23. Julian
JULIAN
I made us French toast at midnight, we took a long, hot shower where I bent her over and took her again, and then we got into her little bed and watched Cheers until she fell asleep, curled up against me. And now, I’ve just been lying here for the last hour or so, watching her take long breaths in and out, that little furrow that’s always in her brow finally relaxed. Her wet hair soaks my skin, but I don’t care. I’d rather lose my arm than wake her.
I stroke my thumb gently against her face, smiling as she breathes.
Fuck. This feels…big.
For the first time in my adult life, I feel excited about the idea of being with someone. I feel this connection to her that I’ve never felt with anyone else.
In a month’s time, she’s spun my world on its axis. She’s made me see this whole possibility of a life beyond the business, beyond the name. That I can find more joy in a spaghetti dinner or in pillow talk as I do traveling the world or buying businesses.
And for the first time in my adult life…I’m terrified of losing someone. I didn’t want to bring all of that up. I don’t want to scare her. God knows I’m hoping she will be game for the insanity that is being connected to the Everett name, but I also care too much for her to let her go in blind. I’ve never known life to be different than this. There were cameras outside of the hospital the day I was born, and my grandfather sued one newspaper and bought another out of spite for publishing photos of me.
But I’ve seen the way it works for people that come in or become affiliated with us. I’ve watched the way the press has torn apart my mother. I’ve watched the way innocent people who have barely scratched the surface of our lives have never really regained their own after whatever tryst they have had with us. And what I said is true…when it happens, it can’t be undone. They’re tied to us in infamy while we move on with grace and wonder in the eyes of the world. It’s fucked up, and it’s unfair. When I had a few relationships in my twenties, I did everything I could to protect my partners and keep a sense of confidentiality. But each time, it ended up being in vain when they would decide to throw themselves to the wolves in order to hold on to whatever shred of fame being with me brought them.
But with her, it’s different.
She doesn’t see me as Julian the Billionaire. I mean, she certainly sees the money. But she doesn’t expect it. She doesn’t take it for granted. And the best part is, she could do without it. If we spent every night in the little dorm room I once rescued her from, she’d be just as content as she would be in my penthouse. She has survival instincts that I am very aware that I will never have. And it makes her impenetrable in ways that I’ve never experienced. She’s sixteen years younger than I am, and in some ways, she’s lived so much more than I have.
I don’t want to lose her.
I can’t lose her.
But there are some things that money can’t buy, and Sawyer is definitely one of them.
When I wake up the next morning, she’s staring at me. I can’t help but chuckle at her big green eyes, long lashes batting in my direction.
“You are so pretty,” she says, and I laugh out loud.
“Good morning to you too,” I say, “and…what?”
She smiles and shrugs.
“You are. If you have all the money in the world and, like, own continents or whatever, you should have to be ugly. It should be a rule,” she says. I laugh out loud again, pulling her into me and kissing her hard. “I’ve been waiting for you to wake up.”
“Oh, yeah?” I ask, rubbing my eyes. She nods then bites her lip. Then she slips down under the covers and yanks my boxers down. I jump and reach for her arms, but I’m in her mouth before I can make another move.
She moans as my precum spills out into her mouth, slurping and swallowing and making me spiral as she does. She digs her nails into my ass then uses one hand to cup my balls before she wraps her long fingers around my cock.
“Fuck, Sawyer,” I grunt as she takes me deeper, gagging as I get dangerously close to the back of her throat. I feel myself growing harder and thicker with every suck, and I instinctively take a handful of her hair, gently fisting it as she moves.
“S-Sawyer, Sawyer,” I say, tapping her arms and loosening my grip on her hair. She comes up, flipping the blanket off her and wiping her mouth then the tears pooling in her eyes.
“What’s wrong?” she asks. I shake my head.
“Nothing at all, but if you didn’t stop, your mouth was going to be full,” I say, stroking her cheek. She raises one eyebrow, looking at me.
“That was sort of the point,” she says. Now I raise an eyebrow at her.
“You want that?” I ask. She makes a face at me and crosses her arms over her chest.
“If I didn’t want that, I probably wouldn’t have started my day by putting your dick in my mouth,” she says. I chuckle again.
“Putting my dick in your mouth and getting me off in your mouth are two different things, sweetheart,” I tell her. She crosses her arms tighter over her chest.
“I’m aware,” she says, her lips pursed. Suddenly, I feel this green rage building inside of me. I grip her hips.
“So you’ve done that before?” I ask, my voice low and husky.
Her eyes narrow on me as she bites the inside of her lip. She looks as if she’s slightly afraid to answer the question but also that she wants to see how I react.
“Many times,” she says. Then she leans forward, putting one hand on my chest and pushing me back down. “Is that a problem? You wanna keep talking about all the other guys I’ve gone down on, or may I continue?”
I push up, gripping the back of her head and pulling her to me. I kiss her hard and possessively, my tongue plunging into her mouth. The thought of her doing this with anyone else has every muscle in my body tensing up and my fists clenching.
“Knees,” I say. “Now.”
Her eyes dance with excitement as she scrambles off the bed, tucking her hair behind her ears as I scoot to the edge.
“Thattagirl,” I say as she opens her mouth, guiding me back in. I hiss as she takes me deep, making up for lost time. I grip her hair again, watching as she moves up and down my shaft. She gags, and I hiss again, her eyes flying open. “Do you need to stop, baby?”
She looks up at me, eyes filling with tears, but she digs her nails into my legs and shakes her head no.
I cock my head as I stroke her face.
“Can you handle this load, sweetheart?” I ask. She nods slowly as she speeds up her movements, pausing every now and then to circle my head with her tongue before taking all of me into her mouth again. “You’re doing so good, sweetheart. I’m…I’m almost there,” I hiss, scooting farther off the bed and deeper into her mouth. I pull her head to me gently, dropping my head back as her hand moves up to cradle my balls again, and that’s all it takes for me to blow. I fold over, a shudder going through me as I erupt, and she gulps me down, sliding off me slowly and taking in a deep breath. I lean forward, swiping the moisture from the corner of her mouth with my thumb, and then cup her head in my hands, catching my breath for a minute.
“What a perfect, dirty little mouth you have, my girl,” I say with a smile as I lean forward and kiss her. “I love how good you are at that, but I hate how good you are at that. I tighten my grip on her. “I want you to forget about anyone else you’ve ever done that to.”
She smiles.
“Territorial, are we?”
I pull her in for one last kiss.
“You have no idea.”
And the truth is, neither do I. I have never been attached to someone like this, let alone given a shit about who else they’d had in their bed. Or their mouth. The thought of her on her knees for someone else is enough to make me put a hole in the wall. But the thought of someone else pleasuring her ? Put me in a goddamn asylum.
I know I’m supposed to be giving her time. No pressure. Being with me would be a lot to swallow—pun intended. But the problem is, I’m starting to get scared. The decision is in her hands, and I am terrified that I won’t be her choice.