9. Nine
Nine
Seth
Nothing is clearer in the light of day. Ty kissed me. And I … left. I chickened out, not wanting to reduce this to another drunk fooling around session. The question is which one is worse? Teasing myself with a taste of Ty, or knowing I had the chance to drop to my knees and blow his mind?
God, what was I thinking?
I had to go and be the good guy. Knowing Ty hasn’t been with a guy before, knowing he’d been drinking, I couldn’t just let it happen. Damn my conscience.
All I can think of is the breathy gasps that escaped his lips as I kissed him. I idly lift his shirt and let the spicy smell of cinnamon and something woodsy fill my nose. The shirt he loaned me carries the scent of his cologne or whatever he wears. Fuck. I’m in trouble.
I toss the shirt to the floor and sit up in my bed. It’s time to get out of my room and get my mind off Ty. There’s no practice today, but we’re gearing up for our first away game in a week. I’m sure I can get one of the guys to hit the gym with me or something. A quick message on the group chat and Jackson replies right away. We make plans to meet up at the gym, and I grab my things, going through the motions and pushing myself.
Jackson is already there when I show up. He wasn’t my first choice of guys to hang out with, but that’s more because he’s usually so quiet. He’s not one to shoot the shit and talk about what’s going on with him. We’ve been teammates for three years and I barely know anything about the guy.
“Hey,” he greets me with an up nod of his chin, and I answer with one of my own. We don’t talk as we walk into the weight room. Rep after rep, we push through the workout, spotting each other when needed. It takes my mind off Ty, but only barely.
“Thanks, by the way, for coming.”
“Sure,” Jackson’s one-word answer doesn’t encourage me to keep talking.
But the silence isn’t filling my mind enough. “This is your senior year, right? You looking forward to graduating?” I ask.
“Yup. You?” He grunts as his arm moves, lifting the barbell in a curl. Two words this time.
“I don’t know.” I asked the question figuring it’d give us something to talk about, but now that the tables are turned, I don’t know what will happen after graduation. School is all I’ve done for most of my life. The idea of getting a job, maybe getting married and having kids, it all seems so foreign. “It’s a lot. I’ll have to be a real adult,” I joke.
“The torture.” Jackson rolls his eyes, and I laugh.
“Seriously though, once we leave here, it’s not pretend anymore. We’ll be working and putting our degrees to use. That doesn’t scare you?”
“Personally, I’m tired of it. Seventeen years of school, from the time we were five to prepare us for this. I’ve worked part time in the evenings and summers here and there and I’ll be glad to be done with this. No more homework, no more lectures. When I leave work, I get to relax and leave work at work.”
“Wow, I think that’s the first time I’ve gotten a whole paragraph out of you.” I mean it as a joke, but from the way Jackson side eyes me, I don’t think he finds it funny.
His phone chimes with a notification, and Jackson puts his weight down to look at it. “Are we about done? My girlfriend just got off work, and I have a date.”
“Sure.” It figures that Jackson would have a girlfriend. My luck, the guy I get stuck with while I’m miserable because my lack of sex has to call it quits so he can meet up with his girlfriend and get lucky.
We clean up and grab our things, but as we leave the gym, my thoughts go right back to Ty. I grab my phone, going to check my messages, but as expected, there’s nothing new there. Ty hasn’t tried to call or text and after how I walked out on him, I’m not surprised. Still, it probably wouldn’t be terrible of me to make sure we’ll still on for our tutoring session later this week. My thumb flies over the keys, typing out a message.
Me: Are we still on for tutoring on Wednesday?
The read status pops up almost immediately followed by the three dots telling me he’s writing, but then the dots disappear. I wait, watching my screen for a new message, but nothing happens. I really fucked this up. Slipping my phone into my pocket, I make my way back to the frat house. With my workout over, I’m not sure what to do to distract myself. It’s too easy to think about Ty’s lips on mine, his hand on my chest. It was clear from the overpowering taste of beer on his breath that he’d had a few drinks, but was it really just a drunken kiss? I can’t help but wonder if it means something more.
It wasn’t like the kiss came out of nowhere. Still, his half-formed question about wondering what it’s like wasn’t him giving me permission to kiss him. I want to talk to him and figure out what’s going on in his head, but what if he’s already moved on and doesn’t want to talk about it? What if he’s just written it off as some drunken shenanigans that didn’t mean anything?
God, I need to stop putting myself in these situations. First the threesome and now this. When am I going to learn to leave well enough alone? Don’t fall for the straight guy. It never ends well.
My phone chimes with a new message, and I pull it out in a hurry, hoping it’s a new message from Ty. No luck. It’s a message, but it’s not from him.
Maddy: What are you up to? Want to hang out?
I consider the offer for half a second before sending a response. Hanging out with Maddy will be better than staying in my room and overthinking last night. She sends me another text telling me to meet her in the lounge. It shouldn’t surprise me when I get there that she isn’t alone. Along with Madelyn is her friend Jenn and another familiar face, Oliver. His easy smile stretches further into a smirk as he sees me walking toward them.
“Hey Seth,” he says with a flirty wave of his hand.
“Hey Oliver, where’s your boyfriend?” I don’t have the patience for his flirting today, but in typical Oliver fashion, he just laughs.
“I’m sure he’s around somewhere,” Oliver says with a shrug. “Maybe you can keep me company while he’s gone.”
“Tempting, but I’m good.” I try to let him down easily, and in response Oliver just shrugs and returns his attention to the girls. Jenn and Maddy are standing in front of an old school arcade game, mashing the buttons and making their characters fight. They’ve completely ignored the whole interaction between me and Oliver. I’m not even sure they’ve noticed I’m here. “Hey Maddy,” I say as I get closer.
“Hey Seth, just gimme one—” she cuts off as Jenn’s character delivers the final kick and wins the match. “Dammit.” Both of them turn around to look at me and Maddy pulls me in for a quick hug. “You want to play?” she asks as we break apart.
“Sure.” I end up playing against Jenn, but she’s not being overly talkative. Instead, it’s Maddy that keeps the conversation going.
“What’s new in your world? Haven’t seen you around much,” she comments.
“Been busy,” I keep my eyes on the game, pushing the buttons to attack. “Between soccer, tutoring, and my own classes, I barely have time to sleep.”
“That’s right, soccer,” she says with a sigh. “When’s your next game?”
“Next weekend,” I answer. “It’s our first away game.” It’s not like she shouldn’t know this if she paid any attention to the team. But then again, I don’t actually know how much Maddy and Ty talk.
We met after taking a film appreciation class together last semester to fulfill our art requirement. With neither of us being art majors we had to take something, and we both figured that class would be an easy A. In the end it was kinda fun, and I made a new friend.
But dropping the situation in her lap about me and her brother isn’t about to happen. No matter how badly I want to talk to someone about it and analyze every detail. Still, hanging out with the group keeps my mind off Ty until my phone chimes with a new message. I bite my lip as I look at the screen and read the new message.
Ty: Actually, I need to reschedule.
I reread the message three times, but it doesn’t change. I need to reply, but I can take a hint. He doesn’t want to see me right now. Can’t say I blame him, either. I’m confused too, and I know I like guys.