Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
Ethan
Peyton: BBQ at mine in an hour.
Peyton: Don’t try and evade us, Parkes.
Peyton: I know where you live.
Peyton: Don’t make me come over there and sic Elliot on you.
Peyton: He’ll sit on you and tickle you like an annoying Tickle Me Elmo.
Ethan: You do the tickling with Tickle Me Elmo, not the other way around.
Peyton: Whatever. The threat still stands.
Looking down at my phone, I huff out a laugh and shake my head. The group chat has been blowing up since I returned home a week ago, but my mood has been shit. I’ve avoided them all, not wanting them to see that I was a mess, but I should have known I couldn’t hide forever.
As I see the other messages there, my thumb hovers over Jacob’s name. I almost text him to tell him I miss him, but there’s something I need to do first.
Jonathan Peyton lives in Lakeview, a few doors down from Adam Kendrick and his wife Maria.
The Kendricks are usually the hosts outside of our dedicated boys’ night, but since Peyton and his wife are currently living apart while they work through their marriage trouble, I have a feeling Peyton is hoping for some company.
I quickly shower and change, then make my way over.
The circle drive is already filled with cars when I pull into the gates.
I walk inside the large entryway and come to a stop at the sight of Elliot sitting on the kitchen floor with Jackson Wilde’s three year old daughter, Isabela.
They’re both surrounded by boxes of colored beads.
Elliot’s tongue peeks out the corner of his mouth in concentration as he threads the beads onto some string.
Between his backward baseball cap and Pokémon socks, he looks like an overgrown child.
“Ethan!” Isabela shrieks when she spots me.
Her sudden outburst startles Elliot, and the beads in his hand scatter onto the floor in clinks and pings.
“Aw! Izzy, my girl! Why did you do that? Now I’ve gotta start over again,” Elliot whines, scooping everything up from the floor.
She ignores him and quickly gets to her feet, rushing over to me. I scoop her up into my arms, placing a big wet kiss on her cheek, causing her to burst into giggles.
I walk over to where Elliot's sitting with his legs stretched out in front of him. “What are you doing?”
“I’m making friendship bracelets.” He grins up at me proudly. “I’ve decided yours is going to say ‘grumpy pants’.”
I glare at him. “No, thanks.”
Isabela giggles again.
“See, she likes it. It’s locked in; no going back now, dude.”
Isabela hides her face in my neck before wiggling to get down. I place her back on her feet, and she takes a seat next to Elliot, carefully going back to handing him the colored beads with one hand while the other lays protectively on his forearm.
“Where are the others?” I ask.
“Outside by the grill. My brain was having a bit of an overload, so I came inside to unwind, and Izzy ended up showing me her bracelet-making kit. I decided I’d make one for everyone.”
“Ethan.” Isabela taps my leg. “Sit.”
“If I get on the floor, sweet girl, I won’t get back up, but you look after Elliot, okay? I’ll go and find your dad.”
She nods firmly, seeming happy with that answer.
I make my way outside and see Kendrick manning the grill with Jackson. They both wave when they spot me. Blaine and Mitch are playing knee hockey with Jackson’s son, Ryan, and Peyton is relaxing on a sun lounger, sipping on a beer.
“You made it!” Peyton throws his hands up, causing beer to slosh onto his hand . “I was starting to think I’d have to break into your apartment and force you to come have a hot dog.”
I chuckle and shake my head. Taking a seat next to him, he hands me a beer from the cooler, and I lean back.
“I didn’t want to risk being tickled by Elmo,” I deadpan.
He grins. “Knew that would scare you.”
I roll my eyes, then glance around the backyard.
“No Zach?”
“Nope. Dude’s still in Denver. I don’t know how they don’t get sick of each other spending all that time together. It’s like they’re a married couple or some shit.”
I don’t even know how to answer that.
Zach and Carter’s friendship is…complex.
They’ve been friends since they were six and have done everything together up until they were both drafted by two different cities.
I can’t lie and say I’m not concerned about the codependency they’ve got going on, because that kinda connection often leads to one of them getting hurt, and I just know in my gut it will end up being Zach.
Not that Carter is a bad guy, but Zach is too nice for his own damn good.
Peyton’s vizsla, Daisy, comes bouncing over, her tail wagging like crazy. She takes one sniff of me, then looks at me with an almost perplexed expression. Instead of sitting next to me like she normally does, she moves to Peyton’s other side, curling up with a huff, and gives me sad eyes.
“Dude, your vibe is making my dog sad,” Peyton states. “What’s going on?”
I look at him out of the corner of my eye and shake my head. “It’s nothing. ”
“Clearly it’s not nothing, ‘cause even the dopey dog doesn’t want to be near you.” He points at Daisy.
Not that I blame her. I’m a miserable motherfucker at the moment, even more than usual.
Knowing I need to start opening up more to these guys, I look over to where they’re standing around the grill. I don’t know if I’m ready to confess everything to all of them, especially Blaine, considering he’s dating Jacob’s brother, but if I talk to Peyton, it’s a start.
Baby steps, right?
“I’m having trouble with some things,” I begin.
“Such as?”
“I can’t stop thinking about this guy, and I’m not sure how to handle it.”
Peyton’s silent for a moment, then his face breaks out in a stupid grin. “Dude, I was worried you were gonna sprout some bad shit, like you're sick or something. Wait, unless you’re getting back together with Ian.” His brows furrow. “Please don’t tell me you’re getting back with that fucker.”
“Fuck no.” I quickly shake my head.
He lets out a relieved sigh. “Then what is the problem?”
Rubbing my hand over my face, I mumble, “I fell for Jacob.”
“I’m sorry? What was that?” He cups a hand around his ear mockingly. “I don’t think I heard you right because it sounded like you just confessed to having feelings for someone,” he teases.
“I’m in love with Jacob.”
“Jacob?” Peyton wonders for a second. “Alex’s brother, Jacob?”
I nod .
“That’s awesome!” He punches my bicep. “He seems like a great guy from the few times I’ve met him, so I don’t understand why the long face? He doesn’t feel the same or something?”
“I said that we could have a ‘what happens in England, stays in England’ kind of arrangement, so when we landed back in Chicago, he thanked me for everything and then said I’m an incredible friend.”
Peyton looks dumbfounded. “O-kaaay…And you didn’t think to tell him how you felt before you went your separate ways? That you didn’t want it to end?”
I shake my head.
Peyton blinks at me, looking at me like I’ve grown two heads. “Did you at least give him any indication that you have feelings?”
I shake my head again. “No. I was going to, but then I spent the entire flight trying to figure out how to say it. By the time I was ready, he’d already spoken, and it was too late.”
“Fuck’s sake, Ethan,” he groans, rubbing his face with his hands before giving me an exasperated look.
“He was probably assuming nothing had changed. That whatever you had really stayed in England. I mean, if you didn’t say anything, he probably presumed he was nothing to you.
A one and done. The whole ‘friend’ spiel was probably to protect himself or give you an easy out. ”
I reel back like I’ve been struck.
What we had wasn’t nothing . He’s not nothing to me. He’s so far from nothing .
Our time together—and him—became everything I didn’t know I needed. But I convinced myself that I couldn’t bare my soul to Jacob, just in case it was simply a summer romance to him.
I allowed the one man who understood me to slip away.
He hasn’t gone anywhere.
Fuck. I had a whole week to go talk to him instead of wallowing in self-pity. Hell, I haven’t even checked in to see how he’s doing—if he’s struggling with the jet lag he was so worried about. If things at the bakery are all good.
How was he supposed to know he owns every fiber of me when I didn’t have the balls to tell him?
“I saw Ian at the wedding. Told me he left because I was never home. He said that I was difficult to love and he couldn’t compete with hockey,” I confess to Peyton, as if this somehow excuses me.
“What a fucking prick,” he spits. “Don’t tell me you believed his shit, Ethan. You know better.”
“I have a season left in me—two at most. I started thinking that I wanted another cup before I retired, which would mean putting in a lot of work. Long days, strict routines—you know how it goes.” I suck in a breath, my voice going quiet as I confess, “And I don’t want Jacob to end up resenting me.
I don’t want to end up pushing him away. ”
Peyton’s fingertips dig into his brow bone as he processes my words. He’s silent for a beat. When he looks up again, his expression is serious.
“I think you should speak to him. Open up. Unlike that fucking asshat Ian, Jacob has a business. He has other interests besides you. He has Alex. A home. Other stuff going on in his life that has nothing to do with you to keep him busy while you’re doing whatever you’re going to put yourself through—which, for what it’s worth, I think is insane.
But you need to take this to him. Don’t make the decision for you both. ”
“Yeah, you’re right,” I grumble, staring out across the lawn to where Blaine mock celebrates with Ryan. “I’ll talk to him.”
“Good. Thank you for talking to me about it, though. I appreciate it.” He stops for a second. “And don’t think I didn’t notice you said you wanted another cup. Like maybe that’s not all that matters anymore.”