10. Ten
Ten
Tyler
I run through the list in my head, double-checking that I packed my phone charger and everything else I’ll need. It’s only one night in the hotel, but it’s better to be prepared than to have to ask around and borrow something. It’s our first away game of the season and that means a longer drive. Coach hasn’t told us who we’re paired up with, but we all know we’ll be sleeping in a hotel after the game. It’d be too long of a drive to head back tonight.
I lick my lips, trying to psych myself up for the game. Usually, I’d be more nervous about getting out on the field, but I’ve got other things to worry about. I had to cancel on Seth for our tutoring session, and I haven’t had a chance to get him alone and talk about what happened last weekend. The further it gets from that night, the more it feels like a dream. Maybe I just imagined the whole thing after drinking too much and nothing really happened. Still, the memory feels too real. And a dream wouldn’t explain the odd looks Seth keeps giving me when we see each other at practice. Every time I catch him looking at me, he turns the other way like he got caught doing something wrong.
There’s an odd uneasiness between us, and I don’t know what to do about it. I should be thinking about the game, not stressed out over Seth. And I still don’t know what this means about my sexuality. I even tried watching some gay porn to see if it would turn me on and it did the trick, but when I look at guys around me at school … nothing. The only one that gets a response out of me is Seth. I’m afraid to pull him aside in the locker room because I can’t forget the fucking sex dream I had, and part of me wants to make that a reality.
I grab my bag, deciding I’ve fooled around enough, and make my way to the parking lot. There’s already a few of my teammates there, but I don’t see Seth. Walsh is standing with his arm around his boyfriend’s waist. He gives him a quick kiss before they go their separate ways. I try to watch without being a total creep, but seeing Walsh kiss another guy isn’t a huge deal. I can appreciate that both of them are good looking, but neither of them makes me question my sexuality the way thoughts of Seth do.
Speaking of, I see him walking toward the group with a bag slung over his shoulder. He makes his way over to Bennett and some of the other guys that play defense. I do my best to stay on the other side of the bus as we load up. I’ll figure out a time to talk to him soon and clear the air, but right now, we both need to focus on the game. It wouldn’t be fair of us to mess it up for the other guys on the team and make a bigger deal out of this.
I put my earbuds in, turning on music and leaning into the wall of the bus as we drive. I’m able to drift off, despite the constant movement of the bus and chattering around me. It’s no wonder with how little sleep I got last night. Damn Seth, he isn’t even talking to me and he’s still keeping me up at night.
My eyes gaze down the field as I watch for an opening. Bennett has the ball, and he’s making his way in my direction, but the opposing team is right on top of us. There’s no way for Bennett to pass the ball toward me or Walsh. The guy blocking me moves closer to Bennett, going to steal the ball, and it opens me up, but Bennett doesn’t notice. Instead, he passes the ball to Miller. Miller looks at me almost immediately. His eyes meet mine and he kicks the ball in my direction. It hits my shin hard, but I shake it off, turning to head to the other team’s goal. I’ll have time to worry later. I watch the goalie, looking for my best chance to score. He’s looking right at me, waiting for me to move. It takes half a second to decide it’s better for me to pass to Walsh, and he takes the kick. The ball shoots past the goalie, safely into the net.
It’s still the first half, but that goal puts us ahead 2-1. The opposing team isn’t slacking off. They’re making us work for every goal. At this rate, we’ll be lucky if we can wait them out and keep the score where it is. The ball hits the field again just as I catch my breath, and it’s back to playing. No change of scores by the time the ref calls us to end the first half.
I chug my water. At least it’s not hot. The last few weeks have cooled down with fall approaching. It’s better than running up and down the field in the heat. My eyes catch on Miller as he drinks his water, and I have to pull back from looking at how his Adam’s apple bobs. During the game itself, I can keep my mind off dirty thoughts, but apparently even drinking water is sexy to my horny mind. I’m really gonna have to do something about that soon.
Maybe if I find a girl to hook up with, I can get my mind off Miller.
I shake off that thought as the second half starts. We take our positions on the field and it’s go time. I pump my legs, running after their defense line as they get the ball from Walsh and pass it to their midline. By the end of the game, my calves are throbbing from all the back and forth. We didn’t get another goal, but neither did they. The game finishes out at the same score of 2-1 in our favor.
“Great game,” Walsh says, clapping me on the back as we walk toward the locker room.
I answer him with an up nod of my head, “You too.”
Coach calls out, catching our attention as we change out of our jerseys. “Room assignments for the night. Bennett and Koch, Walsh and Haynes, Avery and Miller…”
I look at Coach, but he carries on calling out the rest of our names. Seth doesn’t glance away from the locker he’s standing in front of. It’s not the end of the world. No one is freaking out, and I shouldn’t be either, but how am I supposed to deal with rooming with Miller after all the dirty thoughts I’ve had lately? It’s going to be a struggle just to keep it from being obvious I’m picturing him naked.
Not to mention we still haven’t talked since that kiss.
Maybe I just need to get it over with. Rip it off quickly like a band-aid. Whatever happened that night, he was the one who pulled away. Maybe it meant nothing … but that thought makes everything worse. How do I tell him I want to kiss him again? Especially when I have no clue what that means going forward.
Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut and pretend it didn’t happen.