Chapter 25
Chapter Twenty-Five
Jacob
With summer having well and truly arrived in Chicago, I’m making the most of my day off and enjoying the warm weather.
I wiggle my freshly painted toenails, watching as the dark purple glitter sparkles under the bright sun, and take a sip of the frozen pineapple and cranberry mocktail I just whipped up.
Leaning back into the sun lounger, I let out a contented sigh and close my eyes.
This week was crazy.
From carrying out interviews for another member of staff as Aria is heading back to college in the fall, to completing some incredible wedding cakes and juggling my ever-evolving emotions when it comes to Ethan, it’s easy to say my brain has been feeling a little overwhelmed.
I know the pace I’ve been going at is unhealthy and that burying my head in the sand is only effective for so long .
One day, I’m going to need to bite the bullet and confront Ethan. I can’t believe I haven’t heard from him at all since we returned home ten days ago. He hasn’t stopped by the bakery at all or even sent a single text saying hello, but then again, I haven’t tried to reach out either.
I want to regret going to England. For getting on that plane, for agreeing to be his fake boyfriend, for meeting his mom and standing up to his asshole ex—but I can’t.
As much as I’m hurt and upset right now, it was still one of the most incredible trips of my life.
“No point crying over a real man when you can lose yourself in a fictional one,” I mumble to myself as I open my book where I left off, losing track of time until a loud knock at the door steals me away from the chapter I’m reading.
Slipping my bookmark inside to keep my place, I make my way inside. When I open the door, the last person I expect to see is standing there.
Holding the largest bouquet of flowers I’ve ever seen.
His eyes trail down my body before making a slow perusal back up, taking in my tank top and shorts.
“Hey.” Ethan smiles when his eyes finally meet mine. He rubs the back of his neck with his free hand, all unsure and lacking confidence. “These are for you.”
He holds out the flowers, and I take them in my arms. They’re heavier than I expected and nearly take up the width of the door frame.
A mix of dark and light peonies and roses. Some of the peonies have started to open, and I bring them to my nose to sniff.
My stomach swoops, and my heart flutters like there’s a kaleidoscope of butterflies in my chest. I can’t believe he remembered they’re my favorite.
When I don’t say anything, he shoves his hands in the pockets of his jeans and gives a small shrug. “I just…” he trails off. “I miss you.”
My breath hitches in the back of my throat.
Well, I wasn’t expecting that.
But this was what I wanted, right? For Ethan to realize that we’re good together. So why am I starting to feel frustrated? Does he think that he can just waltz in here and expect things to go back to the way they were after over a week of radio silence?
You know him better than that.
I thought I did. I thought he wouldn’t shut me out the second we left English soil, so now I’m not sure what to think.
“Thank you, Ethan; these are beautiful.” This is awkward. He’s just standing there, looking at me, and I don’t want to regret not saying what I feel. So I add, “I’ve missed you, too.”
The smile he gives me makes the dimple in his left cheek pop out.
“Would you like to come in?” I finally ask, stepping aside.
He nods, stepping inside and closing the door behind him. He follows me into the kitchen in silence while I find a vase for the flowers and put them in water. I offer him a drink, then lead him outside, where he sits on the patio chair next to the sun lounger.
“So, how have you been?” he asks, taking a tentative sip of soda .
I glance over to him, shielding my eyes from the sun with my hand, even though my sunglasses are on my head. I don’t want to shield my emotions this time. I want him to see everything.
“Honestly? Not great.”
His face falls, but I’m not going to give in. I’m not going to pretend everything’s fine when he’s pissed me off. He opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off.
“I thought we had something special, but the way you shut me out the second we boarded the plane?” I shake my head.
“It hurt. It was like you just dismissed everything we had, closed the book on that chapter of your life, and moved on.” I stop talking and take a shaky breath.
“I know what our deal was, but you just let me walk out of the airport without a word.”
Ethan leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. His hands twist as his forehead creases with a deep frown, in his jaw ticking with tension. When he looks up, sorrow is written all over his face.
“It wasn’t like that at all, and I’m so sorry I made you feel like that was the case,” he begins.
“I was racking my brain trying to find the right way to ask if you would like to give things—us—a chance when we got back. Not as a friends-with-benefits arrangement, but actually dating, and I know it sounds fucking ridiculous because all I needed to do was ask .” He runs his fingers through his hair in distress.
“I know I didn’t need to make a big thing out of it, but my anxiety convinced me that I needed some sort of grand gesture for you to take the leap.
Then, by the time I stopped being an idiot and getting myself so worked up over it, it was too late. ”
I chew on my bottom lip.
I want to believe him. I really do. But while my heart is yelling at me to do this, my brain is questioning how long it will take until his anxious thoughts take up space in his head. How long until he shuts me out again.
The only way this is going to work is if we both put everything on the table for once and for all.
Including the painful truths.
“If we give this a chance, how do I know you won’t just end things the second the season starts? How can I trust that you’re all in and that I’m not just someone for you to spend some time with between now and when you’re playing again? That I’m not a stepping stone for someone else?”
His gaze remains fixed on mine, those chocolate brown eyes boring into me, unwavering as he speaks.
“I wouldn’t do that to you,” he states. “This last week without you only cemented the fact that I don’t want what we had to be a fond memory. I don’t want to wake up in the morning and not see you next to me. I understand your fears, and I’m so fucking sorry that I caused this.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. He’s saying all the right things, pulling at my heart strings in ways he doesn’t even know, but I need to be sure he’s serious, and that isn’t going to happen overnight.
“I want to be better, J. I don’t want my past to control me any more. Can we just take it day by day?” he asks. “Let me prove to you that I’m not going to run from this. From us. I want to be with you, and I’ll wait as long as it takes for you to believe me. You’re not a stepping stone to me.”
I sigh, smiling softly. “Okay. ”
His returning smile causes my breath to catch. Oh, how I’ve missed those fucking dimples.
“Would you like to do something this afternoon? Like an impromptu date?”
My eyebrows raise in surprise. “What do you have in mind?”
“Maybe the zoo?”
My resolve falters a bit, and I answer, “I’ll go get ready.”
An hour later, we’re standing in front of the lion’s den at Lincoln Park Zoo. Ethan has his hand on my lower back as we watch two male lions basking in the sunshine on a rock. One is grooming the other lovingly while the other sleeps.
Ethan’s words keep running through my mind in a loop. I want to believe that he is serious, that he won’t run at the first sign of struggle, or during our first fight, but I know how long he’s allowed his fear to control him.
And I’m not naive enough to think that it would simply disappear.
I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to fall so madly, deeply in love only to find out it was mostly one-sided. Only for him to hurt me somehow.
And while I know it wouldn’t be intentional, it would destroy me, nonetheless.
“I told the guys about my dad and Ian the other day,” Ethan announces.
I turn to face him, shocked. “How did that go?”
He laughs quietly under his breath, slightly shaking his head. “They were great. Supportive as ever. It made me feel like a fucking asshole for being so closed off for so long.”
I know how difficult it has been for him. This means something.
Maybe he does want to change.
“I’m proud of you.”
He looks down. Behind his glasses, there’s a slight bashful glint in his eyes. His lips part as if to speak, but he remains silent.
“I mean it. I know how hard it must have been to open up to them, but they love you. They want the best for you and to support you in any way they can.” I place my hand on his bicep, squeezing the firm muscle gently.
Oh, I missed his arms. “It’ll take time to unlearn all your coping mechanisms, but it’ll be worth it, I promise. ”
As we continue to make our way around the zoo path, he tells me all about what happened with the guys.
I find my hand gravitating toward his, my heart slowly filling with joy as he speaks.
Slipping my hand into his, I lace our fingers together.
He stops in his tracks and looks down at our joined hands before looking back up at me.
I give him a reassuring smile.
I know in my heart he’s genuine; I’m just being cautious. But I don’t want him to think I don’t care because I do.
A lot.
We make our way past the penguins and stop in front of the polar bears when Ethan announces, “I’ve also spoken to my lawyer about setting up the foundation. You know, getting the ball rolling.”
I gasp, turning to face him. “Ethan, that’s amazing! ”
He smiles coyly. “Maybe, but I couldn’t have done it without you.”
“Yes, you could. You just needed a little nudge in the right direction. A bit of self-belief. I know it’s a cliché, but you can do anything you set your mind to, E.”
He wraps his arm around my waist, bringing me close to his side, and I can’t help it. I lean into him, loving the feel of his body against mine. The woody scent of his aftershave.
“Hey, guys!” The loud voice startles me, and I turn to see Elliot rushing toward us with ice cream in hand and a large grin on his face. “We’re gonna go see the otters! Wanna come?”
Close behind him is a young guy with shoulder-length hair who can only be Mitch Henry, based on what Ethan told me, followed by Blaine and Alex.
A flash of hurt rushes through me as Ethan quickly drops his hand from my waist. When I glance at Alex, I assume he saw it too, based on the scowl he’s sending Ethan’s way.
We follow the others, but Alex lets go of Blaine’s hand to take hold of my elbow, pulling me back slightly so we fall behind.
“What’s going on?” he whispers.
“He showed up at the house with a big bouquet of flowers and told me he missed me,” I start before telling him everything else.
“That’s amazing, right? So why do you look so…blue? Is it because he let you go when we arrived? Because I saw that, and I’ll kick his ass for it.”
“Yes.” I sigh, running a hand through my hair to push it off my face.
“I’m scared, Alex. He just did that in front of you, so what will happen when the season starts?
Will he remember all the bullshit his asshole ex said and end things before giving me the chance to show him I’m not anything like him? ”
Alex frowns. “I can understand your worries, but I don’t think Ethan does things on impulse. He wouldn’t have come to you if he wasn’t serious about it, or about you.”
“I know. I’m just afraid.”
“I get that. Just…don’t write him off just yet. Give him a chance,” he smiles.
“Didn’t you want to kick his ass a minute ago?”
“I’m going to give him a chance too. For now.”
When we reach the otter enclosure, Elliot is already up against the glass. I can see his bright smile in the reflection.
I stand next to Ethan. His fingers brush against mine in a gentle caress. When I glance over to him, I realize that I need to start taking my own advice.
If I’m going to do this—if we’re going to do this—I can’t let his past affect how I live my life going forward either.
And I would be a fool to deny this man a chance.