34. Sawyer
SAWYER
T he next morning, I move my arms and legs around the bed slowly, but I don’t feel him. I sit up, rubbing my eyes, and I see him moving around the study, putting our things in our bags.
“Morning, baby,” he says, walking over to me and kissing me on the forehead. “I left an outfit out for you. Get dressed. We gotta get out of here.”
Before I can say anything, he’s throwing the bags over his shoulders and walking down the stairs. I’m up and dressed before he’s back up, and I take a mental picture of what the tower feels like. Of what it looks like. Of what being in this room that was so sacred to him felt like.
“Ready?” he asks from the top of the stairs. I nod, and he smiles and takes my hand. Tyler is outside at the door of the Escalade, which he’s pulled up to the private driveway just outside the tower.
“Why are we rushing? Do you not want to say goodbye?” I ask as we climb inside. Julian smiles.
“Nah,” he says. “I’ll wave from the car.”
As we drive away, I notice that we’re getting on the highway in the direction of the airport. I raise an eyebrow.
“Where are we going?”
He doesn’t answer. He just strokes the back of my hand and smiles. After a little while, we pull into the private driveway we pulled into when we dropped my mom off at his jet a few weeks ago.
“Julian, what are we doing?” I ask. The element of surprise is exciting, but I’m also too Type A for this. I have a schedule. Tyler parks a few yards back from the steps of the jet and gets out, unloading our bags. Julian unbuckles me then gets out, walks around the car, and opens my door. “Julian!” I say. “Tell me what is going on here.”
Finally, he turns to me.
“We’re going to Seattle,” he says. “Short of blindfolding you, I wasn’t sure how else to pull off the surprise besides just bringing you to the jet.”
I feel my stomach flip.
“But…I…my flight….”
“I had Nat cancel it. We will get you your refund. I thought…I thought we could spend a few extra days with your mom.”
I swallow.
“‘We’?”
“You spent the evening with my family. I thought maybe we could spend some time with yours. If you don’t want me to go, though, I promise, I understand. I’ll fly with you just to spend some time with you, and then I’ll get a hotel. I just wanted you to get a little more time with her.”
I feel my stomach flip again, and a knot forms in my throat.
“Julian…I…this is too much. This is…”
He takes a step toward me.
“I need you to trust me when I say that I will never be able to repay you all that you have given me.”
I think for a minute.
“This is so nice. But I’m supposed to work two shifts before I fly out at the end of the week, and?—”
He sighs, taking my hands in his.
“That’s the other thing I wanted to talk to you about,” he says. “Please don’t take this as me being controlling or me trying to do anything but make your life easier. I want you to quit.”
My eyebrows raise.
“Wh…what?”
“Just…hear me out, okay? I figured out how much you make hourly there. And then how much you would make if you worked five days a week, like you have been, for the rest of the semester. I deposited that much, plus an extra month’s worth, knowing you’d probably stay for a few weeks after graduation, into your bank account last night.”
My eyes widen again.
“You did what?” I ask. I’m overwhelmed with conflicting emotions of both relief and feeling unsettled.
“I’m sorry. If you really don’t want it, you can take it out. I just… You work so hard, baby. Between your classes starting back up, the mini-mart, and everything you’ve been through these last few months…I just want you to have a little break. You should get a break like every other student. You should get to spend time with your mom. I promise I didn’t go overboard. It’s just what you would have had if you had kept working.”
“Julian, I don’t…”
“You will never owe me. You can never owe someone who loves you anything, Sawyer.” My eyes lock with his. “Just think about it, okay?”
I nod. I stare at him, his brownish-gray locks blowing in the wind, his perfectly imperfect nose, those big brown eyes that swallow me whole.
He does make me feel loved. And he does it really fucking well. I take a step toward him and take his hands again.
“I want to go to Seattle now,” I say, “and I really want you to come with me to my mom’s.”
He smiles down at me as I throw my arms around his waist, burying myself into him.
Once we’re on the jet, I curl up next to him.
“Does all love feel this good?” I ask him.
He wraps an arm around me, pulling me into him tight. He tucks a stray strand of hair behind my ear and stares down at me, his thumb stroking my cheek.
“I don’t know,” he says, “because I don’t think I have ever known love until you.”
* * *
We land a few hours later, and I am giddy about getting to my mom. She doesn’t know I’m coming in yet, which makes it even sweeter. And she definitely doesn’t know that Julian will be with me, which makes it all the more exciting.
I’m not nervous about telling her. She has never been anything but supportive. Cautious, yes. But always supportive. My only fear is how my being with him might change her life. But that’s a worry for another day. Today, I’m just going to bask in being with my two favorite human beings in my favorite city in the world.
Julian has a car waiting for us in the airfield, and Russ and Tyler are both with us. Russ drives, and Tyler sits shotgun as we make our way out and toward the city. I look out the window, soaking in the familiar skyline that’s always given me so much peace. It’s funny, though, because I don’t feel that same sense of overwhelming relief I normally do being here. Like it’s my sanctuary. Being with my mom, that will heal things in me that I didn’t know were broken. But I’ve found peace in other places.
I instruct Tyler where to go to get to the little neighborhood on the outskirts of downtown where the diner my mom works at is, perched on the corner. I see her car in the lot, and my stomach flips. We pull up, and suddenly, I feel nervous. I’ve never felt like Julian was judging me, but I don’t want my mom to feel like she’s being judged either.
But it’s too late to turn back now, because we’re parked, and Tyler is opening up my door. I turn back to Julian.
“Aren’t you coming?” I ask. He shrugs.
“That’s up to you, sweetheart,” he says. “We can ease our way in, if you want.”
But I think about the way he swept me through the door at Bedell House. How tightly he held my hand. How he showed them—and me—who I was to him. I smile and take his hand, bringing it to my lips.
“Come on,” I tell him. He smiles at me as we both scoot out of the car. Tyler takes the front while Russ takes the rear, leading us into the diner. Luckily, it’s eleven a.m. Seattle time, and no one is inside but the regulars and Randy, the owner.
He’s the sweet old man who gave my very-pregnant teen mother a job. Who let her keep it while she had me, and who delivered home-cooked meals to her from his wife after I was born. He and his wife, Beth, are family.
“Morning,” Randy calls from behind the counter without looking over to see who it is.
“Hi, Randy,” I say, and he turns to us. His eyes widen when he sees me, and he scoots out from behind the counter, making his way to me with big, open arms. His belly has gotten rounder over the years, but he still looks like he always has. He wraps me up in a hug.
“Baby girl!” he says. “It is so good to see this face! Does your mama know you’re here? She’s in back.”
I smile and hug him tight, shaking my head.
“I came in early to surprise her,” I say. Then I remember Julian. I turn and grab him, pulling him forward. “ We came in early. This is my boyfriend, Julian.”
Julian sticks out a hand, and Randy eyes him up and down, shaking his hand enthusiastically. I’m sure he’s going through all the questions: How old is he? Why do I recognize his face?
But before I can add anything else, the kitchen door swings open, and my mom walks out with a tray of food over her shoulder. She spins around, her eyes landing on us, and Randy rushes to her to rescue the tray before she drops it. It takes her a moment to process us standing there, but when she does, she screams and throws her hands up, running around the counter to us. She pulls me in, and I instantly feel home. I feel my body and mind ease as I wrap my arms around her tight.
“Hi, Mama,” I say as we come apart.
“What are you doing here? I thought you weren’t coming in till Thursday!” she says. Then she turns to Julian. “And Julian! It’s so good to see you again! What…what brings you to Seattle?”
I clear my throat then reach back and take his hand in mine. I lift my eyes back to my mom, and her eyes are like saucers. She smiles, but I know her. I know she is the one with a million questions now. Julian reaches his free hand out and puts it on her shoulder.
“It’s so good to see you, Emily,” he says, then he bends down to me. “Tyler and I are going to go out to the car, sweetheart, and let you and your mom see each other for a few. Russ will hang in here with you. We’ll be outside whenever you’re ready.”
I nod. He can read me like a book. He slips back out the door, and then I turn back to my mom. She takes my hand, leading me to the booth at the very back corner—the same one I used to sit and do my homework in after school, waiting for her to get off. We scoot in opposite each other, and she just stares at me, holding my hands across the table.
“What’s happening, baby?” she asks. I take a deep breath.
“He surprised me and flew me out here early so I could spend more time with you,” I tell her. She tilts her head slightly, waiting for more. “Mom…we’re…together.”
I hold my breath, waiting to let it all sink in.
“Together?” she asks. “Like…you’re dating?”