Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
Jacob
“Soooo?” Alex drawls. “How’s it going? Any exciting developments I should know about?”
I roll my eyes and laugh. “You’re relentless sometimes.”
“Come on. You’ve had this glow on your cheeks every time I’ve spoken to you since the wedding, and I know what that glow means, Jake, because it happens to me every time Blaine fu?—”
“La la la!” I sing, covering my ears with my hands. “Fine, fine! I’ll tell you.”
He grins wickedly, doing a “give it to me” gesture with his hands.
I get up from where I’ve been lying on the bed and close the bedroom door.
I took advantage of Ethan’s jacuzzi bathtub while he’s in the gym, secretly wishing he was here enjoying it with me, and I was about to relax with a book when Alex called on FaceTime.
He’s currently got his phone propped up on the counter in the bakery while getting today’s selection started.
It’s six in the morning there, so luckily, he’s on his own and we can talk without anyone overhearing.
“Well, I’m not supposed to tell you, so please don’t share it with Blaine, but we’re having a…fling,” I announce, but the word tastes bitter on my tongue. It doesn’t feel right.
I mean, the sex is incredible, and I’m learning things about myself.. Ethan has this…dominant energy about him, and I wouldn’t have expected to enjoy it the way I have.
But it feels like more than just sex because there’s emotion behind it. Or maybe my brain is romanticizing it because we’re essentially having a time-restricted friends-with-benefits arrangement.
Except I have feelings.
Feelings that are growing every day we’re together.
Alex’s jaw drops. His eyes widen comically before his face lights up with a giant grin. “Stop, really?”
I nod, sitting back down on the bed and leaning back against the pillows. “It’s only while we’re here, then it ends when we go back to Chicago.”
His brows knit in concern. “And you’re okay with that?”
“Yeah, I am. I mean, would I like to see where things go when we get home? Of course I would, but he’s got things he needs to focus on, and call me crazy, but even having this…whatever it is, has been one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life.”
It’s the most exciting my life has been in a very long time. I used to be a social butterfly before my grandparents passed away, but I’ve been too busy with the bakery .
Plus, no one from that time cared enough to stick around anyway.
“As long as you’re sure. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“I won’t. I wouldn’t have agreed to this if I wasn’t sure.”
Alex hums, clearly not believing me, but thankfully he doesn’t call me out on it.
“Can I ask you something?” I ask.
“Anything, always.”
Since I bared my soul the other day to Ethan, his words have been playing through my mind. I’ve been trying to be strong for Alex all these years, when maybe I didn’t need to.
“Do you ever think about mom and dad?”
Alex freezes. His mouth opens and closes twice before he swallows hard.
“All the time,” he says, his voice sad. “I sometimes feel like shit because my memories are patchy, and then I get mad at myself for not being able to remember them as clearly as I should.”
“You were so young, Alex; it’s normal not to remember everything. Please don’t be mad at yourself for that.”
“I know, but I should remember. They were our parents, you know? I wish I had memories other than the stories I’ve been told or the photographs.”
My heart breaks because I remember a lot.
Like the type of cake I’d bake with my mom or my dad getting frustrated with my math teacher because she was giving me complex homework I couldn’t understand.
Vacations at the beach and day trips to the zoo.
And little details like the exact pizza place my dad would order from every Saturday night or the time he let me beep the horn in his truck and I thought it was the funniest thing in the world.
Thinking back to when they were here helps me through the harder days.
But Alex was only seven when they passed, and he doesn’t have that.
“I wish there was something I could do.”
He shakes his head and smiles, but it’s a sad smile.
“I told Ethan about them and how some days are harder than others.”
“Jake, why didn’t you ever tell me that?”
I look down at my lap, fiddling with the hem of my shorts. Chewing on the inside of my bottom lip, I take a deep inhale. “I’ve always wanted to be strong for you, and I thought it wouldn’t be fair to share my grief with you. I didn’t want to be a burden when I was supposed to be your support.”
“You will never be a burden to me, Jake. You can share anything with me—literally anything. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without you, and I could’ve helped you through it. We could’ve done it together and shared the weight of it together.”
Wiping my eyes with the heel of my palm, I give him a shaky smile. “I’m sorry. I'll try to be better.”
“You’re everything to me, Jake.” His voice cracks, his own emotions bubbling.
“I’d be lost without you, and I’m always here for you.
Whatever you tell me, I’ll never think differently of you.
Well, unless you tell me you killed a dog or something, but I love you so much.
” He wipes his eyes. “I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you feel like you can’t come to me. ”
My eyes sting. “I love you too, and you haven’t made me feel that way at all. It’s all in my head. ”
“I think we’ve been so focused on trying to stay strong for each other that we’ve ended up hurting ourselves in the process.”
Shit. He’s right.
Between the spiraling debt and trying to run a business, we’ve been in survival mode. I’ve suppressed my feelings to keep going, but disregarding them is not healthy. It’s just been building up inside, like a boiling pot threatening to spill over.
Weirdly, sharing my vulnerable side with Ethan helped. I feel lighter in some ways simply for acknowledging that I struggle sometimes.
I guess we’re similar in some ways. He doesn’t like to show emotion because of his previous trauma, and I don’t like to share my grief because I don’t want my brother to see me as anything but strong.
When he’s actually a lot stronger than I give him credit for.
“J?” Ethan calls out from the kitchen. “Jacob?”
I look up from where I’ve been curled up on the couch, completely engrossed in the book I started this morning. I don’t know what time it is or how long I’ve been reading for, but when Ethan appears in the doorway, there’s a playful grin on his lips.
“It’s raining.”
Stretching, I glance over my shoulder to the window. The rain is coming down so heavily I can barely see the rosebush outside the window. I’ve been so lost in my fictional world that I didn’t notice it turn cloudy and gloomy.
I turn back to Ethan, puzzled. “But it’s summer?”
He shrugs. “It’s England, J. It rains ninety percent of the time, regardless of what time of year it is. Come.” He holds his hand out.
Placing my book down, I slowly stand up. Slipping my hand in his, I ask, “What are we doing?”
“You mentioned the other day that you like to do things that bring you joy, and one of the things you mentioned was dancing in the rain.” He grins, leading me through the kitchen to the patio doors.
He picks up the remote to his sound system, presses a button, and Fleetwood Mac’s “Rumours” begins to filter through the speakers. “So, we’re going to do just that.”
My stomach flips. He remembered that? Wow. This man. Ian was a fucking idiot for thinking this man was hard to love.
And how did he know this was my favorite album?
Ethan is nothing but perfect to me.
I slip my feet into my shoes and follow him outside.
“Ohmigod!” I shriek, my hands instinctively coming up to shield my eyes.
The rain is coming down in sheets, and I’m soaked within seconds, but the temperature is still surprisingly warm.
Ethan wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me close.
My arms wind around his neck, and our bodies sway to the music coming through the doors, mixed with the sound of the raindrops hitting the patio and thunder crackling in the distance.
I grin up at him as he smiles down at me.
Those cute-as-fuck dimples pop on his cheek.
The dark hair peeking out from beneath his backward baseball cap sticks to his face.
He’s so devastatingly handsome, it hurts.
I press my lips to his in a tender kiss before closing my eyes and tilting my head up to the sky.
I feel so carefree. I don’t give a shit that every inch of me is soaking wet. It’s like the rain is washing away all the burdens that have been weighing me down, cleansing me and my soul.
Ethan takes my hand, and with the other on the base of my spine, he leads me around the patio in a waltz. He hums along to “Dreams”, spinning and dipping me in an extravagant way. I’m so freaking happy at this moment that my cheeks are aching from smiling.
When he pulls me back to his chest, he dips his head and captures my lips with his. I lose myself in the warmth of his mouth.
In the soft but guided strokes of his tongue against mine.
My hands snake up around his neck, finding purpose as I lean into his solid body.
His kisses captivate me. Own me in ways I’ve only ever read about in books. I didn’t think it was possible for someone to make my toes curl in my shoes with a single kiss, but he does.
The hold Ethan has on my jaw is possessive, powerful. His kiss is tender but sexual and demanding at the same time.
It feels like he’s claiming me.
The next thing I know, he has his hands beneath my ass, and he’s picking me up. I wrap my legs around his waist, feeling his hard length through his shorts, and cradle his face in my hands. His dark chocolate eyes are completely black. Shining like obsidian.
I trace my finger over his swollen lips, then tap his nose. Once.
Raindrops roll down his face, some getting caught in his eyelashes, and the smile he gives me knocks the breath from my lungs.