CHAPTER FIVE #3
Now the only thing Malcolm could focus on were his classes and the grades that would surely start to slip at this rate. He needed to get his shit together, and fast.
Footfalls faltering, Malcolm tripped over a crack in the sidewalk. In an effort to overcorrect, Malcolm fell headlong into a tall girl with braids and her own heavy backpack. “Ooof,” she exhaled as she landed in the grass, the books in her arms scattering all around them.
“I’m so sorry,” Malcolm apologized as he quickly collected her fallen books. He held out his hand for her, helping her to her feet before handing the books back.
“Steady there, cowboy,” she teased, hiking up her bag and tucking her books under her arm. She flashed a grin, one filled with cheerfulness and straight teeth. Malcolm almost forgot what happy people looked like. “Aren’t you in Dr. Brennan’s bio class?” she asked.
Malcolm blinked, racking his brain to see if he knew this girl. “Uh, yeah.”
Tilting her head, she offered, “We can walk over together. That is, if you promise not to bowl me over again.” She winked, and Malcolm was charmed.
“Yeah, sounds good.” They took a few steps before he remembered his manners. “I’m Malcolm ...”
“Smith, I know.” She looked over her shoulder as she paced ahead. “I’m Talia Saunders.”
“Ahh,” he said, realizing she was the girl who sat in front of him in class. Now that he’d shaken the ghost of JJ away, he remembered staring at the back of her head for the last semester. “Right. Sorry, Talia.”
Talia jogged ahead when they reached their building, kicking the door open and breezing through before another cluster of students got in her way. “You can stop apologizing. I’m glad I wasn’t carrying anything breakable.”
When they arrived in the classroom, they took their seats. Dr. Brennan walked in, pulling out his notes for class. “Settle down, everyone, it’s time to pick our lab partners for the rest of the semester.” As the professor droned on, Talia turned around and mouthed, Want to partner?
He flashed her a thumbs-up, pleased he’d made a new friend.
Over the next three months, Malcolm and Talia went from lab partners to friends to something more. They weren’t quite official, but they were certainly spending a lot of time together.
Talia was great, a good time and even a bit of fun. But her laugh wasn’t JJ’s laugh, her wit wasn’t nearly as sharp. When they kissed that first time, Malcolm nearly winced at the lack of chemistry between them. Hell, there was more chemistry on the pages of their textbooks.
It was time to face facts: He wasn’t over JJ yet. And Lord, he didn’t know when he would be. He knew it wasn’t fair to Talia, but Malcolm tried his best to find that spark, find a connection worth keeping.
On a particular blah Wednesday afternoon, they lounged in his dorm room while his roommate was out.
“You know,” Talia said, closing her textbook and scooting closer to Malcolm on the bed.
The mattress dipped with her weight, as she nibbled her bottom lip.
“The semester is over in a couple weeks, and we haven’t discussed our summer plans. ”
“What do you mean?” Malcolm asked, because he really hadn’t thought much about summer beyond his desire to avoid all the memories of JJ that hung heavy in Pinegrove like the morning fog.
Talia nudged him. “Malcolm, c’mon. I live in Atlanta, and Pinegrove is only like an hour away. Are we going to keep seeing each other or what?”
“Or what?” Malcolm asked, heat crawling up his neck. Deep in the pit of his stomach, he knew what this was—it was what he did to JJ every time they spoke of the future. Poor Talia was making plans, and Malcolm was planning his exit. How did JJ do this every time?
Blinking at him, Talia took a long breath. “You know what I think?” she asked in a tone that did not give anything away. Malcolm could only shake his head as she sprang to her feet. “I think, we should cut our losses.”
“What?”
“Don’t ‘what’ me, Malcolm. We’ve been dating for months, and I feel like I barely know you.
We never make big plans, you never open up about your feelings, and all I know about your family is that your mom is Estelle Winters.
And this.” She waved a hand toward his bulletin board.
There was a scattering of photos of his family and friends.
One lone picture of him and Talia was tacked in the corner, a souvenir from a campus mixer they’d attended the month before.
“In your whole room, this is the only sign we’re a couple. ”
Malcolm cupped the back of his neck, suddenly needing to catch his breath. Talia wasn’t wrong, and that’s why he couldn’t argue with her. Malcolm hadn’t wanted to open up, because as soon as he started talking about his feelings, JJ would come back and consume his thoughts.
“Talia, I’m not really a photo kind of guy.” The statement sounded lame to his own ears, and Talia rolled her eyes.
She stabbed her index finger on the board, causing their photo to come loose and flutter to the floor.
Before she could collect it, a cluster of other photos fell free.
In his haste to bury his feelings for JJ, he’d tacked his picture of Talia and some takeout menus over them.
As if hiding pictures could erase nearly five years of loving another woman.
Both Talia and Malcolm watched in horror as the photos of him and JJ fluttered to the floor.
There was their senior prom picture, JJ looking radiant in pink.
Another photo from the Pinegrove Fireworks Festival, their lips tinged blue from a cotton candy binge.
And finally, the most damning picture of all was a shot of them kissing by the Christmas tree.
Trevor had taken the photo right before their fateful trip to the farm, where she broke his heart for the last time.
Talia moved faster than Malcolm, scooping up the photos and thrusting them into his hands.
“Not really a photo kind of guy?” she repeated, hurt dripping from every word.
“I have never seen you smile like this with me. Why are you hiding these photos? Who is this girl?” She glared, unblinking at him while he struggled to find his words.
“You know what, I’m outta here.” She snatched her purse from his bed and spun on her heel.
“Please don’t call me, and please don’t insult either of us by saying you want me back.
I can be a grown-up while we finish bio lab finals, but I’m serious, Malcolm. We’re done.”
And with that, Malcolm’s first attempt at dating in a post-JJ world went up in smoke.
That first summer back in Pinegrove was daunting to say the least, but all wasn’t lost. Nick had bumped into Malcolm at the grocery store, and the pair struck up a conversation on Malcolm’s plans for the summer.
In a matter of minutes, he’d convinced Malcolm to volunteer with Trevor at the fire station.
Turned out those biology classes were a strong foundation for getting EMT certified, and maybe even becoming a firefighter.
It was the first time in ages that Malcolm found a purpose and, more importantly, a purpose that didn’t involve JJ. Yet for as much progress as he made at the station and with his career planning, he couldn’t forget about his girl.
On the nights he wanted to be closer to JJ, he’d drive out Hog Hollow and plod out to the meadow, collapsing into the grass to stare up at the stars. He told himself JJ was doing the same thing halfway across the globe. And maybe, just maybe, she was missing him, too.
A guy could dream, right?