35. Sawyer
SAWYER
I nod.
“Yeah, Ma,” I say.
“How…what happened?”
I swallow and shrug.
“I really don’t know, Ma,” I say. “We…we just spent a lot of time together after the shooting. He never stopped checking in on me, the apartment… I don’t know. I just can’t imagine him not being around now, ya know?”
She doesn’t say much, her eyes just moving side to side while she takes it all in.
“He’s a lot older than you, Sawyer,” she says. It doesn’t feel judgy. It just feels like she’s going through it all in real time. I nod.
“Fifteen years,” I say. She nods slowly, thinking it all through. We sit in silence for a moment before she finally speaks.
“I knew something was up when I was out there for Thanksgiving. The way he looked at you…it was like…like you belonged to him.”
I smile.
“I guess I did,” I say. She takes in a long breath. “Are you okay, Ma?”
She looks at me again, sliding her hands across the table to mine again.
“Yes, baby,” she says. “You are the most mature twenty-two-year-old in the world. You had to grow up so fast because of our circumstances. I trust your decision-making and your judgment. I’ve seen him be nothing but kind and do nothing but care for you. I just…his family…he comes with some baggage, babe. Are you ready for that?”
I nod.
“I actually went to a party at his family’s estate last night,” I tell her. She squeezes my hand, kicking her feet on the floor.
“You what?!” she squeals. “Oh, my god! You have to tell me everything.”
I laugh.
“I will, Ma,” I say. “But I just wanted to make sure you would be okay with it.”
Her eyebrows knit together.
“Me? Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Well, my being with him could affect you. Whenever it gets out, it could get a little nutty. Julian said that the press will dig into anyone and everything they can. I just…I want to make sure you’re okay with it before?—”
“Sawyer Jean Willis,” she says, “this is your life. I have nothing for them to dig up. Let them. I love you, my girl. But it’s your turn to think about you .”
My eyes fill with tears as I nod.
“Thank you, Ma,” I whisper.
“Well, let me see if Randy minds if?—”
“Get outta here, girl. Go be with your baby!” Randy calls from around the corner, having likely eavesdropped on most of the conversation. We both chuckle and shake our heads. She takes off her apron, and we say our goodbyes as we walk out the door, Russ in tow. We walk to the Escalade, and Julian lowers the window.
“Not every day your daughter tells you she’s dating an Everett,” my mom says. Julian’s eyes are big, like he’s not sure how to respond. But finally, Mom smiles and puts her hand on his through the window. “I have felt so much relief since you came into her life, Julian. I knew she was in good hands when I couldn’t be with her. I’m glad it’s you.”
He smiles and squeezes her hand.
“So am I,” he laughs, “believe me.”
“Follow us back to the apartment,” my mom says. He looks at us.
“Are you sure you don’t just want some time to?—”
“Follow us!” she calls, pulling me to her car.
Back at our apartment, I wait for Tyler to find a spot outside. Russ walks in with my mom, sweeping the building before we’re allowed inside. The average person might not recognize Julian’s face, but regardless, his net worth is still that of a country. When we get the all-clear, we walk inside and up the three flights of stairs. My mom is a neat freak, so I know the apartment will be spotless. And she lives for hosting, so I know she’s in her element.
She’s waving us inside, making Tyler and Russ glasses of iced tea as we get settled.
“Just put your things in Sawyer’s room,” she tells Julian, and we all freeze, staring. When she realizes, she scoffs. “What? You think I don’t know you two have been shacking up in the city. She’s no dummy, and I’m sure the Everetts don’t just go around doing extracurricular activities without protection.”
“Mom!” I choke out, but she just shrugs, and Julian bursts into a fit of laughter.
“Emily, I don’t mean to put you out,” he says when he finally composes himself. But she just puts a hand on her hip. She doesn’t say anything else before he finally gets it. He throws his hands up in surrender. “If it’s okay with you, I’d love to stay here.” She smiles, he smiles, and I can’t help but smile.
We spend the next few days taking Julian to all our favorite spots downtown, getting our favorite coffee, and taking him to our favorite bookstore. We got out during off-times, and so far, we’ve stayed incognito. But I’ve suggested carry-out and delivery multiple times, giving him the break I know he craves from the world. When Christmas morning rolls around, I wake up to an empty bed. When I make my way out into the living room, I find my mom and Julian at the table, playing cards while they sip their coffee, laughing and talking. I wish I could freeze this moment, in my favorite place with my favorite people. The floor creaks beneath me, and they both look up.
“Merry Christmas, baby girl,” my mom says with a warm smile. I walk over and kiss her forehead then sit on Julian’s lap.
“Merry Christmas, baby,” he whispers as he kisses my cheek. Then he nods his head toward the tree. “Think there’s something over there for you.”
I roll my eyes and shake my head as I steal his coffee and walk over to the tree. I divvy out gifts as they join me, noticing that there are a ton more than I had ordered for my mom. I look at him, but he won’t make eye contact with me. I don’t even know how he had time to do this or how he snuck them in here. But I fucking love him.
He got my mom clothes, a new watch, and unlimited air miles to New York to visit. He also reserved her a suite at the nicest hotel in Connecticut for my graduation this spring. I can tell how uncomfortable she is but how grateful at the same time. Then, he turns to me, handing me a small box. I rip off the wrapping and open the box, staring down at the ornament that I loved from that shop in Bendmere a few months ago. I look up at him and smile.
“You sneaky sneak,” I say, pulling it out of the box and leaning over to hang it on the tree. But as I go to close the box, I notice something else gleaming in the light. And then I see it: the tiny silver key that sits on a chain. My eyes grow wide.
“Is…is this…”
“That was my grandfather’s key to the tower,” he says. “He told me to keep it until I found it the right home. And I did.”
I look up at him, my eyes filling with tears. I pluck it from the box, putting it on and clutching it in my hand. I’m at a loss for words, so I just crawl over to him, kissing him and nestling into him. I play with the key, dangling it across my fingers.
I think he might really love me.
We spend the rest of the day in our pajamas, drinking coffee and hot chocolate, eating the gourmet dinner Mom made us, and watching The Family Stone , just as my mom and I do every single Christmas. We don’t have heirlooms or towers, but we have traditions. And we have quality time. And enough love to go around.
That night, in my childhood bedroom, Julian and I make love to the light of the moon through the window. He has to fly home tomorrow for work, but another Everett jet will be in the area at the end of break that will bring me back to New York.
I know it’s only a few weeks, and he plans to visit a few times, but my heart already hurts.
I’m no good at being without him anymore.
My mom had an early morning shift at the diner, and although Julian wanted me to sleep in, I insisted on riding with him to the airport. I dropped my mom off at her shift then met them on the airstrip.
I pull the car up behind the SUV they rented and hop out. He’s waiting for me on the tarmac, looking like a whole damn snack leaned up against it.
I realize I look ridiculous, but I run to him, and he catches me with open arms and a smile. He kisses me, lifting me off the ground, and then I bury myself in his neck.
“I know this is clingy as hell, but I really don’t want you to go,” I say. He chuckles, squeezing me tighter.
“If you’re clingy, then I’m obsessed, because I almost canceled all my meetings this morning.”
I kiss his neck and cheek, and he sets me down.
“Enjoy your time with your mom,” he says. “But just know that when you get back, you’re all mine.” I smile and kiss him one last time. “I love you, Sawyer.”
“I love you,” I tell him as he kisses my forehead one more time before walking to the plane. He turns at the bottom of the stairs.
“Let me know as soon as you get home,” he says. I smile and salute him. I love having someone who looks out for me the way he does. Like I don’t have to be the only one with my eyes on everything all the time. I blow him a kiss, and then he’s off.
* * *
The next few days with my mom are amazing. Randy gave her the day off, and she didn’t have to work at the coffee shop either. I hate how much she works. I hate that she spends her days serving others without anyone to ever serve her. I want her to rest. I want her to live life, not work through it. And one day, I’m going to make sure that’s exactly what happens.
We go to the park together, drive around the suburbs, looking at Christmas lights, and watch our favorite movies. We look through old pictures, clean out some old things in the apartment, and eat all our favorite foods. On my last night, we lie in her bed, binge-watching old Grey’s Anatomy episodes while we each enjoy a pint of ice cream.
“Mom?” I say, licking my spoon and setting it down on the nightstand.
“Hmm?”
“He wants me to quit my job,” I say. It’s been on my mind since we left New York, and I’ve been struggling with what to do about it. She looks at me then sets her own ice cream down.
“He what?”
I sigh.
“He wants me to quit my job. He says I’ve been working so much that I’m not enjoying my last semester. And that after everything I’ve been through this year, I deserve the break. He gave me the same amount of money that I would make working the same number of shifts each week at the mini-mart, plus a little extra. It’s already in my account,” I say. She stares at me intently.
“Okay,” she says with a slight pause. “And how do you feel about that?”
I shrug.
“I don’t know,” I say honestly. “I mean, you always taught me not to depend on anyone financially, especially a man. But on the other hand, man, it would be really nice not to work that job. Just to chill for a little bit before I join the real world. I don’t know…what do you think?”
She thinks for a minute.
“I hear you, baby,” she says. “But honey, I never depended on anyone because I didn’t have the option to. As a woman, I want nothing more than for you to be able to have that freedom financially. But honey, there is plenty of time for that. This man…he loves you. And as your mom, selfishly, it makes me ecstatic. He’s right. You deserve it. And if I could give you the same thing, I would a million times over. Honey, our life has been hard. And a few months ago, yours got even harder. I love how independent you are, baby. But please don’t make the mistake of thinking you don’t deserve love and the things that come with it.”
I nod.
“I know. You’re right,” I say. “I just don’t want to take advantage of him. I don’t want him to think I’m with him for that.”
She smiles.
“Baby, if I know you, I know you’ve never asked that man for a single thing as long as you’ve known him. Am I right?” I nod. “Exactly. Let him love you. And love him back.”
I smile and snuggle up next to her.
That ship has certainly sailed.
The last morning of break at home with my mom, I wake up before my alarm, my stomach in knots. I don’t want to leave my mom, but I am desperate for him. My body aches, and I haven’t stopped twirling the key around my neck. I send him a text when I get up.
Packing up now. I can’t wait to see you, I send.
An hour goes by, but no response. I know he’s been in all-day meetings this week, so I don’t read too much into it while I get my things together. Mom drives me to the airport, and we follow Russ’s instructions and use the badges they left us to get onto the private tarmac. I send off another text.
At the airport, I send off. About to board.
Nothing.
My Spidey-senses are tingling. I turn to my mom.
“I miss you already,” I tell her. “I can’t wait to see you again.”
She pulls me in for a long hug.
“I’ll cash in those miles from Julian soon,” she says as she squeezes me. “Let’s pick a date when you’re back.”
I nod.
“I love you, Ma,” I say. She kisses my cheeks a million times.
“I love you, sweetie.”
She gets out when I do, standing at her car and watching the whole way as I climb the stairs to the plane. She waves until the plane door closes, and I blow her one final kiss from the window.
I look down at my phone again.
About to take off. I love you.
I wait until lift off.
Still nothing.
Despite my increasing anxiety, I doze off during the flight. I wake up as we’re starting our descent, checking my phone again. Nothing. Finally, I give in to my anxiety, and as the wheels touch down, I call him.
It rings, and rings, and rings.
Then it goes to his voicemail.
I grab my bag and rush off the plane, hustling across the tarmac where Tyler is waiting at the Escalade. But when he opens the door, I realize that Julian isn’t with him. I turn to Tyler before I get in.
“Where is Julian?” I ask. He looks uncomfortable, and he clears his throat.
“I’m not sure, ma’am,” he says.
Ma’am?
“Tyler,” I say sternly, “what is going on? Is he okay?”
He clears his throat again.
“He’s safe, Sawyer. I’m afraid I can’t say much more than that,” he says, ushering me into the car. I swallow as I climb inside.
What the fuck is going on?
I tap my foot against the floor of the car the entire drive back to my apartment. As we pull up, I look at Tyler through the rearview mirror.
“Can you take me to the penthouse?” I ask. Tyler stares down at his hands on the steering wheel for a minute.
“Sorry, Sawyer,” he says. “There’s a… He’s not there. He’s at the office. I was just told to bring you back here.”
I swallow. At the office?
He helps me out, grabbing my bag from the backseat. But before he can take another step, I take it from him.
“I got it from here,” I say. “Thank you.”
I rush up the three flights to my apartment, letting myself in and locking the door before Tyler can catch me to do the sweep. I don’t give a fuck right now, though. My heart is pounding in my chest, and I can’t get a hold of the one person who can calm me back down.
I send him one more desperate text.
What the fuck is going on, Julian? Call me. Please.
I sit down on the couch, looking out over the water like I always do. But right now, I feel anything but peace.