31. Ben
31
Ben
W e flew into Japan yesterday and had a rare day off. After sleeping in, I spent hours on FaceTime with Carlisle until it got to be really late in LA, and I forced her to hang up so she could sleep. Then I hung out with Willa for a bit. We grabbed sushi and watched another couple of episodes of The Bachelor .
Man, it was hilarious when Willa lost our last bet and told a German reporter that she’d be happier than a tick on a hemorrhoid if she and I got to work together on another movie.
Let’s just say that the phrase did not translate well.
To my utter joy, I wasn’t the only one who found her response entertaining. Her answer quickly became a viral meme shared by tens of thousands of people on social media. While Willa is dying of embarrassment and grinding her teeth anytime someone mentions the meme, I made it my phone screensaver and I crack up every single time I see it.
Tonight is our premiere in Tokyo. The cast members are gathering outside a rear private entrance to the hotel as we await our turns to head to the premiere.
As the elevator doors open, Thad exits, and as soon as he spies Willa, he whoops loudly. “Damn girl, you’re looking sexy tonight,” he cries as he twirls Willa around in a circle and dramatically bites his lip. He’s such a showboating douche.
But Willa does look beautiful—regal, radiant, and every bit the movie star that she is. She shines in her black gown that cinches in her waist while pumping up her breasts and showing off her legs with a thigh-high slit. Her auburn hair is wavy and loose, and her lips are painted a bold scarlet red. But more than her outward beauty, her inner happiness is apparent tonight.
Quickly stepping out of Thad’s arms, she shakes her head with a smile, clearly loving, but also being embarrassed by, his attention. “Oh, stop, Thad. You’re too much.”
“No, he’s not. He’s right, Willa. You look gorgeous,” I tell her and her cheeks tinge pink at my compliment.
“I wore it with you in mind,” Willa smiles at me coquettishly.
I freeze at her words, wondering if I misheard her. I don't understand what she means, but I brush it off.
“Where ya been, Willa?” Evan, one of our other co-stars asks as he saunters over to us, draping an arm over Willa’s shoulders. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in days.”
She smiles knowingly, her eyes straying from Evan’s to meet mine briefly, “Hanging out with Ben mostly. What about you? Did you do any sightseeing yesterday?”
“Nope. First time in Japan and I spent the entire day sleeping,” Evan admits with a laugh. “But we’re going out tonight. Right, Thad?”
“You know it. Want to come with us?” Thad inquires, cocking an eyebrow in Willa’s direction. “You seem like you’re in a fine mood, young lady, and I’m in the mood to celebrate that we’re almost done with this fucking long ass press tour. Only one city left. You in? ”
Thad touches on something that I have also noticed tonight—Willa’s exceedingly good mood. While she has seemed happier since we rekindled our friendship in Berlin, tonight she seems even more effervescent. Almost euphoric.
I’m not sure why her behavior tonight is concerning, but something seems… off. I can’t put my finger on it, but Willa just seems different, and maybe not in an altogether good way.
Definitely happier. Maybe verging on too happy? Is that even such a thing? Being too happy?
From the first moment when she stepped out from her bedroom to head down to the hotel lobby to meet our co-stars, she has been chatty, bubbly, and bursting with a luminous glow. She’s laughing freely and acting more affectionately. On the surface, there’s nothing wrong with her behavior, but for whatever reason, it sets me on edge.
I’m feeling stressed and that’s my issue. I’m being stupid. Willa’s just in a good mood and I’m reading too much into it.
“Thanks for asking, Thad, but I’ll pass. I’m in a celebratory mood too, but I think I’d rather stay in tonight,” she replies, shooting a coy half-smile my way.
“Your loss, Willa.” The conversation turns to other things. While they chitchat, I surveil Willa, and I notice her watching me in return. I’m not sure what to think of her behavior tonight.
When the limo arrives for us, I open the door and assist Willa, and her voluminous dress, into the limo before sliding in beside her. Willa arranges the skirt of her dress, smoothing out the wrinkles that gather when she sits.
With a huge grin on her face, Willa grabs the complimentary champagne from the ice bucket on the side of the limo and pours herself a glass. “Want one?” She offers me, but I shake my head. She quickly drains her glass and pours another .
“I think you may want to slow down there, Tiger.”
“You think too much, Benji. Let’s go with the flow and have fun tonight.”
She eyes me hopefully, imploring me to loosen up. I have felt like a crotchety old man on this tour, constantly on my best behavior because I have so many people who I’m trying to placate and please. “No promises, but I’ll try,” I finally relent.
Willa claps her hands in glee. “I’ll take it.” She swigs her champagne and looks at me, her eyes sparkling. She sighs cheerfully and leans her head against my shoulder. “Everything is turning out as it should. Life is good.”
“It is,” I agree. I hope I’m not jinxing anything, but things are going well. I’m falling in love with Carlisle and I’m juggling the showmance successfully with Willa—her weird giddiness tonight notwithstanding.
“Benji! You’re thinking too hard already.” Pouring another glass of champagne, she pushes it into my hand. “Stop. Drink this.”
Then she pours herself another glass and drops her hand to rest on my thigh. But the weight of her hand on my leg feels uncomfortable and signals are blaring in my mind. It can’t be good that she’s drinking so much on an empty stomach, but before I can caution her again, she surprises me.
Willa lifts her head from my shoulder, trailing her nose up my neck and her fingers up my thigh. “You smell good. Your scent is so uniquely you, Benji,” she murmurs against my cheek. "I love it."
I did jinx myself. She isn’t being too happy. She’s fucking flirting with me.
I shift in my seat, putting several inches between us, as I contemplate my next move .
Shut her down and risk the icy cold shoulder of London returning, this time for good.
Or should I play along to keep the peace? But that feels an awful lot like I’d be leading her on.
And I’d feel like I was cheating on Carlisle. I can’t do that.
I don’t understand what happened to make Willa think it’s okay to act flirtatiously towards me tonight. Sure, I’ve been spending more time with her, but I’ve kept my behavior towards her firmly in the friend zone.
A troubling thought pops into my head that leads to a sinking feeling in my stomach. Could she be high? I’ve never known Willa to use drugs, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t. Despite spending time with me, she’s also still hanging out some with Thad, who openly dabbles in recreational drugs. And being high would explain her oddly euphoric and flirtatious manner. If what Becky told me is true, that Willa is dealing with some personal issues, then it might not be far-fetched to fear that she’s abusing substances to help her cope.
I wonder if her week-long hospital stay last year was drug related. An overdose, maybe?
The clamoring of the crowds has increased significantly as we approach the premiere location. With little time left, I reach out and cup her cheek gently, steering her face towards mine, so that I can look at her eyes.
Her pupils aren’t blown, which makes me think she hasn’t taken any drugs.
While that’s an immediate relief, I’m still worried about her state of mind, and how I should react. I need to let her down gently, but now isn’t the time. Not when we’re about to be in front of the media .
As I begin to drop my hand, she presses it to her cheek before twisting to kiss my palm. Her gaze finds mine again. “Thank you for the gift,” she murmurs, smiling shyly.
What is she talking about? What gift?
Before I can ask what she means, my car door is jerked open by James, our handler. With a disgruntled glare, dark suit, and two-way radio earpieces in, he resembles an uptight Secret Service member.
“Hurry up! We’re running two minutes behind schedule.”
Willa smirks and rolls her eyes at our grumpy caretaker.
But I don’t want to poke the bear, not when I have so many other things rolling through my mind, so I hastily stand from the car. I’ll talk to Willa later to figure out what’s up with her tonight, but now it’s time to get to work.
I smile and wave at the throngs of people before leaning back into the car to help Willa exit the vehicle. As she emerges, there’s an increased flurry of camera shutters and flashes. Shouts ricochet around us.
The fifty yards from the car to the entrance of the venue feels twice as long under the scrutiny of the fans and the media. Willa and I stop every few feet to pose for photos and sign autographs before James leads us towards a waiting journalist.
Riko Suzuki, a veteran reporter from Asia News Network is our first interview of the night. “Good evening! I’m here with the world’s most sought-after couple and the stars of the new movie Captain Commander, Willa Radford and Ben Sutton. How was it working on the film together?”
Willa jumps in to answer Riko’s question. “It was the best, the absolute best! Working on a film that we both love and getting to work with the one you love.” Willa’s smile broadens as she glances away from Riko to gaze adoringly at me. “What could be better, Riko? ”
My smile falters, as my brain short circuits.
Did Willa just insinuate that we’re in love?
Recognizing a major scoop when it falls into her lap, Riko, grinning like a Cheshire cat, turns back to the camera and quips, “Love?! Well, folks. You heard it here first. Our favorite couple is in love!”
Then as if she hadn’t done enough damage, Willa confirms it, gushing, “We are, Riko. So in love.” She reaches up to caress my cheek before trailing her fingers down my chest.
What the fuck is happening?
Defensively, I drop Willa’s hand and start to pull away from her, but she winds her arm around my waist and tugs me closer. I bow my head to appear as though I’m dropping a kiss on the top of Willa’s head so that the cameras can’t see the conflicting feelings on my face as I work to gain control over my spiraling emotions.
Shock. Disbelief. Confusion. Frustration. Anger. Dread. Panic.
What the hell was Willa thinking telling a reporter that we’re in love?
My mind is spinning a million miles a second as I process the potential ramifications. Willa and I are scheduled to officially break up in a month. Even if Willa and I stick to the agreed upon timeline and break up after the new year, I won’t be able to immediately start dating Carlisle. It will be too soon coming on the heels of Willa’s public declaration of our love. With such a short duration between the end of one relationship and the beginning of my next one, the people will assume that I cheated on Willa with Carlisle. I’ll be labeled as a cheating bastard, and Carlisle will be painted as the other woman.
Fuck.
My relationship with Carlisle has already been pushed to the brink. What if we can’t survive this ?
I don’t know how I manage to make it through the rest of the press interviews before the movie screening, but somehow, I do. At my first opportunity, I break away from Willa. For the rest of the evening, I steer clear of her, giving up any semblance of pretending to be her boyfriend.
I just can’t do it.