Chapter 24 #2
I rub the back of my neck as I think about Jacob and his idea for when I retire. Since that day in the museum, ideas have been flowing on how I could make my foundation great.
When I don’t say anything, he continues, “You know, the guys went crazy when you sent that text saying you missed us.”
My eyebrows lift in surprise. “Really?”
He nods. “Yeah. They’ve always felt a little…
unsure, I guess. You’re here, but you’re not very open.
Kendrick and I get it ‘cause we’ve known you for so long, but the younger guys?
” He looks over his shoulder before looking back to me.
“They’re desperate to know you, Ethan, but as a person, not just their captain.
If this is going to be your last season, maybe…
I don’t know…let them in. Show them a part of your journey that got you where you are today. ”
I’m stunned into silence. Jacob mentioned the barrier I’ve inadvertently created between me and them, but I think I didn’t realize the extent of it. Or how they felt about it—or me .
I thought I was only protecting myself, but I was hurting other people in the process.
They’re my teammates. My brothers.
The guys who would ask how high if I told them to jump.
Then I hurt Jacob.
The guy who understood me so seamlessly. Who opened his heart to me in such a beautiful and tragic way. Who made me look at life differently.
“Since when are you this keen on dishing out advice?” I grumble.
“Couples’ therapy.” Peyton shrugs. “I can’t say it’s going to save my marriage, but it’s given me a different perspective on things.”
That causes me to look over at him with a frown. “You don’t think it’s helping?”
“No, it is helping, but not us as a couple. I fucked up—a lot—then got mad because she slept with someone else. I didn’t stop to think about the times I hooked up with other people on the road while still wearing a wedding band on my finger, and it wasn’t because I didn’t love her.
It was just because I could. If anything, these sessions are showing me she’s better off without me.
She deserves a lot more than what I can give her, and I think she’s realizing that too. ”
“You want a divorce?”
“Honestly? I don’t know. I want her to be happy, and I don’t think she will be while we’re together, but I want it to be her decision. And I know I have a lot of growing up to do.”
While I’ve thought that for quite some time, it was something Peyton needed to realize on his own. There’s only so much guidance I can give these guys before they have to deal with it themselves.
“Food’s ready!” Kendrick shouts, waving a hot dog sausage in the air with the tongs. The sausage breaks in half and flies onto the floor. Daisy scrambles off the sun lounger to grab it as Kendrick grimaces. “Shit! Sorry, Pey!”
Peyton rolls his eyes and laughs, waving him off before looking back at me. “We worry about you, man... I’ve always wondered whether you were lonely up in your ivory tower, so talk to him, ‘kay?”
“Yeah, I will,” I reply as we stand.
Kendrick piles a mountain of food on our plates, and we head over to the table to eat.
Elliot comes outside with Isabela close behind, wearing beaded bracelets up to her elbows. She goes around the table, handing over bracelets to each of the guys. They thank her and slip the bracelet on their wrists, but when she gets to me, she crooks her finger to come closer.
Leaning down until I’m at eye level, she cups her small hand around my ear and whispers, “Yours is my favorite.”
There’s a tug at my heart at the joy in her sparkling brown eyes, and when I accept the bracelet, I have to swallow down my emotion. The beads are red and black, like our jerseys, and it has 11—my number—a heart, and my last name. I put it on next to my watch while she watches me.
“It looks awesome, Isabela. I’m never going to take it off.”
She preens, the apples of her cheeks turning pink.
“Isabela, come get some food,” Jackson calls.
She quickly runs off to her dad before taking her mini plate to where there’s a blanket laid out on the grass, where she sits next to her brother and Daisy the dog.
“So, how was England?” Kendrick asks.
“Good.” I nod. “I think Jacob enjoyed himself.”
Blaine eyes me warily. “Did he? He’s been kinda quiet since he got back. He said he had a great time, but he doesn’t seem like himself.”
Fuck. I never wanted that to happen. It pains me to know he’s hurting, and it’s all because of me.
“I think he did…” I trail off. “Look, there’s something I need to tell you.”
I need to do this. I need to open up, let them in.
I watch as they gather around me without even thinking about it, and, taking a deep, steady breath, I tell them everything.
I tell them all about my dad leaving when I was seven, about my mom struggling to keep me playing hockey, about my name change and the pressure from scouts when I was only fourteen.
I tell them all about Ian and the way I’ve protected myself ever since, even by keeping them at a safe distance. By the time I’m finished, no one says anything for a while, but they all look shocked.
“Fucking hell, man,” Blaine says, breaking the silence. “I had no idea.”
“Kendrick and Peyton were the only ones who met Ian. I worked hard for you to see me as a decent captain, a good teammate. I didn’t want you guys to see me any differently or feel sorry for me.” I run an aggravated hand through my hair.
I’m not annoyed at them .
No, this is all on me.
“I’m sorry for not letting you guys in sooner. For allowing you to feel like you never really knew me. I wanna get better at being more open. It’s tough, especially when I’ve been keeping everyone out for most of my life, but you guys mean the fucking world to me.”
“You know we wouldn’t have looked or felt any differently about you, right?” Elliot says, worried.
“I suppose I always knew, but it was hard to trust that feeling. My past really did a number on me. Jacob was the one who helped me see things a little differently—that I’ve been allowing the ghosts of my past to dictate my future.”
Blaine’s eyes widen slightly. “Jacob knows all this?”
“Yeah.” I nod. “I told him everything while we were in England. He even met Ian. And I also fell in love with him in the process and then fucked it all up when I couldn’t tell him how I feel.”
Elliot’s jaw drops open. Everyone seems to be in shock.
“Holy shit,” Kendrick blurts out.
Peyton sits to my right, grinning like the Cheshire cat.
“The real question is—what are you going to do about it?” Jackson asks.
“I’m gonna get him back,” I confess.
Blaine and Elliot share a look, mirroring bright smiles.
“I think this calls for an Olsen plan of action.”