Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
Jacob
I’m not usually one who mopes around feeling sorry for myself. I like to keep myself busy, my mind preoccupied with anything and everything, so I have less time to think.
But since I got back to Chicago a week ago?
God. This week has been hell.
I would give anything to go back to England and go back to the cocoon that Ethan and I had wrapped ourselves up in.
I miss him.
I miss the soothing sound of his steady breathing in the morning, the feel of his warm body blanketing mine. The way he would hold me—so protective and strong—the world could crumble around us because, as long as I was in his arms, I would be safe and sound.
I promised myself that I would be okay with putting a lid on our summer fling as soon as we boarded the plane in London, but I don’t think I am. I don’t think I can stuff my feelings for Ethan into a box and just forget about them.
But he shut me out, like our time together meant nothing.
He essentially stopped talking to me the moment we boarded the plane in London.
His replies came in grunts and grumbled answers.
There was no holding my hand or reassuring caresses during takeoff.
His arms stayed locked, crossed over his chest, his body angled toward the window. He seemed lost in thought.
I wanted to tell him how I felt. I wanted to ask him if he would consider giving us a chance here. Taking things slowly while he focuses on his career and I still focus on the bakery. Showing him that I’m nothing like his ex-fiancé, begging to be made a priority.
But his silence and closed-off body language told me everything I needed to know.
It was just for the summer.
He did warn me, after all.
Ugh!
I know I need to talk to him. I need to stamp down my fear of having my heart broken and just talk to him. Otherwise, I’ll never know.
Why is it so terrifying to put yourself out there when all you ever want is to love and be loved?
Alex flicks the closed sign on the door and twists the lock. He turns back to face me, arms crossed over his chest and a scowl that could rival Ethan’s.
“Okay, I’m done tiptoeing around you. Talk to me, Jake.
You’ve been miserable as hell since you got home, and it’s really stressing me out.
” He takes a few steps before stopping in front of me, placing his hands on the counter.
His eyes are laced with worry. “What happened? I thought you had a great time in England, but since you’ve got back, things have been… different, and not in a good way.”
The backs of my eyes start to burn as I stare at Alex’s concerned expression. I’ve buried my head in the sand, only giving vague answers whenever I’m asked about my time there, letting them know it was lovely and great and fun.
“I did what I said I wasn’t going to do,” I admit. “I fell in love with him.”
If Alex is surprised, he doesn’t show it. His face softens, those kind eyes that are an exact replica of our father’s looking at me with love, not pity.
“Oh, Jake,” he says softly. “Does he know?”
I shake my head, quickly swiping my fingers under my eyes, my breath coming out in a shaky exhale.
“Jake…” Alex sighs.
“Please don’t tell Blaine,” I quickly add.
He blinks, his mouth gaping open. “You want me to lie to him?”
“No, I just… I don’t want him to know. I don’t want to drive a wedge between them because they play together.
There’s no need to involve anyone else because it was a vacation fling.
” The words burn my stomach like acid at the admission.
“It’s done. Ethan said it would only be while we were there.
A summer romance, just like Blaine suggested. ”
Alex frowns. “From what you told me, it was more than that. Have you heard from him since?”
“No,” I say as I shake my head.
He runs a hand through his hair before placing it back on the counter and tapping his finger against the smooth surface. “Maybe I could speak to him. ”
“Please, Alex. Just…let it go.”
Done with this conversation, I turn and begin unloading the empty trays from the counter and carrying them into the kitchen for cleaning. Alex is right behind me.
“No, Jake. I’m not gonna just let it go .
Is it scary to put yourself out there and hope they feel the same?
Abso-fucking-lutely, but you know what’s worth it?
When they do, and Ethan?” He points at the door, even though there’s nobody there, the tone of his voice becoming more frustrated with each word.
“Ethan has looked at you like you’re special for months.
I’ve seen it every time you two were together in a room.
I saw it the day he came in here and made that deal with you.
He looks at you the same way Dad looks at Mom in all the photos.
Like you’re his favorite person in the world.
Isn’t that worth the initial fear of laying your heart out there? ”
A tear rolls down my cheek. I sniff, glancing up at the ceiling as I blink, trying to ward off a waterfall.
Alex’s hand lands on my shoulder, spinning me around.
He gives me a reassuring smile. “Jacob, you deserve so fucking much. You deserve more than this world can give you, but Ethan…I think he’d do a pretty good job at trying.
Talk to him. Let him know what your heart is telling you.
If he doesn’t feel the same, we’ll deal with it, but he might be just as afraid as you are. ”
My throat goes thick. “What if he says no?”
“Then I might have to kick his ass.” Alex grins.
I snort a laugh.
“Okay, maybe not me, but Blaine would. Elliot, too, probably. Although he’d probably just slap him like a turtle.” He bats his hands in the air in quick succession .
I let out a small laugh.
“There’s another reason why I don’t want you to tell Blaine. Ethan, he…” I sigh. “I think he’s got some things he wants to work on with the guys, and I don’t want to get in the way of that.”
“I get that. I won’t. But if, for some crazy reason, Ethan doesn’t want to give things a shot, then that’s okay because you’ve got us. We love you, and you’ll find your someone.”
The following day, I spend the day hiding away in the kitchen working on custom creations while Alex and Daniel man the front.
I was so emotionally drained last night when I got home that I had a little cry into a glass of wine before I passed out on the couch while watching an old Hallmark movie.
Despite Ethan’s behavior on the flight and at the airport, there’s still this part of me that thinks…what if he does feel the way I do but is just afraid of putting himself out there?
It’s kind of funny. I harped on about taking chances, and loving loudly, and I did the opposite.
I didn’t tell him how I feel because I was afraid of getting my heart hurt when I should have taken my own advice.
I could have spent the night wrapped up in his arms instead of crying pathetically into a glass of rosé.
When I walk out after closing, they’re sitting in a booth, scribbling something on a notepad.
“Hey,” Alex says when he spots me. “Would you like a coffee? ”
“No, I’m good, thanks.” I shake my head, taking a seat next to him. “What are you working on?”
“I’m planning a small get-together next week for Blaine and Elliot’s birthday,” Alex replies. “Just some of the guys from the team and their partners. I was going to invite Nate, too. Obviously, you two are invited.”
Daniel holds his hand up for a high five.
I forgot it was the twins’ birthday next week.
“Is there anything I can do to help?” I ask.
“I was going to ask if you could help me with the cakes.” He rubs his forehead, his shoulders sagging slightly. “I’ve been getting a little stressed out about food because they eat a lot, and I don’t know what everyone likes or how much to make…but Daniel suggested having a theme.”
“Yeah, so each person could bring something that reminds them of one of the twins. We can randomly assign them a name, and maybe like sweet or savory,” Daniel explains.
“That sounds like a great idea.”
Alex nods. “Yeah, it does. It’s kinda fun, and also that way I don’t get stuck with doing everything.”
“Are you thinking one big cake, then a few dozen cupcakes?”
We talk through amounts, writing down what ingredients we’ll need to order in, along with flavors.
All the while, I’m trying to mentally prepare myself for seeing Ethan in person again.