than she could ever understand. Hell, more than I even understand. Carlisle has only been a part of my life for a brief time, but I can’t remember how I functioned before her.
Reluctantly, I tap out my next text.
Also, Willa and I have been ordered to go on a date while we’re in Berlin to help stem the tide of recent negative media attention. Just want you to be prepared.
To combat the recent speculation in the press, the studio has requested that Willa and I make more of an effort to conduct our romance in the public eye, which is why a date was added to our itinerary. I hate having to deliver the news, but I know Carlisle appreciates it when I’m upfront about any changes to our schedule.
CARLISLE
Cool, cool. Not really, of course, but thanks for letting me know.
I promise I’ll make it up to you. Miss you, babe.
Slipping my phone back into my pocket, I wait in the living room of our hotel suite for Willa to finish getting dressed for our date.
After our awkward conversation in London, things have been tense. Unless we’re in public and have to portray ourselves as a couple, Willa has distanced herself from me. Part of me is relieved that she's erected a clear emotional boundary between us, but part of me wishes that we could act like the friends we were before the showmance started.
Becky and Jada both called me today to discuss the arrangement. Jada’s call focused on why it was so important to maintain the charade, and what I need to do to better portray it in the media, but Becky’s call was different. She called me, not as my publicist, but as Willa's friend.
“Ben, you need to step up your game. You know that Willa is sensitive and a people pleaser. Yet you’ve placed her in an untenable situation.”
"Me? What have I done?” Taken off-guard, I feel defensive and irritated that I’m getting blamed for Willa hanging out with Thad.
“She feels stuck in the middle—caught between wanting to please the studio by convincing the public that she’s your girlfriend and also wanting to please you and not screw up your relationship with your real girlfriend.” Becky pauses, as if she’s frustrated with me. “It isn’t fair to place that burden on Willa. Carlisle is your girlfriend and your problem, not Willa’s.”
“Shit,” I mutter, running my hands through my hair as I pace the hotel room. “I didn’t realize that she felt responsible for protecting Carlisle.”
“Why do you think Willa’s been avoiding you? She thinks it’s what you want. She thinks that by pulling away from you she’s making it easier on you. She told me that you were avoiding her too. Can you do something about that please?” Becky huffs in annoyance. “Look, all I’m asking is for you to just… show her a little extra kindness, Ben. She’s hurting right now and going through some personal issues.”
I let Carlisle’s belief that Willa was nursing romantic feelings for me get in my head and I saw Willa’s withdrawal from me as further evidence that Carlisle’s assumption was correct. I feel like such an ass. Before the showmance even began, I’d sensed Willa’s unhappiness and recognized that she wasn’t in a good place mentally. But I’ve been so self-centered that I allowed my own worries and problems to overshadow everything else.
Becky continues, "As her friend, I’m also worried about how much time she’s spending with Thad. Not only is he a bad influence on her, but the PR optics are terrible. It’s not a good look for Willa to be out with another guy while you two are supposed to be together. I’ve already read her the riot act, but could you try to be a little nicer to her? Ask her to hang out so that she’ll have another option other than hitting the bars with Thad."
"Yeah, I can do that," I sigh, feeling guilty.
“But whatever you do, don’t tell her that I spoke to you. She’ll get upset because the last thing she wants is your pity, Ben.”
“I’m ready. Sorry for running late,” Willa announces as she hurries out of her bedroom, stuffing her phone and compact into a small clutch.
“No worries. The restaurant isn’t far. We still have plenty of time to make our reservation.” With Becky’s words still ringing in my head, I swallow slowly and remind myself to be nice. “You look beautiful, Pipsqueak.”
Willa’s head jerks up in surprise. “Oh, umm. Thanks?” she replies quizzically. She tilts her head, adding, “You look nice too?”
I laugh at her hesitation. “Was that a question or a statement?”
“Shut up,” she says petulantly. “It’s just that you haven’t… I don’t know…”
“I’ve been a grumpy bastard lately. I’m sorry. I was overwhelmed at first, but things have become clearer to me.” Lifting her coat from the back of the sofa, I hold it open for her to slip her arms inside. As she tugs it on, I sweep her hair out from under the coat. Once Willa has it buttoned, I offer her my hand. “Come on, let’s see what Berlin has to offer.”
Sliding her tiny hand in mine, she smiles up at me, and it’s the first genuine smile she’s shown me since London. “Okay.”
We make small talk as we walk the six blocks to the restaurant. Normally, we’d take a car, but since the whole goal for this date is publicity, the studio wants as many people to see us as possible; therefore, we’re walking with a few bodyguards trailing us. I don’t mind. After spending a week inside hotels, event centers, and airplanes, it’s nice to be outside breathing fresh air.
As we amble toward our destination, I tell Willa about the restaurant. It’s a small place that caters mostly to locals rather than tourists, and it was awarded a Michelin star this year. I’d like to say that I had some say in picking it, but I didn’t. Someone from the studio or our publicity team made the reservations.
When there’s a lull in conversation, Willa asks me how things are going with Carlisle, but I politely shut her down. “Let’s not talk about Carlisle. Let’s focus on the here and now tonight.”
After thinking about Becky’s phone call, I realized she was correct. It isn’t Willa’s job to worry about or deal with Carlisle’s feelings. That is solely my responsibility as her boyfriend, so in order to remove that burden from Willa, I think it’s best if I don’t talk about Carlisle in front of Willa anymore.
Willa sends me another look of surprise.
Squeezing her hand, I take the opportunity to express my regret. “I’d like to apologize for my behavior, Willa. This whole situation between us has been hard on me, but I forgot to consider that it was also hard on you. That was selfish of me.”
Willa mutters, “There are photographers ahead.” Then she leans into my body, and I cinch my arm around her waist. “Thank you for what you said before.”
“I don’t want everything going on right now to ruin what we have. Let’s try our best to forget all the noise and get back to being us.”
“I’d like that, Benji.”
“After dinner, want to get caught up on the new season of The Bachelor with me?”
While we were filming Captain Commander , Willa and I spent countless hours in her trailer binge-watching several seasons of the dating show between takes. We even started betting on the outcomes of each episode. Somehow Willa could almost always correctly predict who would receive a rose and who would get sent home.
“You’re on!” Delight glitters in her eyes and the sight of her happiness eases some of my guilt and makes me remember how much I enjoy Willa as a friend. “Let’s bet again and the loser has to work something silly into our next public appearance.”
Unsure of what she means, I quirk an eyebrow in her direction. “Such as…”
She inclines her head, thinking for a moment before she answers me. “Okay, if I win, then you have to say the phrase good golly, miss Molly during our television interview tomorrow. And you have to be straight-faced. You can’t act like you know it’s a weird thing to say.”
I groan as I chuckle, already imagining how I can work that into an interview and make it sound natural. “Ugh, you know I’m gonna lose. I always lose these bets.”
However, if I win, I need a good saying to embarrass Willa. Several of my dad’s colloquialisms flit through my mind. All hat, no cattle. The cheese fell off his cracker. As useless as a screen door on a submarine. But then I remember the one that made Carlisle laugh the most. Giving Willa an amused side-eye, I add, “But on the off chance that I prevail, I want you to say the phrase happier than a tick on a hemorrhoid .”
Willa laughs loudly, throwing her head back. “What the hell does that even mean?”
I shrug with a grin. “Not quite sure.”
“Let me guess. It’s one of your dad’s sayings.”
“You know it is. No one besides my dad says shit like that,” I laugh.
“Can I change mine from good golly, miss Molly to something worse? ”
“Nope. You’re locked in.”
For the rest of the evening, our conversation flows freely, and we laugh together often. As Willa and I walk back to our hotel, I feel more at ease than I have since the showmance started. We feel like we’re getting back to being good friends again. Nothing feels forced or awkward.
Sure, we held hands and hugged, but we never crossed a line that made me feel uncomfortable or like I was cheating on Carlisle. We were just two friends having dinner and catching up. It makes me believe that I can do this. I can survive the fauxmance with both my relationship with Carlisle and my friendship with Willa intact.
As the final commercial break of The Bachelor episode commences, Willa and I are each hoping to pull out a victory. We both selected Christa to get the boot, which she did because she’s a total psychopath, but now we’re on the edge of our seats to see if Lainey or Devin receives the last rose.
When my phone buzzes, I grab it off the coffee table and quickly read Carlisle’s text before tossing my phone back down. “You can answer that if you need to,” Willa offers.
“Nah,” I shake my head. I’ll respond when I head to bed after this episode is over. I don’t want to screw things up with Willa again by texting Carlisle in front of her. When I’m with Willa, I want to give her my full attention as I would with any other friend. My phone buzzes from another text and I silence my phone.
Willa eyes me curiously before shrugging. “Victory is mine, Benji. He’s totally going to send Lainey home. She’s too sweet and boring for him. He’s a freaking Nascar driver! He lives for excitement and adrenaline rushes. There’s no way that he’ll pick her. ”
“Who are you trying to convince, Pipsqueak? Sounds an awful lot like you’re talking a good game because you’re afraid that you’re about to lose,” I tease.
Willa sticks out her tongue and throws a handful of popcorn at my face.
Yep, she’s running scared.
“Remember the phrase is happier than a tick on a hemorrhoid .”
“Shut your freaking face, Sutton. I haven’t lost yet!” Another fistful of popcorn is lobbed my way. Luckily, like the rest of her, her hands are small, so it only amounts to a few kernels.
“No, but you’re about to,” I smirk as I snack on the popcorn littered across my chest and the couch in our hotel suite’s living room. Willa glares at me and attempts to smack my chest but I grab her hand before she makes contact, giving it a squeeze. “Tonight was fun, Pip.”
Willa smiles shyly. “It was,” she agrees. “Now shut up. We’re back from commercial break! Prepare to lose, Benji!”